SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: Larabella on 20 January 2019, 10:10:15 am
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Hi everyone,
I need some advice. I have a regular client I see once a week, he is a nice person but I just can’t stand another booking with him. He irritates me and I don’t know why. I just don’t enjoy the bookings anymore and I think because he comes so often I’m now fed up. He is someone I can tolerate probably once a month. I don’t feel like I have a good enough reason to tell him I don’t want to see him when he must think I enjoy the bookings with him. I’ve blocked him at the moment but the true caller app lets me see the messages people send even when they’re blocked. He’s been asking me for a booking every day. Please give me some advice on what I should do??
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Although you say you could tolerate him once a month, it looks very much like you don't want to and, yes, the constant asking isn't a good sign.
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Honestly I would block and move on. I had a regular who over time got needier and needier (like I was his lifeline) and I would dread the bookings more and more. I would put him off, in the end see him again but it got too much. I had talked to him about his behaviours but it didn’t make any difference, if anything it made him needier. Other than this he was a ‘nice’ guy.
I always thought I would politely explain, but I knew in this instance that it would just encourage him. So I blocked and ignored his VMs and emails. He eventually got the message (although he did send an Xmas email which I didn’t read and deleted!)
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Lara
I have had to part ways with a regular that I no longer want to see.
This was a really creepy one in the end I blocked and didn't answer his calls at all or messages. He got the hint.
I couldn't bear him touching me so didn't care what he thought when he couldn't get another booking.
It can be uncomfortable not knowing how to get rid so to speak.
We tolerate because we need that cash.
As soon as I got other bookings it was a a relief to replace the creep.
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Personally, I don't feel it's very nice to block outright straight away. I would say something like, 'I'm sorry, but I'm no longer enjoying our bookings and suggest you look for another SP.' If he starts whining, then block.
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Personally, I don't feel it's very nice to block outright straight away. I would say something like, 'I'm sorry, but I'm no longer enjoying our bookings and suggest you look for another SP.' If he starts whining, then block.
Oh I agree as I said I gave the reg I ditched countless talks and chances.
At the end of the day some people will not listen or change their behaviour and the only solution for your sanity is to block
Good luck whatever you decide OP.
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Oh and here I was thinking it was only me who had the same guy asking everyday for a booking and me feeling seriously pestered by it. I mean I feel guilty for not seeing him but it's that behaviour that really puts me off. Nice guy but it's too much. Why do they do this? Makes you feel like you're being stalked.
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There is little things that annoy me. He pushes boundaries, asks for services I don’t offer. I tell him no and he just laughs it off. He doesn’t actually act on it which is why I put up with it. I don’t need to explain myself to him, so I’m just going to block and ignore.
Thanks for the advice everyone. X
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I forgot to block him on WhatsApp and now he’s moved on to there. He’s probably going to make an AW account just to speak to me next :FF too attached and also made a comment saying I remind him of an ex girlfriend :FF
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I had a few of these over the years and because there was no APPARENT bad behaviour, I continued seeing them. Each week, I dreaded it. In the end I did a full sweep of clients and got rid of ones I "tolerated". My working life changed dramatically and I wished I did it sooner.
Just contact him as other have said and state that you no longer with to meet him as you feel there is no connection. And then block.
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I forgot to block him on WhatsApp and now he’s moved on to there. He’s probably going to make an AW account just to speak to me next :FF too attached and also made a comment saying I remind him of an ex girlfriend :FF
kiss of death
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I have posted on this before and said that I had a purge of long term clients I could not face again for one reason or another and used to dread it when I had accepted bookings from them. Not horribly dreaded but just really did not look forward to that clock ticking nearer their due time.
After ridding myself of that feeling by informing them as nicely as I could that "sorry but I can not meet you again" or similar words, it felt so much better knowing they would never be back. I was burning my bridges though as these men were as frequent as every 3 weeks or so and I saw a loss in earnings but sometimes the money is not everything.
In time there are others who start creeping up the list of dreaded clients and they will get their turn at being dumped by me. As long as I tell them without any insults or what really put me off them then I don't feel at all guilty.
Some have not even replied and others asked why (always texting, not calls) but I don't respond. Once I have said sorry no more bookings that is it as far as I am concerned. I owe them nothing as if any one of them stops booking me I have no right or inclination to ask why.
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I have been there so many times with different guys.
I agree with all the replies.
I would dread the next meet so much that I would be in panic mode and then decided that was time to refuse to meet or communicate with them. No explanation needed. We don't owe them anything.
Guys are either normal and easy going or a bloody nightmare. If we lose money by not seeing the nightmare client then so be it. We have to look after out mental health and we never have to offer any explanation to them.
I have even had to resort to giving one or two such a final shit booking/service that they would never ever want to return which is not my style as always want to give a good service, but can sometimes be the only resort to getting rid once and for all.
Best advice is just ignore and block. Some guys get so obsessed it is just down right creepy.
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Absolutely agree with the other ladies here.
From personal experience, in the past, all the cases of burnout I've experienced have been thanks to being emotionally drained from clients who irked me in some way or another.
