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Author Topic: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help  (Read 10751 times)

suzie90

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Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« on: 14 June 2015, 10:42:27 pm »
Hi all,

My first post. I've been reading posts on here for ages, and it seems like a great community. Apologies that my first post is so dramatic!

Basically, my mum and my sister just found out I'm an escort. I won't go into huge detail- it will take ages to explain. But basically, I put in an offer to buy a flat. I have registered as self-employed, hired an accountant and so all my finances are legit (no worries there!). But my mum thinks I am still dog-walking for a living, which is obviously very low pay. The estate agent sent my sister an email saying that I've put in an offer to buy a house (which is true) for 250k (I would need a mortgage, but have enough saved up for a substantial deposit). God knows how they got my sisters email address...

She confronted me and asked how the hell can I afford to buy a flat on a minimum wage job! I am not very good at lying, got all flustered and started to stutter.

I am 25 years old. When I was 17 I became an escort for about 6 months, and my mum and sister knew about this. However, this was in the past. Buried. I re-kindled escorting about 10 months ago, without their knowledge. Obviously, after finding out about my offer on the flat, they put two and two together and concluded I was escorting again! I simply broke down in tears and confessed. I actually enjoy the job, and it has made me feel very empowered. Plus it has provided me with finances that I could only dream about in a normal 9-5 job! I love the freedom it offers. So my tears were not because I am saddened at being an escort- quite the opposite in fact.

My tears were because I know they will never understand my reasons. I am an intelligent person, I have a degree in Chemical and Molecular Biology. I am not a waster. I have drive and ambition. But their looks were of pure disgust.

My mum in quite bigoted, and will never accept it. My sister and I don't get along, so she is revelling in this new revelation.

Please, I feel really depressed and anxious. I don't know what to do.

I have considered cutting all ties with my family for a while now. I really dislike them. They are all very close-minded, and are the kinds of people who adhere stricty to the rules of society. I am more of a free spirit, and view life as transitory and therefore must be lived to it's full potential. And if that means becoming an escort, so be it.

Thanks for listening. The question is this: shall I cut them off completely? Does anybody else have similar experiences, and are willing to share?
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SelenaLondon

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #1 on: 14 June 2015, 10:44:38 pm »
No. don't cut them off for escorting. They'll come round.
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suzie90

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #2 on: 14 June 2015, 10:48:36 pm »
Can I ask- have you 'come out' to your family?
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Lady_Lust_XXX

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #3 on: 14 June 2015, 11:06:27 pm »
Just let them see you've not changed, even if your job has.  Your sis could be jealous of what you can now afford that she can't.

Don't change and see how things go, but don't let them blackmail you for money or make you feel guilty.  Hold your head up and take it a day at a time.
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DustedWithSugar

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #4 on: 15 June 2015, 12:06:04 am »
I'd put bit of distance for now, until they'll get their heads around it. This way they'll come up to some conclusion (hopefully a good one) and you'll feel smaller pressure and guilt (by reducing contact with them).
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ana30

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #5 on: 15 June 2015, 12:07:06 am »
I would cut ties with them for a while (mainly for your mental sanity). You need to distance yourself  a little bit till you can regain your calm and be able to think more straight with a cold head. You don't have a cold head right now (because you're very upset and its understandable).Before you cut ties just let them know you love them and that they're welcome on your life as long they don't intend to make you feel miserable. Then cut ties. This will give everyone some solace and time to think. If they love you eventually they'll come around. If not..there's not much you can do about it.
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Chloe~Belle

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #6 on: 15 June 2015, 12:30:33 am »
I wouldn't cut them off completely, I think you would regret that in years to come. I would however get yourself the space you need. It does sound like your sister is jealous & does sound like she's coming at you from an angle that is a little spiteful. Is she happy in her life I wonder?

