SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: newlook5 on 11 January 2018, 11:28:29 pm
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Hi ladies
I feel life in many ways has passed me by.
I lost out on friendships, holidays,night outs, boyfriends (never had one) and lived an isolated existance. It been years since I celebrated a birthday. it comes and goes. I live saving money(I do treat myself). i'm busy with college and escort as well. I'll Probably never meet someone
Because I'm in college during the day and study/do assignments etc in evening(my course in full on). i also meet clients in the evening. I really like my own company too (which is important). I wasted almost 3yrs in total(1 yr foundation) trying a degree b4 I realised that I was failing and it was not for me. So I gone back and started from scratch. Fees as you all know are huge, so I have to escort
Prostitution is my only income. Therefore I can only work unsocial hours. it does impact my life. I would prefer to do this, than a civvy job to fund college and my general expenses
There just isn't the time. I have suffered varying degrees of depression in the past.
Yes I do like my own company. but we need human interaction too. I have a great lift from prossies who are in happy relationships
However I'm grateful for so much and in many ways I'm happy in myself and what I achieved. I also like my own company
I feel this way looking at social media, etc
any tips or advice
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Social media is the easiest way to feel shit about yourself. I closed mine a few years ago and it helps. I once heard it described as comparing the raw footage of your life to someone else's highlights reel. People post all the fun things they do and it does seem like your missing out but its not a true picture of their reality. Xx
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First if all alot of people do t realise how isolating this job can really be how much it effects ever area of your life.
I can relate to your post so much, I want to give you a big hug. I've been escorting 10 years this year and I feel like in a way I've gained so many experiences I'm grateful for because of it but I've also missed out on the normal side of things. The only time i dated someone outside the industry he became emotionally abusive. i struggle with freindships because at some stage escorting will inevitably become a problem or a fascination for people. All this said I wouldn't change being an escort right now as I do truly love it and it is a part of me.
I struggle with depression and in the past an eating disorder which added to the demands of this work can make it very complicated to maintain and do "normal relasionships".
I'm in uni 32-40ishish hours a week this year as I decided a few years ago to come back after a useless first degree I hated when I was younger due to it being easier to escort. So now i either study or am in the lab all day, I horrifically underestimated how hard it would be to work and go full time study. I don't know anyone from my course really because I'm a bit older, I work evenings and weekends and cant relate,weekends are my escort time and only income so that's them out the window.
Sorry for the mild hijacking of this post! My only advice really as clearly I am not the best person to ask is to focus on what you do love about your self and your life. Your starting a new course so keep focused on this one that you DO want to do!
If you want to gain friends I've found doing non time consuming and low pressure things that are in no way work related helps,in my old city I joined meditation and wine tasting classes to get out and about. The meet up app is where I met my only friend is often a good place to start expanding from that "work work work"lifestyle. I have to be honest I'd be lost without that friend, I had gotten to a stage it would be weeks until I saw someone other than clients.
(I also find talking to other sex workers can be extremely helpful as they understand about so much)
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Hey Hun years and years ago I used to live a very isolated life also but since having my dog I do get out and about loads Also made some friends while out walking Him over the years . Also meet up groups can be good they have ladies only meet ups where you can go out for a meal make new friends . Also try joining some classes if you have time . I know what it's like to be all work work now days I can't be bothered wish I did have my working hat back on now days I have no motivation . In my personal experience boy friends are a waste of time lol so your not missing out but I do see where your coming from . I'm looked down on by half my family I'm never really invited to family events . When I'm on my long tours I don't get to see my friend for out weekly coffee catch up . It's hard some times Hun I know xx
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lol am webcaming with social anxiety lol its beyond ridicules lol
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Hi ladies
I feel life in many ways has passed me by.
I lost out on friendships, holidays,night outs, boyfriends (never had one) and lived an isolated existance. It been years since I celebrated a birthday. it comes and goes. I live saving money(I do treat myself). i'm busy with college and escort as well. I'll Probably never meet someone
Because I'm in college(mature student) during the day and study/do assignments etc in evening(my course in full on). i also meet clients in the evening. I really like my own company too (which is important). I wasted almost 3yrs(1 yr foundation) trying a degree b4 I realised that I was failing and it was not for me. So I gone back and started from scratch.
There just isn't the time. I have suffered varying degrees of depression in the past.
