I have been a cam girl on AW for just over 2 years. I have always been fascinated by the world of escorting and can even remember as a child wanting to be a stripper/ escort. I Stripped for one year and when I think back to it now, I actually feel like iv'e lost a part of myself. Ok so i don't miss the late nights and having to pay a house fee, but there was something about it that made me feel like I belonged. I cant really remember why i even stopped now but the thought of going back terrifys me, as I'm allot less confident than I used to be.

Time and time again I hear negative things said about escorting and with no exceptions they are always ignorant comments that upset me because everyone (barring those who actually practise it and/or work in related fields) has such a dim view on it.

Now here's the crazy part, iv'e tried really hard to overcome this urge to do it but since as long as I can remember it has felt like my calling in life. I have tried very hard to 'settle' in other areas of career but every time I end up asking myself....why do I not escort? Sometimes I feel alone and feel like I'm not really made to fit into this world.

Sure there will be legalities and safety matters to address but above and beyond that, why is it looked at as so bad?

The only negative I can think of really is that I may have to accept that I cannot have a loving relationship whilst doing it and potentially find it harder to find someone post escorting. I'm a very honest girl and would always what to be open and honest about what I have done/ am doing but I feel like with escorting it would have to be a shameful secret.....which is upsetting for me because I want to be proud of my accomplishments. I say this because even with webcam I have found boyfriends unwilling to accept it, and out of the ones who have 'tolerated' it, they make me feel like I cant talk about it, and that to me is suffocating. If I have a good night and make ?200+ from the comfort of my own home from making my self cum, making a guy spank himself, and then covering myself in custard frankly I think that's a good night in for me, I find it funny, and I love the access to money, but then to speak to a boyfriend who 'doesn't want to hear' about my great day a work really deflates me.

I'm due to start an office job this coming Monday and iv'e kind of made a deal with myself that if I can make a decent living from my office based role then in time maybe I can explore escorting. I'm also scared of escorting full time and not developing other skills as I feel that this isn't something I could do for ever.

I think I'm just scared of escorting and relying on the money. Where as if I already have a stable income, the escorting can almost be like a 2nd job/hobby. I'm not sure why but i feel like if im not reliant on it for an income then in my mind i can justify doing it...perhaps that's just archaic social confines that have got to me over years of suppression.

I like the idea of it all but really don't like the idea of being submissive to idiot men just because they have money and I don't. I want to be in a strong enough financial position to walk away from a deal if I decide I don't like the guy.

I have cammed with a guy for almost a year now and I know girls that he has meets with, some of whom don't offer full on sex. He is offering me ?100 as a gift and in return I would like to give him 1 hour of my time talking to him in a public place, We have discussed boundaries and he has confirmed that he is not in a rush for our first meet to be anything more than a 'chat' where we can see if we fancy each other in person....... in some ways this seems a little too good to be true, any thoughts?

And another thing... I feel like if I follow my heart and true desires to do this I will then have to detach myself from friends and family because I don't think I could tell any of them about this, how do you girls deal with these things? Is it your little secret that you will never tell anyone or do you accept the potential mud slinging from ignorant people and just own it. Sometimes I wonder if this is a similar feeling to how a gay person must feel before they come out. Why cant we all just be more honest, I'm often told I'm too honest and I think keeping this a secret would be difficult for me.

Id also be interested to know what motivates people into prostitution. From working in strip clubs I can see allot of 'sad cases' of binge drinking mums trying to pay debts etc and that's why I kind of feel like I'm so weird wanting to go into something like this, I don't have a history of abusive relationships, living out or a crack den or being pimped out :/ perhaps my judgement here is really warped as you mentioned some of the girls on here have 'normal' lives.

The only negative I can think of really is that I may have to accept that I cannot have a loving relationship whilst doing it and potentially find it harder to find someone post escorting.

I'm not sure why but i feel like if im not reliant on it for an income then in my mind i can justify doing it...perhaps that's just archaic social confines that have got to me over years of suppression.

I like the idea of it all but really don't like the idea of being submissive to idiot men just because they have money and I don't.

Quote from: jess1234 on 03 July 2014, 06:36:50 pm

The only negative I can think of really is that I may have to accept that I cannot have a loving relationship whilst doing it and potentially find it harder to find someone post escorting.

The issue of relationships while escorting has come up several times before and a search doubtless will come up with several threads.

After quitting, if you're going to tell them that your 'number' is quite high, do they need to know money was involved? Especially before they've demonstrated that they've accepted that you've very probably had rather more partners than they have.

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I'm not sure why but i feel like if im not reliant on it for an income then in my mind i can justify doing it...perhaps that's just archaic social confines that have got to me over years of suppression.

Not being reliant on the money can be tremendously freeing, because it reinforces that you don't need to put up with any crap...

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I like the idea of it all but really don't like the idea of being submissive to idiot men just because they have money and I don't.

... and one of the first things to learn is that even though they're paying, you're the one in charge. You set the boundaries, for example, and if they don't like them, they can go elsewhere.

Much of the rest has been covered (and I'm not the only one who is a tiny bit cynical at someone offering ?100 for chat, but then a hours webcamming can't cost much less than that) above.

The one other thing I'd add is that it's lovely that you would want to be out about it all, but you can't undo coming out to someone, so tread carefully. Again, you can leave telling them about the cash aspect until after they've demonstrated that they're ok with some of the other bits, for example.