SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: happyhappyjoyjoy on 11 February 2014, 07:57:14 am
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So I need to end it with a regular client. I have various reasons, he hasn't particularly done anything wrong and he's a lovely fellow BUT I do not feel comfirtable seeing him anymore. How do I approach this.
So far I have been ignoring his texts. He still texts me a few times a week asking for a booking. My partner thinks this might be the best way to handle this but it really goes against my grain as I usually like to get things over and done with.
Do I tell him the truth and say that I no longer wish to see him and he should stop contacting me. This is what I would usually do but as I said I actually like him as a person and he is quite emotionally sensitive and I think that I may get a bit of a backlash
Do I tell him a white lie saying that I have developed feelings for him and can no longer see him. On the face of it this seems like the nicest option but again it could open a can of worms.
Or is there another option that you girls have used in the past? I hate stringing him along unintentionally.
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I have found in the past that rejecting clients makes them want you more, sometimes to the point of obsession. I once told a guy not to come again, with the result that he would turn up unannounced, ring the doorbell, and initially try to sway me with flowers, champagne etc., then progress to kicking the front door in a rage, yelling that his money was as good as anybody elses'. The thought that I'm perfectly entitled to decide who to see didn't enter his head. Others have found it similarly difficult to accept, walking up and down outside my house, peering across the road, phoning, sending endless emails etc. When you think about it, if a guy can't even get laid when he's prepared to pay for it, it must be devastating for the ego.
I now find ways of making them reject me, wherever possible. The best way is to up the money until they duck out. In your case, I'd simply say you have developed feelings for him, and stupidly mentioned it to hour other half during a drunken moment. Your other half has a problem with jealous rage, and has already gotten into a fight with a former regular of yours, when he came to see you too often for comfort. The police at the time let him get off with a warning, but a repeat performance might land him in court.... blah, blah.
No matter how obsessed your punter is, the prospect of having to be a witness in court against a sex worker and her angry other half will pour cold water on his passion.
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So I need to end it with a regular client. I have various reasons, he hasn't particularly done anything wrong and he's a lovely fellow BUT I do not feel comfirtable seeing him anymore. How do I approach this.
So far I have been ignoring his texts. He still texts me a few times a week asking for a booking. My partner thinks this might be the best way to handle this but it really goes against my grain as I usually like to get things over and done with.
Do I tell him the truth and say that I no longer wish to see him and he should stop contacting me. This is what I would usually do but as I said I actually like him as a person and he is quite emotionally sensitive and I think that I may get a bit of a backlash
Do I tell him a white lie saying that I have developed feelings for him and can no longer see him. On the face of it this seems like the nicest option but again it could open a can of worms.
Or is there another option that you girls have used in the past? I hate stringing him along unintentionally.
You don't say why you want to stop seeing him, but I can imagine he's getting too comfortable and maybe attached.
I would try and let him down gently if you can. One of the reasons I avoid longer bookings is that I got tired of them pouring out all their problems, and becoming attached to me. How about telling him you are restricting your services because you no longer feel comfortable doing = the service that he has = because of your partner etc. He won't want to see you if he can't do what he wants to or used to.
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When you think about it, if a guy can't even get laid when he's prepared to pay for it, it must be devastating for the ego.
Exactly right. I've had them in tears and that's when it becomes very difficult.
One of the problems of having single men as clients. Marrieds do it as well, but I've known a couple of single men become almost suicidal when you have to cut them off.
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see the good thing about being outcall only is that they don't know where I live. Yes I get the feeling he is getting too attached. The problem is being that I have spoken to him about boundaries before and he did back off for a while but now he uses the phrase "I know my boundaries, but...." It's just uncomfortable. There are other reasons as well but that is the main one.
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A simple, polite and straight to the point ' It does not work for me seeing you anymore' is all that is needed. You don't have to give him an explanation nor go into too much detail.
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Tell him as much as you enjoy seeing him as client you just can't see him anymore because he reminds you so much of your mums/sisters/other relative new boyfriend that you just feel way too awkward. Tell him you've tried, but the past few times you've felt almost guilty afterwards and it's made you behave funny towards said boyfriend, and now family members are beginning to notice - and the last thing you want is anyone coming to the conclusion that you're having an affair with him! Long winded, but if you convince yourself this is real just tell client the gist of the story and hopefully he'll accept it. As a buffer zone say "it'd still be lovely to hear from you time to time, so do keep in touch. You never know, things may change in the future". So that way your not cutting him completely out, which may help with the rejection side of things.
