I'm just going to go straight into it. My parents have found out about me escorting, camming and making film content. How you ask? Well me being a clumsy idiot. I accidentally sent a picture to my dad of me webcamming on whatsapp (it was meant to go to a work friend) and on the picture was my username which he used to look up and found my aw page, many vids and twitter.

Bit of background, I'm 25, I have a 1st class science degree, I've had normal jobs in the past but I feel like I'm not made for the 9 to 5 world. So I choose to give escorting and webcamming a go and have been doing it full time for about 1 and a half years. I've had my ups and downs with escorting but in general it's working out for me more then any other job I've had in the past. My close friends know what I do and fully accept it and as does my partner who I've been with for 3 years (open relationship). I've obviously been lying to my family and they have been completely unaware up until now.

This happened about 4 weeks ago and since my life and relationship with my parents is absolute mess. Prior to this I had a very close relationship with my parents. I feel like my life has just fallen apart. My parents are absolutely heart broken infact they used the word just "broken" to me. I've spoken to my mum abit since, she's tried to maintain a relationship with me, she doesn't like what I do but in her words "I am still her daughter and she will love me no matter what".

My dad is on another level of broken and it makes me feel sick to the stomach that he's seen my aw, videos and what services I offer, thats something no one wants there dad to see or see there daughter do. I have changed my username since. Up until today he hasn't been able to look me in the eye or talk to me (I went to there house over christmas, it was awful). Today I met them for a coffee (my mums way of trying to keep things still normal) and I just broke down, so we decided to speak about it. They both think I need saving, that I'm choosing to do this out of desperation and where questioning me if I have a pimp, a drug problem or if I'm mentally unwell (non of these are true). They said this will ruin me and damage me beyond repair.They said they will help and support to get me out of this "terrible life" I have choose but can't ever accept if I choose to carry on. It was a difficult conversation as I was trying to get across that I have choosen to to do this and minus the lying over the past year I'm content and it works for me. They think I'm deluded and lost in the world and why would anyway choose to do this other then over desperation. I explained why would anyone choose to do a 9 to 5 job other then desperation and to me it is just a job that works for me... which my dad laughed and then said "no your just a prostitute you sell your body how can you sleep at night". So that was todays conversation 

So now I don't know where to go from here. Continue working but possibly sacrifice my relationship with my parents. Or quit and go into the big wide world of 9 to 5 which I know will cause me a break down. It's also been very difficult to work during this and I have no money saved up to take a break. I used what I had left to take a break over Christmas.

I want to know if anyone else has been through a similar situation? How did you get through it? How did you keep yourseld sane? What was the outcome now that time has passed?

I feel so alone, lost and just heartbroken over this whole mess. I'm going through the stages of grief, grieving the relationship between me and my parents. I don't see how to move forward so any words of wisdom or your experiences through this would help

Thank you for reading xxx

I think you are going to need to give it a bit of time. I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear, but don’t make any rash decisions in the heat of the moment.

Of course it’s a shock to your parents, more so, because they, like many believe all the myths that ALL sexworkers are pimped out, drug addicted and need to be rescued.

I think you both need a bit of space from each other, because if (and it may never happen), but if your parents are ever to come to terms with it they will need time, and you need some too.  You need this space to decide if you want to continue, or if you are going to give up based solely on your parents’ reaction. Whether you want to continue and be honest, or not. Thing is if you carry on and say you have given up, they are now always going to be suspicious. There are no easy answers.

I think it’s probably too raw to try and explain to them what the reality of Independent SW is, they won’t want to hear it, but possibly somewhere along the line they might.

It hasn’t happened to me but a few years back a friend of mine was outed by another friend to part of her family. She felt she had no choice but to give up, but she also had kids and had always lived in the same area.

Very sorry to hear, and sending hugs.

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you and you're going through such a horrible time. Try not to be angry with yourself about sending the message by accident because even if you hadn't they could have found out in other ways.