Although I would certainly try to talk to your mother without your sister interfering, when you are ready. I'm sure in this case time will be a healer, but watch out for the green eyed monster in your sister. Secretly she could be wishing she could do the same but she will probably never admit that to you! Sisters can be the worst! I have a sister & a twin sister too and they know the exact buttons to press to make things worst when they're upset (or jealous or both)

Try to  stay calm and take some time for yourself to recover from the upset of it all. Often these things blow over. Take care and let us know how it goes. They don't have the right to judge you that's all I can say. You're obviously an intelligent lady and you decided to do this and you are happy doing this. Don't let anyone bring you down. Not even family. Stay strong :-) X
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Naked Chef

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #7 on: 15 June 2015, 12:33:06 am »
I think the problem many anti-sex-workers have is they do not separate the person from the job. Show them it is just a job to you, just like dog walking or chemistry are just jobs and do not define you as a person. This forum is a fine example of how intelligent, assertive and driven we sex workers are and do not fit the stereotype of scared, abused and timid women! Maybe send them some links to articles which demonstrate this?

I would let them cool off for a while. Do not go anywhere because that will make you think you are ashamed of what you do, which by the sounds of it, you aren't. And you shouldn't be.

The way that I see it is: be proud, you saw a business opportunity and you took it. Ok, so not quite so conventional as a 9-5 office number, but hey, it pays the bills and more!

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The_Lynx

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #8 on: 15 June 2015, 12:33:29 am »
In my personal opinion, just because it's your family doesn't mean you should stick around if you feel they treat you wrong. If it's a single incident of disagreeing with your life choices, cutting ties might be a bit drastic however.

I cut off my more bigoted (homophobic, possibly transphobic and definitely whorephobic individuals) relatives, which I couldn't bear to interact with due to their attitude and personal views. It's been a few years now and I'm much happier without random prying phone calls, toxic statements and other stress factors that my family contributed. It's hard to say if this applies here, but if your family is making you miserable you have no obligations to put up with it just because "it's family". Eff that.
« Last Edit: 15 June 2015, 12:39:31 am by The_Lynx »
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Scarlet

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #9 on: 15 June 2015, 12:36:35 am »
I just went through something similar myself recently. My parents found out about a week and it's a horrible situation to be in.

I agree with everyone who has said that you should give some distance to them at the moment. You sound upset and not level headed. When you less flustered, I would recommend sitting down with your mum and sister and talking to them about it. It's terrifying but you need to be assertive (not aggressive) and explain how you enjoy your job (emphasise that that's what it is), and that you will carry on escorting with or without their support. Remember that family should love you unconditionally and if they can't because of the escorting, that reflects their faults, not yours.  If they are going to loose their daughter/sister because of their rigid views, that's their loss.

I don't know if this is any consolation, but by the sounds of it, you are doing great in life without them. You aren't stupid. You have a business that you enjoy, pays well and gives you all the freedom you could want. You are saving your money and investing it. You are looking to get a mortgage when most people in the twenties couldn't dream of it! I can't say if you should cut them out of your life (it sounds like they are doing that for you), but there is always the chance that they will come around and accept you. If they don't, don't chase them and don't accept any shaming behaviour.

Have a look through the 'Telling the parents' thread for more advice.

You will get through get through this. Remember that you are living your own life and that it's YOUR happiness that matters, not theirs.
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Kay

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #10 on: 15 June 2015, 12:48:26 am »
I know they say blood is thicker than water, but on the other hand - you can't choose your relatives! My sister and I had a terrible relationship, largely linked to her mental health problems, but I soon realised nothing I could do would work, so I just left her to it. We had plenty of bad moments, but some good ones too.

I'd concur with the others - keep your distance for a bit, but don't do anything drastic.
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meetingdiversity

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #11 on: 15 June 2015, 12:58:30 am »
Quote from: suzie90 on 14 June 2015, 10:42:27 pm
Hi all,

My first post. I've been reading posts on here for ages, and it seems like a great community. Apologies that my first post is so dramatic!

Basically, my mum and my sister just found out I'm an escort. I won't go into huge detail- it will take ages to explain. But basically, I put in an offer to buy a flat. I have registered as self-employed, hired an accountant and so all my finances are legit (no worries there!). But my mum thinks I am still dog-walking for a living, which is obviously very low pay. The estate agent sent my sister an email saying that I've put in an offer to buy a house (which is true) for 250k (I would need a mortgage, but have enough saved up for a substantial deposit). God knows how they got my sisters email address...

