SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: Jessiegirl on 12 February 2017, 05:09:06 pm
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I have read posts on here about keeping boundaries but wanted feedback about my situation as havent done this job for long, only a few months.
One of my regulars I see has offered to take me out for dinner a few times and i said I would like that but when the time was right as I need to sort my life out first.
We get on great and i can tell him anything. Gave him my personal number and told him my real name plus lots of personal things about me. He is the loveliest guy i have met. Sex is great too.
Also moved to a new city so dont know many people here.
We dont want a relationship but I am thinking of going on a dinner date for no money. He will book a hotel and pay me for time in the room but cannot afford paying for time at dinner which is fine by me as he is paying for everything and I enjoy his company.
Has anyone done this on a regular basis and kept the client.
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I dont advocate giving punters your real name, personal number ect ever but after a few months of 'knowing' the guy I think its asking for trouble and if he can get it for free why would he then come back after the 'date' as a client ???
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No. I don't want to sound negative but by telling him personal information and being so comfortable and open with him it sounds like you have put yourself in a vulrauble position. Not only this but to then start giving him free time and let him think you would consider dating him in the future it sounds like a potential disaster... Please be careful.
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Don't give them anything they can use against you such as names/social media, always assume you're gonna end up hating them cause that's usually the case
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not to be a Debbie downer but you need to be waaay more careful with your information.
There are so many "lovely" clients who "want to date you and know your real name! And get to know you on a personal level!" especially when you are NEW.
So that they can push your boundaries and get time from you for free
I've always operated on the basis that Clients are not friends. They can think they have a friendship with you but they are not your friends. This seems really harsh and I'm so sorry but it's the best way to protect yourself because at the end of the day you are just an escort to them. You don't know these people and what they're capable of. Let's say you have a fight one day. How do you know he won't blackmail you with your personal info?
They can't even give their wives/partners who they've been with for years etc loyalty so why do you think that you are going to get that loyalty or respect? Never give your real name. Give a fake real name.
I'm "retired now" but I'm now dating a former "client" BUT he never asked me for my real name! He never asked for ANY personal information and because I'm a super cautious bitch I was so hard to get to know! He never asked me to spend time with him for free! He always insisted in paying well over what I actually charged!
he never spoke any bollocks about not being able to afford to pay for my time to take me to dinner (sorry!). He was super over the top respectful and still stuck around even though I attempted to cut him out of my life multiple times.
Please be careful. It's okay if you don't want to charge him for dinner etc but with your personal information! Your name etc be careful. A few months is not enough time to get to know someone's this industry especially
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Thanks for all your advice. He never asked for my real name I just told him. I just feel so comfortable with him and naturally tell him things about me when we chat. He tells me personal stuff too and we just love spending time together. Can't help how i feel. Also he gives emotional support too. If only allmy clients were like him.
He doesn't pressurised me into anything and treats me with respect and makes me feel like a princess way better than any boyfriends I've had.
I just feel like we have a connection and he feels more a lover than a client. Hope I'm not sounding too naive but it's not every day i meet someone like him.
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There are a group of predatory men, who specifically look out for escorts, who are seen as newcomers and possibly, seen as someone isolated and lonely. These men know which emotional buttons to press, to get the results.
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If you're happy to continue seeing him without being paid, then crack on.
I met my BF like this. But we are older (late 40s) and we have our relationship statuses nailed down.
if you're still at the point of trying to meet a life partner then I'd say be careful. It's rare to meet a guy who's actually looking for a LTR via the medium of escorting.
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We have never talked about having a relationship but we get on so well and I enjoy every minute with him. In two minds now based on the feedback.
The way I see it is one dinner date I know will be fun but he will still see me as a client. He is not looking for a relationship.
He is a bit older than me too but looks much younger we really click.
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If you're happy I would just.... go with the flow :-) My advice: a) As much friends as you are never
ever stop charging him (not even a friggin discount) and b) Be careful you don't get your heart broken (and if you do at least you'll be 10,000 pounds richer which makes the heartbreak less painful).
Take this "semi-affaire" with a pinch of salt. just sayin ;)
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It is possible to have a relationship with a former client, but I would tread warily. And I know it's too late, but I would never tell a client my real name etc.
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I only told him my first name and he never asked I just told him not sure why but feel totally comfortable with him and trust him. Also he has provided emotional support and given me lots of advice
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I only told him my first name and he never asked I just told him not sure why but feel totally comfortable with him and trust him. Also he has provided emotional support and given me lots of advice
But he's asking you to go with him for dinner free of charge hmm....... (alarm bells ringing), next time he may ask you to spend the weekend with him for half the price because you know... he's paying for the plane ticket and hotel and he doesnt have enough money to pay you...
