SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: Lixi on 04 May 2019, 08:51:58 pm
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Hi lovelies.
I'm sorry if this is retreading old ground, I'm a bit nervous and increasingly realising how unprepared for all this I am. My rudimentary searches about getting started were all understandably geared to women, and also towards outcalls.
Long story short, I started dressing and exploring gender-fluidity a while ago, posted myself on a few sites at first for feedback then curious about exploring sex, particularly as I leaned hard into latex, gothic looks and fetish-wear that made me feel very sexual. I soon found the response to be so overwhelming that it seemed obvious to look into escorting, I found the idea exciting as I put in a little extra capital towards establishing a look worthy of being paid, and now I'm about ready and recieving my first booking requests, and starting to really face the tough questions.
My biggest problem by far is family. I may be in a bit of a catch-22 situation here. Hopefully without giving too much detail as to be identifiable, my day job is with the family business. And I love it, I am not at all trying to escape it with the escorting - it is painfully low paid but money has never been a high priority and being effectively self employed has been marvellous, I doubt I could ever go back to the world of having a boss and being employed traditionally. When I moved back to where I'd grown up to take the job, I took very-low-rent accomodation on site at work. The plan was always to use the low rent to step up my progress towards a mortgage, but the pay has proven so low that saving has been glacially slow even without rent to pay. To be fair, I was doing okay before I invested in a load of latex, so guess I'm bought in now eh? Anyway, the reality is, I'm still in here. Before blowing a large chunk of my savings on latex, I'd planned to be buying a house by spring next year, now more likely summer or autumn. Anyway, the place is nice enough. A perfectly good space to do incalls in, really. But very remote. Only one house anywhere within hearing distance. That raises some security concerns, and just now as I near the brink of beginning work, I've realised just how lax I've always been with security - the front door lock broke almost a year ago and I never thought to replace it. So obviously some security would be necessary, of course, possibly even alarms/cameras, not that I'd know anything about installing that sort of thing, nor have the money to.
But the bigger problem is just how tight-knit everything is. Most days, I'm the only person who works here. But, when another person does, it's my dad. There is only one house nearby, but being the only other house around, they know my family tolerably well. It's a 50/50 whether they'd rat on me if they were to find out, and I'm not close enough to them to care particularly whether they know, but obviously the family situation is more... Sensitive. I suppose nobody can really help me because I'm not asking a question. If I choose my hours sensibly and get lovely clients, in less than a year I'll be out of here and into a sensible sized town and all will be well. If I get even one creep who chooses to show up at the wrong time, though... Things could get weird. I kind of want to ask whether it's generally safer to work in remote or busy locations, but I'm afraid I wouldn't trust the answers if I did, city people universally look at where I live and appear alarmed and horrified that I'm so lax about security, too many horror films set in the countryside, I guess. I've lived out in remote areas all my life and never even thought about home security, so it's clear to me that urban people just believe their lifestyle to be better and safer, just as I feel the reverse - that's not a productive conversation to open. I am aware that in this particular line of work, there may very well be safety in numbers, and that worries me a tad - but like I say, catch-22 - I was hoping to use this work to get out of this living arrangement bypassing the entirely inaffordable rents around here. Once I'm out of here and in a place where working would be easier, I may not even continue working much. I suppose creeps would only likely come around in the evenings? And even if they came during the daytime when people would be around, I doubt they'd be explicit about what they were there for?
I'm rambling on. I only intend to do between 3-6 meets a month. I don't intend to let clients know that I live here, though it's a one room flat with a bed and various other living accoutrements so that may not sell so well.
My biggest advantage in not getting out in all this is that central to my femme look is a latex mask - not everybody's cup of tea by any means but those who like it really like it. My photos have blurred backgrounds and I'm not recognisable in the mask, so I'd have pretty good deniability, couldn't be tracked on social media and not be likely to get outed without somebody very deliberately hanging around here telling everybody. Also, for most of the outwardly straight guys who would see a gurl like me, discretion is probably even more vital than for punters meeting women.
I suppose my questions are:
- Are there any particular screening, security and vigilance suggestions for somebody working incalls, and in a remote, rural location? Current procedure is arrange booking by call then expect another call 30-60 minutes before the meet, asking for id at the door when necessary to enforce my age restrictions, such as they are.
- Are there any crossdressing/transvestite/gender-fluid escorts on here, or girls who've known any, who'd have any advice and words of caution or encouragement? Is there any difference in our likelihood of running into trouble? Are there any special precautions, and am I naive to think that I can do this without being outed? Is it inevitable to get people turning up at working premises, if so what sorts of times do they tend to do so, and how explicit do they tend to be about their reason for being there?
As you can probably tell, I'm just having something of an anxiety attack about actually doing this. But any feedback at all on any of my ramblings would be so very much appreciated.
EDIT: Oh, the other question I meant to ask but entirely forgot - getting registered with HMRC. Since I'm paid by PAYE and that gets handled by my dad (though he's pushing for me to take over the accounts etc so I could accelerate that process, but he'll always have access to it all), will there be any indication on the PAYE that I'm also registered as a sole trader earning a second income? I don't mind him knowing that, but if he does I'll need an excuse. I was a riding instructor in a previous life, think I'd get away with listing my occupation as freelance riding instructor? I wouldn't have any of the requisite insurance etc to go with it so that might raise eyebrows... Would there be ANY way for another individual/my boss to find out what occupation I'm registered under as a sole trader? Ugh, I'm so lost in all this, wish my situation was a bit simpler!
