SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: justme on 17 January 2009, 01:25:19 am
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It's not all doom and gloom and timewasters and no-shows is it?
What's been the funniest situation you've found yourself in as an escort? ;D
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I havent really had any funny meeting yet but i did wonder how to reply to the email i had asking me to send some of my knickers for ?500. He wanted me to shit on them first though and i think he wanted me to then watch him sniff them on webcam. I never replied and im sure it wasnt a real request but as it was only the 2nd email i had ever received it did freak me out for about 30seconds. Can you imagine the stuff our poor posties must be carrying around in their post bags without knowing ;D
Anyway, not a fair question if your not posting an example of your own! ;)
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I think the funniest occasions are when you find yourself near the edge of the bed and the guy just happens to lose his balance! I cant help but laugh :D ;D :-[
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not really something that happened to me, but just a funny request, I had one guy on AW who wanted me to dress as a cheerleader and watch him as he jumped naked on a trampoline. Then he wanted me to shoot him with a bb gun (plastic pellets) and if I managed to shoot him on the ass I had to run round the trampoline once cheering, then shout (cheerleader style) 2-4-6-8 EEEJACULATE! I couldnt stop laughing when I read it, I found it so funny! Im pretty sure it was a joke though. I actually emailed it through to my friend (the only person who knows im an escort) and she was like 'so is that the usual sort of thing you get asked to do?' lol x
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Im sorry but, although this whole funny 'request' thing sounds amusing, it really aint. Its not so amusing when I have had 2 cancels in one day with 2 people who wanted to entertain themselves off of wasting my times.
Also...I got a text today from a man who has called me several times in the past 2 months asking to do an incall, which I dont do...and I told him several times that its up to him to pay for a hotel to host. Well this morning Im awoken with a text message joke which made absolutely no sense and I certainly didnt find funny! >:( ???
And they werent cancels, they were no shows!
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Sod off Joey, dont hijack this thread which has been started as a bit of a light hearted giggle with your dramatisation of a cancelation. You have cancelations and TW everysingle bloody day/week just like the rest of us. You have to chill out and start to accept it. Now leave the funny threads alone. If you want to vent your anger find an appropriate thread or start a new one but dont moan here. Inappropriate.
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not really something that happened to me, but just a funny request, I had one guy on AW who wanted me to dress as a cheerleader and watch him as he jumped naked on a trampoline. Then he wanted me to shoot him with a bb gun (plastic pellets) and if I managed to shoot him on the ass I had to run round the trampoline once cheering, then shout (cheerleader style) 2-4-6-8 EEEJACULATE! I couldnt stop laughing when I read it, I found it so funny! Im pretty sure it was a joke though. I actually emailed it through to my friend (the only person who knows im an escort) and she was like 'so is that the usual sort of thing you get asked to do?' lol x
LOVE it!!! ;D
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Sod off Joey, dont hijack this thread which has been started as a bit of a light hearted giggle with your dramatisation of a cancelation. You have cancelations and TW everysingle bloody day/week just like the rest of us. You have to chill out and start to accept it. Now leave the funny threads alone. If you want to vent your anger find an appropriate thread or start a new one but dont moan here. Inappropriate.
Cool it - babes! :o
Remember Joey has kind of contributed to this tread somewhere else, just to remind you:
Joey being chased screeching around the bedroom, benny hill style ;)
But seriously Joey - be a sport - leave the lighthearted stuff alone, sometimes a laugh needs to stay a laugh. ::)
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Ok, this is something under the category of weird, disgusting, but made me laugh.
It was a reverse booking request - the guy was offering ?50 for half an hour outcall two days after an incall of 0.2 hrs for ?70 and some days later something like ?200 for an hour outcall, so I got curious.
Turns out for the ?50 he wanted a wg to provide 50 condoms containing the cum of her clients and he said in the comment that he would be happy to receive them on the doorstep and wouldn't even need to come into the wg house.
What made it more disgusting was that in the text of the ?200 booking he mentioned he wanted the escort to force him to drink the semen of her previous clients from the used condoms.
Puts a new meaning to the word spermbank!
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Sod off Joey, dont hijack this thread which has been started as a bit of a light hearted giggle with your dramatisation of a cancelation. You have cancelations and TW everysingle bloody day/week just like the rest of us. You have to chill out and start to accept it. Now leave the funny threads alone. If you want to vent your anger find an appropriate thread or start a new one but dont moan here. Inappropriate.
Cool it - babes! :o
Remember Joey has kind of contributed to this tread somewhere else, just to remind you:
Joey being chased screeching around the bedroom, benny hill style ;)
But seriously Joey - be a sport - leave the lighthearted stuff alone, sometimes a laugh needs to stay a laugh. ::)
I didnt mean to be mean and i didnt write it with anger but its not the thread to come in and be miserable on. He should start a new one or post somewhere more appropriate and id imagine he knows that himself really.
