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Author Topic: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s  (Read 2314 times)

Emilia_D

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How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« on: 03 August 2021, 12:10:43 am »
To an extent, I enjoy what I do as a sex worker/ prostitute. But I have discovered that most people view SW’s as disgusting, lacking self respect, having low self esteem, being mentally fucked up and being unable to navigate real life. A lot of people believe sex work is your lowest point, and there’s no return.
I’ve found myself internalising these thoughts, and it’s causing me mental grief. I feel terribly about myself, and I worry that friends/ family/ future partners will see me the same way, and abandon me. I’ve lost belief that I can achieve my goals outside of SW, as I feel like I wouldn’t be good at anything else, and everyone will see for who I truly am. How do you stop caring what other people think about sex work? How do you let go of the judgment society places on you, and stop your mental health interfering with your work?

Kay

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #1 on: 03 August 2021, 12:26:46 am »
I can't say that this is something I've ever suffered from, but my two pennorth's worth would be to try and put sex work into context by not letting it be your whole life. It might be safer/better if, for example, it wasn't the sole source of your income, even if you just 1–2 days a week in a shop or office or something. That would put everything in perspective, keep you tethered to reality, expand your social circle, give you a change of scene etc.

The longer you spend only doing SW, the feelings that you're likely to fail at anything else will likely get worse, so it's either a case of a). sit down, plan, and work out how to achieve your other goals, with some timelines/targets etc., or b). give up, focus on doing SW as well as you can for as long as you can, and manage your money sensibly so that you can retire early and enjoy other pursuits. Or there's possibly a hybrid plan, e.g. doing SW 1–2 days a week only.

In summary, try to make sure SW doesn't define you.
"There is no sin except stupidity" - Oscar Wilde

Milkymoo26

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #2 on: 03 August 2021, 12:41:12 am »
I always think this, like if I was to get serious with a guy and tell him what I do. Like would I be alone forever lol.🤷‍♀️ or would my child grow up to be embarrassed by me etc.
I mean civvy wise I've always felt lost and feeling that im not good at anything, even with my degree. But as  Kay said, I'm just trying to retire early so I can live life and make happy memories. 
Ultimately I'm posting just to let you know you're not alone beaut x

SquirtyQueen

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #3 on: 03 August 2021, 08:20:26 am »
I completely agree with Kay, keep SW in perspective and don't make it your sole focus. Make sure you treat yourself too, use some of your income to remind yourself of the plus sides, whether it's a meal at your favourite restaurant, a professional massage or even subscribing to a yoga course. See friends, go to the cinema and talk walks, and keep a sense of balance.

Gypsy

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #4 on: 03 August 2021, 08:24:21 am »
I feel the same as Kay, but I understand what you mean.

Coincidentally, there was an article in a local paper yesterday that slagged everything off about sex work by an ex sex worker herself  ::) Somehow I doubt they would have published it if it had been something positive. She said would you do this job if it wasn't for the money.

I thought to myself you can say the same about most jobs, love  ::)

Very stereotypical, predictable boring article on the whole.
These days there are no Prince Charmings. A girl just has to be her own hero

Sophine88

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #5 on: 03 August 2021, 08:59:36 am »
I’ve come to realise that some girls will go out and shag 3 guys unprotected on a weekend and they’re the same girls that look down on sex workers and call them disgusting. I’ve found some men will have had 100 casual partners in a 2 year time frame but it’s an issue to them if you were a sex worker in the past. Therefore I do not care what anyone thinks about sex work anymore as a lot of these people casting stones do the exact same things. They just don’t do it for money and a lot of times I have found people who get around a lot who aren’t sex workers usually disregard or don’t care much about sexual health. From my experience anyway.

I’m not saying we should judge those people at all. But what people fail to realise is it’s not just sex workers who have many sexual partners. Lots of people do. And there’s nothing wrong with that and there’s nothing wrong with you. But unfortunately society only looks down on sex workers for engaging in sex a lot. Labelling them disgusting and horrible. Because they’ve built this idea in their head that sex is something sacred and not transactional. Sex is nothing. There isn’t anything sacred about it. Do you think there’s anything sacred about two dogs shagging the living day lights out of each other on the street. No there isn’t. Sex is just procreation at the end of the day. It’s all it was intended for. It’s enjoyable though and men will pay to engage in it so therefore it can be transactional and monetised.

That’s how I like to look at it anyway.


Femme fatale

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #6 on: 03 August 2021, 09:17:22 pm »
It's quite sad that escorts are looked upon negatively still by many people in this world.
I wont ever look back and regret doing this work I never went crawling to anyone for money when I've been broke .I would rather make cash my own way for as long as I can.
I've had so called friends look down at me, judging  but they have insecurities and issues of their own they need to sort themselves out. I certainly am not doing anyone harm its consensual sex and I'm not exploiting men .
I get quite angry when I see sex workers as victims of assault and murdered its dreadful how these psychopaths prey on sex workers .
The job has its risks but also we look out for each other here there is support ♡

amy

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #7 on: 03 August 2021, 09:27:32 pm »
I can't say I've ever really thought about it, but then I've never really noticed what other people think about anything because I've never been interested. I have my views and experiences and others have theirs, and we all have as much right to them as each other; sex work isn't the only occupation that gets stereotyped, either.

