SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: Aqua Allegoria on 11 March 2015, 03:23:08 pm
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Ladies
Has anyone seen a client with the above?
Should I say yes, should I say no? I told him to call me since I honestly don't know what to reply. Obviously don't want to offend. I'm more interested in how to deal with this sort of client if I decide to go through with it, make them comfortable etc.
Thanks everyone xxx
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You really need to find out in what way his illness affect him. There is so many different things with aspergers that we can't be expected to know them all and each individual is unique.
Just ask him and tell him you will factor things into the booking.
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I'm sure I've seen clients with Asperger's - it was only recently that it was given a name. It used to just be called "a bit odd." The character Sheldon Cooper on Big Bang Theory is (unofficially) based on Aspergers and you'll see him do a lot of typical Aspie things.
My brother is pretty much classic Asperger's - but he's 50 years old and there was nobody to diagnose it when he was growing up. What I can tell you to expect may include a sort of physical stiffness and awkwardness. They are often not cuddly people and hugging them can be a bit like hugging a coat rack. It's a bit weird but nothing alarming. Aspergers generally means they don't pick up on subtle social cues like disapproving glances, etc. so they also can do odd things that other people may consider graceless or rude, like pick their nose in public or something like that. (That's my brother!) They may talk in a monotone drone, not recognising that their audience is bored or uneasy as they go on and on about steam trains or The Who (my brother!) or whatever their particular interest is. Jokes and sarcasm may go over their heads and they will take what you say at face value.
That he has told you this about himself means that he is aware of these issues and hopes you will work with him on them. Therefor, you can probably get away with correcting any inappropriate behaviour. He may appreciate being told if he is kissing you poorly. I mean, if a guy licks my ears I will probably try to find a way to distract him before I actually tell him not to do that. I think with someone who is telling you up front that they have this issue, they may be prepared for/used to/appreciative of being told - nicely but directly - that something they are doing isn't working for you.
You may find the booking tedious and awkward but I don't think there is any particular reason to be afraid or worried.
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I've seen a couple and they were fine, in fact very pleasant. But I would perhaps speak with him on the phone to try and gauge if you'll get on OK in person.
The main thing is, they fail to pick up on social cues, so are not so interested in chatting. And they may have a very fixed idea about what they want to happen, so you need to check that you will be able to provide what they're looking for.
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Good point, Kay. Many people on the autism spectrum are uncomfortable outside of a routine and may not be good at going with the flow.
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Oh thanks ladies, I can handle Sheldons just fine lol!
Xxx
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I've done some appts with some people diagnosed with aspergers
I have also dated a people with aspergers (i've had a number of people tell me they are surprised I am not diagnosed with it)
Aspies can take things really literally. And can be difficult to pick up on subtle mesthe es and social cues, in both directions (reading you and the giving out of their own). Also some people have a total lack of filter - they think it and then they say it.
Many aspies learn the socially expected norms and can therefore just be a little odd sometimes. Think sheldon and his offering tea to upset people/guests as an example
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Yes, definitely talk to him first about it. Everybody with asperger's is different. I remember this quote from somewhere, something like 'If you've met someone who is autistic then you've met ONE person who is autistic' (the most recent DSM-V has merged asperger's syndrome in with autism).
My brother is autistic/asperger's (never diagnosed) and he is quite similar to the way people describe above. He doesn't recognise social cues - if someone is bored/uninterested or in a rush. I think a lot of people with severe asperger's probably struggle with social intimacy so he might not have had much experience so that's worth asking him about.
On the other hand I have an ex-boyfriend who was diagnosed with it and I didn't understand why at all - to begin with. He was very charismatic, outgoing and had a lot of friends. He was diagnosed because he could become extremely obsessive with a certain character (from a tv show, a historical figure) and would mimic them - their clothes, voice/accent, catchphrases.. very much like how a child might become obsessed with a superhero. He also didn't understand the effect his emotions had on other people. I'm not suggesting your client will be like this, just trying to make the point that everyone with asperger's is different :)
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On the other hand I have an ex-boyfriend who was diagnosed with it and I didn't understand why at all - to begin with. He was very charismatic, outgoing and had a lot of friends.
