Hi everyone,

I have been escorting for almost a year and have generally enjoyed it. I work for a couple of high class London agencies, make very good money, have a lovely nice flat in central London, deseigner shoes bags and everything else material I could want. But Im far from happy. I dont know if this lifestyle is for me anymore. I have more or less no friends, i mean i have a few but i wouldnt call them close best friends, they are more 'friends' from the business- we text occasionally or go shopping thats about it. Ive lost touch with all my proper friends and i could never find the time to meet up- while their jobs finished at 5pm thats when mine was starting, and even when i had/have the occassional day off im so exhausted and tired after the escorting to be honest that day i just want to stay home, sleep in late and eat and watch tv. Im too exhausted to be meeting up and going anywhere. Sometimes i think maybe i should take more time off during the week but theres always something i need the extra days work/money for- if its not a family birthday coming up, then its a holiday, or something for the flat, always something.

I dont have a boyfriend and by continuing to do this work how will i ever meet one? The only time i actually meet men are on the job and im hardly going to run into the sunset with one of those. And even if i did meet someone no one could accept this work, so i couldnt tell them then the thousands of lies start, then they somehow find out and its all over. Been there done that and never want to find myself in that position again. Im 25 and have no idea where my life is going at all.
I do enjoy this job, i really do, and of course the money, i especially like to be able to help my family who live abroad but its really starting to hit me how much this job is affecting my life. I dont feel i live a 'normal' life at all and sometimes thats what i crave the most- just some normality. Im not getting younger and I cannot carry on with this job much longer anyway maybe another few years and then what? I graduated from uni years ago and have done nothing with my degree. But then when i hear of all my old uni friends struggling on their ?23,000 a year i know i cant do that either.

Im sorry for rambling just had to let all this out. Our job is always about making someone else happy, but what about us? When that client has gone home and im at my place alone, all i want is just a normal evenng, cook dinner with my f then snuggle up in bed and watch a dvd, no make up, my pyjamas on...just be me you know...
 

Anika is right, and I 'specially agree with the idea of 'downsizing' income-wise. Sometimes when I'm working out my finances for the month, I'm tempted to just say, Well, if I took 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 bookings *every day*, I'd earn so much money that I could buy this and this and this! But really there's no way I could work that much without going mad and - this sounds a bit odd, but! - totally losing my identity and sense of direction/self. It's a very time-consuming and draining job, even when you do honestly enjoy it, which shouldn't be disregarded.

I've grown somewhat distant from my friends, too, because of the lies and unsociable hours. I don't really talk to any of the other girls with my agency, but have met up with one other escort from the forum before and it was really lovely to just have an honest chat. It's probably not a good idea to say "Oh, meet up with random people from the internet ASAP!", lol, but then again I think we more than most know how to 'screen' people - so maybe finding a buddy on that bit of the SAAFE site here might mean you could find someone trust-able to chat (or just text?) with? It can really help ease the 'loneliness' of this job, and the stress of hiding it from all your loved ones, if you have to do so. Seriously, I don't think it should be underestimated how crappy you can still feel sometimes even though you feel the job is great in every other way.

Anyways, so I agree with Anika that you're going to have to consider cutting your work hours and income, so that you can do other things. Spending time with friends is SO important. Also, maybe think about courses/training that might interest you? When I feel a bit directionless after a week of working but nowt else, I really feel better if I sit myself down and get stuck into the stuff that I'm studying. Basically, I just try and earn enough to live and pay for my studies and savings, but anything extra? I'd rather just have the extra time to focus on myself and where I'm going in life!

As Anika also said (sorry, last one!) it's possible to earn good money and be much more in control of your working hours by going indie. I did it recently, although still do agency work just to top-up now and then. It's a really great and flexible way to manage everything. I shouldn't say it for fear of sounding like an ungrateful brat, but I like that I am able to be quite fussy nowadays, simply because I don't need a huge income and have gotten a good bit saved up.

Hope you feel better soon - I feel like you've said exactly the things that I feel from time to time, too, so if you ever just want to vent please feel free to PM me.

I echo what the others have said. I've never been with an agency so I don't know how exactly how the work and when they get your clients but have you considered leaving the agency and going independent and becoming more in control of the clients you see and when you see them? At least then you may have more "me" time to do the things you want to do, e.g, hobbies and meeting your friends. I would say money and material goods are not everything, you have to be happy with what you do.

hello,

i can relate to macgirl2009 sometimes i go through all this. I work independently but due to being secretive i end up spending less time with friends as the thought of always lying is so difficult. money is too good and confusing at times, the more you get the more you want which is my case anyway so i end up feeling isolated from friends. Regarding boyfriends i really dont know how some girls manage to do it.

ama

Thanks so much everyone you have all definitely given me a lot to think about. I just feel so lonely sometimes, like tonight i thought i would let the agencies know im free and then i dont get a single call from them all night- i could have gone out or met with a friend. Its like your 'on call' though and i just knew had i popped out id get a calll saying 'can you do incall in 20mins'?

So i was sat at home just watching tv alone and felt so down, not to mention bored. I feel like this job has really started to become my whole life. I am definitely going to think long and hard and cut down the days i work, my rent is huge in central london and i also live alone so everything i have to pay so i still need to work quite a bit, but also i need to take time out for myself. And i definitely need to save more as Im too fivilous with my spending rather than spending it as soon as i get it.I have tried indi stuff in the past and its not for me, im not great with technical things like websites and aw's price are much lower than what i would want to charge and that just didnt work out. I also like the ease of being with an agency, they sort out all the details and get me the bookings rather than me worrying over it and having to deal with calls and emails.