In my opinion the best thing to do is stick to your guns with explaining why you have chosen that this is the lifestyle you want. Over time, if you keep explaining rationally and calmly then they should slowly come around to respect your ability to make your own decision even if they don't respect your work. If they can see that you have put a lot of thought into working in the sex industry and can support that decision with a well reasoned argument (which clearly you have and you can), they hopefully will realise that it is acceptable for your values and lifestyle choices to be different to theirs/anyone elses and that wanting to live a more exciting life than 9-5 behind a desk for 45+ years does not automatically mean you have drug/mental health problems etc etc.

I have been in a situation where parent was very anti weed smoking, but over time learned to understand and accept it because I was very open, didn't hide it or act shady about it and calmly explained the reasons in favour of doing it. It was almost like a role reversal with me being patient and understanding while parent was moody. My sibling on the other hand would always be defensive about smoking and the conversation would immediately escalate into an argument which reinforced the (false) impression that it was a bad lifestyle choice driven by some insecurity or negative feelings etc.
So you see how my approach in the end was successful where my sibling's never would have been.

Ultimately if you stop and change your whole life to satisfy their wishes there will always be some upset/resentment because of how much you have sacrificed and how unfair the situation feels, so this will put some strain on your relationship for a long time. Also it sounds like if you did stop working, still you are in an open/polyamorous relationship in your personal life, and this is also a lifestyle choice many people do not understand, so it's quite possible they would not approve of that either.

You have one life to live the way you want, and the people who love you should be happy you're happy. Just at the moment they probably find it impossible to believe that you actually are. When something really shocking like this happens it can take months to really sink in and wrap your head around it, so they will need a lot of time, but I expect they will come around once that time has passed - and in the very unlikely event they won't, well, I believe a parent's love should be unconditional, so if you are not as close as before due to their attitude, then unfortunately, so be it.

Big hugs and I hope things get better x

I can't really offer any advice, but hope everything calms down.

It does seem to highlight again the issue of phones though: do you not have a separate work phone?

Totally love ladyfrogs advice and couldnt put it better myself.i was outed to my mum and sister year ago and stayed calm and explained why i CHOSE to escort and why I love it, because i am appreciated and its rewarding making people happy. I explained how careful i am about who i see.
They both accepted it. They don't love it but they accepted its my life and i am different to them.
You are an adult and its your life.
Its up to them now to deal with the fact that kids dont always turn out living how we dreamed. Its real life!
I feel for you so, so much. What a horrible Christmas thid must have been for You
Really hope your parents come around x

I'm just going to go straight into it. My parents have found out about me escorting, camming and making film content [snip]

give it time maybe stop for a year give your parents time as you are their baby


_{[giant quote redacted]}

Know this is abit late on in the  day to help your situation, but if this happens to anyone else you can actually delete WhatsApp messages you have sent to another person if it is done witthin so many minutes. Not sure how many think it may be up to 40 mins. Especially good if it's done before the blue ticks so they never get the message
Double click on message sent by mistake press delete and then delete for everyone. They will get a notification to say a message has been deleted but feel free to say it was a message for the wrong person or whatever your excuse may be xx

I hope you work this matter out.  In a way it is an advantage for me to have absolutely zero family as mine are dead and I am free to do as I please.  If you aren't cut out for the 9 to 5 world then honesty is the best policy if you ask me.  They need to be educated in that independent escorts work from their own free will and aren't in any shape or form damaged or marginalised or victimised, with a few exceptions.  Perhaps you can cite examples of people on this forum and their reasons for doing the job?  Eg funding a PhD or buying a property etc.  Explain the money is really good and the conditions are better for your emotional health.

I find the job much better for my emotional health than a 9 to 5 job and could never go back to all that hoohah.  Sanity and enough to live on are far more important.

While I agree with what you say I also think that for some people any woman who has sex for money is demeaning herself and is on a path of destruction etc etc. Some people can be educated in the realities and positive aspects of this work but many others can not or just refuse to be and are steadfast in their negative beliefs. It is those who condemn the work yet are happy to benefit from the extra money and gifts it brings, knowing where the money comes from who get my back up and have done for several years. That can be family as well as friends. Hypocrisy rules.