SAAFE forum
General Category => Politics and academic/media queries => Topic started by: ResearchHER on 27 January 2009, 10:00:14 am
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Hi,
What was the essential motivation for you, or someone you know, into becoming an escort?
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What is your motivation for asking given you say you are not a journo, not wanting to become an escort and not an acedemic?
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Well my motivation for asking is that I have had thoughts of using an escort. However, the media tends to portray escorts as victims that are put to it not from choice, that suffer from violence, and use a drug or alcohol to cope with their suffering. So when I think of that, obviously I'd never use one.
But then I see independent escorts, I'm not sure how they operate to be honest, or how escort agencies operate. Maybe I am confusing escorting with street prostitution.
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Fair dos.
Well the scene the media portrays does exist but it is no longer the biggest part of the market (it if ever was). There are no real offical figures on what is going on in the business but that doesn't stop the media making wild and unsubstantiated claims such as "80% of hookers are on drugs" or "95% of hookers dont have any other choice" or 75% of hookers were abused as children and are now pimped".
The internet has paved the way for a new brand of working girl. The sort of girl who loves sex or who can look at escorting in pretty much the same way as any job they may choose - a fun/interesting/OK way to earn money.
Lots of independents and agency and parlour girls do this as a part time 'hobby job' to earn a bit of extra cash in a fun and not too testing way. Many are mums who do it so they can earn a good salary without the long and unsociable hours associated with similarly well paid jobs - they prefer to see more of their children than the walls of an office. Some are students funding their way through university. Some are free spirits who dont want a 9 to 5. Some want the cash to send their children to private school and some just want the money to be able to regularly spend ?800 on a handbag.
The motivation is varied. Yes some are pimped or do it becasue their husband is a lazy so and so who doesn't want to work, some have drugs habits to fund (how many City boys are in the a similar position now that coke is such a popular drug?) and some cant do anything else but if you do your reseach, read the reports on sites like punternet.com, read girls blogs to see what sort of person they come across as and keep an eye on forums then you can make an informed choice quite easily these days - most long time punters will say they have less bad punts these days as there is more information out there than ever before.
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Hi,
What was the essential motivation for you, or someone you know, into becoming an escort?
A serious question. How would knowing an escort's motivation, or someone they know, make up your mind whether or not you want to see one? I'd like to understand the thought process behind that question.
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That is a good question.
If we take a look at the suggested motivations offered by Trafford:
- part time hobby for fun to earn cash
- mums to earn more money
- students to fund their learning
- to fund their child's learning
- to buy material goods that bring them joy
- to fund a drug habit
- forced
We can see that some do it for good ends, some do it for bad ends, and some do it without choice.
If I were to use an escort, I'd like it to be with a woman that does not do it regularly (less chance of getting STD) and does it temporarily (however long it takes to fund their learning for example) in order to obtain a good end.
I don't think I need to explain why I would not choose someone who is forced into it, which is such a horrendous thought and would be considered as rape. Nor would I choose to help a woman slowly destroy herself by using drugs. A woman should be free and clear minded, and voluntarily choose to accept a client.
I hope that answers your question.
If you two are escorts, why have you so far chosen not to reveal your motivation?
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That is a good question.
If we take a look at the suggested motivations offered by Trafford:
- part time hobby for fun to earn cash
- mums to earn more money
- students to fund their learning
- to fund their child's learning
- to buy material goods that bring them joy
- to fund a drug habit
- forced
We can see that some do it for good ends, some do it for bad ends, and some do it without choice.
If I were to use an escort, I'd like it to be with a woman that does not do it regularly (less chance of getting STD) and does it temporarily (however long it takes to fund their learning for example) in order to obtain a good end.
I don't think I need to explain why I would not choose someone who is forced into it, which is such a horrendous thought and would be considered as rape. Nor would I choose to help a woman slowly destroy herself by using drugs. A woman should be free and clear minded, and voluntarily choose to accept a client.
I hope that answers your question.
If you two are escorts, why have you so far chosen not to reveal your motivation?
Thanks for taking the time to explain. Of course you wouldn't want to see anybody that has been coerced into this job. The problem is, you're only going to find one kind of answer on here. Most of us are independents, with a couple of agency ladies thrown in for good measure. Our response to you would more or less be the same. Or we could even lie to you to tell you what you want to hear. How would you know otherwise? You don't.
This industry is made up of all different types of women, who all have different motivations and goals as listed by Trafford. There really is no one answer.
I'm motivated by meringue powder. I sniff it whenever I can. The ones from Marks and Spencer are the best. You get more to the pound too. Probably explains why I'm fat.