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HHJJ I would be completely honest, I would tell him that I'd already told him my boundaries and that its all getting a bit too much for me now and makes me feel uncomfortable. I have had to do it before, they usually text you for a bit afterwards but as long as you tell him your reasons for not wanting to see him anymore (the truth) then completely cut yourself off from him by ignoring texts and calls and block him on AW (if he has a login)
Lots of clients don't give up because they are left in the dark wondering why you wont see them and why your ignoring them but at least if you give your honest answer THEN ignore him, I reckon he will back off. Its worked for me many times.
Defo do not lie and say you have feelings for him, that would open a massive can of worms and if he has feelings for you then you, lying to him will give him false hope and he'd never leave you alone.
xx
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I had one o/c regular who I knew it was right not to see again.
{The reason is immaterial as they are specific to me as your reason is to you}
I had a further booking request on the phone so I explained that I was never going to see him again,
along with a brief explanation. {Sure, the explanation is certainly not necessary as we the Provider decides
who/if we see someone. And having past liaisons with a person is no obligation on our part to see them again}
However, for this client I felt that after a 2+ years of visits he deserved an honest explanation.
I'm walking away; if I can do so with minimal upset, so much the better.
My call blocking app has an additional facility which sends a customised message
to a specified blocked number. For this client the message permanently reads:
AUTOMATED RESPONSE
Hi -----.
I am not going to see you again, ever.
This is because of ----------------------.
(I deserve better than that)
I wish you well and I hope you find
what you are looking for in life.
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Hi Jodie, that app sounds like just the thing I am looking for. Whats it called?
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I had to end it with a regular, because he was seeing for 1 hour 3 times a week, which was overly excessive.
He was single as well, so I just thought he was becoming to attached- so I thought it would be best to send him a text,
just saying I feel that he has started to cross the line by seeing me so much-
He replied politely, saying that he agreed he probably liked me to much- After that I haven't heard from him.
Just send a polite message x
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Yep be polite about it but be honest xx
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Yep I agree with Jodie and PP be honest and tell him why you don't want to see him anymore.
So what if he knows where you work from? Him turning up unannounced or potentially outing you to neighbours only shows signs that he is a disgusting creature. No sane person would want such filth sulking around their neighbourhood or to bother them with their antics. So by doing such acts they are only making themselves look weird.
Stay safe
xxx
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Honesty is the best policy.
Tell him that you no longer feel comfortable seeing him as you feel he sees you too much. x
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I think being honest is the way to go. Although I don't think I will cut off a good-paying regular. Tell him you're not available in any other way except as a service provider.
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I think being honest is the way to go. Although I don't think I will cut off a good-paying regular. Tell him you're not available in any other way except as a service provider.
Ive done that before. It didn't work.
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Tell him the truth. Say you spoke to him before about boundaries yet he is still trying to cross them even though he clearly says he knows what they are. Say you no longer feel comfortable with his boundary pushing and feel it better he find another service provider to see. don't call him as that will give him a chance to butt in, send an email or text but state that after this contact you will be blocking his number and emails so that no more contact can be made. Then block him.
You have tried doing it nicely by already warning him about boundary crossing yet he is still doing it so he has no one to blame but himself
He obviously has feelings and lying saying you have feeling too will give him hope that if he pushes enough you and he might have a future. Tell the truth as no one can really argue with the truth and he will know it is his own fault.
yes you will lose a regular and his money but it is better than ending up losing your self respect by carrying on seeing him with his boundary pushing. Our sanity is far more important than a client and his money
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Yip, what Dani said :) xx
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Hi Jodie, that app sounds like just the thing I am looking for. Whats it called?
It's for Android smart phones.
Go into the google play store and search for "Extreme call blocker" It's by GreyThinker.
Or of course just google: "Extreme call blocker" GreyThinker.
It cost ?3.96.
The app maker responds to messages and assists with any issues.
There are a lot of free call blockers; I tried about 5 or 6 before going for this one,
as it works well and they are continually developing it adding new features.
Basically it just works, and if you desire, you have a depth of functionality.
I found it to be well worth paying for.