SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: seraphine on 05 August 2014, 10:02:40 pm
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I've not experienced this with escorting (I've only Bren doing it a couple of months), but I have with my other work as an artist. The fact is that even if you've got your dream job that you've worked really hard to get, at some point you're going to realise that it's just a job, and the feeling of *having* to do it is going to take the gloss off.
My only advice would be to keep at it, remind yourself why you want to do this line of work, and work hard at staying professional and giving your clients a good service. Things may shift after a while, or you may decide it's not for you after all, but just remember that this is the work part of sex work, and with any work you're going to have to push through the urge to do other stuff instead!
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It's funny how I was going to write IDENTICAL post earlier today. However, I have been in the business for 7 years now, and this burn-out only came 3 months ago.
I used to be super focused on my 'job', professional (punctual, happy etc), always chasing another booking (sad) and keen to travel from one end of London to another for a 1 hour appt.
Now I literally do bare minimum, I have let down a couple of regulars. I don't answer my phone anymore, I do everything by text as I can't force myself to speak to anyone, I won't go to a booking too late or top early, I will turn down bookings if I think it's too far, and God forbid I might get tired!
I used to rent a incall place once a week, but now the idea of WORKING all day seems shocking.
I don't entertain shy/ new/ indecisive clients anymore, whereas I used to be very very patient, my attitude at the minute is: next! And it's not even like I have lots of guys lining up to see me.
I am TOTALLY bored and just can't be arsed.
I am wondering if this is going to go away or am I lost? I did take 2 holidays recently, but didn't help at all, would say it made things worse, as I was irritated the whole time that I might be 'loosing' potential bookings bak home, and I shouldn't be really holidaying as I have been spending spending spending, and not earning....
I am wondering if I over did it, ie I have been working too hard for too long..?
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... I'm just wondering, how do girls, who have many clients a day manage to stay sane? They don't seem to get burnt-out for some reason; is there a trick or something to do this?
I don't think it's down to numbers of clients seen, it's more to do with knowing your limits and what sort of bookings you find suit you best - the people seeing lots of punters are likely to be doing shorter appointments which don't require you to 'engage' with the punter as much as a two hour (or even a one hour) one would, and I know that I get far more tired and drained after a two or three longer bookings in a day than I would with three times as many of an hour or less :).
Don't assume other people don't get burnt out, either! Some people have just learned to spot the signs and slow down accordingly, others will take time off when they know they're not up to working but being self employed can mean that you're putting yourself under unfair pressure because there's never a guarantee of where the next money is coming in - for this reason it's a good idea to put away as much as you can (even if it's just a few quid a week) until you have a fallback fund you can use in the event that you need it, even if it's just because you want a week or two off.
It sounds to me as if you're in a bit of a rut and getting bored - maybe rethink your ads or do some new pictures, try a way of working you haven't done before so you can feel a bit more excited about working? There's things like webcamming too - I've never done it but if you don't feel up to meeting punters in person it could help you with a bit of extra income. 'As and when' type work can mean a lack of structure too, and setting some up can make it easier to get things like admin done although I think just like making lists :).
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Could this be summer? I have always been quieter in the summer and that affects my motivation. But at the moment my motivation is zero...
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... I'm just wondering, how do girls, who have many clients a day manage to stay sane? They don't seem to get burnt-out for some reason; is there a trick or something to do this?
Keep the sex short and sweet. That's what I do. I do get bored with it sometimes, but if I take a day or two off then I miss it.
What I do find tedious is being with clients who want to do things that I either don't like or am not at all interested in. If you have a niche activity that you like to do, then stick with that and only have regulars who like the same style of booking that you like to do. I feel a sense of achievement when I've had a day with a lot of bookings. Not every day is like that, and if it was then I don't think I could cope with it. What I find most tiring is a day of relatively few long bookings when you have to maintain a certain persona for most of the day. It's much easier to be yourself and not worry about what you might say or do. Of course YMMV.
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I've gone through periods of demotivation.
