I have been looking on the net but I can't find any kind of help in my area for sex workers that want to quit.
I wondered if anyone can help me please?
I live in Reading, Berkshire.
I saw that in America they have a Sex Workers Anonymous, that looks perfect but I can't find evidence of a thing like that in the UK.
I think I am addicted to escorting, even though I don't enjoy it or really need the money. Well I did at first, thats why I started, but not now.
I've been at it a year, on and off through Adultwork. Not too often, about 2/3 a week. Sometimes I stop for a couple of weeks, but then I always find an excuse to start again, like a holiday I decide I need or a bigger TV. Im not even a materialistic person, sometimes I have to rack my brains about what to do with the money, its daft. I've started to be very generous to homeless people!
I feel like it has fucked my head up and my life. I look down at the ground when I walk down the street as I can't bear to catch people's eyes, I feel paranoid that everyone at my regular job knows, I feel like the lowest of the low. I have stopped seeing friends and family as I feel too tainted to be around normal people. Plus my mood is very low, I don't feel like chatting, I cry a lot. Im depressed I think but I don't want to take pills. I want to change my life. My boyfriend doesn't treat me so well since he found out Im a whore and who can blame him? He won't let me give him oral or kiss me, in case he catches something. Im sure if he wasn't married he would have dumped me.
I feel like I can no longer can tell the difference between right and wrong. I have to stop or I think I will go crazy. Im not even a good escort, I get so nervous about it and try to get it over with ASAP. I have to have several units of alcohol in order to do it. Sometimes I have felt sick because a guy was so unattractive or unclean. Yet I keep doing it. I do kind of like the excitement of getting ready, I like getting lots of emails, and reading positive feedback. I think i like the attention and it makes me feel attractive. Sometime I have fun and feel on top of the world when it goes well, with a sexy guy, it seems such easy money.
Other times Im racked with guilt and feel totally disgusted with myself. My opinion of men has gone way down.
I really need some kind of counselling I think. I don't need practical help. I have my own flat and a job and no drug problem. I binge drink once or twice a week but thats not really connected (although sometimes I use escorting as an excuse to drink). I would like to chat to someone. Im scared I can't give up. I always feel really guilty the next day and say "never again", but a few days later Im back on Adultwork. I wish the site didn't exist, it makes it too easy. I would never have had the courage to go to an agency. I know I could pay to see a therapist out of the Yellow pages, which Im considering, but I feel a bit ashamed to tell them I have been escorting, so I wondered if there was any specialist help out there? Preferably free as I don't wanted to be tempted back to escorting to pay the bill!

I think Reading has a sex work project that should be able to help, but I can't find any details at the moment. It certainly has a sex work strategy (link below) which talks about helping people exit and having a 'sex work forum' of organisations concerned.

Try asking the sexual health clinic at the Royal Berkshire - they should know.

As far the practicalities are concerned, use AW's My Details / Registration Details menu to change the password to something random you won't remember (you'll need to copy and paste it from something, because you'll need to enter it twice). Then remove the profile and logout for the last time. If you used a special email address to work with, do the same thing with that. If you used a work PAYG mobile, chuck the SIM in a bin.

Consider using some of the money to replace things that have associations with the work for you - whether that's a bed, clothes, bags, toys, or anything else. Bin or donate the old ones.

Good luck.

PDF of Reading's sex work strategy: http://www.reading.gov.uk/Documents/caring/Supporting%20People/APPENDIX%204.19%20SEX%20WORKERS%20STRATEGY.pdf. I'm a bit unomfortable with the aim of 'reducing the numbers of sex workers in Reading', but I know they have issues with street work around the Oxford Road area.

Oops. Sorry Ian. You sneaked in there whilst I was typing away.

I would just like to add what does my mom say when a guy finished me (I know its nothing to do with this) she says go out and have fun.

So basically what I am trying to say aside from all the clinical aspects perhaps organise a night out. If your mates are not that friendly why not research into group sessions that are specifically to bond, feel confident and most importantly give yourself the self esteem and will to break free of escorting. Plus really bin your boyfriend I thought I would never finish my x but I did and really if he is making you feel that way then it is not beneficial. If you love someone it can be hard but can you hack feeling lonely not wanted by your own boyfriend cos lets face it clients may lust after your body but wouldn't love you.

You need a plan of action and firstly as the other guys have said quit AW, change the email and get rid of your sim/phone. Then go about advice support and counselling. Not only is there the gum clinic but your doctor and actually this may help by talking. You mention an article there is a such form of treatment by writing down thoughts or even speaking to people so you need to think which is the real motivation advising others or helping yourself mentally. Although many people are reluctant to use anti-depressants they are available and such ones like beta-blockers on a short term basis will not make your brain go weird.

Personally I cheer myself up by going out having some real fun with people that care about you and letting your hair down try that without drinking. Many girls binge however in your case can you be sure it is not due to this??

Feel free to email me if you want desirable_isabella@hotmail.co.uk. I will happily talk to you I am very quick at emailing. My point is don't be on your own open up even if its with us but seriously you don't want to be upset and feel like you do. I am sure what anybody thinks it is not true whatever anybody may label you or escorts in generally whore, slut, hooker etc etc you are just normal underneath and so it is not healthy to bottle all this up. Feel free to email me and I can help you along the process advice etc. I just hope you don't live to regret anything so be open minded step outside of the box and look at it from another angle.

All the best Isabella although you can call me Liz my actual name lol.

xx

Thank you for all your helpful suggestions.

"The alternative to cold turkey quitting is to become a lot more fussy about which clients to see. Look at what the good ones have in common and only see men like them. Look at the what the bad ones have in common and don't see ones like them."

