Hi ladies

I feel life in many ways has passed me by.
I lost out on friendships, holidays,night outs, boyfriends (never had one) and lived an isolated existance. It been years since I celebrated a birthday. it comes and goes. I live saving money(I do treat myself). i'm busy with college and escort as well.  I'll Probably never meet someone

Because I'm in college during the day and study/do assignments etc in evening(my course in full on). i also meet clients in the evening. I really like my own company too (which is important). I wasted almost 3yrs in total(1 yr foundation) trying a degree b4 I realised that I was failing and it was not for me. So I gone back and started from scratch. Fees as you all know are huge, so I have to escort

Prostitution is my only income. Therefore I can only work unsocial hours. it does impact my life. I would prefer to do this, than a civvy job to fund college and my general expenses
There just isn't the time. I have suffered varying degrees of depression in the past.

Yes I do like my own company. but we need human interaction too. I have a great lift from prossies who are in happy relationships

However I'm grateful for so much and in many ways I'm happy in myself and what I achieved. I also like my own company

I feel this way looking at social media, etc

any tips or advice

First if all alot of people do t realise how isolating this job can really be how much it effects ever area of your life.

I can relate to your post so much, I want to give you a big hug.  I've been escorting 10 years this year and I feel like in a way I've gained so many experiences I'm grateful for because of it but I've also missed out on the normal side of things. The only time i dated someone outside the industry he became emotionally abusive. i struggle with freindships because at some stage escorting will inevitably become a problem or a fascination for people.  All this said I wouldn't change being an escort right now as I do truly love it and it is a part of me.

I struggle with depression and in the past an eating disorder  which added to the demands of this work can make it very complicated to maintain and do "normal relasionships".
 I'm in uni 32-40ishish hours a week this year as I decided a few years ago to come back after a useless first degree I hated when I was younger due to it being easier to escort. So now i either study or am in the lab all day, I horrifically underestimated how hard it would be to work and go full time study. I don't know anyone from my course really because I'm a bit older, I work evenings and weekends and cant relate,weekends are my escort time and only income so that's them out the window.

Sorry for the mild hijacking of this post! My only advice really as clearly I am not the best person to ask is to focus on what you do love about your self and your life. Your starting a new course so keep focused on this one that you DO want to do!
 If you want to gain friends I've found doing non time consuming and low pressure things that are in no way work related helps,in my old city I joined meditation and wine tasting classes  to get out and about. The meet up app is where I met my only friend is often a good place to start expanding from that "work work work"lifestyle. I have to be honest I'd be lost without that friend, I had gotten to a stage it would be weeks until I saw someone other than clients.
(I also find talking to other sex workers can be extremely helpful as they understand about so much)
 

 

lol am webcaming with social anxiety lol its beyond ridicules lol

I am so glad to
Have read the honesty in this thread , I often nowadays don't bother chasing friendships as before .
I've stopped calling people who wouldn't have contacted me .
Deactivated f book thank fuck !!
I prefer to be home most of my time working and dont have children or direct family, some days I manage the loneliness well other times I need to get out .
Touring is a good way to see new or favourite places meet new clients .
I often just switch off the phone even day dream in my civvy job about escorting .
I'm very independent I don't need someone to look after me yet lol

Sex work has been a set of crutches that helped me to drag myself through life.

I have been fixated on the bad impact it had on me.
But actually, I felt isolated before I became a sex worker.
My life wasn't very 'normal' and I wasn't a particularly cheerful and happy person before that either.
Logical thinking failed me and I blamed sex work for being the root of all evil. While the root is elsewhere and happened way before I became a sex worker.

I used to have a pattern of detaching myself from my body, disregarding my own feelings, I've had problems with boundaries and with the sense of self.
It's like if I gravitated towards experiences that kept me in this pattern. Or that helped me to break away from it - hopefully.

My point is that the grass is always greener.
You never know if you would have had these experiences you think you've missed on if you took a different path.

+1

I've lived quite an isolated existence before the escorting. I don't really meet a lot of people, especially not with the same interests, so a lot of my socialising is online. I also used to have a pattern of self-abuse in many ways and blamed it on some aspect that I created myself, if that makes sense.

It's funny, because if I wasn't the way that I am, I truly think that sex work would have messed me up. However, it's actually ideal because I do meet people and I have a little company, but not too much and on my terms. I'm also quite emotionally detached from sex, so I almost play a role, I'm supercheese the sexy companion, not supercheese who takes half an hour to decide between biscuits down an aisle in Asda!

Logical thinking failed me and I blamed sex work for being the root of all evil. While the root is elsewhere and happened way before I became a sex worker.

That's just how I look at it.  People can blame it for sex work when they do not want to face the reality, address the real root cause if it's too painful (sometimes, physical or underlying mental health issues hence soical avoidance) or if they are reluctant to address these (and that's their choice to avoid, too!).   I get that when I read working in the evenings, but being young and have enough energy, nothing can stop anybody going out and meet new people (and enjoy herself) once in a while, is there?  I have some self-employed civvie "friends" who are bordering on being a workaholic but they all seem to manage to date to meet new people and participating in social and hobby-related activities.

Yes, Milfy.
What I realized is that the main reason I feel shitty about sex work is that I felt shitty about myself in the first place.
I was conditioned to believe in someone's twisted reality, that I am inherently faulty. That there is always something very wrong with me.
There was never anything wrong with me. 

Reading this thread made me see I am not the only one with these views. But this above post you made 80s synthetic has brought a tear to my eye and a smile on my face. That's the story of my life and how I have always been made to feel even by the NHS! 

No, I am not weird, odd, boring, lazy, too old and all the other hateful stuff I have been called over the years! Yes, I am normal. Who would have thought that?

Ciao, I understand your feelings. Perhaps some volunteer job might help?
un caro abbraccio/a warm hug