Same as one of my exes, also diagnosed. In his own words, he took a lot of time to observe and learn - think learning animal behavior, but with people instead. A lot of AS folks are above average sharp, doesn't surprise me in the slightest that they can teach themselves social skills if they put their mind to it.
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Hey ladies
Yes I've spoken to him and sounds exactly Sheldonish:) which works with me because I've dealt with similar in my circle,just didn't know it was called Asperger. Thank you everyone
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My boyfriend have autism and some kids of him asperger, and they are totally normal, but with superior intelligence, the only problem is they have low social skill to make friends and that... but they have..
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Hi girls, I have a guy who has started coming regular and from the start I felt he had Aspergers but obviously never said anything. He's since told me he does have Aspergers but I think he's slightly further along the autistic spectrum than I originally thought or that he would admit.
He's got nasty on a couple of occasions if he's been told what to do or if I change the routine, and takes things very literally.
He had such a panic the other day when I told him my hair was falling out. I meant plenty of it ends up on the sheets and carpets, not that I was literally losing my hair!
Any advise on how to deal with him? He's a sweet guy so I'm happy seeing him, just need some advice on keeping him happy, like his routine etc
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One of my former autistic clients called me yesterday - and completely denied that we'd ever had any contact before! He just kept sounding perplexed then said OK and put the phone down. (I wouldn't have seen him again anyway because he was a bit too weird for me, with halitosis...)
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On the other hand I have an ex-boyfriend who was diagnosed with it and I didn't understand why at all - to begin with. He was very charismatic, outgoing and had a lot of friends.
Same as one of my exes, also diagnosed. In his own words, he took a lot of time to observe and learn - think learning animal behavior, but with people instead. A lot of AS folks are above average sharp, doesn't surprise me in the slightest that they can teach themselves social skills if they put their mind to it.
If they put their mind to it. I know a family that has three of them, all brothers. There are three sisters as well but they don't have it, it's very much a male thing. Two of the brothers are socially okay although a little bit odd at times, but the third doesn't pick up on social graces at all. He will communicate by texting people in the same room, and doesn't understand at all why people find that funny. He will also start off conversations with you as though he's never met you in his life before. They are all definitely above average intelligence and the one I'm talking about will usually come up with a solution to any problem within minutes. As clients they aren't really any more difficult than anyone else. It's usually quite easy to get them off into a world of their own and not have to make polite conversation etc.
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I had a guy a couple of days ago who I think was trying to push for BB. It was obvious he had Aspergers or some other mental issue. He kept texting me afterwards saying he didn't understand why I got offended. I just ignored him. He tried to book me again the next day. :-\ I found him quite manipulative
"hope you've not got the wrong impression of me". Telling me it was his birthday. He takes ages to come ::) Saying people don't usually pick up on his Aspergers & some people think he's a confrontational prick! A few pestering texts afterwards. I just gave him a mouthful about not pushing escorts boundaries & safety etc. He came across as really shy & respectful at the start. He was apologetic when I told him I wouldn't get close to his bare dick as I straddled him to finish him with my hand but there was that still underlying factor that he was being manipulative that was a major red flag for me.
I'm not sure weather to leave feedback or not for him. I wouldn't see him again. I know another local escort cancelled his booking.
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It really depends on a lot of factors no two people with asperger syndrome are ever quite the same, some find it easier than others to be social you wouldn't really notice most of the time though they can come off a little odd at times and some have more difficulties. Like with any disability you just need to work out what they can and can't do and work the booking around that, be upbeat and positive don't show frustration and try to make them comfortable as you would anyone else. When I first decided to do this job my biggest fear was clients who are disabled mentally and/or physically but since I started many of my favourite clients have some disability. I have a regular with some learning difficulties he can get stressed or anxious sometimes but he's such a sweetheart and the more we got to know each other the easier it's become to make sure he's comfortable and happy. He often books longer bookings which means I can ease him into things without any rush.