I thought this one was interesting. I suppose the good clients for me were the ones that were a similar age to me, clean, not hideous, not strange and came very quickly! How can I tell if a client will be like that? I never ask a client anything about himself before we meet. I really thought that would be rude. I mean if he is paying me ?140 who am I to ask questions? Obviously if someone was too demanding, unclean, strange or rude, I never saw them again. Most of my clients were new to me. I didn't see many more than once, I tried not to because I liked the thrill of not knowing who was going to be at the door. I also didn't like getting familiar with clients. It made me feel a bit creeped out when guys would remember stuff about my life I had told them last time and bring it up. I have read somewhere that you shouldn't tell clients stuff but i find it hard not to. It is hard enough to get your body to pretend it likes someone as well as inventing a whole different life story.

I am still in possession of my escorting SIM card, with all the clients numbers on it. I'm close to chucking it.
Although I have no desire to escort at the moment (thankfully) I have a naughty voice in the back of my head saying "don't chuck it, what if you get a huge bill, or something goes wrong, and you need money fast".
Maybe I should go and get an extra job (mine is only part time) to fill in time and reassure myself I can always pay the bills.
I took my profile off AW last week. I believe you can still get it back for one month, after that its gone, so I will see if I can last for a month without logging back in. If I can't I will change the password like someone recommended, that's a good idea.

I have gone to the doctor about my drinking/slight depression once. I told him I really wanted Psychotherapy. He agreed it would help me and recommended me for it. He sent me to see someone about my drinking. I later got a call from the Berkshire mental health team to say "we can't give you Psychotherapy because your drinking level is too high, it won't work unless you don't drink at all". The place I got sent to about my drinking was aimed at alcoholics and junkies. They couldn't really understand what I was doing there after I told them I had a flat, a job, I wasn't out on bail or physically addicted to anything. They couldn't really help me, just got me to keep a drink diary for a month and suggested what was triggering my drinking, which I know anyway. I tried an AA meeting once, but found it very strange. They were obsessed with the program, even arguing about the best way to approach different steps. It seemed like a cult. Plus it was intimidating. A friend came with me that time, that was fine. However I couldn't go on my own. You have to have tea breaks, smile and chat with strangers, I can't do that, it would drive me to drink!

I am going to go to my local STD clinic to get tested for everything on Monday (I will be allowed to kiss my boyfriend after I get the all clear, hurray!). I may ask them if they know of any organisations that can help me. However I'm not sure i can look a respectable person in the face and say what I have been doing. I don't even tell the doctor there what I have been up to, I just say I have been very promiscuous lately and need tests for everything.

My boyfriend is married to someone else with 2 kids. It was an arranged marriage, as he is a British/Pakistani/Muslim. Although he says he has never loved her and they don't have sex, he wouldn't even consider leaving her as she is his cousin and it would destroy the family. It could be his religion that makes him more judgemental than some, as he even disapproves of one night stands (although he seems to manage with adultery OK!)

Being with him has destroyed my self worth as well as causing me lots of pain. As well as coming second best I can't even be seen on the street with him in case his numerous family members spot us together. So we never go out anywhere, just stay in my flat. I know I should dump him, I try to all the time. I go on holidays, I change my number, delete his number, stay off work (we work together), look for other jobs, consider moving abroad, everything I can think of. We always get back together though, because I love him, he makes me laugh and I find him totally irresistible . Maybe I even started escorting because I wanted to get at him. He is rich and offers to pay my bills when I have struggled. I kind of enjoyed saying "no its OK, I had sex with 3 strange men last night, so I can pay my own bills thanks!"

I am feeling more positive now so hopefully everything will work out and I can put all this behind me.

Lucy Ann

My heart goes out to you when I hear you say the things about your boyfriend - he never takes you anywhere and all you do is stay in your flat!  That is no relationship is it - and your self esteem is so low that you have become dependant on him I think.

I was married to a muslim and he completely destroyed my self esteem and like Asia I too suffered mentally and occasionally physically, but that is in the past and I have moved on.  (To all muslims reading this - I am not generalizing and am in no way being racist here)...

All I can say is this man is not cherishing you and that is what you deserve.  You deserve to be loved, cherished, worshiped and treated wtih respect.  You should not be kept locked away for his pleasure only..

You should be out with your man, laughing, socializing and enjoying life as a normal couple, but clearly that is not the case, so yes, dump him as there is no future and he has made that clear to you and he is destroying your self esteem totally.

In any case, you are more positive now and seem to be taking steps so well done to you. 

Coming out of a controlling relationship is a very difficult thing to do and as much as these control freaks may abuse us, we become dependant on them as we think no one else will have us and of course we genuinely love them, but believe me there is life after this man and life will be good too, when you can look in the mirror again and be happy with what you see and not have to put up with the abusive comments you are hearing.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but I have been there and know what you are going through.

Please feel free to pm me if you want to chat about it more.  I have been there and hope I can help.

Lots of love
Alexandra xx

I know some people find the 'new partner' rush addictive. Some are most miffed if they accidentally get off with the same person twice.

xw5, are you also implying that this is how most of the gay community operates? Cause it really is. Can you tell me about a time when something similar has happened?

This is taking dragging out old threads to a new level - I wonder what happened to Lucy Ann?

sometimes I check the 'who's online' section and see what people are reading. I've actually found some pretty good topics out of it.

If you want to replicate this with female partners, I suspect you end up being a client. Even if you're a rock star or similar.

I didnt quite get what you were suggesting in this sentence. Im almost thinking you're saying I should turn to hiring female escorts for monagamy? But I know thats not what you meant LOL?