(did i just won the bitter whore award of the year 2017?)
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I think I'm a good judge of character and do trust him. He is by far my fave client but then again maybe I'm biased and love spending time with him. If only all my clients were like him. He has treated me way better than any boyfriend and makes me feel like a princess.
He doesn't push boundaries and always asks what i want and respects my decision.
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But he's asking you to go with him for dinner free of charge hmm....... (alarm bells ringing), next time he may ask you to spend the weekend with him for half the price because you know... he's paying for the plane ticket and hotel and he doesnt have enough money to pay you...
(did i just won the bitter whore award of the year 2017?)
I had that last month with a guy id seen before but found the offer of accompanying him on his business trip abroad for 2 days for 500 a insult, iv only ever done a cheaper meet with a reg, 15 min price for half hour as id had a quiet day and it was on my terms and my offer to him not the other way around, to the op just because he treats you like a princess now and tells you about himself dosnt mean its the truth or that he wont turn bitter if in months to come something isn't to his liking. But sounds you have made your mind up and now he knows your personal info theres no taking that back now
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Maybe I can suggest something in between such as offer social rates for dinner?
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Maybe I can suggest something in between such as offer social rates for dinner?
You could but I suspect that will be his preference on all future bookings, why pay x amount for an hour when you can get 12 for buying dinner and a free fuck at the end of the night
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No I mean he pays full rate for an hour but reduced rate for dinner date. I see some girls provide reduced rates for social dating.
Thing is I would date him if I met him in a bar or dating site. So get paid and have a good time too.
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No I mean he pays full rate for an hour but reduced rate for dinner date. I see some girls provide reduced rates for social dating.
Thing is I would date him if I met him in a bar or dating site. So get paid and have a good time too.
Iv seen girls advertise 50 an hour for dinner dates, its not something I offer tho so not up on how it would work and pricing
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Thanks next time I see him will suggest reduced rates for social dating and see what he says :D
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Do you want him as a boyfriend (dating) or as a client?
Choose one or the other.
If you genuinely like him, you might be able to make a relationship work. You ditch him as a paid client, you have sex with him for free. If he's a paid client, his dinner dates are on social rates, no freebies, tell him your real name if you like. He isn't going to be happy about paying for dinner dates now..
Yes, some girls have clients that they might spend time with outside of work on unpaid time. Perhaps they are known them for years. I have one that would take me bush walking when no one else wanted to come, take me to ikea, listen to be bitch and moan about my boyfriend; they were like a friend that sometimes booked and paid me for sex. They were under no illusion what so ever that I had any feelings for them, it was business, we got on really well and knew each other years and know everything about each other and are friends
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I'm not after a boyfriend and want to keep him as a client as he sees me a lot. Also heis not after a relationship either. Maybe my fault for suggesting he take me out in the first place.
I will suggest social dating rates as never done before and get his feedback. Will keep you all posted.
I do tel him a lot about my personal life and problems and he listens and gives me advice and support which is nice and a comfort to me. Also some clients I get are not nice so he has advised me to stand up to my boss and not accept these bookings. See my separate post about being ripped off.
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I'm not after a boyfriend and want to keep him as a client as he sees me a lot. Also heis not after a relationship either. Maybe my fault for suggesting he take me out in the first place.
I will suggest social dating rates as never done before and get his feedback. Will keep you all posted.
I do tel him a lot about my personal life and problems and he listens and gives me advice and support which is nice and a comfort to me. Also some clients I get are not nice so he has advised me to stand up to my boss and not accept these bookings. See my separate post about being ripped off.
I really, really would advise easing up on sharing so much info about yourself. He may be charming now, but what if he turns out to be a psychopathic stalker who then outs you to all and sundry? It sounds like you're enjoying the intimacy, but how much do you really know about him?
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I can chat to him about anything and he tells me everything. I doubt he is a stalker as he knows roughly where I live as i told him he did not ask. I have had a stalker so know what that's like. I do really like the intimacy and we always have a chat after sex and he is really intimate and caring towards me. I just wish all my clients were like him.
I don't intend doing this job for the rest of my life as i have another job. I intend to save the money to start my own business so just doing this to help with that.
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Set boundaries re: the dinner dates and charge him, mostly so he knows there are no feelings there and doesn't get his heart broken.
I think some people need to be less paranoid about "stalkers", "psychopaths" etc. The reality is, that statistically, people close to you are people that are most likely to cause you pain, suffering and drama in your life. People you choose as boyfriends, partners, family members, friends.