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I had a guy a couple of days ago who I think was trying to push for BB. It was obvious he had Aspergers or some other mental issue. He kept texting me afterwards saying he didn't understand why I got offended. I just ignored him. He tried to book me again the next day. :-\ I found him quite manipulative
"hope you've not got the wrong impression of me". Telling me it was his birthday. He takes ages to come ::) Saying people don't usually pick up on his Aspergers & some people think he's a confrontational prick! A few pestering texts afterwards. I just gave him a mouthful about not pushing escorts boundaries & safety etc. He came across as really shy & respectful at the start. He was apologetic when I told him I wouldn't get close to his bare dick as I straddled him to finish him with my hand but there was that still underlying factor that he was being manipulative that was a major red flag for me.
I'm not sure weather to leave feedback or not for him. I wouldn't see him again. I know another local escort cancelled his booking.
That's got nothing to do with his Asperger. He cant just say "oh poor me I got Asperger so I'd rather do bareback", that's just using your mental health condition as a lame excuse.
I once had a 2 hr booking with a half deaf guy. He was not only half deaf but also clearly slightly retarded and got a bit aggressive mid booking, not physically, more like verbally, he was all agitated, telling me how he wanted to have a wife who would stay home and cook and look pretty and be ready to have sex five times a day. And asking me if I was interested!!! I was freaking out because he was there jumping on my bed and I couldn't calm him down and there was no telling what he would do...
He asked me for feedback as well. No way. Tried to book a couple of weeks ago. I said no and he said "oh it's because I'm deaf!" I replied "no, it's because you scared me and I didn't feel safe"
Those guys know perfectly well what they do.
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I had a client with Asperger's. I had to fire him after he became an obsessive stalker.
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I'm not sure weather to leave feedback or not for him. I wouldn't see him again. I know another local escort cancelled his booking.
I would like it if escorts began to be more honest in giving feedback. Even if you gave a slightly edited version of what happened, it may help other escorts in avoiding this man.
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The client I had with aspergers turned into a stalker too, he outed me to my mum who had no idea that I was an escort. I think he was just a nasty piece of work and used the aspergers as an excuse. I wouldn't let it stop me seeing anyone else with aspergers but I wouldn't deal with crap and use that as an excuse.
Treat them like any other client who pushes the boundaries
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I've had mixed. Some very mild aspies who were absolute sweethearts. But then I ad somebody recently quite clearly further along the spectrum. A long booking, was so difficult. I felt like a carer. Very obsessive, asking strange things of me, poor hygiene (I nearly threw up) and telling me way too much detail about other girls. Best part was that he left on time!
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That's got nothing to do with his Asperger. He cant just say "oh poor me I got Asperger so I'd rather do bareback", that's just using your mental health condition as a lame excuse.
I once had a 2 hr booking with a half deaf guy. He was not only half deaf but also clearly slightly retarded and got a bit aggressive mid booking, not physically, more like verbally, he was all agitated, telling me how he wanted to have a wife who would stay home and cook and look pretty and be ready to have sex five times a day. And asking me if I was interested!!! I was freaking out because he was there jumping on my bed and I couldn't calm him down and there was no telling what he would do...
He asked me for feedback as well. No way. Tried to book a couple of weeks ago. I said no and he said "oh it's because I'm deaf!" I replied "no, it's because you scared me and I didn't feel safe"
Those guys know perfectly well what they do.
That sounds nasty. Hope he understood why you wouldn't see him.
It wasn't quite like that, but yes they do play on it don't they. It would be like me using my bad back as an excuse to end the booking early or let them do all the work whilst I just laid there. I may try that actually if they are a bit odd.