I'd definitely agree that you need other things to do and think about though, even if they're not work - the reason sex work is my only source of income is precisely because it affords me the time to do lots of other things :D

Lucia__S

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #8 on: 06 August 2021, 10:07:42 pm »
This is an interesting point of view about sex work and I can imagine having these types of thoughts regularly can be quite harrowing for your mental health.
I must say, iv always been comfortable with the idea of our job but I have had people in my circle that have put me down for it which didn’t help and it can hurt deep down, iv recently made friends with some other SW’s which has really lifted my spirits as I now have people I can talk so open and freely with about my days and my life in general.
Have you tried joining a WhatsApp group that’s local to your area, there’s a few in the buddy section.
I have also found having these like minded people in my life who are so normal and lovely makes me realise that I am too an equally normal member of society and I shouldn’t be judged or shamed for my life choices in how I work.
If you need to talk, you can always PM me xxx

Emilia_D

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #9 on: 08 August 2021, 12:14:21 am »
Thank you everyone for your responses!
I will check out that article, it is sad when ex SWs cope by attacking the industry.
The comment about mixing with open-minded people is brilliant advice. I have definitely found my friendships are stronger with my accepting, non judgmental civvy friends. Thank you for the offer to DM also honey bear, you too!
Amy, that’s a brilliant attitude. I defo need to work on adopting that stance.
Kiss, I feel the same. I would never regret it for myself, but I do overthink about other peoples judgements.
Hahah Sophine, it often is the one night standard crowd! Interesting isn’t it.
Milky moo, retiring early is a brilliant plan! I have those same worries too, but I guess the right person for us wouldn’t judge us based on our circumstances.
Thank you Kay, I agree including sex work around multiple goals definitely helps!

Lady Frog

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #10 on: 08 August 2021, 08:47:56 pm »
I feel the same as Kay, but I understand what you mean.

Coincidentally, there was an article in a local paper yesterday that slagged everything off about sex work by an ex sex worker herself  ::) Somehow I doubt they would have published it if it had been something positive. She said would you do this job if it wasn't for the money.

I thought to myself you can say the same about most jobs, love  ::)

Very stereotypical, predictable boring article on the whole.

Agree with you completely. I think maybe you are referring to the blind idiocy that was published in the MEN. Honestly the mind boggles that people will publish this shit. The girl who features in the article has started a new business charging sex workers £60 an hour for therapy sessions around the subject of sex work being bad and having damaged them. So, obviously, she has a vested interest to promote the idea that sex work is psychologically harmful to all women who engage in it and they need therapy (with a handy link to the her website and booking page in article  ::) ).

Case in point as Gypsy says about people not doing any jobs for free. Most likely she paid for her therapy courses and qualifications with money earned from sex work. (Because sex work is universally negative for all who engage in it of course...)

She is basically trying to profit from other sex workers for her own gain (meanwhile trashing us all and trying to present herself as mother theresa) and in my mind that behaviour is hardly better than pimps and all the other lowlifes that do the same.

A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. - Jane Austen

Lady Frog

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #11 on: 08 August 2021, 09:07:45 pm »
That’s how I like to look at it anyway.

I quite agree with you Sophine about that double standards and confused attitudes people have towards promiscuity and particularly women who have an active sex life.

Further to that, I think that also being around a sex worker, (rather than just a promiscuous person), makes people self-reflect about the nature of their own sexual or romantic relationships, (or lack thereof), and that can make some people very insecure. Personally I think all sex is a transaction. It is not always money being traded, sometimes it is affection, security, physical pleasure, loyalty, influence, protection, status, all sorts of things. Our presence forces people to acknowledge this and sometimes they don't like it.

To the OP, I have recently started reading a book called Thriving in Sex Work by Lola Davina. I haven't got very far yet so I can't give a full recommendation but it seems to address a lot of the doubts that you (and man others) face about working in the sex industry. Maybe worth a look  :)
A woman, especially, if she have the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can. - Jane Austen

Missizzy

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #12 on: 09 August 2021, 09:23:50 am »
I've sometimes felt very dirty doing this work, but then I realize I work shorter hours, make decent money and can fairly easily pay my way, if that makes sense?

VoluptuousCurves

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #13 on: 13 August 2021, 01:05:59 pm »
I have felt much less sleazy and much more honest being in sex work, compared to MLM. I also feel my clients "see me" as a human (not all of them!) compared to being in a civvy role where I was "a resource".

I decided about 10yrs ago that I didn't give a flying fuck what anyone else thought about me, and that's served me well.
And me, I am not a mess, I am a wilderness, yes
The undiscovered continent for you to undress

Kay

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Re: How do you not internalise negative beliefs about SW’s
« Reply #14 on: 13 August 2021, 05:54:37 pm »
I decided about 10yrs ago that I didn't give a flying fuck what anyone else thought about me, and that's served me well.

Same.
"There is no sin except stupidity" - Oscar Wilde