99% of clients - even pains in the ass - are not going to cause any real drama in your life. The one's that fancy you, fancy you but know that you are unavailable. Some are infatuated. I've had clients tell me that they love me and are obsessed with me and write me long two page letters describing my favourite bones and facial angles. It's fine, he reiterates that it's from a distance and in a harmless and respectful way like an obsession a celebrity as a teenager. Most clients are asking personal questions as they think of you warmly, they think you are a nice woman and are interested in who you are and want to learn more about you so they have something to talk about. Clients are people, people that pay for sex. It doesn't make them more or less likely to have negative personality traits. If you think that it does, it might be time to reassess how happy you are in your line of work (IMO) as that's very chip on the shoulder.
There are clients here girls discuss where clearly, they have personality traits that are very off (they are controlling, jealous, try to woo them with gifts, invade their personal life, cannot take rejection etc); be on guard with all - people - like that in life, not just clients. Realistically, these are going to be men you date, not clients.. (or time wasters, ugly mugs, men that don't pass your screening).
He is probably just lonely, fancies you and enjoys your company. It's basically where you want him, that's a gravy train for $ Sincerity and empathy will earn you good money, just be careful not to take on the feelings and emotions of others too much.
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Maybe I can suggest something in between such as offer social rates for dinner?
In my experience there is no such thing as 'something in between'. It's either a relationship or it's business. Your rates are your rates, and your time is your time. There is never any 'negotiating' to be done.
I know many girls that have got caught up in this sort of arrangement when they first started (me included - idiot!) and those situations have not ended well. Punters can spot a 'green' escort a mile off and will always take advantage. In this line of work, we cannot allow 'emotions' to become involved. It's a job like any other and boundaries must be set and maintained.
I would even go as far as predicting that in a few months time, you will have well and truly crossed him off your list and moved on.
Sorry to sound harsh but please stay in the driving seat and keep safe. x
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If it is a professional date you should charge him your professional fees, work out how much you would make for those hours you would be spending in his time and give him a reduce rate but nothing too reduced, you are a business not a charity.
Plus clients always assume that as sex workers we do not go to social functions or restaurants on our own and that they are doing us a favour, after all you will probably be forking money out for an outfit etc and then have to sit through this guy more than likely getting drunk, embarrassing you infront of all of his friends etc.
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If it is a professional date you should charge him your professional fees, work out how much you would make for those hours you would be spending in his time and give him a reduce rate but nothing too reduced, you are a business not a charity.
Plus clients always assume that as sex workers we do not go to social functions or restaurants on our own and that they are doing us a favour, after all you will probably be forking money out for an outfit etc and then have to sit through this guy more than likely getting drunk, embarrassing you infront of all of his friends etc.
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Clients can be some of the most wonderful people you will ever meet.
I have had some clients who have stuck with me through two retirements, including moving to London and being outed so quite literally destroying everything and disappearing off the face of the earth. I have met some really lovely men who have seen me for years - one comes to mind. He used to be a bit clingy, but harmlessly so; he clearly was lonely and wanted a girlfriend rather than a girlfriend experience. When he went away on trips, he would bring me really thoughtful presents back, to the point I felt a bit uncomfortable taking them on top of his fee. One day he texted me pretty much to say goodbye, because he had met someone he really liked, and wanted to give it a go with her, but was really grateful for all the time he 'shared with me'. In the weirdest way, it was ...sweet, and I knew he was being sincere and genuine. Other clients have given me really decent business advice (I'm self employed anyway because oddly I don't like working to make anyone money now besides me ;D). The majority of clients, in my experience, are genuinely decent men who just want a bit of escapism for an hour or two.
I know of women who have dated clients in the past, I've never been close enough to them to tell you how its worked out for them. It wouldn't be my thing - I have no moral objection to it, its just not something I would do. But if I had a pound for the clients or would be clients who wanted to have social time off the clock with me, I would have a luxurious holiday somewhere for a few weeks. Personally I see it as boundary pushing - you pay me for my time. My rates are ?120 an hour with ?100 an hour after that; if you want to see me outside of that for dinner and drinks, I'll have to have a think about that because I will reduce my rates accordingly, but I'm still being paid.
And I would be reluctant to talk all about your personal life with a client; he might be a genuinely wonderful person, but in my experience, sometimes those genuinely wonderful people can innocently mention those details to someone else who isn't quite so wonderful. And before you know it, you're a wonderful piece of gossip. That's not about being outed or anything extreme like that - its just words of experience that not everyone who smiles at you is your friend.
