Author Topic: How to cope with the 'burn out' (Read 5755 times)

Fallingstar · « **on:** 10 September 2009, 09:20:08 am »

Hi everyone.

Just wanting to have a bit of a moan,so bear with me please.
Basically i have been escorting full time now for just over a year,the longest time i have had off during it is a week here and there to go away on holiday.
In the past few months i am finding that the job is really,really getting me down. I'm sure lots of you have read my problems regarding agencies etc and it just seems to be one thing after another at the moment with no light at the end of the tunnel.
I have never 'enjoyed' the job in the sense that i like the physical side or the company of the men i meet (i know some posters on here do but alas that's just not the way it is for me). Up until now though i have always been able to stand it and give a convincing GFE,i have lots of good feedback to testify for that. Lately though i find myself quite frankly wanting to slap my clients faces the moment they come near me,i just want them to lie on the bed,get it over with and then leave. If they try to touch me or make it an interactive experience i am literally counting to 10 over and over in my head and detaching myself from my body to stop myself jumping up and shouting at them to leave me alone. I cant stand their poking fingers and tongues and the way half of them try and manhandle you any chance they get. Sometimes i listen to the noises I'm making and the way I'm acting and i cant quite believe that the men don't realise its all totally false (yet as i say I'm still getting my good feedback and repeat clients so i must be a better actress than i think)

I know these men are my bread and butter and i chose to put myself in this line of work. I am trying to just put up and shut up as it were but i am really struggling lately. I would love to take some time off but i quite honestly am not making enough money to take time off so i just don't know what to do

Sorry for the rambling

LondonEvie · « **Reply #1 on:** 10 September 2009, 02:35:23 pm »

http://www.anniesprinkle.org/html/writings/swbo.html

A lovely post on Sex worker burnout- 12 step cure from Annie Sprinkle.

~Amber~ · « **Reply #2 on:** 10 September 2009, 08:33:26 pm »

That was really useful Evie thank you.

I feel for you I really do. I kinda feel the same way as you about escorting sometimes. I have never orgasmed with a client and feel stupid for faking sometimes and fucking guys for money can mess with you head occassionly when normally I find it quite empowering. I think from what you have said u already know the answer. You need to take a break which you can use to re-evaluate what you want.

I have stopped escorting full time now and just do it when I want which has really made me feel a lot more positive towards it as I am not relying on it and its no drama if I have a slow period. It also makes my life feel a bit more normal and I don't have to lie so god damn much!

Take some time, re charge the bateries and consider what you can do to feel empowered again.

Kisses

Amber

cindy · « **Reply #3 on:** 10 September 2009, 09:29:11 pm »

I can only echo that. It is sometimes a good idea to take time off. I took most of this summer off but then I know about burn out and budgeted accordingly and found other ways to make a living. Retail therapy also helps or even getting out of the house to have a coffee at your mums can give you a lift. I think you sound like you need some "me" time. When the "head trip" kicks in usually after 12 months its not nice. Maybe its time to re-evalulate which clients you see and book a regular in first thing to get you on a roll. So long as your bills are paid and you have 20 quid in your purse you can take the day off.

UrbaneAspects · « **Reply #4 on:** 10 September 2009, 09:39:10 pm »

wow! What a great article, namely...

Quote

STEP 9 - Be willing to make less money. Don't let the client determine the service. Let the client know what YOU offer. Practice saying ?NO?. Clean out your little black book. Decide what kinds of people you want to work with, and be willing to let those that don't fit the bill go by. Develop your own style.

STEP 10 - Create other sources of income. Look into other businesses and career opportunities. Go to college or trade school, start a sideline so that you won't feel financially trapped. When you need a break from sex work, you'll have an alternate source of income.

Colette, I can imagine how you are feeling at the moment. Those suggestions even helped me out, I hope it can do the same for you

Sunny · « **Reply #5 on:** 10 September 2009, 09:51:04 pm »

I'm just echoing everyone else's sentiment (pamper yourself with some time and energy to truly appreciate and value you for a while...) and sending hugs!! xx

~Amber~ · « **Reply #6 on:** 10 September 2009, 10:00:00 pm »

highjack

should we maybe create something to give advice to escorts who want to leave. like what you need to think about and how to form an exit stategy because personally I really struggled to go from full time to part time in a practical sense but then again I was injuried for a long time before I started my job

brandy@saafe · « **Reply #7 on:** 11 September 2009, 08:01:32 am »

Quote from: ~Amber~ on 10 September 2009, 10:00:00 pm

highjack

should we maybe create something to give advice to escorts who want to leave. like what you need to think about and how to form an exit stategy because personally I really struggled to go from full time to part time in a practical sense but then again I was injuried for a long time before I started my job

You mean like this article: http://www.saafe.info/gettingout.htm

Fallingstar · « **Reply #8 on:** 11 September 2009, 08:27:59 am »

Thanks for the replies everyone. You have all hit the nail on the head when you say i don't take any time for myself at the moment. I either seem to be at my incall place working or at home doing boring domestic things. Haven really had any 'me' time for ages,Ive got a horse and i haven't even ridden him for over a month so that's going to be me project for next week,get out on my horsie in the fresh air.

Its amazing how much this job drains the life out of you if you let it isn't it?. I loved Annie Sprinkles guide,especially the bit about being prepared to make less money. When i had a 'normal' job i didn't worry too much as long as the bills got paid and i could afford new lipgloss

now I'm an escort i feel like i have to earn hundreds and hundreds week in,week out in order to justify what i do for a living.

