Hehehe, some funny stuff in this thread! Love the dancing/trampolining requests.

I've been wracking my brains to find a decent funny story to share but if I'm honest, I actually just find having sex with clients hilarious, full stop. For example, their orgasm faces, and their willies, and their pure and honest glee at getting to paw a girl for an hour or two. Bless clients (most of them)! Sometimes, I wonder whether there could possibly be a better job in the world than this??

come on Joey, lighten up luv. if someone said it to me in a club id freak but these kind of emails are part and parcel of the job.  And if you dont laugh you'd cry.  I laugh all these things off.  It would chew me up if i took them seriously all the time.

Ach, leave ol' grumpy nuts to it Lex, remember he is from the other side of the atlantic, they just don't have our sense of humour.


Though I have to take that back to some extent, the ones that live here catch soon catch on i tell you why: The guy's wording was something like - 50 filled condoms from her clients - I told Evie about that and she suggested to send him 50 condoms filled with custard or something like that and I though maybe I could get one of my clients to put the custard in and then i wouldn't be lying, they would be 50 condoms filled by my client. hehehe

oh and by the way he got one bid! Not from me, honestly!

Well, if you're one of those backwoods country gals/boys...you could always 'milk' a horse. On the jackass movie there was enough semen to fill a cup...which could have individually filled each condom. Perverts

I was thinking the same myself earlier on.  its not like he's offered to try before he buys is it.  its still a yuk thought.  yuk.  How would you store those 50 condoms??  (i dont need an answer to that one, its hyperthetical)

Yes it is gut wrenchingly disgusting, which is probably why it makes me laugh
..and I'm still going to answer that question - freezer of course - that's where the turkey semen went, by the way. All in the name of Bernhard Matthews. Boootiful. 

Yep, please or I'll have too many of these thoughts floating round my head and no doubt they will pop up when I'm 'milking' a client and I'll burst out laughing, which is bound to put him off. 

I would like to share this story because to prove that not all people from the wrong side of the ocean are humourless.  I once had a client who wanted me to put on these blue tights so he could kick them.  And when I say blue, I mean BLUE!!!  They were really small and the crotch hung down by my knees which made me walk like a penguin.  I do not know where he got them or why he wanted me to wear then but he booked three hours and took 45 minutes, with a tip included, so no complaints.  My agent asked me how the booking had gone and I said "Smurftastic!"  He said, "Seriously, Hermione, how did it go?"  My response?  "Smurfalicious!  The smurfiest booking in the history of Smurfdonia!" 

That is the funniest story I've heard in I don't know how long!

A girl at my agency has a regular client who loves roleplay and likes her to pretend she is a weathergirl. I mean the whole Sian Lloyd style thing with a proper weatherboard that he has made himself at home that she has to stand in front of and pretend she is doing a serious  weather report.

And i know another girl who had a client who asked if he could have some of her pubic hair to sprinkle on his cornflakes in the morning

The best one is from a client of mine who used to be a driver. He used to take girls to see this guy at a hotel when he was up on business. The client apparently had a canvas holdall with two planks of wood perfectly cut to fit discreetly inside it. He would take the planks out,put them on the floor and ask the girl to take off her outer clothes and shoes. Then the girl would have to stand in her bare feet,one on each board and dance in her underwear for 20 minutes. Then when the time was up he would thank her and she could go home! He never touched the girls or himself apparently,just like to watch them dance.

Takes all sorts eh?