She confronted me and asked how the hell can I afford to buy a flat on a minimum wage job! I am not very good at lying, got all flustered and started to stutter.

I am 25 years old. When I was 17 I became an escort for about 6 months, and my mum and sister knew about this. However, this was in the past. Buried. I re-kindled escorting about 10 months ago, without their knowledge. Obviously, after finding out about my offer on the flat, they put two and two together and concluded I was escorting again! I simply broke down in tears and confessed. I actually enjoy the job, and it has made me feel very empowered. Plus it has provided me with finances that I could only dream about in a normal 9-5 job! I love the freedom it offers. So my tears were not because I am saddened at being an escort- quite the opposite in fact.

My tears were because I know they will never understand my reasons. I am an intelligent person, I have a degree in Chemical and Molecular Biology. I am not a waster. I have drive and ambition. But their looks were of pure disgust.

My mum in quite bigoted, and will never accept it. My sister and I don't get along, so she is revelling in this new revelation.

Please, I feel really depressed and anxious. I don't know what to do.

I have considered cutting all ties with my family for a while now. I really dislike them. They are all very close-minded, and are the kinds of people who adhere stricty to the rules of society. I am more of a free spirit, and view life as transitory and therefore must be lived to it's full potential. And if that means becoming an escort, so be it.

Thanks for listening. The question is this: shall I cut them off completely? Does anybody else have similar experiences, and are willing to share?

When my mum found out she was horrified we didn't talk for a few months. Then out of the blue my phone rang it was her. We only have one family give it time it is drastic to cut them off. But bear in mind when retire from escorting with no family after cutting off. You don't want to regret so be careful have a good hard think.
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pussycat

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #12 on: 15 June 2015, 01:41:32 am »
Do you have any family you feel may be understanding that you could tell? Like a cousin or auntie perhaps. I'm saying this because my parents, one of my sisters and a cousin (who is like a sister) have always known about me being an escort, and then recently my older sister found out (by having a slight suspicion due to me buying a nice car and then spending hours online looking for evidence of me escorting) and has since been busy outing me to everyone in the family. My parents are putting up with lots of crap from relatives who've barely ever had anything to do with me voicing their unasked for opinions, but the fact they're standing up for me and telling them to bugger off is a massive support. I'm guessing you feel very alone, so it helps to have someone fighting your corner. Keep strong, and whatever you do don't be apologetic about your choice to be an escort. If you keep holding your head up proud then they'll see it's them with the issue. Put it back on them, ask what it is that they dislike so much about it, and maybe they'll realise it's not all that bad when they've verbalised it. Of course not everyone is able to come around to the idea of a loved one working as an escort, but give it a go before making any definite decisions about how to move forward  :-*
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Lushblossom

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #13 on: 15 June 2015, 05:23:18 am »
Suzie90 I do feel for you  ???

If I were you I would at least give them some breathing space and don't talk to them for a few months.  You never know they may mellow a little.

A tough one however as like you I too am a free spirit and do not endlessly subscribe to the conventional norms that abound in society.

Good luck.

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MsDee

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Re: Family just found out I'm an escort- please help
« Reply #14 on: 15 June 2015, 08:35:25 am »
So sorry about this Suzie.

No I would not cut off ties but I would put some distance between us leaving the doors of communication open, give your mother time to settle down and think about things.  Maybe just say to her, yes this is what you are doing, you are safe and happy and that you have no plans to quite any time soon and that you love her and will always be there for her and that she can contact you when she is ready.   As for your sister, flip her the bird and tell her to rotate on it.  As for the estate agent, I would contact her manager and make a complaint and withdraw your offer and find another estate agent.

It is true what we say that when we grow up and become adults the people we actually call family are those we end up surrounding ourselves with in life.  Unless you have a really fucked up family your mom will come around as for your sister it is just plain jealousy at the end of the day and let her carry on and let her revel in it at the end of the day you are doing what is making you happy, you can not make others happy with you being miserable.

Take a deep breath and think what is best for you.
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