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That sounds nasty. Hope he understood why you wouldn't see him.
It wasn't quite like that, but yes they do play on it don't they. It would be like me using my bad back as an excuse to end the booking early or let them do all the work whilst I just laid there. I may try that actually if they are a bit odd.
I'm sorry if it came across as nasty. But someone who uses their mental health (or any health) condition as excuse to trick you into getting something they want is simply manipulating you. I had a few clients after serious surgery and a couple of clients with cancer, they didn't want any special favours or any pity.
Yes he perfectly understood what I told him. He apologised and pushed for a booking anyway. I still declined:)
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I've had as many varied experiences as I have with clients who'd not declared they have any sort of issues.
One man was a real nightmare, who would these days be eliminated by my screening - at the time I was vulnerable with my own issues, and I gave him a lot of leeway. He caused me a lot of trouble, no least so when his supposed 'carer' threatened to report me to the police :o. I had kept all the demanding 'I want sex' emails and texts from the young client (he was over 16!).
Interesting when a few years later that carer (who I was able to link to a caring 'organisation'), contacted me asking for a booking. Errr, very strange and no thank you.
Others have ranged from nothing noticeable, to some who need extra time at the end just to get their bearings and arrange their transport home before leaving.
Some of the worst problems have been with men who I would say have 'attachment' issues, have no empathy for others - which are supposedly Aspergers/Austistic traits (sorry if I get any of this wrong, I tend to see people as people rather than get hung up in diagnosis) who if you suggested they fell into that box would not accept it at all. They also tend to be people who have to remind you how 'nice' they are. In my experience is someone is having to say that they are 'nice', they are almost always very difficult to be with and struggle with relationships throughout their lives.
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Some of the worst problems have been with men who I would say have 'attachment' issues, have no empathy for others - which are supposedly Aspergers/Austistic traits (sorry if I get any of this wrong, I tend to see people as people rather than get hung up in diagnosis) who if you suggested they fell into that box would not accept it at all. They also tend to be people who have to remind you how 'nice' they are. In my experience is someone is having to say that they are 'nice', they are almost always very difficult to be with and struggle with relationships throughout their lives.
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That's a good red flag to point out. More-so types on the phychopathic or "antisocial personality disorder" scales. I don't know much about Aspergers either but I know they aren't good at reading emotions & facial expressions & that's an issue for me.
I don't have the disabled clients box ticked on my profile & I'm now wondering if I should put something about not catering to "special needs" on my profile. Maybe I could put something in the feedback about that guy I saw a few days ago along the lines of,
" this chap would fall under the special needs category who unfortunately I don't normally cater for, so wouldn't see again for personal reasons".
I don't want to sound like a cold bitch though. I just find them emotionally draining.
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My sister is on the scale. I do want to make sure you are aware it CAN be dangerous, google aspergers outburst they are often physical & blurred lines of empathy can prove a difficult thing for seeing someone as a client, it's difficult to say because everyone with it varies on the scale some do have empathy & don't have outburts. Without the ability or with a hindered ability of empathy it can mean clients with Asperger are often boundary pushers & wont care too much to respect you. Socially they just find it a bit hard to make conversation & often avoid eye contact but given it is our literal job to guide the booking in a positive friendly way, don't see how the social aspect is any different to a client who is nervous as hell, I adore my sister it's not like they can't be friendly nice people. But meeting strangers with it, I personally wouldn't. I have in the past, but most don't tell you, given I have experience I know though & oftentimes they give me a reason to not see them again like one guy would turn up at my house unannounced and he couldn't understand why that was out of line. I'm not too sure why the theme of inappropriate over attachment as others have also describe. I get where you are coming from as regards to 'discrimination' but we do need to risk assess and sometimes all we have to go on is past experience and stereotypes. If we're talking science.... would you decline someone with HIV because it has a risk of your health. Yes. Regardless of 'oh it might be ok because of condoms' or in this case 'oh it might be ok because some are fine'. So why is it different to decline someone whos nural chemistry has wired in a way that doesn't connect properly to the all important empathy department (supramarginal gyrus) in many cases when empathy is humans biological safety net to not just punching everyone we dislike in the face.
