Author Topic: Backup plan for if you get outed? (Read 4599 times)

css3456 · « **on:** 06 March 2011, 10:13:10 pm »

I admit I'm a bit paranoid, but I worry a lot about being outed. I'm very careful -- no face pictures, don't work near my home, don't tell anyone, etc. etc.

It's just that I might have a high-profile career one day (I hope!) and someone might recognize my face and... it just really bothers me.

I'm wondering if you ladies have a backup plan in mind for if you get outed at some point in the future. Do you "Deny, deny, deny" regardless of whatever proof someone brings your way? Do you say "Yes, it was a tough time in my life"? Or do you say "Yes, it was a wonderful, confidence-building experience and I'm very grateful I had the opportunity to see that side of life"

I'm not so worried about family and friends finding out, because the people who love me will understand and probably see how it makes sense for me. It's more the public, opportunities for success in other careers, high-profile jobs I might have in the future.

KatieKurves · « **Reply #1 on:** 08 March 2011, 07:33:45 pm »

I don't really have a back up plan, I wud prob just deny everything.

xx

EmilyJones · « **Reply #2 on:** 08 March 2011, 07:52:28 pm »

I guess it depends on what sort of "outing" occurs - a full-on journalistic expose of your life where a sleazy journo for a red-top makes a fake booking and films the whole thing secretly?! Yeah, then denying is only going to make you look a bit mad. But if it's just some slightly weird ex trying to find an AW profile that looks a bit like you then, well... tell everyone he's been stalking you and making up mad stories for years!

It might also depend on how old I am if/when I get outed. If it were to happen next year, I think I'd move to another country in panic. But when I'm possibly slightly less immature at 40 or 50? I hope I would be able to own this part of my life with pride and wisdom! I'd love to get into activism at some point anyway - once I'm not so paranoid about my own safety and privacy, i.e. once I've stopped working - so perhaps I'll be outing myself in the not too distant future.

It would be dreadful for an unexpected exposure to ruin your chances in, for example, a certain career or even a certain future relationship, though. I would never say that we all MUST come out at some point in our lives and lecture everyone about treating sex workers as the tax-paying rightful citizens that we are, although I know several escorts from around this forum are 'out and proud' (so to speak!). I'm really glad for them and, as I've said, want to be able to mimic that one day. But at the same time, I can still see a lot of good reasons for keeping it under wraps, depending on your personal situation.

If life was a movie then even if, in 10 years time, you're in a super-high-pressure interview for your ultimate dream job at a company you've been dying to join almost your whole life and the interviewer pulled out a printed-out copy of your old Adultwork profile to shame you into confessing all - well then, you could just stand up, make a joyous, empowered speech and then be welcomed warmly into your new job and congratulated on your bravery in battling ignorance and banishing incorrect assumptions. Yay! But life isn't a movie so perhaps that "What? ME? Oh god, no way!" line might still have to be an option sometimes.

sammy s · « **Reply #3 on:** 08 March 2011, 08:00:45 pm »

It would all depend.
If you have face pics on your profile and you communicate with clients on the phone and you have lots of positive feedback etc it would be pretty difficult to deny if a family member/friend/colleague came across it.
If someone was really desperate to catch someone else out they would phone the number to listen to the voice that answered. Or they would make a fake booking to see what address they worked from. Or they would get a friend to phone them and make a booking and go along to see who answered.

I have to be incredibly discreet as none of my friends and family know what I do. I dont have any face pics, i only communicate with clients by email or text so none of them can hear my voice (and i never give my personal number out) and I only text someone my door number when I can see them drive in to my street.

If my family discovered what I was up to I would deny it profusely. They would never ever be ok with it no matter what I told them which is a shame :-(
I would probably use this excuse that I let one of my friends use my flat to escort from and she pays my bills for me in return and you make sure she is safe.
I dont think its overly believable but i would try and wing it.

I personally feel that if no one knows what you do (which is the situation im in) then you should try and only escort occassionaly and find a different career path as it will eventually start to mess with your head having to lie to every single person you come into contact with. I used to be fine with it but all the sneaking about has left my head a bit pickled TBH.
Escorts that have a solid support base such as a partner who knows what they do or a good friend/parents etc are really lucky and if I was in that position I would want to do this job forever.

