SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: figa98 on 21 May 2012, 10:56:40 am
-
I know many of us are in relationships outside of work.
I am myself and it is long term and he knows what I do.I try not to rub it in his face.Just say am off to work tonight,not alot more is said about it apart from what time I will be home.
I just doubt at times that he can really love me when lets me honest I am having sex with other people.Yes its work I hear you all scream,but its still a intermiate act.My partner is lovely and always makes me feel loved and is very understanding.I just wonder weather it is really the fact that men can seperate sex and love easier than us?or is that just a terribly old fashioned view?.I can seperate love and sex,of course I can or I would not be able to do what I do.BUT if the shoe were on the other foot,would I be able to cope with him having sex with other people as his job.
Just feeling a little confused.I know he loves me,but can he REALLY love me with what I do?or is it me with the issue?.I love him dearly,but my job is always there,like a cloud hanging over us.
-
Well I had a boyfriend and started escorting and never told him, he was long distance though so it was easy to hide it. It didn't affect our relationship, however we broke up for other reasons.
I then met someone else and just couldn't work anymore, I felt too guilty lying to him (I didn't trust him enough to tell him, and he to this day does not know). So I gave it all up for him, and then a year later he broke up with me out of the blue. So feeling a little bitter about all of it.
I've never had the courage to be honest to anyone about it and I admire anyone that does, but for me it's just too much of a risk.
For me it's easier just to be single.
I do think he can really love you, love is never black and white, but it just becomes an issue of do you want someone to be ok with you sleeping with other people? Because personally I wouldn't be ok with my partner accepting it. Maybe that's because I like a guy who makes me feel protected and because I'm a hopeless romantic. I think it really depends on what you are looking for from a partner.
xx
-
thats a tricky one.
i am now in a long term relationship and my boyfriend doesn't know what i do and he would disown me if he did.
dont really know what to say but your lucky he is understanding. i find it hard to open up to my boyfriend because of my job x
-
.
-
I really don't believe it can work in the long term. If I really loved someone I would not escort even if they said they were okay with it. I am oldfashioned in a way and want to get married and have a family in the future and there's no way I will be doing this when that happeneds.
-
dont let those thoughts creep in if hes ok with it now, it would be highly unfair to suddenly decide he had a problem with it later down the line
why cant he love you just because your a escort he loves you warts and all and sounds mature. it sounds more like youve got more of a problem with it than him if your wondering if he really loves you because your an escort, maybe its a little insecurity and that is something you will need to work on for the realtionship to survive:)
Couldn't agree more ;D
-
yes it can but you both have to be on the same page of thinking
maybe its because you are who you are, that your partner loves you and that he is secure in his love for you and likewise so he dosnt have a problem with you working
and he dosnt let you have sex with other people either ( not unless your wearing a burka and living under shaira law )
you chose to do that in your own right and he dosnt have a problem with it ( when he dose im sure he will let you know )
and of course men can seperate sex from love what the f.... do you think clients do when they shag us ;D and pay for it as well
They very often love there wives and partners but they f....k us so yeah i definatly think that men can compartmentalise sex
I actually feel sorry for the guys that dont know what their partner is doing behind there back for whatever reason
One thing that i know for sure that is that if he wasnt happy about it, it would be wrong and if he is ok about it then its wrong as well poor bloke cant win either way
there is no wrong or right just what your both happy with
-
Jealousy comes out of insecurity really. If he feels secure, it may be that your work doesn't threaten him.
I don't know whether it's the job, or whether my views are just a bit liberal, but I don't really see sex as being very different to any other activity I might do with someone other than a boyfriend.
I sometimes go out for dinner with my boyfriend. Other times I go out for dinner with a friend (male or female), and he knows that a) it doesn't mean that I don't want to have dinner with him and b) going for dinner with him is a different experience to dinner with anyone else, because I've chosen him as my boyfriend.
I suppose I'm lucky to be able to compartmentalise things that way.
-
You have to be both secure like Paris says, in both the relationship and with your work. None of this 'tit for tat what's good for the goose' etc, no point scoring. Just it's your job and is never used by either of you as a weapon.
Only bit that's iffy is the trust thing, because if you don't use barrier contraception with him and he strays well it's more than just your health alone.
I decided a long time ago that only way to stop the niggling would be to always only have protected sex in my private life.
Sign of mistrust?or responsibility and peace of mind?after all people do mess up and at least that way that base is covered, and one less worry if someone is a bit naughty.
-
I have to say that I work whilst in mine, he knew I was working when we met eachother through a friend and I know he loves me. I never even question it. I dont need to go into major detail on my relationship but I have never thought 'He musn't love me'. His actions would tell me that.
I had this conversation with a girl I worked with in a parlour. I shared the shift with her for 7 months and she would lie to potential boyfriends she was a dancer as she could never accept they loved her if they knew she was a prostitute. Over time it was really obvious she had massive self esteem issues and I think thats what this lies in.
Escorts are no different to other women (except maybe more sexually experienced ;D) and men fall in love with them.
-
My bf knows and knew before we started dating. He isn't thrilled about it but he loves me so much that he's willing to accept it
Maybe it's the case that your bf may not like it but loves you enough that he wants to be with you regardless?
-
My bf knows and knew before we started dating. He isn't thrilled about it but he loves me so much that he's willing to accept it
Maybe it's the case that your bf may not like it but loves you enough that he wants to be with you regardless?
Relationships are all about give and take.
Yes def ...it's all about give and take.
-
In my case, I met my partner through work, he was my financial advisor rather than a punter though. He knew what I was doing, how many clients I was seeing etc and we gradually grew closer. I've asked him about it and he says that I'm putting on an act, that the person my clients see are not the person he loves, but a caricature of me.
He is the only one who gets to see me as I really am. Or at least that's the way he sees it.
I think it's weird but I couldn't have a partner that I keep it from, lying to the punters is one thing but lying to my partner as well, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.