You mention that you're doing "lots of spending." It may be that you're feeling depressed or something in your life. Are you doing fulfilling things in your "real" life? Do you have friends and hobbies? Rather than spending money on things (which I relate to, as I can do it, myself) try to think of something new to do with your spare time. I literally mean something like learning to knit or joining the Ramblers or volunteering to feed animals in an animal shelter. Focus on wholesome and fulfilling activities so that your life is enriching and you feel good about yourself.
As for working, I find it helpful to set a financial goal and then focus on that. I wanted to save some money up because I'm going to a music festival. So, I ran a special on my half-hour bookings. I had the busiest, most lucrative week, ever. I enjoyed just banging out one short booking after another. I also introduced some new stuff to my bookings - just toys and things like surprising them with squirty cream, etc. and had a sense of humour about it all. Seven days later, I am physically exhausted but have made a LOT of money and now I'm all set to go enjoy myself at the festival. So, for me, short focused bursts of intensity that have a practical end goal are helpful.
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I have flipped between escorting and regular work for 30 years, a few years escorting and then a few years working for a wage, If I were to give a newbie some advice this is what I would tell them so here you go for what its worth......
1.Don't overstretch yourself physically or mentally and don't let money be your God.
2.If you need a break find a job you can always escort on the side
3.Escorting although exciting and rewarding can be destructive and soul destroying so have other interests and take regular breaks even for a few days.
4.Don't chase after money and money will come to you.
5.Take control and have structure in your life, set boundaries and stick to them if you star at 12pm finish at 9pm if a booking comes in at 10pm for a 2 hours say "no sorry I've finished for the night" or better still don't be afraid to turn your phone off.
6.Don't be too materialistic wanting ?300 shoes just because you've had a good week, its better to save your money a large bank account will last longer and do more for your confidence than a pair of jimmy choos.
7.Don't let your work define who you are you may be an escort but you are also so much more.
Thats my advice.
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Yeah as Amy mentioned, seeing clients for short bursts is what keeps my sanity. 30mins is ideal to me
Sometimes working less can make it harder when time to work comes rolling around ( like the too much sleep can make you more tired thing I guess)
Doing shorter hours more frequently helps me
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I like the list that Helen has written out and agree with her points..
I'm another who prefers the shorter bookings of 30 or 60 minutes, it's as long as I can tolerate a guy. Longer than than and I'm bored shitless.
Don't get me wrong, I love guys but my business thrives on me being ok and for me that means shorter bookings than some others would like. This is MY business though so I do what I like and that's the bottom line. Do as YOU want in a manner that YOU like and it makes it much easier.
Another thing I DONT do is believe everything I read on forums. I am happy for girls who do really well with work but if someone writes up "oh I did ten guys today and made ?xxxx" then it totally turns me off and I so feel for the girls who didn't and who the post may soul destroy and who might start asking "what am I doing wrong" or "what else can I do to make more" ... Even if it is just to themselves. The girl who wrote about the ten guys could be totally fabricating it to make herself feel better. That doesn't work in the long run though and who likes a big head anyway . (No pun intended there btw).
And DONT read other forums to see if there is something bad written about you. Concentrate on what makes you happy and don't let the "eejits" as I call them, get to you.
As has been stated before - don't be defined by the job. Get a "civvy" life and have hobbies you can go out and enjoy. Being a prossie 24/7 is not good, it is such an insular job and we do need other interests, so decide what yours could be and take the first step and source where you can meet others and just "switch off" even if it's just for a couple of hours a day. It is so refreshing.
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Whatever the job, I'm sure most people have struggled with motivation at some point. What works for you in terms of motivation is what you need to find out; a trip to the hairdressers, a new style of manicure, a new outfit etc.
For me personally, I found that overhauling my personal life made a huge difference (I take daily yoga sessions and shifted my diet to raw vegan) - not for everyone, I'm sure but in my case it worked wonders
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Whatever the job, I'm sure most people have struggled with motivation at some point. What works for you in terms of motivation is what you need to find out; a trip to the hairdressers, a new style of manicure, a new outfit etc.