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We are all human and We have feelings especially in a job like this we can get attatched to certain clients . I don't see the point in seeing them and having sex with them for free if he's nice and you get on that's great plus you get money that's the way I would look at it . I don't mix business and pleasure but years ago when I had just started the job I let a client take me out on a few dates he then told people what I did since then I wouldn't involve my self with a client unless money is exchanged . I have some lovely clients who when I have been on tour and it's the end of the day I have let them stay longer and I have Even had a take away with a couple but these are with regulars. I wouldn't see any one for free you might get attatched to him . Best not to mix business and pleasure.
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Thanks for all your advice. I guess I need to try and be more professional. Last time i forgot to ask him for the money but he reminded me.
If I'm really honest I have been getting a bit attached to him. Deep down I feel he is a decent and kind bloke.
I know it sounds silly but was hoping he would book for Valentine's.
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If you really like him and feel you would want to spend time with him without payment, then do what I did: "promote" him to boyfriend status. I've been in this arrangement with my BF since about July last year. I'd met him twice as a client (including a 4hr dinner date) while I was working in London. He texted me to say he was coming through my home town on the way back from an event and did I fancy a drink. That was the point at which I decided "I want this guy as a fuck buddy" so I said yep let's meet. The rest is history :D
For me it's nice and easy - he's married but they both play with others. I see him about every 1-2 weeks. We are fond of each other and message daily on Skype, but there's no danger of a real emotional attachment.
I've been there, done that, and don't envisage ever being in a close LTR again. I'm far too independent.
If you are younger and you feel like you are going to want a committed LTR at some point, then you need to think carefully about whether you want that to be with a client, though. The advantage with a client is he already knows what you do and if he has a problem with it then he's a massive hypocrite. The disadvantage is going to be if you want a monogamous relationship, he may not be the sort.
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Thanks for all your advice. I guess I need to try and be more professional. Last time i forgot to ask him for the money but he reminded me.
If I'm really honest I have been getting a bit attached to him. Deep down I feel he is a decent and kind bloke.
I know it sounds silly but was hoping he would book for Valentine's.
Jessie, I think you need to remember that he is a client, like all the others. I would focus on getting away from your pimp (re. the other thread) and not relying on this one client to help you do so.
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Hi Kay yes I know I need to sort myself out. If things arent bad enough i also have a pervy landlord so desperately trying to find another place to live.
I'm trying not to rely on my client but it's reassuring he is there for me if i need anything, emotional support and advice.
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Hmm...while ago I gave a client my real name, number and so. We started to hang out alot. I didn't charge him anything for going out as we became friends. He came after 1 2 times to see me as a client. But now we are just friends, very good ones. So sometimes you can meet a nice person but always be careful. At the end of the day you can meet a total freak also outside this job so follow your heart but think 10 times before commiting any actions. Good luck and keep us updated x
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In my experience there is no such thing as 'something in between'. It's either a relationship or it's business. Your rates are your rates, and your time is your time. There is never any 'negotiating' to be done.
I know many girls that have got caught up in this sort of arrangement when they first started (me included - idiot!) and those situations have not ended well. Punters can spot a 'green' escort a mile off and will always take advantage. In this line of work, we cannot allow 'emotions' to become involved. It's a job like any other and boundaries must be set and maintained.
I would even go as far as predicting that in a few months time, you will have well and truly crossed him off your list and moved on.
Sorry to sound harsh but please stay in the driving seat and keep safe. x
100% +
I looked through the previous posts on this subject. This appears to be the consensus so far. . . It also helps to ask yourself as to why you appear to need his attention. Lots of women do need the outer validation to make her feel her self worth, not necessarily you really care about the other person, just saying.
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I just really enjoy being with him plus we have great sex. I know most people say be professional and keep your emotions separate but easily said than done especially if you really like someone. Also my previous relationships haven't been great so it's a bit of a revelation for me being treated so wonderfully by a lovely man.
Maybe with experience i can be more disciplined but find it a bit of a battle at the moment. Also my instincts are pretty good with people and he feels really genuine. When we have sex it feels like he is my lover and doesn't feel like work.
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I just really enjoy being with him plus we have great sex. I know most people say be professional and keep your emotions separate but easily said than done especially if you really like someone. Also my previous relationships haven't been great so it's a bit of a revelation for me being treated so wonderfully by a lovely man.
Maybe with experience i can be more disciplined but find it a bit of a battle at the moment. Also my instincts are pretty good with people and he feels really genuine. When we have sex it feels like he is my lover and doesn't feel like work.