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Working rurally is incredibly risky, especially when you're in such a taboo niche. What's stopping you from just doing outcalls, or doing hotel day rooms if you have a day off from civvy work?
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I do agree about your being extra vulnerable in a remote area. There are tales of some men lashing out at CD/TV escorts. You might be a bit safer if you only domme'd, but I don't know - I don't think I'd risk it, personally.
It doesn't really matter what you call yourself for HMRC - just make it something feasible should you ever be inspected.
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Damn, thanks I guess. I can understand why that would be the case though it doesn't chime with my own experiences of rural living, and know that people always dramatically overestimate how dangerous the countryside is. But I think you are right, if not for quite the same reasons, my security here is just too low. One room, a large part of one wall is a french door that I don't always even pull a curtain over at night and often leave open since there's only a field outside, my whole building is just not at all designed to be in any way secure. My only neighbour's building is only a few metres away and I have their contact details so I wouldn't be completely isolated... I don't know, I'll have to think.
I haven't gone outcall-only because I've been on AW for a couple months now while getting myself ready, testing the water and seeing how many people expressed interest. Obviously hard to know if any would actually convert to clients, but it seemed a logical step if I was going to invest beyond my means in getting set up. Every single one of them has wanted an incall.
I could try hotel work, but I doubt I'd be able to fill the time enough to do much beyond repay the room. I usually get 2 guys I think seem serious contact me per week. If I do incalls, that's fine - most evenings I could have them over and do the meet no problem, but they usually want that evening or else a specific day weeks in advance. I doubt I could decide to spend a weekend at a hotel, get the word out, and fill it with meets. Honestly, I'd be doubtful I could even make back the cost of the room, if I only get one meet and that has to cover £90-100 for the room and the best part of a tenner for fuel there and home, AND miscellaneous ongoig expenses with makeup and clothing, I'd not be going home with much in my pocket whatsoever. I'm a very niche interest, I'm aware of that - this will never be a full time job and I've deliberately tuned and will continue to tune my restrictions and rates to get about the level of interest that seems viable to get me a couple hundred extra in my pocket each month without taking over my life. One meet a month would be more than enough for me, honestly, providing I got to keep all the proceeds and not spend them on hotels and travel.
Another worry I have with hotels is that I was under the impression that it was 50/50 whether people could come in off the street and get to the rooms, or needed me to come down and meet them. It's unviable if I have to go walking into hotel lobbies fully femme and dressed, I don't dress to blend in and convincing/trap has never been the goal. I'd be gutted to spend a hundred quid on a hotel room and have to go downstairs in guy-mode to collect every client. I might have that all wrong, but I don't know how I'd find out what the local hotels policy is in that regard without trying. Even so, it'd change the whole dynamic of doing a small handful per month of relaxed and spread out meets that I'd hoped for, but I suppose that may simply be inevitable.
Kay - thank you, and yes I am aware of the worries with men lashing out. I *think* I'd be better off than most - I am not a 'trap' type, nobody is going to see my pics and think I'm a girl, let alone see me in person and think I'm one. It won't be a surprise to anyone. In addition, while I'm quite slim and toned, my natural height and build are in the largest bracket and quite frankly I'm bigger than most men and afraid of very few. Of course the skillset in my particular niche is making them forget/not notice that, but if needed I think me snapping back to guy-mode would send most scurrying. Maybe a bit cocky and it's definitely true that I'll have to get used to guys trying to take advantage of me, I'm used to intimidating people a bit and not being messed with and if I'm doing this right that'll probably be much less the case, but yes - I'm well aware that guys can have very complex and disturbed feelings around CD/TV/TS people. I've been there myself, having a minor breakdown in my first ever meet with a CD escort many years ago.
As for only Domming - my plan was to lean into the pro-Domme work predominantly since it compliments my niche quite well, I've always been involved in kink and kink groups all my adult life and have always leaned towards the Dom(me) side of the equation, and frankly, I'd feel a lot safer. But I had hoped to be available to bottom for a certain proportion of meets.
Thanks to both of you for your feedback. I'll definitely have to do more research and reading into the rural question since you both seem very convinced that it is the biggest risk-element for me. I find that hard to buy, to be entirely honest, it doesn't mesh with anything I've ever known about small village/remote life, but I'm here to listen to advice not ignore it so I'll try to take that all on board - I just don't know what other alternatives I have short of giving this whole thing up.
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As an example - I've had one guy contact me this weekend who I think is serious. That's more than enough for me. Earlier today, I foolishly agreed to a 9pm meet tomorrow (Sunday) over email, before realising I was woefully underprepared and doing some more research leading me to realise that I need to talk to him on the phone and that maybe having him to my home isn't the best idea.