For me personally, I found that overhauling my personal life made a huge difference (I take daily yoga sessions and shifted my diet to raw vegan) - not for everyone, I'm sure but in my case it worked wonders
I have to agree with AB on the food thing. I have to be careful what I eat anyway because of intolerancies, but I find that if I've eaten badly it can really effect my mood. I can become irritable, tired, demotivated etc. Eating a good balanced diet can really help. You don't have to go the whole hog and become vegan, but cut right back on the choccies, crisps, cakes, fried food and meat, and you'll see a difference in a matter of days. And what everyone else has suggested.
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I can't say i've ever burnt out, too little work to burn out haha but there are maybe weeks when i cba to work just like anyone. A new set of lingerie ussually helps me get off my bum because i want to show it off
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Got to agree with people saying that you'll run into motivation problems regardless of the job you do. At the end of the day, it IS work.
I haven't worked even for a full year, and I already get weeks when all I want to do is focus on own hobbies. But I had those weeks when doing any of my previous jobs, too.
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Glad to see you are feeling more motivated :)
I worked enthusiastically for 2 - 3 years (chasing bookings, all the things you mentioned) before I got a MAJOR burn-out. It was like a nervous breakdown, and I never want to repeat the experience.
I got a civvy job for a year and lived like a nun lol.
When I came back to this work I found that I have never ENJOYED it again in that sense of the word. I enjoy the money and freedom but I do not enjoy the job - kind of the same as I wouldn't enjoy cleaning toilets ;D for a job (but it's not damaging to me again or I would have stopped). I found that I enjoyed my civvy job but not the stress of it and having a boss though.
I have found that the following has stopped me from getting a major burn out again and I've been working for years after that -
1) Have and Keep a FOCUS for the money. Don't just spend it all away. Invest in your future or things you really want, GOALS . Can be small like another lady said a festival weekend or holiday or even a day out. Or could be big like buying a house or financial stability for the future. When you are flagging or considering not taking a booking because it's too far / you have pmt / the moon is at an angle (I am guilty of this!) then remind yourself of the goal - write it somewhere prominent - this helps with motivation.
2) Do not allow clients to walk all over or manipulate you. If they try , either abort the booking / process or manipulate them back , depending on how you feel. I used to entertain all sorts of idiots and unsavoury characters - not full on dangerous but you know the sort - whiny, demanding, patronising , late , free sex chat seekers etc. Now I just always remind myself that IT'S THEIR PROBLEM THEY ARE LIKE THAT - WHAT A SHAME TO BE A PERSON LIKE THAT! and I move on. Bending over backwards for twats and not getting properly compensated in monetary terms will cause burn out.
3) KEEP AN ACTIVE CIVVY LIFE. This one is sooooo important. Have outside interests that DO NOT involve work, where you can be just you. And maintain relationships with people who love you in a non-sexual way. And for god's sake - SWITCH YOUR PHONES OFF! Have at least one day a week (or 2 or 3 if you can), where you don't even log on to AW, have the phone on, or even visit forums. It's a MUST for sanity. I realised this when I went on hol somewhere for a few days with no mobile reception unexpectedly and realised how chilled I felt! Personally I don't even log on to AW or turn my phone when I'm not actually working (but then again I do incalls on set days a week). It does lose me a little money because regulars sometimes go elsewhere when I could have said "back tomorrow" and I lose quite a few advance bookings, but my sanity is saved! I have at least one day a week I don't even log on to forums too.
3) Don't spend too much on work expenses that you are not making the money you used to make when you started. Over time I built up expensive habits like buying lots of new lingerie etc, spending a lot on meals out at work instead of bringing in lunch or dinner, lots of advertising costs which add up. Then I got resentful because I was not only spending on a place to work from I was spending a chunk of profits and doing a couple of bookings a week for nothing to pay for stuff! Now I only buy new stuff for work about once a month and get the cheapest baby wipes etc possible, and I bring meals in with me, and try one non-free advertising medium at a time and AW.
I find that in doing the above I have more time and energy for the genuinely OK clients, so I perform well (ie even though I don't enjoy it I am neutral and act enthusiastic) and get lots of repeat business.
Hope you continue to feel good x
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I feel you! I'm feeling the same way right now... I'm going to have to take a couple months off this fall so I'm trying to save up, which means I have to work more than I'd like, and I'm super burnt out at the moment. But I just keeping reminding myself I'll have those two months off and it keeps me motivated. Is there something you can plan to look forward to to keep yourself motivated? Maybe a trip or buying an item or a savings goal?
