Hi Girls (and any guys that are out there).

I hope you don't mind me joining this forum but I think it's going to be very useful in helping me deal with my current situation.

I have lived in Brazil for the last three and a half years, the last two and a half years of which have been with a beautiful Brazilian woman. We fell upon hard times about 6 months ago, and she started working doing erotic (lesbian) shows with a female colleague, and working as an escort (but at that time she wasn't 'active' with clients).

To cut a long story short, she didn't tell me, but I had some suspicions - she said she was doing outcalls for post-operation lymphatic drainage massages (which was actually a possibility as she's a qualified masseuse). However she had an extra phone (I didn't have the number) and would always shower before appointments, along with wearing sexy underwear. I put 2 and 2 together and made 4. Perhaps I'll tell you sometime how I found out - it's quite a story. She insisted she was just doing the shows and wasn't sleeping with clients, and I had no choice but to believe her.

This was very tough for me to handle - I couldn't bear the thought of guys jerking off whilst watching her perform these lesbian acts (she's 100% straight, as is her colleague - they just think of the money). I hated the idea that these men would be letching at her naked body.

Needless to say this put a great deal of stress upon the relationship, and we actually split up two m0nths ago.

Since we split up she has progressed to being a "garota de programa" (sexually active with clients) as she realised that her colleague was making much more money than her because of her self-limitations. These limitations were obviously out of deference to me - something that I now appreciate.

We realise we still have a very strong mutual attraction and connection, and I'm confident that shortly we will be back together again. I have never loved anyone as much as I love her.

It has been a real rollercoaster ride for both of us, but especially for me.

However, having been on this turbulent path for six months, my outlook regarding her work has done a 180 degree turn. At first I was horrified and almost had a nervous breakdown (in fact I think I did to some extent). I lost 12 kilos. We had a lot of arguments and she thought I was trying to control her when I wanted to know where she was going and when I could expect her back - whereas I was actually concerned about her safety (I still have vivid memories of the Suzy Lamplugh case). The arguments got so frequent and strong that she left me.

However we still see a lot of each other (not just at my instigation). If you had asked me 6 months ago if I could ever cope with her selling her body (or renting it really) I would have said that it would be impossible. But now, because I've had to live with this situation for 6 months, my opinions have matured - which I'm sure will bode well for our future. I realise that her body is HER body and I have no right to try to coerce her into stopping just because I don't like what she's doing.

I think that this is the crux of the matter. I DON'T like the thought that she sleeps with other men for money but I would rather she slept with another man for money rather than for emotional reasons. I don't like it, but I DO understand why she does it.

Whereas before my attitude was confrontational, I have a totally different attitude to her work now, which has brought me much more peace of mind.

If I'm available I give her a lift to and from appointments. If I refused, she'd simply go by taxi. I can't stop her from going, so there's no point in me stressing about it.

I created and maintain a blog for her [deleted] I'd much rather do this and keep control in her hands, rather than give control of the blog (and consequently the photos ) to a stranger.

I help with her newspaper ad, and ads on free internet classified sites.

Like many of you (I'm sure) she doesn't use her real name for work. This actually helps me to rationalise the situation too. Her alter-ego Mary is an acompanhante. However xxxxx is still the same woman that I fell in love with. I know that when things improve financially - as they will (steps are in place to ensure that) - she will stop working in this industry and cast Mary to the four winds. It will be xxxxx that continues forward with her life. We never talk about what goes on at appointments, or if we do it's usually a funny anecdote that has no sexual content. This is a true example of "what the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve". I hear no details about the appointments, we make sure that I never see a client, so I can conveniently pretend that nothing happened.

It was a tough journey to get to this point, but now I am much more optimistic about the future.

If you've got this far, thanks for your patience. It's been good to talk about it, especially in my mother tongue. I'm sure I'll have a lot of questions and comments and maybe you'll have some for me.

Beijos

Hi Partytrick!

I'm really glad your girlfriend is working in whatever way suits her safely and successfully. Good for her! I'm glad you're not trying to get in her way and have realised that you don't own her and that she can and must make her own life decisions. Other than that, I couldn't glean much from your post about her. Is she having any problems or are things continuing to go well for her? Could you please give her the address for this site and tell her that if she's in need of anything at any point, we're here to help (this being a support and advice site for sex workers)? You could also show her how to run her own blog and do her own advertising, unless you really are feeling a strong need to cling onto her in any way you can. Unfortunately, it does sound like she isn't much in need of your help.

If you need more help for yourself, may I suggest visiting your doctor and asking about counselling? We're not really qualified here to help 'traumatised boyfriends' - I mean, if you just wanted a bunch of ladies to go, "Aww, you're such a saint! Bless you and your endless giving!" then, well, I'm not sure we can do that, either. Why don't you ask your mum?

Ditto. PT, this forum is a peer support site for sex workers and those otherwise involved in the industry, not a platform for those on the fringes to offload their views on us, our work and our clients, however well meaning they may be. Please do pass our details on to your girlfriend, but this is not a place for you - try one of the punting boards instead.

If you are in any way confused about the purpose of the site and forum, please do refer to the guidelines at the top of this secrion or PM me with any queries.

Locked.