Hi there, I've decided to get back into escorting last time I did it was last year, reason for going back Money! I work full time but find it so difficult and also getting myself into debt. My daughter is 5 and wants to go to disney world so want to make her wish come true. I joined a really good agency in manchester 2 days ago and they wanted me to start straight away which was fine. But ended up leaving at 11pm because I felt sick and guilty. I have got a partner who I love so much he's my best friend and we live together and our relationship is amazing but felt bad for lying to him. Told him I had a babysitting job, any advice would be appreciated just don't know what to do. Because the money in escorting is good. The agency want me in tonight but how can I gain the courage. Anyone else in similiar situation thanks juiliet xx

Hi friday no he doesn't have a clue at all nor does he know I did it before.

Has anyone got a partner that doesn't know?

But if you're working full time and still in debt/have money problems, I can totally see why you would want to return to this line of work - no other job that I could get would pay anywhere near the hourly rate this job pays, and I don't even have to work 'full time' to earn a decent living for myself and my family.

It's a really tricky one, isn't it? I don't even have a family to look after but I remember that immediately post-uni I worked full-time in a min-wage job and lived in a crappy flat with FIVE housemates and I could still barely afford the rent and bills. Holidays were very much out of the question! I would have gotten swiftly into terrible debt (worse than the student loans!) if I hadn't gone into the sex industry. And people find it sooo mysterious and difficult to understand why we choose freedom over perma-debt and financial struggles.

Anyway, I know that doesn't help the OP much. I put a relationship on hold (or on "casual status") so that I could work without crippling guilt, but I still feel guilty even though I've pretty much ended it now. It just makes my guts hurt thinking about lying to loved ones and that's one of this job's horrid downsides.

To the OP - perhaps you could put a time limit on your escort work, like three weeks of saving hard and then finish no matter what? Or, as others above have suggested, try broaching the subject of your financial worries to your partner and see if he has any other ideas? Disneyland is a pretty bad reason to be taking all these emotional risks - perhaps the two of you could do something cheesy but lovely like go camping with your daughter - especially if it's somewhere that you can do some horse-riding because I'd bloody love to do that even though I'm no longer 5.

I'd always choose cheap-and-cheerful over emotionally-agonising and I think your guts may be telling you the same?

Quote from: EmilyJones on 27 July 2011, 04:25:32 pm

It just makes my guts hurt thinking about lying to loved ones and that's one of this job's horrid downsides.

How true.  For me, it's probably the worst of the downsides (even worse than smelly willy ).  I remember discussing this with a regular of mine once.  I was bemoaning the fact that this job isn't more socially acceptable, because if it was (I reasoned) I wouldn't need to lie to family members and friends.  He very wisely pointed out to me that the fact it isn't more socially acceptable is the reason why we can command the rates we do.  I hadn't thought of it like that, but he's probably right  

Hm mm I'm not sure. I don't think our rates have anything to do with our job not being socially acceptable. I think it's more a case of we are being compensated for doing an extremely intimate and often physically and emotionally draining job.

Lying to people is, for me, the worst thing about this job. I have just moved to London to work under the pretence of having a new job. Everytime a family member or friends rings and asks me how the new job is going I just want to die inside.

In a perverse way though I'm finding the Job much harder now me and my partner have spilt. Before I could do my work and them go home to him and leave it behind. I was just another 'normal' woman cooking my mans tea and keeping house. Not very feminist I know but at least it gave me a sense of being a normal woman with purpose. Now I see clients and then sit on my own thinking 'Oh my god'! Not pleasant at all

Yep, it's difficult. Keeping this a secret from someone can be hard, both practically and emotionally, keeping it from someone you live with is more so. Other options (like brothel work) are more difficult if you have to look after the kids during the holidays.

Does he think the relationship is monogamous? If so, then discovering that it's not can often be terminal, but if he knows that it's not, then the discovery that cash is involved can be less of a shock. If you want a safe way to help find out what he'd think, you can look out for things about escorting and try the 'did you see...?' conversation opener.

If you were thinking of Disney in the US, then there's Disneyland Paris. If you were thinking of that, then Parc Asterix just to the north of the city is better, cheaper and is best for children a bit too old for Disney...

Talking to your partner.

Do you want to escort?

That's the only question you need to honestly ask yourself really.

If you don't want to escort, for any reason guilt included, then it's going to reflect on your service and that might impact the number of clients you see.

It would be terrible if you found you weren't earning the money you need and jeopardized your relationship.

Have you tried speaking to citizens advice or a debt management charity about your money problems?