Normal people meet bfs and partners at their workplace (so usually office environment) or when they go out together after work. Surely a large number meet their partners this way, but we can never do this...i heard some people say u shouldnt be meeting guys in bars or clubs as they are the 'wrong' kind of guys i.e only for a little fun, nothing more serious and to maybe have a look around next time im in tesco or somewhere similar! well i for one always do have a little glance but no i have nevere ever seen a nice guy there and even if i had realistically hes not going to come and ask me out over the milk aisle...my friend met her boyfriend while shopping in selfridges...yeh i cannot see myself walking over to some stranger there either. 
I once tried sugardaddie.com hehe and that was FULL of perverts and i had just bought a 2 month memebership and paid it, i wrote a really nice profile how i was looking for a great guy and got a ton of dirty requests! It was terrible! I just in the end changed my profile and used it for 'business' purposes as i had already paid for it so that was that! I as honestly just looking for a  nice successful guy but they are all perverts on there !!

Thanks so much everyone you have all definitely given me a lot to think about. I just feel so lonely sometimes, like tonight i thought i would let the agencies know im free and then i dont get a single call from them all night- i could have gone out or met with a friend. Its like your 'on call' though and i just knew had i popped out id get a calll saying 'can you do incall in 20mins'?



So i was sat at home just watching tv alone and felt so down, not to mention bored. I feel like this job has really started to become my whole life. I am definitely going to think long and hard and cut down the days i work, my rent is huge in central london and i also live alone so everything i have to pay so i still need to work quite a bit, but also i need to take time out for myself. And i definitely need to save more as Im too fivilous with my spending rather than spending it as soon as i get it.I have tried indi stuff in the past and its not for me, im not great with technical things like websites and aw's price are much lower than what i would want to charge and that just didnt work out. I also like the ease of being with an agency, they sort out all the details and get me the bookings rather than me worrying over it and having to deal with calls and emails.

Normal people meet bfs and partners at their workplace (so usually office environment) or when they go out together after work. Surely a large number meet their partners this way, but we can never do this...i heard some people say u shouldnt be meeting guys in bars or clubs as they are the 'wrong' kind of guys i.e only for a little fun, nothing more serious and to maybe have a look around next time im in tesco or somewhere similar! well i for one always do have a little glance but no i have nevere ever seen a nice guy there and even if i had realistically hes not going to come and ask me out over the milk aisle...my friend met her boyfriend while shopping in selfridges...yeh i cannot see myself walking over to some stranger there either. 
I once tried sugardaddie.com hehe and that was FULL of perverts and i had just bought a 2 month memebership and paid it, i wrote a really nice profile how i was looking for a great guy and got a ton of dirty requests! It was terrible! I just in the end changed my profile and used There was a time when i used to go out and do my shopping and if i come back and find a missed call, this will tear me apart as i will be thinking thjat i missed a client. some of us go through this sometimes but as time passes you start to realise that if really someone wanted to see you they will call back. it happens just keep your head up and you will be fine.it for 'business' purposes as i had already paid for it so that was that! I as honestly just looking for a  nice successful guy but they are all perverts on there !!

There was a time when i used to go out and do my shopping and if i come back and find a missed call, this will tear me apart as i will be thinking thjat i missed a client. some of us go through this sometimes but as time passes you start to realise that if really someone wanted to see you they will call back. it happens just keep your head up and you will be fine.
lol, sorry i have to laugh at this one because like most girls my picture is one of the million who think that the 'one ' is out there waiting for me on sugardaddy but it is all bullshit. girl  it is one of those days you are just feeling low and it seems like nothing is working and rent will be due soon. maybe  your case is different but everything you just said , it is like seeing myself through you. ama

All sorts of people are lonely.
I had a client Friday that assumed I was lonely and unhappy because I do this work and that somewhat irked me I have to say.
To assume that we women are lonely because of what job we do I found a bit belittling. Perhaps it was the tone he used when he 'said' it to me rather than asking me?

You can be lonely in an office job. You can be lonely surrounded by an army of friends and you can be lonely in a relationship.

In my past relationship, I had the big house and Chloe handbags, disposable cash and I was the most unhappiest person you would ever have met. Now I have a tiny house and have sold my bags on ebay and disposable income is quite rare as suddenly I have bills to pay and all the responsibility of life on my shoulders and I am possibly the happiest I have been in bloody years. If I get just that extra booking a week, you know, that extra cash that is mine, not the banks, not the food shops, not the bills, not the savings account, but mine, it feels great, when I go shopping for totally non essential items now, I enjoy it far, far more than I ever did before because I value it more.
Being able to buy what you want when you want places little value on the things, no matter how much they cost. You simply don't value them at all. It's a very shallow existence. It can get to you as well, all that emptiness of being able to go get whatever you want and not value it at all.

Perhaps your feeling crappy right now as you feel you have no control over your work?
Being independent will mean you sort your own working hours out, you can plan a night out with your friends and turn your phone off that afternoon/evening. Your in control of everything. And trust me, from a computer phobe, having your own website is not hard work, it's not difficult.
No control or feeling like you have no control is horrible.
If you want to give this up in say, 2 years to find a relationship, then take the 2 years to think up a plan, as Anika says. Plan your way out of it, and as Ian says, put cash away.

I agree also that you have to make a choice here. How much do you value those designer handbags? Because if you highly value that  sort of spending power and statement on your arm then your going to have to bite the bullet and carry on with what your doing, accepting the casualty is going to be piece of mind in your personal life.
x

What a beautiful thread. Answered some of my the questions in the back of my mind