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If I were to use an escort, I'd like it to be with a woman that does not do it regularly (less chance of getting STD) and does it temporarily (however long it takes to fund their learning for example) in order to obtain a good end.
In other words, you mean you want to see someone who is diligent and cautious with safer sex precautions and uses them with everyone, and you'd use safer sex methods too! Yes? :)
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Yes that is very important. But there could be a woman addicted to drugs that would fit that description, or even a coerced woman, and I wouldn't go with her.
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That is a good question.
If we take a look at the suggested motivations offered by Trafford:
- part time hobby for fun to earn cash
- mums to earn more money
- students to fund their learning
- to fund their child's learning
- to buy material goods that bring them joy
- to fund a drug habit
- forced
We can see that some do it for good ends, some do it for bad ends, and some do it without choice.
If I were to use an escort, I'd like it to be with a woman that does not do it regularly (less chance of getting STD) and does it temporarily (however long it takes to fund their learning for example) in order to obtain a good end.
I don't think I need to explain why I would not choose someone who is forced into it, which is such a horrendous thought and would be considered as rape. Nor would I choose to help a woman slowly destroy herself by using drugs. A woman should be free and clear minded, and voluntarily choose to accept a client.
I hope that answers your question.
If you two are escorts, why have you so far chosen not to reveal your motivation?
Thanks for taking the time to explain. Of course you wouldn't want to see anybody that has been coerced into this job. The problem is, you're only going to find one kind of answer on here. Most of us are independents, with a couple of agency ladies thrown in for good measure. Our response to you would more or less be the same. Or we could even lie to you to tell you what you want to hear. How would you know otherwise? You don't.
This industry is made up of all different types of women, who all have different motivations and goals as listed by Trafford. There really is no one answer.
I'm motivated by meringue powder. I sniff it whenever I can. The ones from Marks and Spencer are the best. You get more to the pound too. Probably explains why I'm fat.
I assume this forum is anonymous and therefore no one knows your escort identity and real identity, therefore I don't understand why you would lie to me. Generally it could turn off clients if they knew you and you said "I do it for drugs" or "I am forced into it", but considering that nobody knows you I am unsure as to why you would lie or why everyone's response would be the same.
I can only conclude, based on your remark of "telling you what you want to hear", that the motivation is something bad, whether that is what you think is bad or what you think I think is bad.
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Yes that is very important. But there could be a woman addicted to drugs that would fit that description, or even a coerced woman, and I wouldn't go with her.
I guess that is always a risk? And since the government seem to be intent of pushing the industry further underground, there are no regulations on this kind of thing.
But I would say it's pretty easy to to tell if a girl doesn't want to be there or not. Particularly if they have their own website and are independent. I'm not an indie, I'm an agency girl, funding my studies, and I'm 100% certain that none of the girls on my agency's books have drug problems, and absolutely non of them are coerced. I have no official statistics, but I think the chances of coming across someone like that would dramatically increase if said girl were a street worker.
I assume this forum is anonymous and therefore no one knows your escort identity and real identity, therefore I don't understand why you would lie to me
Some of the ladies have links to their sites on their saafe profiles. Also , some people may not want you to know, and that is their business, and doesn't necessarily mean they are crack whores.
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I can only conclude, based on your remark of "telling you what you want to hear", that the motivation is something bad, whether that is what you think is bad or what you think I think is bad.
Well, some people might tell you what you want to hear. If you ask anyone why they do any work (Barring those who truly love their careers) they will say they are doing it for money. However this is a very personal and intimate service, and saying 'Because I like handbags, or because I am putting my kids through college' may make the individual paying feel like just a step on a ladder. So you might then leave that part out. It doesn't make it a fib, it makes it tactful. Also, it is a stock answer because it's not really anyone's business why people do the work they do.
If someone asks me I will be honest and say it is because I am at school and I enjoy it, which is entirely true. If it was however that I was hypothetically, supporting an ill relative and the hours and money suited carrying for that person...Who wants to hear that?! I'd hate hearing that! So you might leave that bit out and say the hours and money suits you, and whats more you damn sure wouldn't want someone inquiring about that situation :) See what I mean?
Edit: Just seen sasha's post- And she is right. I've not yet heard of or seen anyone who has been coerced or have drug problems, and I'd be surprised at it too. I have a Pastry and Ice Cream problem but we'll let Fitness first and my thighs worry about that one xx
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If you two are escorts, why have you so far chosen not to reveal your motivation?
You want to know mine? A lady I met asked if I'd like to work with her and I thought why not, it looked a lot of fun and the money was all extra as I already had a good full time job. It has paid for a lot of nice holidays for me and my family and I've met some great people. Not much to complain about here. Treat the job, and the clients, right and it treats you well in return.