I am planning to stop this line of work by the summer as it stresses me out too much. I just didnt think it was worth losing all respect from my family (who are the most conservative people in the world), ruining an amazing relationship with my partner and possibly losing friends etc over something that I dont "need" to be doing.
I will miss it a lot though. It's helped me be able to do lots of great things in my 20s.

Champagne · « **Reply #4 on:** 10 March 2011, 09:48:56 pm »

This very nearly happened to me.

A relationship went extremely sour last year but my problem was he knew that I escort, he had actually escorted with me! He threatened to visit my neighbours especially one who I am close to and tell them all what a whore I was!

Obviously, I was beside myself, I was already in pieces due to the relationship ending and things I had found out about him. My neighbour had been an absolute rock during this and I decided to just tell her what he was going to tell her, if nothing else at least it wouldn't come out of the blue. Admittedly I was in a complete state but managed to blurt out he was going to visit her to tell her I was a whore.

I really wasn't sure how she would react but bless her, this little old lady's reply was "Let him try. If he comes round to mine he will get a piece of my mind." She would have as well. I was so stunned there was no way in a million years she would have believed a word he said. I was obviously being much more discreet than I thought while escorting.

My case was further supported by him ringing a few times while she was here mopping up my tears. He was definately coming across as unhinged.

I suppose what I would say is, be extremely discreet while escorting and hope that whoever was trying to out you was so wrapped up in anger and emotion that they seemed unhinged.

Failing that you could always try and laugh it off as a bizzare joke.

Lets hope it never comes to that for any of us.

Adele xxx

Lushious Louisa · « **Reply #5 on:** 10 March 2011, 11:06:20 pm »

The same as Adele my ex didn't only threaten to out me as an escort he actually did it by inboxing 9 of my friends on Facebook with links to my website which had face pics on

I am pretty good at thinking on my feet and have the same pics on my Facebook already so said to the few girls he inboxed who didn't know what I do he had made the website himself and took the pictures off my Facebook

I am pretty lucky in that a lot of my friends and my Mum and brother know what I do.
There are people out there like my horrid ex who I actually split up with coz he told me he was going swinging and that it was only the same as me working

who think others will be disgusted by us doing this but in reality not many are that horrified!
More people are horrified at his "disgusting swinging"

Amber Sweetpetite · « **Reply #6 on:** 11 March 2011, 09:02:49 am »

Well I could hardly deny it seeing as I have face pics on my website! My family would be shocked but I think they would be ok with it. Sometimes I wish I could just be upfront with people and tell them exactly what I do.

Claudia Reina · « **Reply #7 on:** 11 March 2011, 09:44:00 am »

I would deny everything! Even if someone showed me a face picture of mine, I would say it's not me, it's someone who looks like me...It exists, I know certain people who could be twins and yet they live in different countries and don't even know each other! I would do everything I can to prove my innocence! People tend to believe what they want to believe and I know for certain that nobody of my friends or relatives could imagine me being an escort. Maybe I wouldn't get away with it but who knows

BBW Joi Parker · « **Reply #8 on:** 15 February 2015, 06:23:27 am »

As I'm still somewhat scared to escort Ill probably deny everything. My tats are small, my pics are decoy so that makes the chances of being outed slimmer.

Vichyssoise · « **Reply #9 on:** 15 February 2015, 08:16:54 am »

This is my biggest nightmare and the one thing that marrs my full enjoyment of the job. I worry one day I will open the door to somebody I know. There are only four people who I care about finding out. I think if I was outed I would deny and hope they would believe me.

Midsstudent · « **Reply #10 on:** 15 February 2015, 09:10:15 am »

I am not hiding the job from anyone personal in my life. It could make things awkward for my future career but it's not like I'm doing anything illegal so if they did find out I'd probably fight my corner.

tvhappiness · « **Reply #11 on:** 15 February 2015, 10:12:35 am »

Even though I dressed up and a convincing B***, in the past two days had two messages saying " I know who you are", to which I responded " Good for you". I do have another job, I will just deny it is me. And if people find out, f*** them! It is my life, it is short and I will just move away. I don't plan on being a movie star or politician so they can do their best to destroy me.

