SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: Meg_Foster on 09 October 2011, 11:20:00 pm
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I've had these over the past 20 months, and I'm never quite sure what to do.
Basically, just got a guy, maybe 50 lbs overweight, small penis, difficulty maintaining and erection; I was...I had the energy, I was at my best, but he kept on saying things like "I'm a loser" "you're just saying that because I'm paying you" "You're too nice."
I have no idea how to deal with these types...obviously, I do my best and I'm not very concerned by bouts of flacidness/tubbiness/appearance etc... but at the same time, there's only so much to be done to make him feel special... I'm not going to do it for free to give him the proper ego-boost he needs!
??? advice?
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I get these types alot, and sometimes they become really clingy too. They ask for dates, and then start making you feel guilty for saying no. :-\ I just ignore it nowadays, because it really isn't fair on us. We aren't councillors and psychiatrists, and we're not being paid to deal with their issues, right? ::)
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I've had these over the past 20 months, and I'm never quite sure what to do.
Basically, just got a guy, maybe 50 lbs overweight, small penis, difficulty maintaining and erection; I was...I had the energy, I was at my best, but he kept on saying things like "I'm a loser" "you're just saying that because I'm paying you" "You're too nice."
I have no idea how to deal with these types...obviously, I do my best and I'm not very concerned by bouts of flacidness/tubbiness/appearance etc... but at the same time, there's only so much to be done to make him feel special... I'm not going to do it for free to give him the proper ego-boost he needs!
??? advice?
I understand where you are coming from. I recently had a guy who emailed me to ask if I see older men. I told him that yes I do;I don't descriminate . Okay, so then he says he is muhc much older ha snot had sex for ages and that he finds it hard to have full penetrative sex.
So I tell him that's fine there are plenty of other ways to have sexy fun. So we email back and foeth and then he sayds that this is getting embassing and he feels he has to cancel booking that he finally made.
Right so I ask him why he feels like that and he reiterates the erection thing and am i sure that it is not aproblem.
I reassure him again and then he says he is sorry if he upset me and rebooks.
. Lots of clients come to see WGS because they genuinely have an 'embarrassing problem' like this or a 'self esteem' issue or what have you. With regards to these clients I am not sure the 'wallowing in self pity' labels very fair as having genuine body issues is not to be taken lightly.
Having said that, whilst making any client feel special is part and parcel of the job, I have to agree with ladyjennaj that beyond that we are not there to offer counselling and deal with psychiatric issues. All you can do in these instances is to practice tolerance, compassion(never to the point of bending to a freebie of course) and what you are already doing; dishing out the compliments/reassurance. If they are not accepted then just go away from your session knowing that you did your best.
If you really can't handle dealing with these clients then perhaps not taking these bookings would be the answer.
Hope that helps
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aargh, I can't help mini-psycho-analysing my clients!
The most uncomfortable ones, I find, are the 'guilty'
First week of going indie, a client goes through the appt like he is a martyr, allowing this 'sex' to happen to him.
At the end, He; "Do you ever feel guilty about what you do"
I; "Uh no, can't say I do"
He; "Well I do..."
I; "Oh... Do you have a partner?"
He; "No, I just feel guilty about sex..." :-\
Sometimes I feel. 'sex therapist' is more fitting to what we do?
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Re Natasha - sometimes sex therapist is more like what we do?
Absolutely. And I actually sorta love the guys who are trying to positively work out something in their lives: like--
'why am I seeing prostitutes when I'm happily married and have a perfect life?' Or 'is what I'm doing okay?' or 'How can I become more attractive to women/become more comfortable with women and have the relationship I desire?' or 'How can I give a woman an orgasm?' or 'How does this sex position really work?' or 'every worker I've seen seems to be fine with this job/not addicted to meth/not pimped out/traumatized, but I still feel like I'm doing something horrible. Why?' or 'Am I normal for...'
Great conversations. And hell, we have more experience with comparable cases and at least they aren't going to get answers filtered through some moralized psych text book.
But that's completely different from the 'woe is me, I'm such a loser for having to pay for it folk, I'll never be able to get a girl...'
Anyways, thank you Lorissa for the advice. I think just heaping the praise onto the client and saying I'm bisexual but only sleep with men for $$ and have been like this for 3 years and don't see it ever changing is the best way to go with them.
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I love the 'allowing the sex to happen to him' thing. That's really funny, considering he called, made a booking, came and paid. [doh]
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I just hate it when they make it seem like I'm PART of the problem.
It's like, people who go to therapists or counselors don't start getting mopey and angry at the therapist for not being their real friend! ::)
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Ah yes the 'guilty ones'
The ones who come in the door super tense and nervous. Its all over relatively quickly...then I have to listen to them say.....
"Oh the build up feels so good.......but now I feel terrible, I'm married....I feel so guilty..........etc"
It doesnt matter what you say (if you do) they still have this guilty hunted look on their face and cant get out the dooor fast enough.
KEEP your guilt to youself!!! I don't wanna hear. If you feel this bad, simple dont come.
One thing I know with these guys they NEVER leave feedback they just wann erase it.
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All you can do is offer reassurance.