This is a lighthearted jokey thread and we dont always get those around here so its a shame to ruin it. and it could probably do with being a seperate thread cos its happening alot to joey lately and he clearly wants to talk about it.
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Ok, this is something under the category of weird, disgusting, but made me laugh.
It was a reverse booking request - the guy was offering £50 for half an hour outcall two days after an incall of 0.2 hrs for £70 and some days later something like £200 for an hour outcall, so I got curious.
Turns out for the £50 he wanted a wg to provide 50 condoms containing the cum of her clients and he said in the comment that he would be happy to receive them on the doorstep and wouldn't even need to come into the wg house.
What made it more disgusting was that in the text of the £200 booking he mentioned he wanted the escort to force him to drink the semen of her previous clients from the used condoms.
Puts a new meaning to the word spermbank!
Shut up.... thats about the most vile thing ive heard i think. YUK YUK YUK! lol
I got an email this morning asking if someone could book to spank me hard, and if i could cry a little that would be nice too.... how would me crying be nice!!! I'm not going to accept the offer!
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Now, who's killing the mood, lol (nudge in the ribs)
And I know and agree we need to treat this as the lighthearted thread it was started off as SO ...
... has anyone got a truely funny story?
Mine are generally funny with a vile or extremely embaressing aspect or haven't happened I the context of escorting, so as I'm not into humiliation and I don't want to gross out Lexie any more :P Its someone elses turn.
:) :)
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What made it more disgusting was that in the text of the ?200 booking he mentioned he wanted the escort to force him to drink the semen of her previous clients from the used condoms.
Puts a new meaning to the word spermbank!
See...I just dont find this funny. Yes I did laugh, but it was out of disgust. I find morons like that to be sick! And anyway, how the f*ck can you come up with 200 or even 50 condoms with cum? I dont even have 50 clients a month! By the time I get 50 clients, half the semen would have done evaporated. They are poking fun at us to make it seem like we're f*cking all these people at one time.
I wouldnt chat with a nut like that for all the tea in China, They need to seek help!
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come on Joey, lighten up luv. if someone said it to me in a club id freak but these kind of emails are part and parcel of the job. And if you dont laugh you'd cry. I laugh all these things off. It would chew me up if i took them seriously all the time.
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Ok lets get back to the original question.
I had a client who wanted us both to dress up in lingerie and then disco dance for the whole hour. Just watch those boobies jiggle!
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Ok lets get back to the original question.
I had a client who wanted us both to dress up in lingerie and then disco dance for the whole hour. Just watch those boobies jiggle!
Ohh actually i did have someone who wanted me to bring along some underwear for him to wear!!! bugger that, get your own!
Funny how we have stories of strange 'requests' but not bookings. Maybe they dont often get passed the email stage haha
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Hehehe, some funny stuff in this thread! Love the dancing/trampolining requests.
I've been wracking my brains to find a decent funny story to share but if I'm honest, I actually just find having sex with clients hilarious, full stop. For example, their orgasm faces, and their willies, and their pure and honest glee at getting to paw a girl for an hour or two. Bless clients (most of them)! Sometimes, I wonder whether there could possibly be a better job in the world than this?? :D
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Maybe they dont often get passed the email stage haha
::) ::) ::) I wonder why that is? ::) ::) ::)
Hmmm .... erm ... well? ... hmmm ::) ::) ::)
still thinking. ;D
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come on Joey, lighten up luv. if someone said it to me in a club id freak but these kind of emails are part and parcel of the job. And if you dont laugh you'd cry. I laugh all these things off. It would chew me up if i took them seriously all the time.
Ach, leave ol' grumpy nuts to it Lex, remember he is from the other side of the atlantic, they just don't have our sense of humour.
Though I have to take that back to some extent, the ones that live here catch soon catch on i tell you why: The guy's wording was something like - 50 filled condoms from her clients - I told Evie about that and she suggested to send him 50 condoms filled with custard or something like that and I though maybe I could get one of my clients to put the custard in and then i wouldn't be lying, they would be 50 condoms filled by my client. hehehe
oh and by the way he got one bid! Not from me, honestly!
