SAAFE forum
General Category => Questions and Answers => Topic started by: Alex6705 on 20 July 2017, 11:52:09 pm
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So, i've recently started dating this guy it's been like 3 months. When we first started speaking i told him i work in an office doing admin, i never thought that i'd like him as much as i do. I never really thought the lie of working in an office would be an issue
So the other day my guy asks what i'm upto tomorrow & i say work. He says 'where?' I said 'what do you mean where my work?' I shit myself. He's never really taken interest or asked me about my work until now so alarm bells went off in my head. I was thinking omg he must know he knows! So i googled random admin jobs to prepare. He then said 'You just never talk about work & never seem to to go' I told my friend & she said it probably is bang on that i never speak about work but i just find it easier to not make up lies about me working in an office id rather just not speak about it all. I never thought he would get onto this
So now, i'm thinking i'm gonna have to tell him something. He seems like a pretty open minded person an we've spoke about swinging & what not randomly. So i've come up with the cover story is that i do webcam. It doesn't seem as 'bad' or frowned upon in a mans eyes to escorting.
The other thing is people in my area know what i do, because years ago i got outed on facebook 😞So i'm just thinking if i throw in the webcam story now. If in the future someone happens to tell him that in an escort i will have already explained that it was a rumour.
I just need some advice cos i feel really bad lying but i don't want to lose him at the same time. I've dramatically reduced how much i've been working because my head just isn't in it at the momen & im currently training in beauty & nails. So hopefully i really won't be working & it won't all be lies
Thanks for reading i'm just stuck, i'm planning to sit down an have a chat with him on Sunday so any advice would be appreciated
X
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I would go with the webcam story x.
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I had a not too disimmilar situation when I went full time at this work. I had previously worked in an office and a relative got himself a job quite near to where I used to work. (Family assumed I still worked there) He mentioned a few times we could meet for lunch one day and the panic set in. What if he phoned me using my office number and they said oh she no longer works here!!!
I had to alter my fibs so that I was not likely to be found out. Your situation though is rather more serious as it is your boyfriend and the webcam suggestion may work but then if you have a healthy sex life and he likes the idea of you camming he just may ask to view you doing it.
Tread carefully.
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Initially, you made some innocent "white lies" to cover it up. Lots of people do and on the other hand, there are people who see these white lies as "plain lies". Some people tell white lies because telling the truth hurts them.
It depends on how long you know this chap. If it's a casual date, why should you care? If he's a good BF material, he will eventually find out, not something you could simply keep it hidden. Some men mind (faithfulness is thought to be important amongst men) and some men don't. Lots of double standards, too.
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Tough one. Many on here won't agree but when it comes to our jobs and anything even associated with it I'm a firm believer of lie lie lie.
I would say iv decided to do mobile beauty at a highly discounted price to train myself up. On days your out the full day you could be at college and the days your fluttering about you could be between beauty clients, then work to cover bills and qualify asap.
One piece of good advice I will give is make sure whatever story you have it solid before you tell it. Iv given a story with holes in it before and been left having to think on my toes at the most simple question.
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The thing is one lie leads to many other to lie after a long period can get mentally exhausting. You can say that you handed your notice in at the office and are currently training in beauty which is the truth.
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Im seeing someone and i fully lie about what i do dont get me wrong sometimes i feel a bit guilty but at the end of the day weve got bills to pay and its nothing to do with anyone how you make your money pepole will talk but deny it to the death, i understand its hard but i think you should go with the webcam story. Pm me if you want to talk x
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Honesty is truly the best policy. It makes your life much simpler and if that person is to be important in your life, they will find out sooner or later anyway. If they have a problem with it, better to find out now.
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Thanks for your advice everyone! I've spoke about it with friends but none of them work in this industry so don't really understand so i'm glad i can come on here & ask people who may have been through this situation themselves.
I've decided i'm gonna go with the webcam story. How that i was working in healthcare (which i was) & quit my job & couldn't afford anything so my friend told me about webcam & ive done that ever since. & How when he asked me the other day about work i felt guilty. I've mentally prepared myself for all of the questions. I think now is the best time to tell him before anything gets too serious & someone out of the blue tells him that i'm an escort, because then i won't be able to just bring up the webcam lie cos it won't seem true.