Violette · « **Reply #9 on:** 11 September 2009, 08:54:35 am »

Hey hon, so sorry to hear about the stress and strain of this job is having on you. As Miss Sprinkle said, about earning less, great advice. It is at the end of the day a job, one if you are lucky enough you make a decent living, and can set your own hours and answer to no one but yourself. But at the end of the day it is just that a job. You shouldn't kill yourself in the pursuit of some unrealistic ideal. If your bills are getting paid, and you can still buy lipgloss(albeit it is Dior now instead of No.7), you aren't in such a bad place. Remember one of the joys of this work is having the ability to give to yourself the gift of 'Me-Time'. You just have to remember to take if every once and a while. Kisses, love, & boxes of virtual chocolate.

EmilyJones · « **Reply #10 on:** 11 September 2009, 09:04:53 am »

Quote from: Colette on 11 September 2009, 08:27:59 am

now I'm an escort i feel like i have to earn hundreds and hundreds week in,week out in order to justify what i do for a living.

It's funny but I kind of see what you mean here. I also feel like I can't properly feel proud of what I've achieved for myself financially (being able to rent my own flat and spend ?20 on stationary on a whim!) because the money I make is "easy" and/or "immoral". I don't really think it's either of those things but knowing that a large part of the society I live in does think so makes it hard for me to get the doubts out of my head.

Making money from sex can be both simple (and liberating) and really complicated (and depressing). For this reason it should be written in the Code of ze Escorts that we MUST take time off regularly to do NOTHING else for an hour/day/week but take care of ourselves and those we love - occasionally I need pampering but more often I need time off from escorting work so I can indulge in some good hard work on my proper career plan so I don't feel lazy and worthless. And if I had a horse, I'd need some even more important time off to give it a big hug. Horses are the best! I bet yours will be so pleased to see you next week, Colette - take polos! (I think that's what I remember giving to ponies when I was a kiddy, anyway

)

~Amber~ · « **Reply #11 on:** 11 September 2009, 06:00:05 pm »

Quote

Quote from: ~Amber~ on September 10, 2009, 09:00:00 PM
highjack

should we maybe create something to give advice to escorts who want to leave. like what you need to think about and how to form an exit stategy because personally I really struggled to go from full time to part time in a practical sense but then again I was injuried for a long time before I started my job

You mean like this article: http://www.saafe.info/gettingout.htm

Thanks Brandy for that. It was there for me all along! Damn and I am normally so good for reading and re reading that page!

UrbaneAspects · « **Reply #12 on:** 11 September 2009, 06:47:29 pm »

Quote from: Colette on 11 September 2009, 08:27:59 am

Ive got a horse and i haven't even ridden him for over a month so that's going to be me project for next week,get out on my horsie in the fresh air.

A horse? Colette you're spoiled, Im jealous

I once had a puppy (who turned into a dog) and that took up so much of my time back then. A long walk was an hour, the morning walk, the hair brushing, etc. I can imagine a horse would be 2 or 3 times the work. Do you live out in the country, or do you just live in the city and go out when you need to see the horse?

Alexxx · « **Reply #13 on:** 11 September 2009, 07:29:46 pm »

(((((Colette )))))

I know exactly how you feel. Horrible. I'm really feeling for you mate.

I suffered with really bad burn out a couple of years ago and didn't listen to what my body/mind was telling me. I put up and shut up for the same reasons as you and ended up totally freaking out on a client and had a breakdown (I snapped and beat him up, then was crying hysterically until he called an ambulance for me - I have no recollection of any of this which is probably for the best) Scary sh!t.

Please take massive steps ASAP to make sure that doesn't happen to you. It's not just physical health that's important, Mental Health is too.

What you say about 'put up and shut up' isn't the right thing to do. You need to put yourself first and that doesn't have to involve spending money. After all, we have to earn it to spend it. I was in a vicious circle, always thinking 'When I save x ammount, I'll quit for a bit'. I was fooling myself and was addicted me the money far too much to be able to take a break until I was literall 'forced' to by having a breakdown.

I'm not sure if you have children or commitments? As I didn't (and still don't) I was able to drop everything and go abroad volunteering for a while. A total change of scene was necessary for me to re-educate myself about me. It really brought me back into the real world and put an end to the Materialistic Rut that I'd created for myself. Seeing people walking for miles to get a drink of dirty water makes you realise that you don't have to earn so much to be happy.

Sorry if I've preached a bit (or a lot) but I can't stress enough how hard it was recovering from the Total Burnout.
Please pm me anytime if you need advice, want to talk or even just want a good old rant. I'm here and will listen without judging.

I've telepathically sent you strength

Hope it reaches you chick.

With love and understanding, Alex x

~Amber~ · « **Reply #14 on:** 11 September 2009, 09:20:12 pm »

Quote

I once had a puppy (who turned into a dog)

Shocker

See also the main SAAFE.info site for more Support And Advice For Escorts

Author Topic: How to cope with the 'burn out' (Read 5755 times)

Fallingstar

How to cope with the 'burn out'

LondonEvie

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

~Amber~

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

cindy

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

UrbaneAspects

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

Sunny

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

~Amber~

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

brandy@saafe

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

Fallingstar

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

Violette

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

EmilyJones

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

~Amber~

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

UrbaneAspects

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

Alexxx

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'

~Amber~

Re: How to cope with the 'burn out'