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Hmmn, there's quite a lot of incorrect worrying stereotypes being discussed on this thread I think. I don't think equating Aspergers to dangerous individuals is at all fair (read: it's downright discriminatory), nor is expecting everyone who has actually been diagnosed with this to be the same.
People with Aspergers - generally speaking - will take things extremely literally, will like structure and to have an exact plan of how things will be, may be quite anxious, and some may also may appear to communicate effectively (this is often a learned behaviour) but may feel anxious if anything goes "off script". Good clients are good clients and the clients I've had where they've disclosed this to me have been overwhelmingly fine; the ones who have been arses have been like that due to their personality, not their condition.
Clients with Aspergers who have also been abusive or who have behaved like a cunt have probably done so because they are abusive or because they like to behave like cunts. :)
I agree with this.
The reason I originally started this thread was because that particular client told me over the phone he had Aspergers and he asked if this would be an issue. I'm no specialist on any health matter, be it Asperger or blood pressure, so I was simply trying to be a bit prepared.
But in the end of the day it all comes down to what you just said: a cunt is a cunt no matter what. And a nice person is a nice person:)
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Maybe I've been lucky, but all the people I've known have been on the lighter end of the Asperger's scale and been very nice to deal with (both in my general life and as clients). I think it's where you go deeper into autism that you can have tricky encounters because they cannot process your explanations and may react angrily or become volatile because their control has gone.
But as always, you have to take on a case-by-case basis.
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Maybe I've been lucky, but all the people I've known have been on the lighter end of the Asperger's scale and been very nice to deal with (both in my general life and as clients). I think it's where you go deeper into autism that you can have tricky encounters because they cannot process your explanations and may react angrily or become volatile because their control has gone.
But as always, you have to take on a case-by-case basis.
Same with me. I seen a few clients who have told me beforehand. I'm not an expert but I feel like they were on the mild to moderate end of the spectrum. I just took into consideration what they said and all went well.
I can imagine at the severe end of the spectrum there would be a potentiality for misunderstanding, but as someone else said there's a difference between that and just being a dickhead.
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Hmmn, there's quite a lot of incorrect worrying stereotypes being discussed on this thread I think. I don't think equating Aspergers to dangerous individuals is at all fair (read: it's downright discriminatory), nor is expecting everyone who has actually been diagnosed with this to be the same.
People with Aspergers - generally speaking - will take things extremely literally, will like structure and to have an exact plan of how things will be, may be quite anxious, and some may also may appear to communicate effectively (this is often a learned behaviour) but may feel anxious if anything goes "off script". Good clients are good clients and the clients I've had where they've disclosed this to me have been overwhelmingly fine; the ones who have been arses have been like that due to their personality, not their condition.
Clients with Aspergers who have also been abusive or who have behaved like a cunt have probably done so because they are abusive or because they like to behave like cunts. :)
Totally agree, Aspergers is a form of Autism in a mild form, I have two relatives with it-although they would never admit it,or draw it to your attention,it affects lots of people on a sliding scale,yes they sometimes find it hard to read body-language or sarcasm etc, and, on the far-end, could be clingy, but most, like one I had are just a bit OCD and particular, he always used to say "I dont want to rushed" and take ten minutes laying his clothes out like he was in an army barracks so his clothes werent creased-not the end of the world!
If someone approached this by telling you before meeting, I would be cautious its not the old shock wind-up call, like" ive got a colostomy bag", or" im wheelchair-bound, do you mind if my carer watches", or could be a pre-lim to trying to excuse being an arse-hole!