I just looked, and there is a premier inn just up the road with a room available tomorrow night for £60. The rate for his meet is £180, so that actually wouldn't be terrible business, and if I could get a second I'd be laughing. Perhaps this is just a lesson to learn for future, and if I'd made him call, all would be well. But I didn't, so now I'm sat here not sure what to do - I simply cannot afford a £60 hotel room if he proves to be a TW. How could I ever possibly know, even if I talk to them on the phone? Do I tell him to book a hotel room if he wants to see me? That's effectively adding £60 to my price, and the rooms might not even be available by tomorrow. Do I just turn off incall rates on my AW and wait to see if I ever get outcall requests? That might be the wisest move, I suppose.
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Lixi ~
Now I'm getting worried about you, & I'm in America! *frowns & clucks*
I'm relieved to know you're a bigger guy (person? Apologies), so it sounds like you could hold your own, but yeah....I'm with the others here; I do not like how your set up sounds at home.
All it takes is 1 hater, Lixi. What if this guy hates trans ppl? What if he brings friends? You're not Arnold, or Sly Stallone *anxious look*.
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Edited to say ~
Sorry, I shouldn't have said "others" since there was only 1 reply. I personally don't think your home base set up sounds safe for you & I got worried & starting fussing bc I'm old & that's what I do.
Sowwy 💐🌹🌼
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Another thing with living in a remote area - any clients will be very visible leaving/arriving. One gossiping neighbour and the whole area could soon know. So, I think discretion is an issue as well as safety. It might also put clients off once they realise you're out in the sticks.
Given the turnover you expect/want, I really think you need your own place to do in-calls from permanently, in at least a small town.
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Oh Celeste that's very sweet of you, and I absolutely agree - somebody determined to hurt me is going to hurt me, and I may be naive about the amount of hatred I'm going to encounter, having never received any form of abuse online and having always lived openly as a masculine male. I simply meant to say that despite a somewhat raised chance of intent to violence, I also have a somewhat raised ability to intimidate or defend myself - I think all other things being equal with a safe location, I'd consider myself as safe if not more than most women in this trade.
As for the current setup - it is ABSOLUTELY not ready. I had simply failed to even consider the location and the house as I busied myself getting my look and behaviour ready for this work. At a minimum I would need to install a new lock on the front door and probably a door chain type thing inside, I'd need to put curtains over the French doors and to find a safe cubby hole to store personal belongings out of sight.
Actually I think my location is about as discrete as any client would find, and the chance of gossip seems very remote. It's hard to describe the setup, technically it's part of a small hamlet but it's kind of removed from the others, it's a small distance from the road and from the secluded parking space, a client would be walking along a path entirely sheltered by a large empty building on one side and a large fence & trees on the other. My only neighbour has an entirely different path from the car park to their house and at no point would a guy be visible to anyone unless they were out in the car park at the exact moment he arrived, or they were in my garden. That path leading through my garden is the only route to my house and is actually quite secure - when I'm not leaving it deliberately open, it is blocked off by an electric fence. To get to my house without that route open isn't impossible but would involve walking through my neighbour's garden or across a farmer's field then climbing a barbed wire fence.
Also, even if neighbours saw the odd guy I intend low enough turnover that I don't know that it would be overly obvious what I was doing since nobody knows I'm bi or that I dress. I am aware my location may still put clients off, but around here living in the sticks is kind of the norm.
Ultimately I'm not sure what to do. I was hoping for low, low turnover - 1 - 6 meets per month is going to be an exercise in futility if most of it goes on rent for a town house, entirely defeating the point of having lived in the arse end of nowhere for years. If I have to pay for hotels for each meet and cover the cost of hotels for no-shows, I'll likewise need a much higher turnover than I'd intended.
If I go out and rent a place in town now, it will raise a great, great many questions. My friends and family are familiar with my finances, they know that I make about as much as rents around here cost, they know that I have other quite large expenses that aren't going away. They know I've been committed to buying instead of renting for years and years. I am not in a situation to buy yet, I'm fairly close but still have a ways to go - a few escorting meets a month would push me over that edge. Now I don't really know what to do, I feel like I can't get a place without escorting and can't escort without getting a place.
How do others structure these two days of working from a hotel? Do you assume you'll get high enough traffic on the days to make it worthwhile, or do you start booking guys in weeks in advance? Have you ever had to collect guys from the lobby or can they generally get to you?
And are there any girls with safe incall locations in Cornwall who'd charge a decent rate for me to use a spare room for meets? Haha sorry that's ludicrous... Just really not sure at this point how to proceed.
If I tried incalls I would at a minimum get my security up to normal standards and probably install CCTV and some kind of alarm if at all possible. I have set my profile to only offering outcalls for the time being, but I've had no interest in that so expect it to go deadly quiet. Also I rewrote my profile to be a little less inviting to time wasters and email ping pong but may have swung a little far the other way and become too hostile. I'll just wait and see, I suppose - I'd love to start paying off what I've invested in, a few meets would mostly do that - but it may make more sense to try camming in the mean time, though a cam setup would be more investment of money I can't afford to spend.
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In your situation I'd be quite happy to take a few incalls at home. From what you describe it's a secure set up, remote enough to deter anyone from just turning up out of the blue. Definitely hide your personal belongings away in a secure room or cupboard and make sure there no photos or letters lying around which could identify you.
