This is a bit of a story but I need advice and have no one to turn to advice on this matter...

So about 3 years ago I was 21 and $35,000 in debt.  I was depressed, my relationship was in a rut, and needed a change.

I was on the waitlist to go back to school, which was a year long.  After much research and lots of consideration, I decided to move 2000 kms away, live with my grandma for free, work as an escort and pay off my debt so I could return to school with a clean slate.  The boyfriend was pretty hurt that I was leaving him, but the way things were going I knew we would break-up if I didn't make a drastic change.

About a month before I moved away my boyfriend found an email that I had written to an agency inquiring about working as an escort for them.  He was pretty open-minded about it but said that he wouldn't know how he would feel about being with me after I had escorted.  He knew that I had always had a weird fascination with the industry and was actually partially supportive about me doing it.  So basically I told him I probably wasn't going to do it and that was that...  We didn't talk about it again.

So I moved away... WE WENT ON A BREAK.  I started escorting.  I hated being away from my boyfriend, had a horrible boss, and would obsessively tally the amount of money I was waiting and calculate how long it would take for me to pay off my debt and return home.  I was extremely lonely, and my boyfriend was growing less and less attentive.  Four months into my six month escorting career, I met a client and we hit it off.  It started as nothing really, but I was lonely and we started hanging out together.  I fell quickly for him and started to think about how imperfect my relationship back at home was...  I started to distance myself from my boyfriend.   

Once I stopped doting over my boyfriend, of course that's when he started to pay attention to me...  He knew something was up and flat out asked me if I was escorting.  I flat out denied it and planned to take it to the grave.  I had fallen in love with my client but was planning on stringing my boyfriend along until I had returned home and got settled in at school (I went through a bitter phase where I realized how much he took me for granted).

Basically, when I returned home my boyfriend knew something was up.  Things just weren't going good and I was extremely distant.  Ironically my boyfriend ended up confessing to me that he had gotten a bj from a hooker on his bday right when I had left (ironically to become an escort myself).  That was the final straw for me and I broke up with him.  Things obviously fell apart with the client and I basically realized what an ass I had been and begged my boyfriend to take me back...

We got back together and it was lovely...  But then more and more he would talk about "I don't know what you did when you were away" and he actually found a letter that I had written to the client and said he didn't realize how serious our relationship had been.  There basically wasn't any trust left.  After being back together for about 2 years he broke up with me 3 months ago.  He basically told me that he doesnt want a relationship right now although he still loves me.  He's moving 1500 kms away in 2 weeks and this is why I have written all of this....

When we broke up and I was moving out he asked me if there was anything I wanted to tell him...

He knows in his heart that I was an escort.  BUT DO I TELL HIM?  He had the balls to tell me about the escort he saw.  He's been such an amazing partner and I feel like I owe him the truth before he leaves. 

But if I tell him, what do I need to tell him and what things can I keep to myself like how my horrible boss made me see 12 clients in one day?  How graphic do I need to get?  I'm so scared to tell him the truth but I feel like it could either bring us closer, help him and I to move on and possibly start over with a clean slate if we ever got back together in the future.  I know that if I dont tell him that we could never be together again in the future, so what do I really have to lose?  HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   

Scarlett, I don't know what you plan to do with your future career and life, but the last thing you want to do is give someone whom you have emotionally hurt, ANY kind of ammunition to use over you now or in the future. The relationship is over. It is one thing for him to suspect, but another to know, and for you to be the one to tell him. DO NOT DO THIS to you or to him.

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I agree with what the others said.

Some Background:
I had a horrible experience about 3 months ago where I had to tell an ex (who I waned to get back with) that I had been seeing someone else when we were on a break, he suspected it. It was truly awful, and I really regret telling him now, it did more damage than good; even though we weren't together he still saw it as a betrayal... we tried to make it work... but it was a long distance relationship, and basically the remaining parts of our relationship just broke down. I felt so guilty over it that I thought that it was the right thing to do- and even though now I feel a lot better, I feel that the truth only helped me. I know he will move on from it, but I think it will be a while, and now I carry the guilt from making him feel like that. I think that even if you do tell him, it probably won't make you feel better, you will still feel guilty, but you will also have the anxiety and worry of what he could potentially do with the information.

Now to the main point:

I was escorting while I was with him- BUT I always saw it as a job and nothing more, so when I told him about seeing someone else; it never even crossed my mind to tell him about escorting.

Now I think about your situation, and how my ex reacted to me seeing just one other person, I just couldn't predict the mess it would cause to tell him about escorting. Not only will it most likely damage him, but the information he would have could be used to manipulate you and to expose you. At the end of the day the relationship is over, and he will probably find it a lot easier to move on without knowing (even if he does suspect).

I think counselling is a good idea as it sounds like you have had a traumatic time *hugs* and a councillor may be able to help you with the guilt you feel.

You mentioned that you thought it could bring you two closer; I just don't see how? Even if eventually that could happen; the first few months, possibly years, there will be a wedge in your relationship, and it will be a huge mountain to overcome. If you do find yourselves getting back together in the future- maybe that would be the time to tell him, but now is just not the right time in my opinion.

But he is still going to leave. Why answer a question that will give him an even better reason for leaving? And then justify his reasons for leaving?

Lucy is right- it will be a lot easier for him to leave than to stay and deal with the situation.

I sincerely hope that whatever path you choose, you are okay at the end of it all

kisses xx

  Ahh thanks Lucy it's all good now... I'm a hell of a lot better without him as it turns out! Plus not to mention the fact that I now have sooo much more time to escort... which means more money for louboutins  *cough paying off overdraft* YAY 

xx

Hey Ladies,

Thank-you all for your words of advice but I decided to tell him today.

I gave him a general explanation of everything that happened.  The very first thing he asked me was if I was ok and that I should talk to a counsellor.  Gives you a pretty good idea of what kind of person he is.  This was definitely true love and I felt I really needed to tell him.  He deserved to hear the truth from me. 

He seemed angry at first, then said he respected me for telling him.  He said that he knew all along.  "I mean come on, you had two phones!" he said.  He hugged me, told me he loved me.  He said that his heart was hurting and when I went to hug him he told me not to touch him.  He then told me I needed to leave and walked me to the door.  I was going to leave without giving him a hug but then he asked me for one and asked if I was ok.  I ended up leaving crying. 

Haven't got a text from him since, but I feel good.  He knew the whole time.  I think it just stings to hear it.  I would rather him hate me for being an escort and coming clean than for knowing I was one all along and lying to him.  Time heals all wounds and I hope that this is true and maybe we can be in eachother's lives again in the future.  I had nothing else to lose.  If anything I think I gained his respect from doing this.

That's the only part I didn't enjoy about escorting.  Majority of clients were lovely, and besides having an evil boss I did quite enjoy it, I just HATED the lying. 

Thanks again ladies!  Hope this doesn't come to bite me in the ass.  Is honesty really the best policy?  I'm about to find out!