What also helps me is like Amy said knowing what bookings suit you, I prefer longer bookings and if I do 4 hours a day with two clients I feel fine. However if I do 4 hours a day with 4 clients I'm totally bored and annoyed by the last one.
Also, touring can be a great way to sort of 'spice' things up without taking time off work.
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Yep, totally know where you're coming from.. I've got a pretty similar problem, maybe slightly different; when I'm working I wake
up in the morning with a feeling of dread, 'oh no here we go again..' But then when I decide to take a few weeks off I miss working like
crazy!!
Obviously it's the money I'm missing, but it's definitely the work too!
But then when I've got a client who's wanting a 30min blowjob (yes ,and he's a regular), or when I'm doing some sick role-play
that borders on ,well let's just say stuff that doesn't sit right with me, or I've got some guy who doesn't smell to fresh even though he's
just had a shower, I think to myself; What am I doing?! I don't want to do this..!
Maybe that's just part of the job, can't live with it, can't live without it..
And I'd still MUCH rather do this job than work in a call-centre or some other 'normal job'!!!!
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Yep, totally know where you're coming from.. I've got a pretty similar problem, maybe slightly different; when I'm working I wake
up in the morning with a feeling of dread, 'oh no here we go again..' But then when I decide to take a few weeks off I miss working like
crazy!!
Obviously it's the money I'm missing, but it's definitely the work too!
But then when I've got a client who's wanting a 30min blowjob (yes ,and he's a regular), or when I'm doing some sick role-play
that borders on ,well let's just say stuff that doesn't sit right with me, or I've got some guy who doesn't smell to fresh even though he's
just had a shower, I think to myself; What am I doing?! I don't want to do this..!
Maybe that's just part of the job, can't live with it, can't live without it..
And I'd still MUCH rather do this job than work in a call-centre or some other 'normal job'!!!!
I agree with you completely! I think with this job when it's good it's good, and when it's bad its horrendous (but still never as bad as a call centre!)
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For me everything is super exciting atm cause I'm a newbie and its sad to hear that you don't find it exhilarating.
But I think when it comes to that point where you loose it a little, you should not force yourself to do this job! Look at what else you are interested in and gives you joy in life. Surely this equals easy money and it definitely sounds like a lot of fun, but never do something you don't like to do. Also, if you don't love it, you won't be good at it. So maybe take a break for a while and I'm sure the excitement and the rebelliousness comes back!!! I am confident that everyone needs a break once in a while.
And who says retail therapy doesn't work?? Buy a set of gorgeous lingerie and feel fabulous!!
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I do voluntary work with kids but when on a day out with them I would think of how many calls/bookings I could've missed. I wasn't like that at the beginning but I have been lately but I think that's more to do with my heart's not really in it anymore. I might look into doing some with elderly people instead as I find that having a hobby stops me from wanting to wait in most of the day for calls then feeling resentful although I at least have to go for a walk in the park or shopping every day for hour or 2.
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For me everything is super exciting atm cause I'm a newbie and its sad to hear that you don't find it exhilarating.
But I think when it comes to that point where you loose it a little, you should not force yourself to do this job! Look at what else you are interested in and gives you joy in life. Surely this equals easy money and it definitely sounds like a lot of fun, but never do something you don't like to do. Also, if you don't love it, you won't be good at it. So maybe take a break for a while and I'm sure the excitement and the rebelliousness comes back!!! I am confident that everyone needs a break once in a while.
And who says retail therapy doesn't work?? Buy a set of gorgeous lingerie and feel fabulous!!
Would be nice to have that freedom but when there's bills to pay or family relying on you for help it's just not an option, same in any job, you have to get on with it.
The good thing is the fast money (not easy) it gives you more freedom, so I'm doing college then uni which I never would have had the option to with a civvy job.
We all have to do stuff we hate at times, but I think it's really important to look at your frame of mind and alter the way you think rather than just upping sticks and changing your life.
It's hard of course, but definitely helps me to work on how I allow myself to think