I wouldn't worry about the neighbours suspecting you of prostitution. As a big burly guy, you have a definite advantage of not fitting into the stereotype of the 'scarlet woman' living alone and entertaining strangers. You also sound confident to defend yourself should it ever be necessary.
One thing I'd worry about is the fact that some clients are simply incapable of following instructions. You could end up strange guys roaming around the hamlet getting lost so you'd have to be very precise with your directions.
Doing incalls in a hotel is always a risk because there's no guarantee that they'll turn up. Some people ask for a deposit to help cover costs and weed out timewasters. This could work for you, especially as you're very niche. You'd want to find a hotel with easy access to the rooms,.ie no keycards for thr lifts to avoid going up and down stairs.
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In your situation I'd be quite happy to take a few incalls at home. From what you describe it's a secure set up, remote enough to deter anyone from just turning up out of the blue. Definitely hide your personal belongings away in a secure room or cupboard and make sure there no photos or letters lying around which could identify you.
I wouldn't worry about the neighbours suspecting you of prostitution. As a big burly guy, you have a definite advantage of not fitting into the stereotype of the 'scarlet woman' living alone and entertaining strangers. You also sound confident to defend yourself should it ever be necessary.
One thing I'd worry about is the fact that some clients are simply incapable of following instructions. You could end up with strange guys roaming around the hamlet getting lost. You'd have to be very precise with your directions.
Doing incalls in a hotel is always a risk because there's no guarantee that they'll turn up. Some people ask for a deposit to help cover costs and weed out timewasters. This could work for you, especially as you're very niche. You'd want to find a hotel with easy access to the rooms,.ie no keycards for the lifts to avoid going up and down stairs.
In terms of camming, it doesn't have to be an expensive set.up. I bought a webcam for about £40 on Amazon and most laptops have a cam built in these days.
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Thank you Grace.
Do you think hotels would answer questions like that over the phone, or would it be trial and error?
My current thinking is:
- Only list outcalls for a while and see how much business I get while working on basic home security.
- If clients want hotel meets, either they book the room or I take a deposit to cover the cost, if I set my prices right I can deduct some or all of the cost of the hotel from their fee though that may be a slippery slope. I don't think I'll get enough business to do dedicated weekends in a hotel and be confident of making any money.
- Perhaps make incalls available only to clients Ive already met on outcalls or hotel meets at first.
And now I'm feeling a little sensitive about being the 'big burly guy' hehe... But I know that nobody here cares which is wonderful so I'll try to resist the urge to sell myself higher than that!
Thank you so much for all your advice so far, every post is helping so much and I'm feeling so much calmer about all this.
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Haha, sorry if that came out wrong! I just mean that you sound able to protect yourself and not someone who might be suspected by the neighbours.
I've called hotels before and asked about keycards. They're used to people asking weird and wonderful questions so don't worry about that. I usually say I'm travelling with an elderly relative
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Actually I think my location is about as discrete as any client would find, and the chance of gossip seems very remote.
However, clients may happily gossip about SW's locations privately and on open forums, something hard to control. You may never be aware of it.
Most hotel tours are a gamble nothing is guaranteed. It's just like any new business. It's all speculative investment unless clients have paid in advance or at least a deposit which some amazing ladies here do successfully.
When I first rented a room no one turned up, but I paid the full fee to the owner and bore the loss, it was a blow, but you have to bite the bullet to learn.
I work on a 30 minute in advance policy on the day, pay at the door, for me it's more reliable than taking advance bookings. If being spotted in your attire is an issue then renting a serviced apartment with client friendly access eg CCTV entryphone, no reception, for a day or two may solve that.
Safety, personally I don't see you being more at risk than any other SW, as long as you use your common sense and keep your 'professional hat' on. SW work from rural areas like you or caravans, campers, canal barges, cargo containers, garden sheds, all sorts....you'd be surprised. Being safety conscious in all surroundings is a standard part of the job.
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I think there is always a risk wherever we work to be honest, if someone is determined enough to hurt or rob an escort they will. I don't think surrounded by people is any safer - I screamed blue murder the other night when I thought there was a mouse in my bed (there wasn't) and none of my neighbours checked on me!
I think not being a young, vulnerable woman (who bad men tend to prey on) helps and make sure you come across as confident and no nonsense when you communicate with anyone
You're obviously a sensible and intelligent sort from what you have written so that's a good start! Your instincts are important, when you screen potential clients use that instinct - it's not foolproof and I am sure we have all turned down perfectly nice clients because something has made us not accept the booking but not blindly accepting anyone who rings is important.
I'd think carefully about asking for ID - that would freak a lot of clients out - many would not want to do this.
Also remember that most of them will be more nervous than you - you are likely to get a fair few new to this and/or your fetish/niche.
In terms of making money, apologies if you have thought this though - your marketing needs to be good and really clear who you are and what you offer. You could even offer a sideline in men wanting to experiment with cross dressing or example. Sell yourself as as low volume, something you do because you love it, be warm and approachable etc etc. Set your prices out clearly and stick to them as obviously your boundaries in terms of services you offer.
I also think your niche means tours is risky, there is nothing more depressing than forking out for a hotel room and no one coming! Though I think a lot of men book female escorts to scratch an itch on the day, your services might be something they consider in advance so you could consider offering a couple of dates in a hotel in advance and see what comes in and only pay for the room once you have 2-3 bookings. It's a bit trial and error for all of us in terms of what works.