MsDee · « **Reply #12 on:** 15 February 2015, 10:43:54 am »

I was threatened with being outed by a so called friend, I came out, kept my head high those who knew me stuck by me and those who were only using me hit the road predominantly because they were worried I was going to try and shag their partners.

Being in this industry it is inevitable that it might happen but i see more women stressing themselves out and making themselves mentally and physically ill with worry. At the end of the day when you come into this industry it is the risk you run. I chose to tell those important to me it is not the profession our parents choose for us but they do tend to come around to it. If you want to deny it then go ahead but you run the risk of people being even more suspicious, but at the end of the day it is all you can do.

Treetop · « **Reply #13 on:** 15 February 2015, 12:52:20 pm »

I was outed and in all honesty as horrific as it was at the time, I feel oddly liberated by not hiding it so much! I knew it was going to happen eventually, after 6 years of fake jobs, weird explanations and fake bfs I'm almost relieved it's finally happened!

If you are outed -
-Do not sit on the floor sobbing then stare into space like I did, there is no point to this and it makes you appear mental
-Call the police asap! This sounds stupid but some people really do not like hookers! I had paint thrown over me, chips shoved in my face, threats through door, neighbours standing outside house scaring me, laughed at in the street and physically assaulted. More of an issue was the criminal damage to my home. (F*** the windows but if I ever find who beheaded my light up snowman family.. local kids loved them almost as much as I did!) The police were fine about everything, I wish I'd talked to them earlier.
-Don't bother trying to lie, the people who matter will probably be able to tell from something silly like a mole or a style of writing, my mum rang my work number to check who answered so unless your prepared to put on a weird phone voice and accent every time, in event of an outing people will call you on you work number to see if it is you. If you do this full time people will have a light bulb moment where "it all makes sense now"
- Book into a hotel, book a short let, hide anywhere you can! Just run.

I wouldn't recommend being outed, I lost my home, my family, my sanity, I'm still having moments where I struggle to stay positive. Be confident about what you do, smile and if your gonna be known as a whore at least be the happy empowered whore, not a beaten down and abused whore.
It's not all bad being outed! No need to create fictional work stories, no need to hide your cash, can be that person who is pro sex work and actually backs it up in discussions.plus my private gallery sales went through the roof for a week or so. Lol

victoryrose · « **Reply #14 on:** 15 February 2015, 02:42:23 pm »

I want to go into academia so my life would practically be ruined.... Not really sure what I'd do, there is no plan because I'm doing this to fund a career that just would not take me if it was known that I used to do this. It doesn't matter if it's legal or not, it's about reputation and unless I found a ridiculously liberal employer, that would it it over. So I'm really careful and extremely strict, it loses me clients but I couldn't care less. I'll pick my PhD and resulting career over any amount of money, thanks. That being said, all of my friends are completely okay with it bar one who thinks it's dodgy ground but totally understands, I do trust them with my life. I am very politically minded so I make friends with people who are too, and I will always ask them about their opinions on it and truly get a feel for what they think before telling them. I'm horrible at keeping secrets so if I'm really close to someone, they'll have to know. That saves me a lot of stress, my Mum even knows, I think because my situation was so dire when I started that people are more willing to accept it, but the same can't be said for people outside of that group and certainly not for employers.

See also the main SAAFE.info site for more Support And Advice For Escorts

Author Topic: Backup plan for if you get outed? (Read 4599 times)

css3456

Backup plan for if you get outed?

KatieKurves

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

EmilyJones

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

sammy s

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

Champagne

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

Lushious Louisa

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

Amber Sweetpetite

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

Claudia Reina

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

BBW Joi Parker

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

Vichyssoise

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

Midsstudent

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

tvhappiness

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

MsDee

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

Treetop

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?

victoryrose

Re: Backup plan for if you get outed?