I've since decided to start caring less, and just seeing who I want to, so I don't lose my sanity. End of the day we don't owe them anything once the booking is over, and the ones that become a pain in the ass are normally the ones you can't explain anything to because frustratingly, they're too ignorant / narrow minded / dillusional to speak to civilly anyway ::)
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I would be very upfront, tell him I'm not comfortable and cannot see him any more.
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I forgot to block him on WhatsApp and now he’s moved on to there. He’s probably going to make an AW account just to speak to me next :FF too attached and also made a comment saying I remind him of an ex girlfriend :FF
If he does create an Aw account to book you at first won't know his user name until he either puts it on contact details via a booking request or through his email to you.
Just keep a look out. Hope he dosnt though :-[
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Just tell him Lara. Honesty is the best policy.
If he does try it on and ends up as an alias at the door one day just refuse to let him in.
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Personally, I don't feel it's very nice to block outright straight away. I would say something like, 'I'm sorry, but I'm no longer enjoying our bookings and suggest you look for another SP.' If he starts whining, then block.
I don't know how to best convey into words to someone that I didn't want to see them anymore..
It's easier for me to just block or ignore.
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I don't know how to best convey into words to someone that I didn't want to see them anymore..
It's easier for me to just block or ignore.
Why is it so difficult to email or text them with (as I do) "sorry I can not meet you again" ? It is not rude but is clear in what you mean. Then you can choose to block or ignore if they persist in trying.
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Why is it so difficult to email or text them with (as I do) "sorry I can not meet you again" ? It is not rude but is clear in what you mean. Then you can choose to block or ignore if they persist in trying.
I think quite a few providers are frightened and rightly so because some punters/clients do not take a 'no thank you' very pleasantly.
However I think it's only fair and also stops most from continuing to try make contact........it's only a few who will turn nasty. A few more will ask for an explanation, some will ask for a second chance - polite no thank you usually means they can move on.
The ones who get nasty need a reminder that harassment is an offence that the police would be happy to discuss with them, however not every sex workers is either in a situation where they can, or wish to deal with the police.
So it's not as easy as it seems, however as I say being clear just stops the keep trying behaviour. Also stops the guessing games for those who just can't reply, I've had a few regulars wonder if my busy non-response has been because I'm trying to tell them I don't want to see them. I now always make it clear with new clients that if I ever don't want to see them I will tell them explicitly.
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Another option is to politely text Sorry I am now overrun with far too many regulars so I have had to do some pruning and have had to stop seeing quite a few of you. Please do not contact me again and all best wishes in the future.
I think that sort of wording would soften the blow somewhat.
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There is little things that annoy me. He pushes boundaries, asks for services I don’t offer. I tell him no and he just laughs it off. He doesn’t actually act on it which is why I put up with it. I don’t need to explain myself to him, so I’m just going to block and ignore.
Thanks for the advice everyone. X
I think I would just be polite but blunt with him and tell him that you have become increasingly fed up with his boundary pushing and asking for services you don't offer and you have decided you no longer wish to see him and then just block from everywhere.
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I agree, tell him and then move on. Telling him nothing may well make him more stalky or show up unannounced one day.
Use his incessant messaging as an excuse something like - Your recent incessant messaging has made me realise that this is not a healthy arrangement so have decided for both of our benefits we do not see each other again. Please do not contact me again, your recent actions have made me feel very uncomfortable.
Then block. If he persists ignore, but if you feel its getting bad tell him 'I did ask you not to contact me again and my decision is not up for discussion so please refrain from contacting me again.
Then ignore forever! If it gets bad and you do feel harassed you can go to the police with evidence that you have clearly told him to stop.
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He messaged on another number today, saying hi I’m trying to make a booking I think you accidentally blocked me this is my number ******. :FF accidently?! :FF I’ve spoken to another regular to get his opinion and said he wouldn’t keep texting me if I’d ignored him. I think I am going to message him back saying I do not want to see him because this behaviour is definitely not right! X
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One of the girls said in a similar thread recently, any reply is encouragement.
I'd hate to be the regular you confided in though! :o
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Some guys get so obsessed it is just down right creepy.
^^ 100% agree
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Ugh I had a client like this . He used to even try take over other clients bookings by offering me more money and he would just IRRITATE me so much where I could myself snapping at him. And I just realised I don’t want to get a rep for being a bitch and don’t want to give a bad service. So I just blocked and ignored - he must get the message too. We get paid well but honestly it’s not enough to put yourself through the mental torture !!!
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One of the girls said in a similar thread recently, any reply is encouragement.
I'd hate to be the regular you confided in though! :o
So agree with everyone here.
This type of client seems to be so common.
Am sure they must get a kick out of receiving any attention from a women.
So basically, as above "any reply is encouragement" and therefore we must do the opposite and block and ignore and never enter into any future communication.
I also found this with ex boyfriends - ignore completely and they will finally get bored.
Normal, nice guys will not put you through this madness!!!
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Most regulars have a time limit on them before they become intolerable. I've had ones where I dread seeing them but manage to complete the booking, but then one day a switch goes off in my head and I just can't physically do it anymore, that's when I block and ignore any future contact. I've found if you give them any form of communication it adds fuel to their fire and they use it as a way of trying to get back in your good books.