So anyway I don't know what he's thinking but for me it's not about the money it's about the fact that I did sex stuff with him without any money exchanging hands and it makes me feel quite icky. Does that make sense?
There's nothing more I can add to the posts above about getting the cash up front because that's just what needs to happen in our work - I just wanted to say that I can totally empathise with your 'icky' feeling about this, so please don't feel alone in that. What we do is sell sexual services for money and it's totally different (as in, in a different mental category) to having sex for fun and pleasure. If you don't get paid for your work you're left in this totally annoying/gross situation where because you weren't paid, it seems like the experience should go in the 'sex for fun' category - but it certainly doesn't belong there! So the experience just floats around your brain making you feel uncomfortable. Or at least, that's how it works for me. I have clear boundaries in my mind between what I do for work and what I do in my personal life so I never experience any confusion about whether a client is a client or something more, even if I like the client
as a client very much, but the downside is that if something goes wrong with my work process (e.g. not getting paid up front), I can feel very uncomfortable until I fix it.
I really hope this guy pays you your fee. I personally tend to avoid the guys who try to blur the boundaries of the paid-sex situation, e.g. indicating that they are looking for a sugar-baby or "special girlfriend" etc because, as you can probably gather, I find it pretty excruciating working outside my preferred way! I like cash up-front and a fairly simple transactional situation (not cold or unfriendly, just simple and straight-forward for both parties!), rather than endless time-consuming dinners and expensive gifts alongside constant stress wondering whether I'm going to get paid properly so that I can pay my rent and bills. It's fine to work in whatever way you like, of course, and I have had one or two "sugar daddy"-type clients in the past but they were quite difficult to manage which is why I tend to avoid them. It's too easy for them to get confused and "forget" to pay properly, at which point I would just be disgusted and furious with their behaviour so I just don't want to go there!
I'm sure you can remedy this particular situation, though. We all have that moment in our escorting career where the "get paid up front EVERY TIME" rule is painfully reinforced by someone trying to rip us off; it's a bit of a pain but at the end of the day it's a very valuable lesson so as long as we learn it when we're given the opportunity to, it can protect us in the long-term.