Work out what details you need to gve clients so you aren't giving your address out willy nilly - such as them calling you from a landmark in the village/town/crossroads nearby then asking them a question so you know they are actually there.
Also, get yourself a buddy if you can, someone to check in with when you have a client. Even if they are not super close by at least someone knows what you are doing. It's nice to have someone to share triumphs and whinge to too!
Hope that helps a bit !
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Thanks so much for more wonderful replies! It's great to get such a range of opinions - as nice as a unanimous answer can be, this is risk management without a clear answer, but each and every one of you is a very useful influence in helping me come to my final decision.
I know my home setup isn't ready to host. I don't think it's impossible, though, for a select group of clients. As a general rule, I'll be hoping for repeat business rather than lots of new guys - I know you can never trust a client as a person and have to keep things professional and business - but I'd hope to be able to be quite selective about who I allow to visit me at home.
I'm definitely leaning more no nonsense in my profiles and communication than I was before - I was afraid it would put people off, but I think it's only really going to put off idiots and time wasters.
Oh, it'll take me a long time to develop instincts for time wasters, I always find I lack a woman's eye for people and can be quite trusting - but I've ended communication with easily half of the men who've contacted me so far, for one reason or another. I'm not just going to meet anyone - I'm lucky enough to not need this income to survive.
I stepped quickly back from my age limits. I'm willing to accept that guys over 50 may surprise and delight, dubious as I feel. I'll still probably do checks on very young looking guys, I'm happy to meet anyone 18 and over but need to be careful of course.
That's all great food for thought, much I'd already considered but great to read it all laid out so well. The low volume thing is something I should be more clear about on my profiles, up front. And the sideline for guys wanting to dress is definitely a possibility - I'm quite fussy about getting good stuff so while much of the latex that forms the backbone of my look is made to measure and I'd never let another touch it, in time I'll aim to have an expansive enough collection of other items that dressing sessions might be a good idea!
Sticking to my prices is already an area I'm failing in. When I started, I set them moderately, after looking at some of the local competition. I quickly decided based on volume of contact and pride to not sell myself cheaply and to be sure I restricted this to men who actively want what I am, not just guys who can't afford a real woman. I upped my prices significantly based purely on my own estimation of the value of my time, still not to real high-class levels but about on a par with most women. Contacts continued, I thought all was fine. About a week and a half ago, I felt about ready to start, edited my profile to say as much and sent messages to many who I'd told I wasn't yet available and who'd asked for updates when I was. Yesterday, over a week on, I started to worry that I was going to get no business. Now that was silly, despite being supposedly ready, I'd been asked about my availability multiple times and always given a very prohibitive reply since I had a lot planned in my own life this last week or so. Also, I never WANTED high volumes of contact. And, I still hadn't sorted a work phone, it's arriving on Monday and I'll be able to put it online to hopefully make me more approachable. Anyway, when I switched to outcall only, I also panicked and reduced my fees, in a way I already don't feel comfortable with.
Anyway, I'll be okay. I've already got 2-4 guys who seem some degree of serious about booking an outcall or hotel meet - some I've quoted the new rates so may have to meet at those the first time even if I put my prices back up. Two of them were interested before I reduced the prices, and one in particular seems very serious, with me having been the time waster so far in our correspondence, he would have met me days and days ago,.or this evening, if I'd had the gumption and had been free.
Anyway, yes, I just need to lean into my niche and be sure of what it is. I'm young and more physically fit than a great many crossdressers, I'm confident and a bit dominant which isn't entirely common among dressers (not uncommon either, of course) and while pre-op girls have a very significant appeal over me in their bodies, those men who want somebody as feminine as possible whilst being fully functioning and virile are likely to choose me. And of course the reasonable wide range of fetishes I'm happy to work with and the pro-Domme stuff is a very clear niche in which to market myself. Guys wanting to book in advance DOES seem to be the norm, not always, I've had a fair few same day requests but I think most of my work will be booked in advance - pros and cons to that, it'll make planning easier and could allow for a few meets to be stacked together in an afternoon at a hotel, but definitely suits incall work better than touring, I think.
Working out a way to direct guys here without giving my actual home address is a very good idea - there's no street name or number visible anywhere so I might be able to avoid my address ever being given out - I mean it could always be figured out from Google maps I'm sure but I do think I could give useful directions without giving too much information.
I do have something of a buddy but she's very slow at responding to me these days - interested in the work and concerned about my safety, but not sure she's an entirely reliable person for a safety call - although that's not fair, the only time I ever called her in an entirely unrelated emergency she was incredibly quick to respond and switched right into crisis mode. She's older, wiser, a bit maternal and has never met nor know the names of any of my friends or family, just an old fuckbuddy who I trust very much.
