See also the main SAAFE.info site for more Support And Advice For Escorts

Author Topic: Therapists and sex work  (Read 16906 times)

franticgirl90

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 120
Re: Therapists and sex work
« Reply #90 on: 07 April 2022, 08:09:15 pm »
I had another therapy session today (I have had it on a weekly basis for 8 months now) and I left truly shocked. I still don't understand what happened. I was open about my job from the beginning and the therapist said she is a sex-worker allied so it's all good. And I had the impression that she is. I went there with many personal life issues so never talked about the job much. After I spoke about safety and abusive situations from clients that happened to me, a week after she told me she is worried about me when I'm even a few minutes late for therapy and she has a feeling that I will disappear (something will happen t me because of the job). Obviously, we all know it's dangerous sometimes but those situations happened to me less than a few times over the last 3 years and it wasn't even that serious. So I felt it was weird she is telling me that and that she shouldn't disclose her fears to me as it weighs on me. But never mind. It is what she told me today that blew my mind.

So basically we were talking about my plans for the future, I'm a student and she knows that this job is just temporary for me as my dream job is something different, which I'm studying thowards. So she asked me something like if my future job can coexist with my escorting past (in my mind). For me, it was like a slap in the face because I knew straight away that she suggests that escorting is somehow immoral. I asked why she asking me this, and she basically went silent for a few minutes trying to rephrase this question to not offend me. Then she said that if I think I will be able to still work as an escort and work in my future profession. I knew she didn't mean that in the first place because she knows that I'm not gonna work as an escort after I finish my studies. Then she said that working in healthcare conflicts with being an escort. When I will help people get healthy in the future job it is conflict with the fact that as an escort I'm risking my health to STIs. And then she continued to imply by further questions that I'm scared or should be scared of STIs...

What the actual fuck? I feel betrayed as I thought she is sex-work friendly. But now I feel that she basically thinks that all escorts are full of STIs and that this job damages me mentally and somehow marks me that I won't be able morally to have any other job in the future. But maybe I misunderstood her?
Should therapists even ask this kind of question out of the blue?! Why does she feels like it's ok to ask those questions if we haven't even spoken about it...

Deefender

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 7
  • Hi ladies, im looking for an army xXx
Re: Therapists and sex work
« Reply #91 on: 07 April 2022, 08:41:11 pm »
I've had EMDR therapy. It's real treatment I highly suggest it xx

Miranda111

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 90
Re: Therapists and sex work
« Reply #92 on: 07 April 2022, 10:36:26 pm »
I was open about my job from the beginning and the therapist said she is a sex-worker allied so it's all good.

But is she accredited with a relevant organisation? Anyone can say they they are a therapist, but professional therapists accredited with regulatory bodies are trained to postgraduate level and have high standards of practice.

Some things you say about your therapist seem concerning, so I wonder if she is a professional therapist (I suspect she is not).

franticgirl90

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 120
Re: Therapists and sex work
« Reply #93 on: 07 April 2022, 10:59:23 pm »
But is she accredited with a relevant organisation? Anyone can say they they are a therapist, but professional therapists accredited with regulatory bodies are trained to postgraduate level and have high standards of practice.

Some things you say about your therapist seem concerning, so I wonder if she is a professional therapist (I suspect she is not).

She have masters and is accredited and registered with FPC and UKCP. She has her supervisions too.

Miffy

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 912
Re: Therapists and sex work
« Reply #94 on: 08 April 2022, 03:01:54 am »
Quote from: franticgirl90

So basically we were talking about my plans for the future, I'm a student and she knows that this job is just temporary for me as my dream job is something different, which I'm studying thowards. So she asked me something like if my future job can coexist with my escorting past (in my mind). For me, it was like a slap in the face because I knew straight away that she suggests that escorting is somehow immoral. I asked why she asking me this, and she basically went silent for a few minutes trying to rephrase this question to not offend me. Then she said that if I think I will be able to still work as an escort and work in my future profession. I knew she didn't mean that in the first place because she knows that I'm not gonna work as an escort after I finish my studies. Then she said that working in healthcare conflicts with being an escort. When I will help people get healthy in the future job it is conflict with the fact that as an escort I'm risking my health to STIs. And then she continued to imply by further questions that I'm scared or should be scared of STIs...