However I'm grateful for so much and in many ways happy in myself and what I achieved
I feel this way looking at social media, etc
any tips or advice
I understand you perfectly, when I'm working, sometimes I spend up to 3 months without talking to a person friend, because all my friends are in Italy and have a normal life, when I'm there a week or two, my social life is very active ... but curiously I am much happier here, I love this job and I am at peace with myself, sometimes I think that I am becoming a hermit.... it's been 7 years since I travel and I'm doing the scort and I feel much happier than when I was a wife and I worked in the factory.... but I feel that time went by too fast and I am already reaching a point of retiring for periods and have a normal life in the Caribbean, my country of origin, well, I am thinking ::)
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I am so glad to
Have read the honesty in this thread , I often nowadays don't bother chasing friendships as before .
I've stopped calling people who wouldn't have contacted me .
Deactivated f book thank fuck !!
I prefer to be home most of my time working and dont have children or direct family, some days I manage the loneliness well other times I need to get out .
Touring is a good way to see new or favourite places meet new clients .
I often just switch off the phone even day dream in my civvy job about escorting .
I'm very independent I don't need someone to look after me yet lol
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Sex work has been a set of crutches that helped me to drag myself through life.
I have been fixated on the bad impact it had on me.
But actually, I felt isolated before I became a sex worker.
My life wasn't very 'normal' and I wasn't a particularly cheerful and happy person before that either.
Logical thinking failed me and I blamed sex work for being the root of all evil. While the root is elsewhere and happened way before I became a sex worker.
I used to have a pattern of detaching myself from my body, disregarding my own feelings, I've had problems with boundaries and with the sense of self.
It's like if I gravitated towards experiences that kept me in this pattern. Or that helped me to break away from it - hopefully.
My point is that the grass is always greener.
You never know if you would have had these experiences you think you've missed on if you took a different path.
+1
I've lived quite an isolated existence before the escorting. I don't really meet a lot of people, especially not with the same interests, so a lot of my socialising is online. I also used to have a pattern of self-abuse in many ways and blamed it on some aspect that I created myself, if that makes sense.
It's funny, because if I wasn't the way that I am, I truly think that sex work would have messed me up. However, it's actually ideal because I do meet people and I have a little company, but not too much and on my terms. I'm also quite emotionally detached from sex, so I almost play a role, I'm supercheese the sexy companion, not supercheese who takes half an hour to decide between biscuits down an aisle in Asda!
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I am so glad i am not the only one feeling like this. I relate so much to the comments mad. I struggle to keep friends they constantly let me down so take a step back I can get quite lonely as well and will go all day without a chat unless i am with a client.. Luckily i do have kids so when they are here its nice to chat. Its hard keeping this job from others..
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Logical thinking failed me and I blamed sex work for being the root of all evil. While the root is elsewhere and happened way before I became a sex worker.
That's just how I look at it. People can blame it for sex work when they do not want to face the reality, address the real root cause if it's too painful (sometimes, physical or underlying mental health issues hence soical avoidance) or if they are reluctant to address these (and that's their choice to avoid, too!). I get that when I read working in the evenings, but being young and have enough energy, nothing can stop anybody going out and meet new people (and enjoy herself) once in a while, is there? I have some self-employed civvie "friends" who are bordering on being a workaholic but they all seem to manage to date to meet new people and participating in social and hobby-related activities.
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Yes, Milfy.
What I realized is that the main reason I feel shitty about sex work is that I felt shitty about myself in the first place.
I was conditioned to believe in someone's twisted reality, that I am inherently faulty. That there is always something very wrong with me.
There was never anything wrong with me. :FF
Reading this thread made me see I am not the only one with these views. But this above post you made 80s synthetic has brought a tear to my eye and a smile on my face. That's the story of my life and how I have always been made to feel even by the NHS! :FF
No, I am not weird, odd, boring, lazy, too old and all the other hateful stuff I have been called over the years! Yes, I am normal. Who would have thought that?
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It can feel very isolating, especially for an Italian; where being social is such the norm. I find Brits to be very clos d off in comparison to my Italian friends / family. I know it is difficult, but maybe you should instigate some form of social event?
Join a leisure class?
Arrange study sessions with fellow students?
Hold a dinner party?
Organise or attend a WG event?
I know that I feel the same as you and I have made valid promises to change my ways this year and make more of an effort with people.