Thank you all so so much for continuing to give me new things to mull over and lots of useful data points in making my decision. For the time being, I'm going to stick with the outcalls since I've immediately seen an uptick in interest since disabling incalls - I'll make a point of calling the local chain hotel (Premier Inn - I know it's not great but it's that or a guesthouse or pub) and ask about their situation with key cards to get out of the lobby. I know there's no lift, I think it's only 2 or 3 floors - but that would be a huge thing to know, if I can book a room, get dolled up and have a guy come right to my door, this'll all be fine and dandy, I've implemented a policy to take the hotel room cost as a bank transfer when I take the booking, so I can't end up out of pocket. If that isn't the case, I'll have to reconsider. I'm definitely feeling that I'll eventually do incalls, but whether I advertise them or allow first time clients to have them is up for debate, and either way, I'll need to get the home security up to scratch.
Thanks so much for all your help and patience!
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However, clients may happily gossip about SW's locations privately and on open forums, something hard to control. You may never be aware of it.
SW work from rural areas like you or caravans, campers, canal barges, cargo containers, garden sheds, all sorts....you'd be surprised. Being safety conscious in all surroundings is a standard part of the job.
Again, as others commented, our privacy is not well taken care of. If there's a campaign petition for our privacy, I will sign, straightaway. In this instance, there's a risk of getting outed in a close-knit community. Men dressed as CD. A "scarlet woman who entertains men in her home", as someone else commented. People seem to love gossips in rural areas.
On the upside, there are quite a few glamorous women on AW where they show their face. Maybe, there's far less stigma in a liberated group of people. Mine was sadly very uptight which made the situation far worse.
I am sure that these men do not mean any harm but they need to be gently made aware of possible negative consequences from their action: someone else's privacy is as important as theirs. Or, you might decide to simply work away from your "real life" when you risk-assessed the situation.
Caravans. . . what a novel idea. Once she's gone, nobody knows where she's gone without trace. I don't see working in secluded Hamlet would be any different from a suburban flat, either, knowing the crimes don't appear to be deterred by "quiet suburban" locations.
Someone else said, "he/customers will get lost". I go as far as "he might end up at a nearby neighbour's home" as I might, being a towner, who relies on googlemap.
That's it from humble me.
Good luck and take care.
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some I've quoted the new rates so may have to meet at those the first time even if I put my prices back up
You could say to them, it's a special discounted price as you're new and have no feedback yet, so if they book the meeting via AW and commit to leave feedback, they will get that rate. (Of course you can't guarantee they'll leave feedback but I did this for the first few months I worked and never had a guy not give feedback.)
I think you will probably find you get a surge of calls when you have a phone number up. (Remember it's £1.50 a day to display it on AW, so make sure you buy some credits.) Lots of guys don't want to leave a "paper trail" of emails on AW, they want to browse incognito and just use a burner phone to arrange a booking. I imagine that goes double for guys who are into the more niche side of things. "He fucks hookers" is a lot less shaming than "He fucks men dressed as women, and he pays them", sadly.
People seem to love gossips in rural areas.
Yeah, cos there's fuck all else to do! I spent time growing up in one of these communities and everybody knew everybody else's business. It was suffocating.
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You could say to them, it's a special discounted price as you're new and have no feedback yet, so if they book the meeting via AW and commit to leave feedback, they will get that rate. (Of course you can't guarantee they'll leave feedback but I did this for the first few months I worked and never had a guy not give feedback.)
I think you will probably find you get a surge of calls when you have a phone number up. (Remember it's £1.50 a day to display it on AW, so make sure you buy some credits.) Lots of guys don't want to leave a "paper trail" of emails on AW, they want to browse incognito and just use a burner phone to arrange a booking. I imagine that goes double for guys who are into the more niche side of things. "He fucks hookers" is a lot less shaming than "He fucks men dressed as women, and he pays them", sadly.
Yeah, cos there's fuck all else to do! I spent time growing up in one of these communities and everybody knew everybody else's business. It was suffocating.
I thought number display costs £1 per day?
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I thought number display costs £1 per day?
You might be right Mirror, I may have confused it with Local Escort Search!
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Like I've said, it's really not much of a community here - I don't know the names of anybody else other than my most immediate neighbour, and frankly I don't really mind them hearing some sex sounds or even seeing guys coming in if it's very occasional, I can live with being thought of as gay or known to be bi. I don't know how they'd know I was dressing - unless of course a client nattered. Like I say, my photos online don't show my face, clients will never actually see my face (well, I'm not opposed to meeting in makeup without the hood for a gay guy who very much wants me masculine faced, but it's not on the cards generally). I advertise as being located in the nearest town - bit deceptive, I know, but ultimately if somebody's willing to see me I'm sure they can travel an extra 10 minutes out of town, almost nobody doesn't drive out here and the hotel I plan to do meets at IS in that town, and it's where I'm moving as soon as I get the finances settled enough to consider a mortgage.
The only situations I can see myself being outed are:
- Client is violent, loud, aggressive or criminal - maybe somewhat increased risk due to location but could happen anywhere.
- Client goes wandering around and knocking on the wrong door - if it happens once I don't see it being obvious what they're there for, though, unless they outright say they're looking for an escort.
- Client turns up uninvited and starts wandering around during the work day when the business on open and people are working.
- Client loudly and indiscretely talks to me in the doorway where neighbours could hear.
- Client happens to live very locally.