What the actual fuck? I feel betrayed as I thought she is sex-work friendly. But now I feel that she basically thinks that all escorts are full of STIs and that this job damages me mentally and somehow marks me that I won't be able morally to have any other job in the future. But maybe I misunderstood her?
Should therapists even ask this kind of question out of the blue?! Why does she feels like it's ok to ask those questions if we haven't even spoken about it...

I could tell you what I think, and another poster could tell you their view. But we would be both guessing. The only way you can really get to the bottom of this is by arranging another session and asking her directly about what you has said. I suspect it’s a simple misunderstanding. I think you are projecting many things onto her words, hence the misunderstanding, but also, given your reaction, maybe you need to explore this topic anyway as it has clearly struck a nerve. But, at the same time, she is projecting her fears of violence towards sex workers onto you, something that is quite natural given what you have shared about your experiences escorting. However, she should be able to rein that in and not tell you that she worries about you disappearing/something untoward happening to you.

If up until now you have found working with this therapist beneficial, I urge you to talk to her about how she has made you feel - this is so important. Chances are she will know she has inadvertently got it very wrong. It will also be useful for you to lay out boundaries with regards to sex work and make it very clear that all sex is open to an element of risk, and that as an escort, you take utmost due diligence to minimise any exposure to STIs that will compromise your (sexual) health.

Does she think sex work is immoral, and has she said this to you directly? Probably not. And yes, a therapist can ask questions out of the blue if they are relevant to the conversation. Also, and unfortunately, therapy can be grossly uncomfortable at times.

In terms of sex work affecting your future career, it is possibly more for practical reasons she is mentioning this rather than STIs. How your two careers/these two facets of your personality will co-exist is an entirely valid question. Escorting full-time is very different work, not to mention financially. How will you feel earning less money and potentially working longer hours for less pay. Your standard of living might well drop. How will you feel about that? I am sure these is what she meant to explore with you rather than the avenue taken. The only way you will find out is if you talk to her.

seachild

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 30
Re: Therapists and sex work
« Reply #95 on: 08 April 2022, 05:51:50 pm »
I have seen a private therapist for the past 1 year and now I switched to another one. Both of my therapist are men and sw friendly, you can filter it when searching on Psychology Today. It would make sense for all therapist to be sw friendly, but if they do not mention it on their profile they probably aren't. I think it's worth looking for an ally (or a therapist who used to sex work as my previous one had) so they can treat you as any other regular client rather than blaming all your issues on your profession.

JellyBean

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 211
Re: Therapists and sex work
« Reply #96 on: 29 May 2022, 03:01:18 pm »
I had online therapy she only offers this, I did all the talking and not once did she say anything. I was going back to my childhood. Later on i felt very low, I sent her an email to express how i didnt feel she showed me any support or emapthy and she replied 7 hours later  with, upon reflection she didnt express any empathy and that is most unusual for her but internally she felt different and she knows whats going on and will talk to me in our next session which  cost me £120. Is this acceptable? I ask this as i feel i wasted my money on that session and she wants me to do another.
« Last Edit: 29 May 2022, 03:08:07 pm by JellyBean »

Lushblossom

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 2,454
Re: Therapists and sex work
« Reply #97 on: 29 May 2022, 05:53:33 pm »
JellyBean I think she maybe heard you mention your hourly rate and has decided she must charge the same as you. You are free to cancel seeing a therapist at any stage as a rule so do go ahead and stop seeing her if that is how you feel. Just make it clear to her though. Sometimes it is hard to gel with a person.

JellyBean

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 211
Re: Therapists and sex work
« Reply #98 on: 30 May 2022, 10:59:21 am »
 ;D Lush, I had already asked her charges prior to telling her anything. I suppose I am insulted that she admits it then wants me to see her again. Yes your right I don’t gel with her. Thank you.