SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: Supergirl on 29 January 2025, 04:02:25 am
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Help. I have a very regular elderly client (mid 70s) I've been seeing for over 3 years, I see him weekly without fail, we converse over email and he always replies within a couple of hours. Usually I message on a Monday and I usually visit on Wednesday lunchtime. He hasn't replied since Monday tea time which is unheard of.
I phoned him twice yesterday in case he was having internet problems (he only has a landline) and no answer.
He's entrusted me with a key to his house just in case so I think I'm going to go there today as usual or should I phone the police? Obviously I really don't want to give my details though - what do I even say?
I do have the numbers of his sisters but they live miles and miles away.
A complication is he has a large dog that I assume will be loose in the yard if anything has happened to him and whilst he's friendly to me when I go there he's very boisterous and my client ties him up so I don't know 100% how the dog will be with me if god forbid anything has happened.
What the actual fuck do I do here??
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I should have mentioned that he lives very rurally and and doesn't see many people, I think he goes to the local shop once a week or so but other than that he really doesn't see many people at all, and no one really guess to the house other than the postman
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Can you ask the police to do a welfare check anonymously without getting involved yourself?
I did have a 79 year old client back in the day that I believe has now passed, I wasn’t quite as involved as you with keys to his house or anything ….just one day he never emailed me again , you presume the worst.
If you do go and check on him yourself (which is above and beyond what’s expected of you tbh) are you prepared with who to phone & deal with next if that’s the case , and your cover story or are you OK with being upfront about being an escort is how you know him?
This is such a tricky one, I wouldn’t know what to do myself honestly ???
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We have a vague cover story which is half true but I'm definitely not ok with being upfront and saying I'm an escort. I live in a very rural community and I'm shit scared of it coming out and I don't want to be in a position of lying to the police.
At the moment I'm leaning towards maybe phoning one of his sisters rather than going myself. If I go myself then I'll have no choice but to deal with it will I?
But then that feels wrong as he's a friend - I should go and see ?
Fuck
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I guess I can call the police and refuse to give my details but I can't see a way to report anonymously but again, I don't want this to bite me in the ass if they do find out who reported if it's worst case scenario
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At the moment I'm leaning towards maybe phoning one of his sisters rather than going myself. If I go myself then I'll have no choice but to deal with it will I?
Since you have their numbers, yes I think that’s a good idea. They can also try to call him and if there’s no answer, they could report to police themselves for a welfare check and as next of kin you’d hope they’d listen ?
Just explain to them you haven’t heard from him and you’re concerned
[removed. Do not post links on the forum] I don’t know if this is any help, but could be useful advice
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Yes I think maybe calling a sister might be the way forward, I really don't want to deal with the police myself.
I can't help feeling I should go there though as we genuinely are good friends now - what if he's ill/injured and needs help? But then if I do I HAVE to deal with it don't I?
But then the dog is an issue as I'm not confident in getting out of the car if it's loose. Plus I suppose if I go and then call a sister they'll tell the police I went there so I might end up speaking up them anyway.
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If a friend asked me this, I'd be saying 'They've given you a key, go and check'.
If you get there and there's clearly something wrong - including after going around looking in windows - you can call the police and tell them. If not, you can get in the house without having to break in which they wouldn't be able to do.
If anyone asks, you're a friend, he gave you the key, and you pop round every week. You've already called the police because you haven't heard from him in a few days without getting them to do anything, so you went over.
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There must be something wrong, I've tried calling again and no answer and he's ALWAYS home. The problem with going is the dog, I don't 100% trust him, whilst he knows me he's a big guard dog type and if god forbid anything has happened to my client I'd be too wary to enter the house /yard anyway.
I might drive down the lane and beep outside or something? But then that still leaves me with the possible responsibility of calling police
I'm in bits trying to decide what to do!
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There must be something wrong, I've tried calling again and no answer and he's ALWAYS home. The problem with going is the dog, I don't 100% trust him, whilst he knows me he's a big guard dog type and if god forbid anything has happened to my client I'd be too wary to enter the house /yard anyway.
I might drive down the lane and beep outside or something? But then that still leaves me with the possible responsibility of calling police
I'm in bits trying to decide what to do!
Go play it by ear, you are a friend with a key.
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I’d go.
You’ve got a key.
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I'm going to go and as said play it by ear. If I can't see anything I'll call his sister, he may have been taken to hospital or something and she might know. Absolute dreading worst case scenario and I find the worst.
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Oh god I'm sat waiting for the police to come do a welfare check. I went and no sign of him but the dog was there so couldn't go up to the house only to the gate. Phoned his sister who asked me to contact the police and I couldn't really say no.
I know I'm doing the right thing but I'm scared things might come out! If worst has happened what if his family read his emails eventually and see all of ours? Fuck.
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Either way, you’ve done the right thing.
At least you are there to help him and his dog.
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I just wish I could have gone in to the house to see but I'm too nervous of the dog.
