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Author Topic: Keeping sex work a secret [was: Secrets]  (Read 926 times)


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Keeping sex work a secret [was: Secrets]
« on: 07 September 2018, 10:24:45 pm »
Has any one kept this truely a secret as in no one knows about it and how do youanage not being able to tell any one ? Me and a friend have not long started and obviously we have told each other because we thought it would be better to have someone that we can talk to about it and due to a post that I commented on in girlsmouth my mum has found out about it which I dkntkms because she's been very supportive but my friend hasn't told any one and wants to know mainly if it's best to not say anything and if other people.are in the same position as her

[title edited for clarity]
« Last Edit: 08 September 2018, 12:35:14 pm by amy »

Irish Siobhan

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Re: Keeping sex work a secret [was: Secrets]
« Reply #1 on: 08 September 2018, 07:24:57 pm »
I would say don't, no matter how tempted you are! I'm glad you were lucky with your Mum but no, it's not worth the risk, women espically are terrible at keeping secrets, you might tell a trusted friend who might tell one other person and before you know it you're outed. I've seen this happen. It's just not with the risk, you are lucky to have each other to confide in but I would say keep it that way or use these boards when you need advice or a moan.


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Re: Keeping sex work a secret [was: Secrets]
« Reply #2 on: 09 September 2018, 02:06:03 pm »
I used to be quite open about my job and thought I had done well, because my nice liberal friends were - superficially in some ways - very supportive. However over time I noticed it did insidiously effect the way even fairly open minded people thought of me. On the one hand it was seen as novel and interesting and even glamorous, but lurking underneath I realized people had some reactionary stigmas against me. That because I was a sex worker I must be a little untrustworthy, a little incompetent, not a 'serious' person.

Whenever I watch Sex and the City, for example, I notice that the Samantha character - though not a sex worker but sexually voracious and untethered from 'respectable' feminine norms of sexuality  - is developed as being 'fun...' but ultimately a bit vain and silly and trashy and unintelligent. That's not to go into the fact that people sometimes think you have money to burn and that because sex isn't seen of as 'work' that its money I don't really deserve.

I'm going round the houses as a way of saying, I decided ultimately to keep it a secret these days to avoid experiencing both overt and more subtle prejudices.



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Re: Keeping sex work a secret [was: Secrets]
« Reply #3 on: 09 September 2018, 06:14:43 pm »
Not telling a living soul could and probably would be difficult as most of us will have families and friends who know the old us and would notice a change in lifestyle/spending/free time etc. The thing with secrets though (sharing our very personal life and this job in particular) not very many people can really keep a confidence forever. I found this to my cost and while it didn't have a devastating effect it did upset me a little as I put my trust in someone who let me down.
No one has confronted or questioned me with what they know about me but I am in no doubt some are aware and just give me "that look" while smiling and talking sweetly.

I know it is different for each of us and some can happily tell all the sordid  ::) life they lead but that does not apply to me.  Family who I always believed were liberally minded and non judgemental I have realised that is far from the truth and hints of being ashamed of me have been whispered.

If anyone is the black sheep of a family it has to be me but it annoys me when I think of certain people in my life who have dark and shameful secrets themselves. None of them are prostitutes though and that is the lowest a woman can sink, right?

Bloody wrong!