Those last two are my biggest fears, really. I can only ask clients to be quiet until they've closed the door behind them, and have started to consider asking where clients are coming from and finding an excuse to not see anyone from one of the other little villages out on this peninsular - but honestly seems unlikely, the demographics wouldn't lean toward my clientele at all, most of the people contacting me seem to be from one of the small-medium towns a little further away, some even from north cornwall and devon. And honestly, even people from 2 or 3 villages away aren't likely to know anyone who lives out in this little hamlet or have ever been here, it's at the end of a dead end road to nowhere that nobody ever has reason to travel unless they live out here. And yes, I hope the 'shame' factor about meeting somebody like me will make clients a bit less likely to talk loudly about where I am or what I do - but who knows. Truth is, I need to make it maybe 6-9 months of good business, maybe a bit more, maybe less, before I'll be able to move out of here, and the things that could really cause me problems are quite specific, so I'm probably going to cross my fingers and hope, to an extent. I've never lived in a town before so have no idea how things will work there, if it gets incredibly obvious to neighbours if a few guys a month come to your door, and have no idea how well I'll end up knowing my neighbours there.
I'm definitely helpful the phone number will help. I've been a punter myself, truth be told, and know that on those occasions an easily accessible number was my first port of call when choosing a SW. I'm aware there are fees - but I think worthwhile, and a bit of phone or cam work will quickly and painlessly neutralise those. I need to keep reminding myself that this will always fluctuate - that being new to the site a couple months ago when first testing the water got me a lot of attention, much of it probably BS, and that adding a number will likely give a bit of a surge - but that there'll always be lulls, and those aren't reasons to panic and reduce rates. In my defence, I was largely panicking as the investment in clothing, makeup, skincare and other bits and pieces had started to reach a critical level that was impacting my ability to live, and I need to start paying back some of that money I've loaned to the business account. But patience is a virtue and I'm hopeful that this week will see me get started.
Linked below are a couple of pictures of (roughly) how I'm presenting to clients, at least at first. Actually, the photo is outdated, my look has improved since then in a few key ways, lots more latex in the mix, slightly better makeup, better skin and nails yada yada yada - and much more to improve, including an upgrade from that mid-high tier mask to a top tier custom fitted one that ought to move much more fluidly with my face - am I wrong to think that all my photos including this (and background always blurred), and always keeping it on during meets, will make being exposed or outed a tad less likely?
[removed as per forum rules - don't post links to your ads (or anything else) here]
Thanks for getting me through my anxiety, I feel so ready to do this now!
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You know this is an open forum Lixi?
Regarding cultivating a small group of regulars. 'Regulars' don't necessarily mean they're going to be your cup of tea. Clients I'd love to become regulars for free rarely oblige. (That's just fantasy talking.) The irritating, needy, edgy, socially awkward ones I dislike keep repeating, can't get rid, like old chewing gum.
'- Client goes wandering around and knocking on the wrong door' - Very common, even with the best directions they get distracted, panicky. They jump willy nilly into the nearest gate or door. Ring any bell in front of their nose. Loose ability to tell left from right, ass from elbow.
'- Client loudly and indiscretely talks to me in the doorway where neighbours could hear.' Very common, they have no volume button, especially when nervous. Both when they enter and leave.
With practice you can control all those behaviours.
Masks-My male chum uses fem masks and body moulds privately. I can't say how your clients would react if it's on 100% of the time or if it helps stop outting. There are more ways to out than seeing your face.
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You know this is an open forum Lixi?
Thankfully somebody else did and the report button is working fine. Just in case anybody hadn't realised.
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Thank you, yes I suppose I can well imagine all of that being the case salty... Forewarned is forearmed but what I can really do if/when I decide to try any incalls I'm simply not sure, yet. Oh I'm sure, regulars are unlikely to be the guys I'd choose - I was speaking more on the basis that I'll be quite niche, most punters won't be interested in me in a million years, this working will likely live or die based on whether the people I'm right for are keen enough to see me more than once. But who knows, that's idle speculation.
And yes, I've said too much, and can only apologize for breaking the rules with those photos - clearly I'm getting jittery and overexcited again - probably best to let this thread lie at this point, I hope it won't be minded if I go back and redact a little of the more clearly identifying details at some point. This waiting is just getting to me - either I'll calm right down once I've done a meet, or know it isn't for me. Until then, I just need to practice patience.
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Lixi I have read this whole thread and have to say the doubts you have are many and big and quite honestly it makes exhausting reading. You say you have emailed/messaged and chatted to many potential clients and I wonder have you gone into too much discussion with them? You must be aware that many men will just get what they want without ever actually meeting and the description of your photos (fetish/latex/masks etc) will hopefully encourage genuine men to pay you but it will also attract the time wasters in their droves.
One point I noted was that you are considering doing out calls. How would you do that if your "look" is not that of your average looking isignificant male knocking on a hotel room or house door? Would you intend to arrive with your civvy every day look and disappear into the bathroom to emerge completely differently?
Spending huge amounts of money on the best latex (and I love latex!!) is all very well but to get any of your money back and start making a profit however small, you need to make a decision and get your first booking over with as until that happens you could be dithering and doubting yourself indefinitely.
You say your family business is run during working hours near the home you describe you live in and family members will be there. The chances of a client turning up or driving around out of your escort hours and seeing you without your disguise is probably slim but nevertheless a possibility as there are men all too eager to cause a bit of bother one way or another.