I thought this thread might have been about the wallowing some chaps do when they are nervous, can't make their mind up about coming to their appointment, start twoing and froing saying "I'm useless aren't I?". It's a little self-perpetuating when this happens. If chaps give us a chance most decent ladies will be understanding and look after them.
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All you can do is offer reassurance.
I thought this thread might have been about the wallowing some chaps do when they are nervous, can't make their mind up about coming to their appointment, start twoing and froing saying "I'm useless aren't I?". It's a little self-perpetuating when this happens. If chaps give us a chance most decent ladies will be understanding and look after them.
Hi Strawberry I wasnt just talking about your average nervous guy, I get a lot of them; just 2 in particular who stuck out for me (I was actually very nice to them but nothing I said made any difference, it seemed they were determined to feel guilty no matter what I said).
I am understanding and most of all decent (well unless anyone blatently disrespects me)
Maybe my last post came out wrong if you misunderstood it like that
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It may sound harsh but don't get dragged down by them. You are there to please them sexually and that's about it. You could reassure them a bit, and you could cater to their feelings by reassuring them but don't get sucked into it too much.
That isn't what you're there for.
It may sound harsh, but it's the truth.
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Yup I think this job can be pretty emotionally draining anyway without adding to it, that probably why that post came over a bit harsh!
I don't mind reassuring clients on sexual matters at all, I mean thats kinda my job but the guilt thing - NO!
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It may sound harsh but don't get dragged down by them. You are there to please them sexually and that's about it. You could reassure them a bit, and you could cater to their feelings by reassuring them but don't get sucked into it too much.
That isn't what you're there for.
It may sound harsh, but it's the truth.
Totally agree! We aren't psychiatrists, so they cannot expect us to act like one. You can be comforting to a certain degree, but some of them attempt to make you feel guilty too. That's when I get annoyed. If seeing girls makes you feel so terrible, then don't do it, and don't bring your marital issues to my door :-X It might sound harsh, but this job carries enough emotional baggage as it is...
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Totally agree! We aren't psychiatrists, so they cannot expect us to act like one. You can be comforting to a certain degree, but some of them attempt to make you feel guilty too. That's when I get annoyed. If seeing girls makes you feel so terrible, then don't do it, and don't bring your marital issues to my door :-X It might sound harsh, but this job carries enough emotional baggage as it is...
I always get this song in my head when they start on about their wives!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z24TBbtz9mU
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It may sound harsh but don't get dragged down by them. You are there to please them sexually and that's about it. You could reassure them a bit, and you could cater to their feelings by reassuring them but don't get sucked into it too much.
That isn't what you're there for.
It may sound harsh, but it's the truth.
Totally agree! We aren't psychiatrists, so they cannot expect us to act like one. You can be comforting to a certain degree, but some of them attempt to make you feel guilty too. That's when I get annoyed. If seeing girls makes you feel so terrible, then don't do it, and don't bring your marital issues to my door :-X It might sound harsh, but this job carries enough emotional baggage as it is...
Exactly.
And also because they may feel they can rely on you for such things again in the future. They may feel they can rely on you, and that isn't what you are there for.
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I just wanted to say that I too am sorry if my post came across in a harsh unfeeling manner. I thought that you were referring to the geuine nervous people who twitter away nervously and perhaps don't even realsie/think about what they are saying. My mind immediately jumped to 'Ooh that's a bit harsh!'
Having re read what you have written I can now see your meaning much clearer. I always stay away from talking about personal issues with a client. Okay, sometimes they may mention a wife /girlfriend which I don't mind. But knowing the ins and outs is really unnecessary.
Particularly the heaping of a whole sob story on to you. Like .' Woe is me. Oh what have I done? Oh, how will I ever live/forgive myself?'
It's like hitting yourself on the head with a hammer for five days in a row and then saying'Oh God! Why am i doing this to myself?'
So, there you go my apologies. . :)
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if they say there married ect ect feel guilty , i just tell them to think of it as an expensive haircut, ;D its always gets a laugh from them and brings a sense of normality to the booking
and anyway its a bit late to feel guilty after the fact feel guilty when your booking not when im sucking your cock
i had one guy in ireland come to see me he paid and despite me telling him to slow down it was over pretty quickly ( he then said he felt guilty as he was married and could he have some money back??????)
now had he not asked me i would have happily given him something back but when they are asking and trying to say its cos they feel guiltly its a big no
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I think we should charge extra for hearing sob stories, hehe! ;D
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i had one guy in ireland come to see me he paid and despite me telling him to slow down it was over pretty quickly ( he then said he felt guilty as he was married and could he have some money back
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Oh I don't know if that makes me :D or >:(!
What are they like eh???
*baffled*
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i had one guy in ireland come to see me he paid and despite me telling him to slow down it was over pretty quickly ( he then said he felt guilty as he was married and could he have some money back??????)
now had he not asked me i would have happily given him something back but when they are asking and trying to say its cos they feel guiltly its a big no
What a dope.
Once I had a guy pay me extra for a-levels (back when I charged extra for it.) In the end though he did it for only a minute before decideding he didn't like it. In reality his cock was too small.
He asked if he could have the money back since it didn't really happen but I told him since he tried it counts, no refunds.
What am I a clothing store? I don't offer refunds FFS