Im seeing someone and i fully lie about what i do dont get me wrong sometimes i feel a bit guilty but at the end of the day weve got bills to pay and its nothing to do with anyone how you make your money pepole will talk but deny
I agree fully but, for the last 6 months or so i've actually not wanted to work my head just isn't in it any more. That's why i decided to try & do something else so payed for different beauty courses & am training. & Now that i actually like this guy i feel terribly guilty.
It depends on how long you know this chap. If it's a casual date, why should you care? If he's a good BF material, he will eventually find out, not something you could simply keep it hidden. Some men mind (faithfulness is thought to be important amongst men) and some men don't. Lots of double standards, too.
I thought at first it would just be something casual but i'm gradually spending more & more time with him, so very definitely boyfriend material. He's so lovely aswell! I feel like a horrible person for lying but he definitely doesn't seem the type of guy to be okay with me being a prostitute
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My view on relationships is...
The only way to have a good solid relationship whilst escorting is to have a partner you can be open with, one who knows what you do and he accepts it and supports you.
Relationships are based on trust, what hope does a relationship have that is based on lies?
You are already feeling stressed, paranoid and guilty because basically you are duping a man into a relationship that he might/might not want to be in if he knew the truth.
If you are serious about him and you can see a future together then you need to be honest as its not fair on him IMO.
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I fully agree with you mature helen
I just feel like he definitely will not want anything to do with me if he knew what i do. & I always think 'what man will ever be happy with me being a prostitute?'
I'm not happy doing this job any more, so it's not like i want to lie to carry on working behind his back. I'm actually trying to get out of this work, not that it makes it any better because a lie is a lie but I just can't face telling him. I think if i had to that i would just block him out of my life without any explanation
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I couldn't be with someone who didn't know what I do because I wasn't sure if they could accept it. I don't think there's anything wrong with escorting so my partner has to think the exact same thing. It's difficult but I wouldn't be able to lie just because someone couldn't accept my truth. I have told three partners in total, so it's definitely possible to find men who are chill about it, and I know they will all take it to their graves.
It's up to you, I really place value on people loving me no matter what. I'd try to establish what his views on sex work are. Then gradually build up trust. But don't tell him unless you are 100% sure he'll be okay with it.
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I fully agree with you mature helen
I just feel like he definitely will not want anything to do with me if he knew what i do. & I always think 'what man will ever be happy with me being a prostitute?'
I'm not happy doing this job any more, so it's not like i want to lie to carry on working behind his back. I'm actually trying to get out of this work, not that it makes it any better because a lie is a lie but I just can't face telling him. I think if i had to that i would just block him out of my life without any explanation
If you're planning on quitting soon then yes, you can lie for a little bit more time but no more. If you're planning to stay in the industry long term then you need to tell him, if you don't tell the relationship won't work out because lying) and the stress of a leading a double life will drift you apart.
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It's up to you, I really place value on people loving me no matter what. I'd try to establish what his views on sex work are. Then gradually build up trust. But don't tell him unless you are 100% sure he'll be okay with it.
I wish i could tell him & him be okay with it. But from what i know so far about him, this definitely wouldn't be the case. I feel like would be disgusted, which is sad cos this job has been a big part of my life.
If you're planning on quitting soon then yes, you can lie for a little bit more time but no more. If you're planning to stay in the industry long term then you need to tell him, if you don't tell the relationship won't work out because living a double life (lying) will drift you apart and it will be too stressful.
Yeah i agree i definitely wouldn't be able to live a double life for much longer, it's stressing me out now & he's only recently started asking questions. He's also spoke about meeting his mum which gives me anxiety thinking about it
'So what do you do?'
I feel like i'm just digging a big hole either way & wish I could fast forward to not being in this job & meet him again when my job is a normal one
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What makes you think he wouldn't accept it?
I've had boyfriends in the past and I've always been open with them, as I just wouldn't be able to see someone whilst lying to them. They have always been fully supportive, and never used it against me so men like that do exist. Plus all my friends know too. Obviously societal stigma is against us, and men can be fragile so I know it's not easy. The way I see it, if there are people who would judge me for what I do then they're not worth being in my life.