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I can only conclude, based on your remark of "telling you what you want to hear", that the motivation is something bad, whether that is what you think is bad or what you think I think is bad.
Feel free. You're welcome to come to any conclusion you like.
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You missed out an important one:
Some are free spirits who dont want a 9 to 5.
I am pretty much unemployable and loathe being told what to do and where to do it, particularly when it means lining somebodys else's pockets to take home a pittance. I work as a prostitute for the money, of course - just as I did when I worked in a supermarket, a factory and as a cleaner. Unlike those days however, I am now happy, successful, physically and mentally healthy and completely financially independent. I run a legitimate business which has taught me a wider-than-you-might-think variety of skills, which (aside from the obvious ones ;D) include photo editing, basic bookkeeping/accounting and advertising/marketing techiniques (in the writing of my website and blog, which I worked extremely hard on and am proud of, considering I have no qualifications as such, and only went to school for something to do when it was raining). I have also learnt more about human nature than most people get to do in a lifetime, and am heartened to say that the majority of my findings are good.
I work happily, willingly and completely independently, and am categorically not coerced, pimped, managed or in any way under duress. I am not in financial difficulty, addicted to any substance legal or illegal, nor am I a victim of physical or emotional abuse of any kind. I can choose when, and even if I work and have ample opportunities to spend time with my family and friends; I can afford to eat good fresh food and sleep properly each night. There are probably other jobs I could do but I do not intend to find out anytime soon - as far as I am concerned my clients are stuck with me until they nail me in my Y-shaped coffin, and that's a while off yet. I realise that I am in the minority, as my job is not a stopgap as such, but ladies like me do exist!
As far as STDs go, I did have one once - I was twenty two and caught chlamydia off a cheating boyfriend. I have had sex of various kinds with probably well over a thousand men since then and never caught a thing. A prostitute's sexual health is her livelihood - don't you think she will take the utmost care to protect it? And the number of times a woman (or man) has sex is completely irrelevant - I could have 10 clients a day five days a week, take precautions and not catch a thing, or I could go out, get pissed and shag a stranger once without a condom and catch half a dozen different STDs. It might help if you try to think of us as you would any other professional service provider, rather than relying on unsubstantiated media stereotypes.
Apart from anything else, if I was addicted to drugs or alcohol, what business is it of yours? There are plenty of alcoholic plumbers and housewives, drug addicted doctors and so on. I earn my money and will spend it as I see fit, and that includes sticking it down my neck, up my nose or in my arm if I choose to. Likewise bareback - I do not offer it as I believe the health risks to be more than I am prepared to take, but what others choose to do with their bodies is up to them. Whether we like it or not there is clearly demand, or it would not be offered - each participant's sexual health is their own responsibility and it is the individual's prerogative which services he or she chooses to avail themselves of or not.
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I agree with Amy. I chose to return to escorting after 10 years of "going straight", including gaining a BSC and an MSC .It meant fuck all. I was stitched up like a kipper. After all, its not what you know, its who you know
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Thanks for the responses, it's interesting.
Some seem quite defensive to my posts, so I'm sorry if I came across offensive. As I said, my only idea of escorting is from the media, and as with everything in the media, negative news sells.
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Thanks for the responses, it's interesting.
As I said, my only idea of escorting is from the media, and as with everything in the media, negative news sells.
That is very true isn't it. We never hear about the 10,000's of planes every year that don't crash because it's nowhere near as good a story :)
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To be honest, when i was working in an academic arena ( research at local uni) or prior to that , which was early 90's, I never "grouped"individuals.I was always aware from a very early age that people enter into aspects /areas for a vast amount of reasons. I believe the most fundamental attribute is to be open minded and never skew your questioning bases on a prior assumption.
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Thanks for the responses, it's interesting.
Some seem quite defensive to my posts, so I'm sorry if I came across offensive. As I said, my only idea of escorting is from the media, and as with everything in the media, negative news sells.
Starting one of your posts with "Why on earth would women expose themselves to such danger? are they women that are generally into escorting due to past abuse/drug use?" shows that you're already judging escorts and why they do this job, even showing a little contempt for what we do. You are already asking us to defend ourselves and our actions in that one line. So no, you shouldn't be suprised at the(my) defence shown in this thread.
