Usually, I am of the opinion that if I need to crowd source an opinion, it’s because I need to be talked into something. In this instance, it’s more that I just don’t know, so needs must -

I am not someone who offers FMTY (Fly Me To You) bookings, particularly with regards to new clients. If a new client wants to see me, they must come to London. I am very clear about this on my website.

Recently, a new client who is based in NYC had to cancel a dinner date with 36 hours notice due to illness (Covid 🙄). All was fine in this respect, not only had he paid a deposit, he paid the cancellation fee (the outstanding balance of the booking) in full and without any issues. We’ve exchanged a few emails since and he is unable to get back to London for some time but is very keen to see me. He has asked if I will be in NYC at any point but I don’t think this will be the case until early next year.

He contacted me earlier asking if I would consider a FMTY booking - he will pay my two day rate plus flights, transfers, hotels and other expenses for one five hour dinner. Silly I know but I am not sure. I can’t decide if he’s ignoring my very clear boundaries by making this offer or if I am being silly not to consider it.

It would be at the weekend, so would not entail me having to take time off from my civvy job. I have friends in NYC, so from a safety point of view, I can have someone come and wait for me, plus I can see them on the second day and on the client’s dime. But I don’t think safety is an issue. The main reasons I don’t offer FMTY is firstly, I like to be somewhere I know well when meeting a new client, and secondly, I am not my best after a transatlantic flight - I swell up, my ankles disappear and it takes a few days for me to feel like myself again - I suffer terribly from jet lag. I worry that I won’t be at my best for the client and that will affect our dynamic.

Or am I overthinking things and just being silly?

What would you do? Jump at the chance or decline?



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I think it sounds worth it- you're getting a 2 day fee for a 5 hour booking. And especially as you have friends over there- think of it like a holiday to visit them with the exception of his 5 hours.

In regards to you suffering from jetlag , could you suggest the booking take place when it's a reasonable time in London so you're used to being awake as your body clock wouldn't have changed yet. (I don't know if that sentence makes sense, couldn't figure out how to word it properly.)

I think you should go for it 

I would just trust your gut instinct.
If you clearly state that you don't offer FMTY then it sounds like boundary pushing.
If he pays for a business class ticket or 1st class ticket I'd be more inclined but wouldn't do economy (if you decide to go) 

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap, but then I don't do longer bookings 

Back in the days when I did I still wouldn't take anything where the total travel time was longer than the booking itself though, so it would still be a no from me  .

I knew you would say something like this, thank you for not letting me down! 

While I would never travel for longer than the duration of the appointment, it’s not like I’d be flying for seven hours, having dinner and then flying home.

If you clearly state that you don't offer FMTY then it sounds like boundary pushing.

If he pays for a business class ticket or 1st class ticket I'd be more inclined but wouldn't do economy (if you decide to go) 

I never used to mention anything about FMTY on my website until some crazed Canadian started messaging me constantly asking for one. I added it for my own peace of mind, and to strengthen my stance that I do not do them. However, for a sane and respectful client, then yes, possibly.

I guess I always worry when people, ok, men, are generous without reason, and while he’s clearly throwing money at this because he wants me to accept, I guess part of me will always question if his motives are entirely pure. But maybe that’s my stuff. He’s been nothing but straightforward and respectful thus far.

He’s offered a business class ticket, I didn’t even have to ask. Hotel of my choice too. We’ve exchanged a few more messages and am now seriously considering accepting for mid-September. (There’s no way I’d go to NYC in August.) Also, there’s a good probability I’ll be able to see another NYC client for dinner on the night I have free, so would be able to make extra on top.

Thanks everyone, will let you know how it pans out!

Though I'm surprising myself by saying this, I'd be tempted going by what you've said so far. I'm fine travelling west, so the jetlag would only be an issue coming home, and I found coming from NYC OK, whereas coming back from LA wiped me out for a couple of days. I would add on at least one night at my own expense.

An update for those who want it.

It all went really well. I feel a little silly to have worried about it. The guy was charming, respectfully and absolutely on the level.  Very kind too as he was fine with my return ticket being ten days later as I wanted to fly to a different state to have a little holiday and see friends.  NYC was great, saw an old friend and also managed to see another client for lunch, and did an overnight when I was in a different state.  (In each instance, both clients were already known to me).

Amusingly, as the exchange rate is so good, the FMTY client is coming to London next month, so am seeing him again.

All’s well that ends well!.

 

Am I the only one here who thinks that jumping on a plane to meet a total stranger in another country while giving him your personal details (as in passport and real name) is absolute bonkers?

Where did I say I gave those personal details? Additionally, how do you know how I feel about sharing these details/if I share these details?

You know nothing about me or my clients for that matter, so am a little confounded as to why you are making these assumptions or leaping to unfounded conclusions when there is no grounds to do so.

FWIW, and not that it is any of your business, but I’m not young (I’m in my 40s) or happy-go-lucky for that matter - I vacillated over this enormously, but my gut thought it would be fine and it was.  I screened this guy thoroughly* and had the added peace of mind that a dear NYC friend (one who was my best London friend for fifteen years when she lived here) not only knew where I was but was in the hotel lobby the entire time I was with the client.  Also, recalling something I had read on here, I changed rooms before I went to bed.

*I do not use AW, so most certainly was not relying on their feedback system. I also do not think you appreciate the hoops clients need to jump through to meet me, and in my experience (so far), the US clients are an absolute pleasure to deal with in terms of making sure I have everything I need to ensure I am comfortable to meet them.

Ana,

I am in complete agreement with you about this. Part of my hesitation at the outset was because I am not a FMTY escort.  If someone wants to meet me, they must come to London.  I won’t even visit a client’s house either 

To clarify how I did things - client offered to connect me to his Amex travel person, and I contemplated this as one can shield one’s details this way (I have used this before, albeit at my civvie role).  However, in the end, I used a travel agent I have used at various other civvie jobs (and have dealt with for the best part of fifteen years).  The travel agent billed the client directly, and while he had the booking reference, as the client does not know my surname (or even my real email address), was not able to access the booking or more importantly, my details.

Also, I would never consent to meet a new client for more than 5 hours at most. I couldn’t imagine agreeing to meet a complete random for an overnight or longer, much less one located overseas.  I kind of admire those escorts who do this.

As for screening, absolutely as you say, and more in some instances.  But my gut seems to be the best thing, and because part of my screening process is exchanging many emails - give someone enough rope and they will hang themselves.  I find the nightmares make themselves known pretty quickly, so I can decline them. Also, I must admit that in my civvy job, I have spent a long time working with a multitude of complex personalities, so I do have a sixth sense anyway, and somewhat fortuitously, can just switch off should I find myself in the company of one. Thankfully, so far, all have been good eggs.  In fact, the only dreadful people I met were the few AW clients, ones I didn’t feel able to screen in the way I wanted. Upshot of that was no AW for me!

Anyway, my biggest takeaway from this experience was it’s not something I will be offering in future.  But maybe, if an opportunity presents itself (like this one did), I might just consider it.