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What makes you think he wouldn't accept it?
Just the way he acts if i mentions another man. He seems not quite the jealous type but 'you're mine' sort of thing. I don't think he would be able to understand that work & real life aren't anywhere near the same. Also, we're both early 20's, he's only ever had one long term gf & doesn't seem to have slept around much or experimented. I just don't think he will understand & accept it
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Just the way he acts if i mentions another man. He seems not quite the jealous type but 'you're mine' sort of thing. I don't think he would be able to understand that work & real life aren't anywhere near the same. Also, we're both early 20's, he's only ever had one long term gf & doesn't seem to have slept around much or experimented. I just don't think he will understand & accept it
You need to tip your foot in the water, mention in some random conversation that "you found out a old friend from school is a high flying escort in London and her boyfriend is ok with it" act surprised about it, listen carefully to his response. That will tell you all you need to know. One he tells you change the conversation subject so you don't draw too much atention to yourself.
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You need to tip your foot in the water, mention in some random conversation that "you found out a old friend from school is a high flying escort in London and her boyfriend is ok with it" act surprised about it, listen carefully to his response. That will tell you all you need to know. One he tells you change the conversation subject so you don't draw too much atention to yourself.
That's a good idea thankyou. Oh god i feel nervous just doing that lol!
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I would probably tell him that your sick of your job and your going to try webcaming instead or something along those lines
This way Your testing his attitude and reaction to the adult industry
If he kicks up fuss then you have dodged a bullet because if he won't accept you webcaming he sure as hell won't accept you sucking a guys cock
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If he's old fashioned, never bother mentioning it as you would be risking outing yourself via him. Just end it or change a job if you like him that much. You're young, you have far more options than some of us, oldies. :-* xxx
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So, i've recently started dating this guy it's been like 3 months. When we first started speaking i told him i work in an office doing admin, i never thought that i'd like him as much as i do. I never really thought the lie of working in an office would be an issue
So the other day my guy asks what i'm upto tomorrow & i say work. He says 'where?' I said 'what do you mean where my work?' I shit myself. He's never really taken interest or asked me about my work until now so alarm bells went off in my head. I was thinking omg he must know he knows! So i googled random admin jobs to prepare. He then said 'You just never talk about work & never seem to to go' I told my friend & she said it probably is bang on that i never speak about work but i just find it easier to not make up lies about me working in an office id rather just not speak about it all. I never thought he would get onto this
So now, i'm thinking i'm gonna have to tell him something. He seems like a pretty open minded person an we've spoke about swinging & what not randomly. So i've come up with the cover story is that i do webcam. It doesn't seem as 'bad' or frowned upon in a mans eyes to escorting.
The other thing is people in my area know what i do, because years ago i got outed on facebook 😞So i'm just thinking if i throw in the webcam story now. If in the future someone happens to tell him that in an escort i will have already explained that it was a rumour.
I just need some advice cos i feel really bad lying but i don't want to lose him at the same time. I've dramatically reduced how much i've been working because my head just isn't in it at the momen & im currently training in beauty & nails. So hopefully i really won't be working & it won't all be lies
Thanks for reading i'm just stuck, i'm planning to sit down an have a chat with him on Sunday so any advice would be appreciated
X
I usually say I work in office admin too but as a Temp. Meaning I hop from one business organisation to the other at any given time. In the hopes that, I will not be tied to a particular work place.
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Hi Alex,
trouble with saying webcam, is that he would want to see the site etc.. guys are nosey..
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You could use the webcam story, but what if he asks to see your 'page' or what not ?
I'm avoiding dating all together at the moment as can't deal with the stress of hiding this. Very few men would accept it & will eventually hold it against you IMO. X
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Hi Alex,
trouble with saying webcam, is that he would want to see the site etc.. guys are nosey..
I thought about this & haven't told him anything yet. I was going to sunday night but i just felt like he would ask loads of questions. So i'm just gonna lie for now about working in the office & carry on doing my beauty stuff. Hopefully when i'm all qualified i can just say i've left my office job