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I don't know how common it is for families to gain access to email if anything has happened to the email account holder (as opposed to the police, who I'm sure can) but if they see your messages then they'll know he contacted you and why, and also that you're a caring person who was kind and compassionate and kept an eye on him when you really didn't have to :)
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Thank you I really needed to hear that. I'm absolutely shaking at the moment. I hope to god he's just incapacitated or something and will recover - not least selfishly so we can then make sure there's no 'evidence'
I do hope to god he's ok, I'll be so upset if he's gone. we genuinely became friends. I just can't help thinking the worst.
Thanks everyone who's commented I really need a handhold right now and there is no one else I could possibly speak to ❤️
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Oh, Bless you, Supergirl.
You’ve done great, exactly like a caring person should (as Amy said).
We’ll be waiting to hear how you all are . (I’m including the dog as I’m an animal lover, lol)
Stay calm x
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Please don't feel nervous or guilty as I would hope that most of us would feel/do the same thing given the situation. The police shouldn't ask you too many probing questions other than your own details, your relationship and when you last saw him to which you say you're a friend and leave it at that.
You've done a lovely thing and from reading your post I don't think your conscience could have let you leave things without going to his house.
Like someone has just said, we're here waiting to see the outcome..fingers crossed he's ok.
Nice thing you've done x
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He was collapsed on the floor of the living room. Police had to wait for the dog handling unit to come out before going in. Luckily ambulance didn't take too long to come and he's been taken to hospital. He was lucid but only barely. They didn't know what had happened. I've updated his sister and I'll call the hospital later to see if any news.
I'm traumatised and exhausted but at least he was alive, I've no idea what the prognosis is.
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Well done, you have most likely saved his life x
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Supergirl Indeed. You are a heroine!
Well done, sweetheart xx
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Hoping for a good outcome OP and your intervention may have made all the difference!
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Thank you. It was scary having to give my real details to the police, and an all round traumatic day. I just hope he'll be alright. He's such a great regular, my best client by a long shot to be honest.
I'm waiting to hear what they're doing about the dog - the police were going to try and find a rescue to take him in temporarily
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Oh and I fed the chickens but didn't think about putting them away for the night so I hope they're ok. I'll have to mention that to his sister - she said she was coming up tomorrow but she's a long way away
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Oh my god supergirl you are aptly named!! What a 'fantastic' thing you did today, you really went 'above and beyond' and I'm sure that when he recovers he will be forever grateful.
It's so nice to see there are some genuine, lovely people left in this world.
Think you deserve a strong drink! Speedy recover to your friend.
X
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I daren't have a drink as I don't think I'll stop but I'm having a long soak in the bath as apart from everything I got frozen solid there today, I said outside for hours and hours.
I'm now totally freaking out for absolutely no reason at all that the police will turn up at my door for some reason. There's no reason to think they would need to but iam utterly paranoid. My adult son is at home at the moment and he knows nothing about this so I'm stupidly working myself up into a right state thinking what if they turn up at the door, I've no idea how I'd explain.
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The police don’t just turn up in those circumstances.
Don’t worry. You won’t hear anything else from the police now as their job is done.
Hopefully the client’s sister will update you.
Rest easy x
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Thank you I really needed to hear that, I know I'm being silly but I'm over stressed and exhausted and totally overthinking and panicking because of it.
Frustratingly his sister can't get updates from the police about the dog as they'll only speak to me who reported it! So I've had to call them again this evening but couldn't get any information. Hopefully I can speak to someone tomorrow who agrees to just deal with his sister as this really isn't my responsibility and I certainly can't make any decisions.
His sister got through to the hospital and had to call back at 10 and hopefully get an update so hoping I'll know more then.
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you're a caring person who was kind and compassionate and kept an eye on him when you really didn't have to :)
Absolutely: you did this, they didn't.
None of us know if he's going to make it, but your going mean that his chances of surviving this are greater than they would have been, and probably much greater.
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You absolutely done the right thing. Praying for a good outcome. You were right not to go in with the dog there.
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I've spoken to his sister, he's still had a stroke or aneurysm but had improved a little after being very poorly initially. Going to the hospital later. I wish I'd gone the day before when he wasn't answering the phone but I didn't have my car that day and I just kept thinking there must be a reason.
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Morning supergirl please don't beat yourself up about not going earlier, the fact you actually went at all has given him a chance of improving. As someone has said the police have no reason to turn up at your door, if anything they would phone you or get in touch with his sister with her being his next of kin.
Hopefully his dog and chickens will be looked after., he's in the best place (thanks to you) and receiving the right treatment.
Think there's a few of us on here invested in the outcome..x
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Hi all, took myself for a few days away to get away from everything as I was so stressed. Just come on now to update you all.
I saw him in hospital , he was very weak and couldn't talk much but knew I was there. His sister has kept me up to date though, he only just survived and is not going to be able to live his old life any more which is absolutely awful for him. I fed the dogs and chickens Friday and now have a farmer friend of his to deal with them so that's a relief.
I'm so glad he's alive as I really care for him but it's a huge blow financially for me as he was a guaranteed £800 a month and business is so slow. I've no idea what I'm going to do without that money.
Sounds awful I'm sorry but it's just another worry
Thank you all again for your support x
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February is often terrible. You did your best so well done you.
