Hi love here’s my personal advice having been in this position .

Out of the three options there hurting him by leaving, telling him and him being destroyed and it eating away at you , which is the easier to deal with ?

This is purely my view but I’d go for it eating away at you . Now as you’ve used that term you first of all have to be honest with yourself if you can hack that . Can you deal with lying and hiding this part of you for a couple of years or x amount of time ?If yes then enjoy your relationship and don’t tell him. There’s plenty of people who may say this is immoral but what people don’t know can’t hurt them .

The reality is that weather you currently are an escort or have been in the past, no decent man would be with a current or ex escort . I know that sounds harsh but it’s the truth . No decent man would allow or condone it . So it’s best to not tell any man you want to be with . Society hasn’t changed this is taboo , we are not seen as worthy because of what we do on many levels. So knowing that keep it secret if you can handle it .

It’s not easy believe me , but I prefer dealing with personal guilt as I am accountable for that not anyone else . My decision . Protect him as much as possible by being safe and have the relationship you deserve but still keep your business going . Everyone’s got skeletons on their closet , and not everyone shares them . Don’t ruin your opportunities for the sake of ‘ doing the right thing ‘

Im sure you will get some other perspectives but here’s mine anyway I hope it helps you

I met a guy through an online IT course, and we connected instantly. Despite being a decade younger, we have very similar personalities. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but the chemistry between us was undeniable. We ended up meeting in person after 1.5 months of texting every day.

Since then, we’ve been seeing each other weekly, and our feelings have only grown deeper.

But there's one thing—he doesn’t know about my job. I’ve been considering leaving this line of work, either by the end of this year or early next year even before I met him anyway. However, the job market in IT is really tough right now, and I’m not sure how long it might take for me to transition. It could be much longer than I’d like.

Now, he’s started talking about us potentially living together, which sounds wonderful if only I weren’t still in my current job, with its long touring schedules.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling awful. I’m scared of hurting him, and I know my job is just that—a job. But I’m certain he would never understand.

I feel like no matter what I do, someone’s going to get hurt. If I leave him, it would break his heart. If I tell him the truth, it might destroy him. And if I keep lying, it’s going to eat away at me.

Any advice is appreciated x

That sounds like a tricky one tbh babe. If it was me I’d just lie to him as you’ve even said you plan to leave the industry soon for your own reasons to get into IT (not for him) so if that’s your plan focus on it and do what makes you happy. It’s early days still with this guy, you never know peoples true colours until you’ve spent a significant amount of time with them. I’d say if you like him keep on dating him and in terms of your work, if you want to be honest and if he gets closer to you then say your a massage therapist or sensual/erotic massage therapist and you travel/tour to different places for work. Tell him you only offer massage and happy ending hand relief. That’s what I would do. I’m single and I don’t date but I’d never tell a guy who I was dating that I escort tbh and I don’t feel any type of way about it if that makes me a liar, I don’t actually care. I’ve dated guys in the past who have known and I’m actually traumatised from the experience and completely put off of men because of it now. If I do settle down one day it would be with a guy who isn’t involved in the sex industry and doesn’t pay for services. These kinds of men are not my type and in my personal life I’d never be with a man who pays for services. Xx

I've been in this situation a few times in the past. I would never tell them because nobody knows what I do so I could never risk him outing me if it all went wrong. So I kept it from them and eventually the relationship would fizzle out. When seeing someone I wouldn't do OWO (I do usually) and instead of them moving in with me, they would stay over half the week. I wouldn't work as much (never from home) either. I had a guy once who I ended up being engaged to and I was with him for three years; I met him via someone who was starting an escort agency so he knew what I did and it wasn't a problem for him and he treated me very well and it was me that ended it.

My view is that most men wouldn't accept this job and they cannot be trusted to keep quiet about the job. You could have him stay over and in the meantime, work on that IT course and other things to get out. I used to tell them that I was temping covering maternity leave etc and they never knew. It's a tough one.

Yes but Lush, you are out with your job; some of us aren't and don't want to be.

According to my own experience, i wouldnt tell so fast, you dont even know if is the right guy or is just a passion, wait until the things turn more solid and u have enough confidence and trust him to open yourself.

I think it's more important whether the bloke in the OP thinks he's in a monogamous relationship than whether or not money is involved. If you offer any services that could impact on his sexual health (OWO for example) then I don't think it's fair to have him risking his health without knowing he is, any more so than punters having unprotected oral and then having unprotected sex with unknowing partners at home (or what Karena said, in other words).

I tell anybody who asks what I do for a living and don't lie about it, but by the same token I certainly haven't told partners about every single job I've ever had - why would I? If you're packing it in anyway I'd be inclined to say keep it to yourself (although I would try Ana's suggestion too just to get a take on it).

The reality is that whether you currently are an escort or have been in the past, no decent man would be with a current or ex escort. I know that sounds harsh but it’s the truth . No decent man would allow or condone it . So it’s best to not tell any man you want to be with. Society hasn’t changed this is taboo , we are not seen as worthy because of what we do on many levels.

To say that no 'decent' man would want any of us says a lot more about what you think of sex work and women who do it than it does about us or our partners. What absolute horseshit.

I used to know a lady who used to go to a apartment in a city centre 9-5 monday to friday escorting and her boyfriend thought she was a events manager. Its not a life i could live it just depends weather your prepared to live a lie and all that comes with it. I know i couldnt live like that so i stay single. Sometimes we cant have it all. i couldnt shag loads of guys and then pretend to be monogamous to the person im meant to love. If he ends up shagging someone else is that ok or is it only ok for you to do it for money? Its incredibly complex. Good luck xx

I agree, it's complex. I've also known many cases first hand  (me included) when the guy knew SW'er status from the very beginning and either used it as a weapon against me every time he got pissed off (which was often) or blackmailed the women in retaliation when she/them gave him the boot. I'm not advocating total transparency when you meet a prospective 'paramour' because disclosing your SW'er status to Johnny from Essex might not be the safest option (specially if you have another line of work, children, etc..). I would say play it by ear, get a feeling of how he feels about the industry before dropping the 'bomb', learn about his character, criminal history, how he treats women, misogynistic traits etc...  Obvs if you're out of the proverbial closet then you don't give a flying monkey but if you have another occupation/strong reasons to hide your SW'er status by disclosing it to a guy you just met you'll be giving him a HUGE amount of power which is not a wise move (specially if you don't know him well), again, it's not a one size fits all solution this one...