In my opinion you have already given away bits of information which in the wrong hands could do some damage.
If this was me I would not work from such a place but would take the bull by the horns and book a hotel room asap, until you try it you won't know if you can do it and the risk of losing money if no one books or turns up is one we all have to take.
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Yeah, cos there's fuck all else to do! I spent time growing up in one of these communities and everybody knew everybody else's business. It was suffocating.
That's the truth! >:D
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I think the safety issue with cross dressing or transexual escorts has been attributed to the post-coital internalized homophobia guilt phenomenon; men who find tv/ts's sexually attractive but dislike themselves for it, and so after they cum they feel shoddy. From some trans escorts I've known over the years (not many) they reported to me high rates of guys 'going odd'... getting cold and dismissive once the sex is done. I've had it a few time with married or very religious men for instance. If the man has aggressive tendencies he might decide to take it out on you, but I've only got this from anecdotes so don't know what the 'data' is on it.
But like any escort, screening well and operating sensibly can reduce risk hugely. I wouldn't do outcalls to private homes for example, perhaps just hotels? Its not that attacks don't happen in hotels but CCTV awareness minimizes the risk. If you're going to take bookings from home be sure to have a phone conversation first and only take booking with those who seem very friendly and at ease on the phone. Don't take bookings if anyone sounds shy or shifty or has even an ounce of attitude. There are of course always those who start charming but end up Bundy, but mostly the ones that sound like arseholes, are arseholes, and the ones that sound nice, are nice.
Consider putting a buddy add looking for another trans escort you could tour/duo with perhaps.
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Okay, so just thought I'd post a conclusion in here.
I think I've decided not to explore incalls. I want to be low numbers and keep this as a side gig, so the convenience and higher rates of interest in incalls aren't worth it to me.
With only outcalls listed and a work number up online, I've got my first actual booking made for tonight. Could be bs or a time waster but he got in touch over the phone, immediately gave a time and address and confirmed the correct price without prompting. I was talking in male voice and he seemed unphased, I explicitly asked for confirmation that he understood that I am male not trans and that I have a cock. He was cheerful and relaxed in his confirmation that that was why he contacted me. I've told him to call 1-2 hours before the booking to confirm before I get dressed up and head over. He's confirmed a private and discrete drive so my plan is to put on lingerie and makeup at home under loose hoodie and sweatpants, drive over, park up, if I consider privacy to be adequate I'll do my mask and nails and final spruce in the car before pulling up my hood and knocking at the door, if I am less confident in that I'll call and explain that I need to enter the house unmasked and give him the chance to unlock the door and step out of sight so I can finish my look inside the door.
I have informed one of my closest friends who is proven trustworthy as a safety buddy on unpaid sex meets and who isn't a security risk to my identity as a dresser, she knows the booking time, address, the guy's name and what time to expect a call or text by.
In other areas, the guys who'd been seeking bookings a little further down the line who I'm not sure are serious but at least one seems so to my instincts - have all happily accepted the idea of a hotel booking. That said, I contacted the only nearby chain hotel and they seemed to say that keycard was required to access the corridors which could prove problematic, further investigation will be required and hotel meets may prove unfeasible, most guys expressly want to avoid seeing me not en femme, and I wouldn't surprise and delight with my femininity met that way. I was hoping to be able to slip into an unlocked hotel room and into the bathroom, or to invite a client to the door of my hotel room with me all ready to go, but that may not be going to work out. Part of me is tempted to just drive over there and try getting past the lobby myself to confirm - I suppose I could always give the client's name as the second person if I make a hotel booking? Would that enable them to pick up their own key card at reception? I've not spent enough time in hotels to be sure of any of this.
So home outcalls seem the way to go for the time being. Did a successful trial run on an unpaid meet with a local couple the other day which has me confident in my ability to get mostly ready under male/unisex clothes then switch quickly on arrival. Perhaps more risky, but I'm screening and have a safety buddy, so I feel safer than I would on an incall. I'd like to think that being overtly listed as a male TV, not trans, not convincing etc, answering the phone without much change in my voice and confirming they understand what I am could avoid some of the worst of the phobia. I'm SURE I'll get guys go weird and sullen and quiet. *I* got a bit upset and confused after my first time with a guy. But I'd be willing to bet that the worst of bad behaviour is more likely to be directed at girls who're actually trans and much more feminine than I'll ever be.
I've ignored 5 withheld number calls today - would you all say that's the correct course of action?
Additional points - a friend w/b in the nearest proper city a few hours away has offered me use of his spare room for touring - I don't know quite how that will work out, a bit concerned that he's going to expect a lot more favours than is really reasonable now that he knows about the escorting, but if it works out it'd be a great option, paying with sex for a safe location that isn't my home and where I'll have other people around to provide a sense of security, where I can safely advertise and tour from without risk of ending up out of pocket.
So I think incalls are off the table for now, too many better options. Thank you all for your help and support and putting up with my nonsense! I hope any questions or points I have in future will be significantly shorter and less wordy but I know what I'm like.
Also for those of you who told me to be careful about giving guys what they want over correspondence, point very clearly taken. I'm being a lot more curt now.
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How did it go Lixi?