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I'm glad there's a positive update SG (and that the dog and chickens are OK - thankfully the foxes are mostly too busy shagging to care much about them at this time of year).
I don't know what to advise about the income loss - I'm sure we've all got at least one regular who would really make a dent in our finances if they disappeared (including me) and it's a really difficult time of year to take a hit like that. Can you make do and try to build up some more ads/get some new clients in with the time you'd have spent with him?
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I'll have to do that, I'm still in slight panic mode - I deleted myself off a few things and hid my AW profile as if his family see his emails it would be very easy to realise it's me if they did a quick Google search of my email address. I am guessing they probably won't but I was super scared.
I've been lucky enough to have really good regulars but one excellent 3 times a month dried up in December and now this. I'm down about 1300 a month just with those two. The rest I have isn't enough now
I'll have to get on it advertising I guess but tbh I've never really had to do much of that! I always managed even in dry spells but this is not great.
I'm thinking of camming for a bit as well but I need to reset , I'll have a think and start a plan after this week.
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At this point, I would doubt that it matters what the family know.
If he didn't trust you enough to give you the key and you hadn't gone to his house to check on him, he'd be dead.
They're unlikely to care at this point that there was a commercial side to your relationship, because the alternative - he died because they didn't check on him - would be a very big pile of guilt for them to deal with.
They're similarly unlikely to tell anyone else: 'Oh yes, he nearly died because we didn't check on him, but the escort he's been seeing did and...'
(Seriously, if it turns out his will has been changed after this and the new version doesn't include you, I would be suspecting that the previous version did and be talking to a lawyer about coercion or forgery.)
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I actually know that his will included me he gave me a copy of it last year. However it may be that I don't hear very much about him from here on in especially if he gets moved from hospital. I'm going to see him this week anyway
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I have been reading this, just didn't know what to add apart from you have gone above and beyond. Also demonstrates how important you are, and yes everything XW5 says is true. I know it's easy to think folk can react badly, but it's not in their interests and would only show them up as neglectful (assuming they have a good relationship with him).
Without seeming cold, regulars can disappear at any time for any reason, this is why whenever I stop accepting new clients it's only when I am really, really, 'overfull' and or the 'overfull' is prevent decent, good regulars from obtaining a booking within a sensible timescale, whilst maintaining a work/life balance, privacy and discretion. I also do not stop promoting myself, this also encourages regulars to book - keeps them interested and engaged so is usually worth the effort.
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I have been rarely seen new clients for a while as I p can only do so many days and could only just fit regulars in, so yes I have got lazy tbh.
I've never really had to promote myself, just had an AW profile and on a couple of other sites when I started and that was fine. I'd welcome any suggestions!!
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Vivastreet for a second mobile. Basic ad only.
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I have been rarely seen new clients for a while as I p can only do so many days and could only just fit regulars in, so yes I have got lazy tbh.
I've never really had to promote myself, just had an AW profile and on a couple of other sites when I started and that was fine. I'd welcome any suggestions!!
Do you update your gallery photos? If you haven't for a while adding some recent ones is an easy way to start, but don't change all your main 3 - if you read some of the AW threads they mention issues if you change these at once. And yes try VS but use a separate phone.
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Hi everyone I thought those of you invested in this thread would appreciate an update. I've been going to see my client in hospital once a week and the difference has been remarkablw, his recovery has been beyond anything that could have been expected. He's completely fully compos mentis now but just needs to recover his strength which he's working on like a demon!
I'm so happy and also quite incredulous they literally thought he wasn't going to make it the first night he was in. His sister wants him to move down their way which is miles away from his home and he's absolutely adamant he won't, he says it's about quality of life not length of life and that he's so happy where he is and I couldn't agree more to be honest.
He really is a determined bugger and I'm so glad he's recovering
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Hi everyone I thought those of you invested in this thread would appreciate an update. I've been going to see my client in hospital once a week and the difference has been remarkablw, his recovery has been beyond anything that could have been expected. He's completely fully compos mentis now but just needs to recover his strength which he's working on like a demon!
I'm so happy and also quite incredulous they literally thought he wasn't going to make it the first night he was in. His sister wants him to move down their way which is miles away from his home and he's absolutely adamant he won't, he says it's about quality of life not length of life and that he's so happy where he is and I couldn't agree more to be honest.
He really is a determined bugger and I'm so glad he's recovering
This is wonderful to hear, he is very lucky to have you and your support. You've saved his life both literally and long term.
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Hi everyone I thought those of you invested in this thread would appreciate an update. I've been going to see my client in hospital once a week and the difference has been remarkablw, his recovery has been beyond anything that could have been expected. He's completely fully compos mentis now but just needs to recover his strength which he's working on like a demon!
I'm so happy and also quite incredulous they literally thought he wasn't going to make it the first night he was in. His sister wants him to move down their way which is miles away from his home and he's absolutely adamant he won't, he says it's about quality of life not length of life and that he's so happy where he is and I couldn't agree more to be honest.
He really is a determined bugger and I'm so glad he's recovering
Hi SG I'm so pleased to hear/read the update re your elderly friend. I wish him a speedy recovery and that he can get back to full strength and you can both re-start your friendship. A real 'feel good' post x