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All the escorts I know are normal women. They would (and probably have) walk past you in the street, and you wouldn't even know they we're an escort. A lot of people presume we all go around in fishnets looking for a cock to suck for a fiver to pay for out next fix/pay off our debt to a pimp who brought us to the UK. When actually, most of us (and most likely all the escorts here) are normal women who receive a payment for services. It has unfortunately got a lot of stigma attached to it. But if you read the threads and articles here, you will see that many of us are educated, professional, hardworking women (and men for that matter!). It's a shame that it's an industry shrouded in a seedy mysterious veil.
I have no shame in what I do, but I keep up the secrecy about it because some people close to me would be very hurt if they were to know, some others will simply not understand it, and I for one would rather not lose friends over it. But then I knew that before I started, and that was the hardest decision to make.
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Apart from anything else, if I was addicted to drugs or alcohol, what business is it of yours? There are plenty of alcoholic plumbers and housewives, drug addicted doctors and so on. I earn my money and will spend it as I see fit, and that includes sticking it down my neck, up my nose or in my arm if I choose to. Likewise bareback - I do not offer it as I believe the health risks to be more than I am prepared to take, but what others choose to do with their bodies is up to them. Whether we like it or not there is clearly demand, or it would not be offered - each participant's sexual health is their own responsibility and it is the individual's prerogative which services he or she chooses to avail themselves of or not.
She said it. No one can dispute that
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Ok ResearcHER,
Please look at my post on your hygiene thread, I saw that one first and was compelled to put on there what I would have written her and I can't be bothered to repeat myself, but in addition:
Frankly I now feel a little more insulted than on the other thread and I take my defence of you back,
So it's ok for a girl to escort to finance her way through her education, but it's a BAD motivation to escort because you want to kick the rat race of conforming to rules that go against your principles, lying and ripping people off and working your ass off doing a 60-70hour week, but want to retain your comfortable (not champagne) lifestyle. One WG said: "I suck cock, so I don't have to kiss ass." I agree.
So what do you class the woman who wants to give her kids the best she can as, good or bad?
Also I think Amy said it better, but what should you care how many men I've been with or why I do this, If I'm careful and you use protection with me?
Maybe it would ease your conscience, if you can tell yourself you have helped a poor girl on her way to her degree or keep 3 little nippers clothed and fed?
So tell me: "What is your motivation to used a prostitute?"
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So tell me: "What is your motivation to used a prostitute?"
I have nothing to add because these ladies have all said it perfectly but i'd just like to 2nd the question above. I think WG's get asked 'why we do it' all the time but i would never just come out and ask a guy why he chooses to visit prostitutes. Until now.
So, what is your motivation to use a prostitute then?
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Thanks for the responses, it's interesting.
Some seem quite defensive to my posts, so I'm sorry if I came across offensive. As I said, my only idea of escorting is from the media, and as with everything in the media, negative news sells.
Starting one of your posts with "Why on earth would women expose themselves to such danger? are they women that are generally into escorting due to past abuse/drug use?" shows that you're already judging escorts and why they do this job, even showing a little contempt for what we do. You are already asking us to defend ourselves and our actions in that one line. So no, you shouldn't be suprised at the(my) defence shown in this thread.
Brandy
My assumption was that it is easy to catch a STD without protection and a possibility of catching the most deadly and frightening disease of HIV. Therefore I concluded that either the woman does not value her life (no protection is an uneccessary high risk), in that she puts the value of money before her health, or that she is coerced into doing it. But then I sometimes read of women who enter escorting because they like sex (as from the Billie Piper TV programme) and I wondered if that was true and how widespread that motivation, or other motivations, is in the escorting business.
I really do not know how high the risk of catching a STD is, with or without protection.
Given that even protection does not safeguard fully against contracting STDs, I think it is valid to say that escorts put themselves at a higher risk when compared with a woman on a one night stand, given that escorts expose themselves to such a risk many times over a longer period, assuming the woman on a one night stand does it once.
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I have never used a prostitute or escort, but if I were to, the motivation would be to experience sex. I don't know if I would use one again afterwards.
Other motivations I can think of:
- out of loneliness to get some affection (wanting love and this as the closest way of doing it but never getting it)
- an easy way to sleep with very attractive women
- to learn how to do a certain sex act for a partner
- to relieve stress
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You sound very concerned about std's so maybe you should do some research on the internet on std websites rather than here? Any WG can only vouch for herself when asked what precautions she takes. Can i ask one question without meaning to sound mean. Have you been this concerned about every women you have ever slept with or is it just prostitutes that you think are likely to be infected?
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:)
It would be a concern with all women. I think I will do some research on STD.
