Author Topic: How do you get someone out of your mind? (Read 15044 times)

Emma_C · « **Reply #45 on:** 24 May 2017, 08:41:59 am »

Quote from: Mirror on 21 May 2017, 09:09:14 am

I also found reading about attachment (look up Bowlby's attachment theory) really helped me understand a few things about some of my relationships, which includes how I get on/feel about different clients.

+1 and I can recommend Natalie Lui's trilogy, "Mr unavailable & the fall back girl" in particular is a good one. She's got pod casts on sound cloud. That can help as an immediate quick fix to stop obsessing over someone.

We only see snippets of clients & not the full picture, they can be whoever they want to be in that hour.

Shit skids in the underpants visualisation helps put me off

, imagine them walking around without the aid of toilet paper & having to use their underpants, I think most men have done this at one time or another

Adele7 · « **Reply #46 on:** 24 May 2017, 09:04:16 am »

Quote from: Chatterly on 24 May 2017, 08:41:59 am

+1 and I can recommend Natalie Lui's trilogy, "Mr unavailable & the fall back girl" in particular is a good one. She's got pod casts on sound cloud. That can help as an immediate quick fix to stop obsessing over someone.

We only see snippets of clients & not the full picture, they can be whoever they want to be in that hour.

Shit skids in the underpants visualisation helps put me off , imagine them walking around without the aid of toilet paper & having to use their underpants, I think most men have done this at one time or another

SheilaStar · « **Reply #47 on:** 24 May 2017, 09:28:01 am »

Hahahaha!

Thanks Chatterly, I like the skid marks idea but I need to find something a lot stronger to put me off from this particular guy. I just visualised him covered completely in poo and it still didn't do anything for me lol!

Thanks for the pod casts suggestion, I'll look it up.

I did a little bit of reading on Bowlby's theory, and I don't see the relation yet, but it's still early days. It is that, this kind of attachment and the way I think/feel about this guy is completely different from the type of attachment I had/have with parents so the whole continuity theory baffles me as it doesn't seem to apply. I think I'm just fucked up!

Mirror · « **Reply #48 on:** 24 May 2017, 10:00:46 am »

Quote from: SheilaStar on 24 May 2017, 09:28:01 am

Hahahaha!

Thanks Chatterly, I like the skid marks idea but I need to find something a lot stronger to put me off from this particular guy. I just visualised him covered completely in poo and it still didn't do anything for me lol!

Thanks for the pod casts suggestion, I'll look it up.

I did a little bit of reading on Bowlby's theory, and I don't see the relation yet, but it's still early days. It is that, this kind of attachment and the way I think/feel about this guy is completely different from the type of attachment I had/have with parents so the whole continuity theory baffles me as it doesn't seem to apply. I think I'm just fucked up!

For me I have different attachment styles, with different people - depends who they are/how they are with me and the sort of frame of mind I'm in at the time. For example I can easily be very dismissive and find people who are anxious insecure to be very difficult(these are the clients I struggle to laydown boundaries with), however there's an anxious insecure style inside me which used to be more dominant until I realised it caused a lot of problems and actively decided to not act that out any more. Doesn't mean it's not there. I also have a secure attachment style which comes out when I'm very confident with someone.

Basically you can have several styles, with some more dominant than others.

Sorry if that causes more confusion. For me it helps explain why I can be different with different clients - why with some I find it difficult to enforce boundaries, and others there's no problem at all.

SheilaStar · « **Reply #49 on:** 24 May 2017, 11:12:26 am »

Quote from: Mirror on 24 May 2017, 10:00:46 am

For me I have different attachment styles, with different people - depends who they are/how they are with me and the sort of frame of mind I'm in at the time. For example I can easily be very dismissive and find people who are anxious insecure to be very difficult(these are the clients I struggle to laydown boundaries with), however there's an anxious insecure style inside me which used to be more dominant until I realised it caused a lot of problems and actively decided to not act that out any more. Doesn't mean it's not there. I also have a secure attachment style which comes out when I'm very confident with someone.

Basically you can have several styles, with some more dominant than others.

Sorry if that causes more confusion. For me it helps explain why I can be different with different clients - why with some I find it difficult to enforce boundaries, and others there's no problem at all.

Thanks Mirror. Food for thought.

I think I fall under insecure avoidant in general which is why I don't understand this situation. It is also that I'm very independent and don't look or need for protection by anyone, not even this man. I don't feel any security by this situation yet I'm attached and distressed when apart! Go figure!

x

amy · « **Reply #50 on:** 24 May 2017, 11:17:33 am »

It's threads like this that make me realise how the ~~multi million dollar~~ self help industry still exists. I can almost hear them rubbing their hands.