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Though I have to take that back to some extent, the ones that live here catch soon catch on i tell you why: The guy's wording was something like - 50 filled condoms from her clients - I told Evie about that and she suggested to send him 50 condoms filled with custard or something like that and I though maybe I could get one of my clients to put the custard in and then i wouldn't be lying, they would be
I was thinking the same myself earlier on. its not like he's offered to try before he buys is it. its still a yuk thought. yuk. How would you store those 50 condoms?? (i dont need an answer to that one, its hyperthetical)
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Well, if you're one of those backwoods country gals/boys...you could always 'milk' a horse. On the jackass movie there was enough semen to fill a cup...which could have individually filled each condom. Perverts
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Well, if you're one of those backwoods country gals/boys...you could always 'milk' a horse. On the jackass movie there was enough semen to fill a cup...which could have individually filled each condom. Perverts
She will have to go back to her turkey wanking ways. ;D ;)
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I was thinking the same myself earlier on. its not like he's offered to try before he buys is it. its still a yuk thought. yuk. How would you store those 50 condoms?? (i dont need an answer to that one, its hyperthetical)
Yes it is gut wrenchingly disgusting, which is probably why it makes me laugh
..and I'm still going to answer that question - freezer of course - that's where the turkey semen went, by the way. All in the name of Bernhard Matthews. Boootiful. ;D ;D ;D
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..and I'm still going to answer that question - freezer of course - that's where the turkey semen went, by the way. All in the name of Bernhard Matthews. Boootiful. ;D ;D ;D
Oh i know you put it in a freezer I'm just thinking, hes been specific enough to say he wants someone to take 50condoms of sperm to him. If you could just put the sperm (or custard in our case lol) in to one container it would be much easier.... except i live in a shared house so it would still be a little difficult to explain. I'm thinking about this one too much arent i? I'm going to stop now. :D
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Yep, please or I'll have too many of these thoughts floating round my head and no doubt they will pop up when I'm 'milking' a client and I'll burst out laughing, which is bound to put him off. ;D
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I would like to share this story because to prove that not all people from the wrong side of the ocean are humourless. I once had a client who wanted me to put on these blue tights so he could lick them. And when I say blue, I mean BLUE!!! They were really small and the crotch hung down by my knees which made me walk like a penguin. I do not know where he got them or why he wanted me to wear then but he booked three hours and took 45 minutes, with a tip included, so no complaints. My agent asked me how the booking had gone and I said "Smurftastic!" He said, "Seriously, Hermione, how did it go?" My response? "Smurfalicious! The smurfiest booking in the history of Smurfdonia!"
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I would like to share this story because to prove that not all people from the wrong side of the ocean are humourless. I once had a client who wanted me to put on these blue tights so he could kick them. And when I say blue, I mean BLUE!!! They were really small and the crotch hung down by my knees which made me walk like a penguin. I do not know where he got them or why he wanted me to wear then but he booked three hours and took 45 minutes, with a tip included, so no complaints. My agent asked me how the booking had gone and I said "Smurftastic!" He said, "Seriously, Hermione, how did it go?" My response? "Smurfalicious! The smurfiest booking in the history of Smurfdonia!"
That is the funniest story I've heard in I don't know how long!
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Ohhhh, Hermione, hehehehe, uhhh, phew - ROFL - oh god in hurts.
THAT is seriously funny. I'll have that penguin image in my head for the rest of the day!
I know you guys on the other (not wrong) side of the ocean have a sense of humour and a good one at that, but many of you don't always get our humour, lol
Thanks for that story.
XX
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A girl at my agency has a regular client who loves roleplay and likes her to pretend she is a weathergirl. I mean the whole Sian Lloyd style thing with a proper weatherboard that he has made himself at home that she has to stand in front of and pretend she is doing a serious weather report.
And i know another girl who had a client who asked if he could have some of her pubic hair to sprinkle on his cornflakes in the morning :o
The best one is from a client of mine who used to be a driver. He used to take girls to see this guy at a hotel when he was up on business. The client apparently had a canvas holdall with two planks of wood perfectly cut to fit discreetly inside it. He would take the planks out,put them on the floor and ask the girl to take off her outer clothes and shoes. Then the girl would have to stand in her bare feet,one on each board and dance in her underwear for 20 minutes. Then when the time was up he would thank her and she could go home! He never touched the girls or himself apparently,just like to watch them dance.
Takes all sorts eh? ;)
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And i know another girl who had a client who asked if he could have some of her pubic hair to sprinkle on his cornflakes in the morning :o
I wonder if he ever coughed up furballs? ;D ;D
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I once played Deal or No Deal with a client. We played the interactive game on his telly and every time I lost, he would have me do some strange things. This included things like balancing on a ball, whizzing around in one of those vegetable racks with wheels, playing see-saw on a makeshift see-saw made out of an old ironing board and riding around in an old pram. Oh, and I had to burst a grapefruit with my arse.
It was one of the most entertaining bookings I've ever had.
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That sounds like a regular party with my mates, lol
... but to get paid for having a laugh like that, wow - you lucky so'n'so Brandy. I want one like that!