Yes, you've told us that a few times now... ::)
You have our advice/opinions. It's up to you whether you actually act on it.
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I think you need to think about what you are looking for long term. Would you be happy with a relationship where you know he is likely to see other people and would he be happy for you to keep escorting.
I did promote one client to a FB at one point but he became quite clingy, he would be upset if he was available at short notice and i was not prepared to move what i was doing to see him so it did not last that long before i told him I was not seeing him again and then he became abusive. It was nothing major just a few texts but if this happened with you and this guy would it just be a few texts or would you move bookings and family commitments around to see him when he wanted you to and how long before he says he is unhappy with your career choice.
I certainly would not be going down that road again
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I've heard many stories about former escorts who ended up marrying clients. But this guy doesn't sound so genuine after rereading your posts. He wants to spend time with you for free. I think he might be a good player. He wants now your time for free and after that sex for free.... that's how it looks like but you know better how the things are. You can feel it. I understand that the sex is amazing but we all have those clients that are amazing in the bed and treating us as a girlfriends but wouldn't go further for any kind of arrangment outside the bussines. Be careful and as I said listen to your inner voice. I've mentioned that Ive made a good friend out of a client and some girls ended up marrying one but be careful not to end up played and brokenhearted.
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I am not after a relationship but it was probably my fault for saying it would be nice to have dinner with him. I started this job recently moving to a new town so don't really have any friends down here.
I often eat out on my own which is fine but occasionally would be nice to have some company.
I am seeing him this week but will probably just focus on the job and try to be professional.
Will update you all.
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I just really enjoy being with him plus we have great sex. I know most people say be professional and keep your emotions separate but easily said than done especially if you really like someone. Also my previous relationships haven't been great so it's a bit of a revelation for me being treated so wonderfully by a lovely man.
Maybe with experience i can be more disciplined but find it a bit of a battle at the moment. Also my instincts are pretty good with people and he feels really genuine. When we have sex it feels like he is my lover and doesn't feel like work.
I beg to differ about your instincts.
Punters/men can spot a lonely woman a mile off, it starts off as a bit of company, then the date/dinners next it becomes awkward when it comes to him paying you money for BUSINESS.
Better you get out and meet people to make friends and don't mix business with pleasure.
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Saw him today and kept it professional. No mention of dinner or dates.
Best sex we've had so far.
Both left happy and seeing him again next week.
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I did promote one client to a FB at one point but he became quite clingy, he would be upset if he was available at short notice and i was not prepared to move what i was doing to see him so it did not last that long before i told him I was not seeing him again and then he became abusive.
I have seen a post by someone (an escort), saying, these men seem to think they're "God's gift", expecting us to drop everything for them at the drop of a hat. They are seriously deluded. I had a few of these, surprise, surprise, they "never seem to meet any civvie women in their dating scene." Perpetually, single and short-term failed attempts at relationships. Most women cannot deal with these men, who believe they're so wonderful and women exist to serve them for free or/and without mutual respect.
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I have seen a post by someone (an escort), saying, these men seem to think they're "God's gift", expecting us to drop everything for them at the drop of a hat. They are seriously deluded. I had a few of these, surprise, surprise, they "never seem to meet any civvie women in their dating scene." Perpetually, single and short-term failed attempts at relationships. Most women cannot deal with these men, who believe they're so wonderful and women exist to serve them for free or/and without mutual respect.
Hmm, I don't think that's particular to clients though. When I was on dating apps I got loads of messages from men complaining that "women only like bad boys, waaaah" and shit. Entitled fuckers.
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Saw him today and kept it professional. No mention of dinner or dates.
Best sex we've had so far.
Both left happy and seeing him again next week.
I'm just being nosey but do you mean he booked an appointment with you, arrived on time, paid you then left on time?
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Yes he booked an appointment, arrived on time as always, paid me. He had to remind me about taking the money again. Didn't leave on time but I didn't mind as we were having a mind blowing session and I wanted my orgasm otherwise would have been left really frustrated. I don't clock watch with him. He does normally leave on time though and have never had to ask him to leave he knows when his time is up and is good like that.
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Yes he booked an appointment, arrived on time as always, paid me. He had to remind me about taking the money again. Didn't leave on time but I didn't mind as we were having a mind blowing session and I wanted my orgasm otherwise would have been left really frustrated. I don't clock watch with him. He does normally leave on time though and have never had to ask him to leave he knows when his time is up and is good like that.
Sounds all good then :)
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Yeah great ;D
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VC ;D Are you you weren't on hook-up sites?