Adele7 · « **Reply #51 on:** 24 May 2017, 11:44:09 am »

Quote from: amy on 24 May 2017, 11:17:33 am

It's threads like this that make me realise how the ~~multi million dollar~~ self help industry still exists. I can almost hear them rubbing their hands.

Haahaha

SheilaStar · « **Reply #52 on:** 24 May 2017, 12:09:45 pm »

This just gave me a lucrative idea for retirement.

I will prostitute my psychology in a self help guide

amy · « **Reply #53 on:** 24 May 2017, 01:50:16 pm »

Quote from: SheilaStar on 24 May 2017, 12:09:45 pm

This just gave me a lucrative idea for retirement.

I will prostitute my psychology in a self help guide

Definitely. All you need to do is convince ridiculously self absorbed but otherwise intelligent, capable adults that their natural and sensible reactions to any given situation indicate that they have lots of things wrong with their personality/aura/chakras which can only be fixed by giving you money for an internet book that you shat out in a couple hours on the train one afternoon when your packed lunch had run out, and then sitting around agonising about it all instead of maybe cooking some soup or going for a walk and trying to think about something other than themselves for ten minutes.

Not that I've ever thought about it

.

SheilaStar · « **Reply #54 on:** 24 May 2017, 02:19:40 pm »

Quote from: amy on 24 May 2017, 01:50:16 pm

Definitely. All you need to do is convince ridiculously self absorbed but otherwise intelligent, capable adults that their natural and sensible reactions to any given situation indicate that they have lots of things wrong with their personality/aura/chakras which can only be fixed by giving you money for an internet book that you shat out in a couple hours on the train one afternoon when your packed lunch had run out, and then sitting around agonising about it all instead of maybe cooking some soup or going for a walk and trying to think about something other than themselves for ten minutes.

Not that I've ever thought about it .

Hahaha! So true.

Does that mean you would accept and do nothing in my situation? (Assuming that staying away from him is a non-option) x

Justine · « **Reply #55 on:** 24 May 2017, 02:26:34 pm »

Ever the cynic Amy! I do though agree on this one. I knew a lady when I started this work who was also a wg and she told me after a booking we had together that she was dashing off to make another easy ?50. Assuming it was a quick half hour I said oh he's a quick one then but she said oh no I do life coaching too and this man is going through a touch patch and I just sit and talk to him. It was quite seperate to her escorting. I showed interest and asked which courses she took to qualify etc and she just laughed and said no training needed whatsoever.

I thought to myself "I can do that" but never did. Not interested. A family friend is into all the spiritual and healing stuff and takes it very seriously. Spending what I call silly money on retreats and courses to give herself peace of mind but she is the most stressed and short tempered woman/mother/wife. It obviously doesn't work on her then.

SheilaStar · « **Reply #56 on:** 24 May 2017, 03:00:52 pm »

Amy/Justine,

I think that while there are a lot of self help stuff out there purely for commercial reasons and perhaps to sustain some conflict of interest in modern psychology, there are also a few genuinely helpful things. I'm saying this from past experience.

The problem here is that some feelings and reactions that would otherwise be acceptable outside work are problematic in a restricted setting and commercial relationship. So I'm seeking ways that were perhaps designed for other situations to keep myself in check. Does this make sense? x

sweetmilf · « **Reply #57 on:** 24 May 2017, 05:17:46 pm »

Quote from: amy on 24 May 2017, 11:17:33 am

It's threads like this that make me realise how the ~~multi million dollar~~ self help industry still exists. I can almost hear them rubbing their hands.

1++++++++++++++++ They are all con artists. PS, no offence intended, though. xx

Nonyer · « **Reply #58 on:** 24 May 2017, 07:12:52 pm »

I always find getting under another man helps me get over one.

SheilaStar · « **Reply #59 on:** 24 May 2017, 08:47:34 pm »

Quote from: MrsAW on 24 May 2017, 07:12:52 pm

I always find getting under another man helps me get over one.

This is a good suggestion. The best way to get over a love is to find an even greater one. I hope there isn't anything more than this because I can barely function as it is.

It sounds cliche, but I just don't want anyone else and don't see this changing

. I can't let this happen again.

See also the main SAAFE.info site for more Support And Advice For Escorts

Author Topic: How do you get someone out of your mind? (Read 15044 times)

Emma_C

Re: How do you get someone out of your mind?

Adele7

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SheilaStar

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Mirror

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SheilaStar

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amy

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Adele7

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SheilaStar

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amy

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SheilaStar

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Justine

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SheilaStar

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sweetmilf

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Nonyer

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SheilaStar

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