Ps. You are not missing anything in regards to having a boyfriend; they just tend to act as a distraction.
Baci a te xxx
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Ciao, I understand your feelings. Perhaps some volunteer job might help?
un caro abbraccio/a warm hug
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Hey I haven't read the the whole thread just your post. So my apology for not replying to the OP.
I just wanted to say I have been through what you are going through. I work full time and did uni part time until last year as a "mature" student too lol. Although I wasn't escorting at the time, but I sugared (sugar baby) in my spare time for the last one and half year of uni. It was busy but I enjoyed sugaring and didn't have a secret life so I was lucky in that sense.
If you do want to talk, whether about uni, work or rant about life generally, feel free to PM. Same for the OP. 🙂
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First if all alot of people do t realise how isolating this job can really be how much it effects ever area of your life.
I can relate to your post so much, I want to give you a big hug. I've been escorting 10 years this year and I feel like in a way I've gained so many experiences I'm grateful for because of it but I've also missed out on the normal side of things. The only time i dated someone outside the industry he became emotionally abusive. i struggle with freindships because at some stage escorting will inevitably become a problem or a fascination for people. All this said I wouldn't change being an escort right now as I do truly love it and it is a part of me.
I struggle with depression and in the past an eating disorder which added to the demands of this work can make it very complicated to maintain and do "normal relasionships".
I'm in uni 32-40ishish hours a week this year as I decided a few years ago to come back after a useless first degree I hated when I was younger due to it being easier to escort. So now i either study or am in the lab all day, I horrifically underestimated how hard it would be to work and go full time study. I don't know anyone from my course really because I'm a bit older, I work evenings and weekends and cant relate,weekends are my escort time and only income so that's them out the window.
Sorry for the mild hijacking of this post! My only advice really as clearly I am not the best person to ask is to focus on what you do love about your self and your life. Your starting a new course so keep focused on this one that you DO want to do!
If you want to gain friends I've found doing non time consuming and low pressure things that are in no way work related helps,in my old city I joined meditation and wine tasting classes to get out and about. The meet up app is where I met my only friend is often a good place to start expanding from that "work work work"lifestyle. I have to be honest I'd be lost without that friend, I had gotten to a stage it would be weeks until I saw someone other than clients.
(I also find talking to other sex workers can be extremely helpful as they understand about so much)
Hey I haven't read the the whole thread just your post. So my apology for not replying to the OP.
I just wanted to say I have been through what you are going through. I work full time and did uni part time until last year as a "mature" student too lol. Although I wasn't escorting at the time, but I sugared (sugar baby) in my spare time for the last one and half year of uni. It was busy but I enjoyed sugaring and didn't have a secret life so I was lucky in that sense.
If you do want to talk, whether about uni, work or rant about life generally, feel free to PM. Same for the OP. 🙂
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I understand completely. I've been escorting for 10 years now, and it really takes it toll on you mentally. I love my job, but shitty clients can really take it out of me. I actually got myself a dog to help with the loneliness and it's actually forced me to go outside the house and do something normal. My dog walks keep me sane. X
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I understand what you mean OP! It wouldn?t be so isolating if yhe society just accepted this work, after all, all those men who come and see us have no pb coming to see us (if not married), but us escort we are condamn to be whores for life! Well sorry, when a girl go to a night club and sleep around it?s ok, but when you are free and independent and thinking of your future likeyou do funding for education by doing escorting then it?s bad??
Who dictate the world? You tell me anyway good luck with everything :-*
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I've managed to find some freedrom selling clips video clips and supplimenting with escorting so i'm not waiting at home all day and go spend my clip money that I know is coming in on XYZ day
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Also get twitter & try find sex worker friends, I got 1 recently they're literally so eye-opening a relief to hang out with lol & that's coming from an introvert :)
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I think we can all relate to this to a certain degree, this is the downside of this kind of work.
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I have made recently some wg friends, and I have to agree this feels amazing, I can't believe how much wg have on common, the way we think, feel, our background, there is always a reason that links us both so we decided to do that :-* :-*
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I have made recently some wg friends, and I have to agree this feels amazing, I can't believe how much wg have on common, the way we think, feel, our background, there is always a reason that links us both so we decided to do that :-* :-*
This is a good reason to meet up with ladies you can be honest with and share support and stories .