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It might help to keep some sense of proportion here. Leaving aside the fact that you clearly think we are all disase-ridden, (even though I doubt any of us have ever had an STD caught whilst working, including me as I have already stated), it's worth remembering that if the worst happens, the vast majority of infections can be cured very simply with antibiotics. There are some that cannot (herpes, for example) and obviously HIV but I would still say the risk from a responsible prostitute who does not offer unprotected sex is phenomenally low. The chances of catching HIV from a heterosexual partner in the UK remains extremely low, and my doctor at the GUM has told me that many times - if you do catch anything you are far more likely to pick up chlamydia, gonorrhoea or whatever.
How many civilian women do you think get a full battery of STD tests every three months or more? It's not many. I was very promiscuous for most of my late teens and early twenties, certainly didn't use condoms every time despite knowing better and I didn't even find out we had a GUM clinic until I was nearly 30. And yet again, it makes no difference whatsoever how many times you have sex or how many partners you have if sensible precautions are taken. Have you read ANY of our replies properly or have you just convinced yourself anyway?
Frankly, if you really are as paranoid as you sound I'm surprised you ever leave the house.
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:)
It would be a concern with all women. I think I will do some research on STD.
Yes i think you should so you have a better idea of what we are talking about and perhaps put your mind at ease. I have to agree with amy that i think you sound terrified and although im sure you do leave your house on occasions I think research will be key before you meet with a wg.
Can i also suggest that perhaps you have a look on some of the other forums out there that are used by both WG's and punters as this is a subject that is discussed quite a lot amongst punters. you will get some mixed views which might confuse you even more but it might help you draw your own conclusion.
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Given that even protection does not safeguard fully against contracting STDs, I think it is valid to say that escorts put themselves at a higher risk when compared with a woman on a one night stand, given that escorts expose themselves to such a risk many times over a longer period, assuming the woman on a one night stand does it once.
I have to say that is a very naive perspective my friend, what makes you think that a woman having a one night stand doesn't do it every chance she gets, often in an enebirated state and frequently without protection. Ok, a WG will probably have more encounters, but responsible ones such as me will take all precautions we can and we do check the guys out for any visible symptoms and take appropriate measures, which would include terminating an appointment and refunding the money.
There are many jobs and pass times that are dangerous and involve taking calculated risks.
A soldier knows he can get shot, blown up, take prisoner, will see his friends killed -but if he's clever he assesses the risks he takes.
A trapeze artist can fall or miss a catch and be responsible for the death/injury of his partner - he knows his capability, he knows the risks and assesses them and will only take the ones he is happy to do.
A rock climber can fall to his death, firemen, nurses, fire eaters, weightlifters, traindrivers, etc.
As for enjoying sex being the motivation, i can only speak for myself, of course I do, but I think most will agree that if we didn't enjoy it, it would show and we wouldn't be sucessful, as in any job.
Personally I will also tell you that with the right attitude this is an incredibly empowering thing to do. I am proud and humbled at the same time that there are gentlemen out there who will pay to spend time with me because they appreciate my company, find me interesting as a person and think I am beautiful and sexy and come back to see me as often as they can.
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My motivation was wanting to do something I could be good at - and eventually extremely succesfully with excellent financial rewards.
Regards risks? The only time I ever 'caught' anything was back when I was quite young, naiive and had only had a couple of sexual partners. It was an 'innocent' one night stand.
Since then I've always been careful made sure I minimise any risks.
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sorry but at the risk of upsetting my fellow WGs can i just say that this thread is starting to sound like something out of a punter forum. We have been asked that same old question 'what made you start escorting' by a punter on a forum for escorts and pandering to it.
Mate, I think 2 of us have now suggested you go to a punter forum. When you do look this subject up and it is discussed frequently.
Its actually no one elses business what motivates one lady to work or another and will be different from one to another so perhaps if thats a question you want answered before you fuck someone you should specifically ask the lady you choose to spend time with. But good luck with that as i would automatcally think you were a TW if you asked me before we met.
And as for sti's. If you are a grown man then it is your responsibility to educate yourself in these matters (I assume you are a grown man). If one of my clients wants to know what precautions i take, i will tell him. I will also ask him the question back. Its a 2 way thing.
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We have been asked that same old question 'what made you start escorting' by a punter on a forum for escorts and pandering to it.
Yes, but he's not to know that it's a question that we are continually asked. If he is as new as he says he is, and judging by his naivete I can well believe that, he'll also be new to every other aspect of punting, including message boards. His questions still deserve some sort of response. Whether or not he accepts those responses is up to him.
You take each new enquiry at face value and offer your advice or opinion when asked. If you don't want to answer them, then don't.
Considering that it is a question we are asked all the time, I think the ladies on here handled their responses pretty well. But I also do agree that he should maybe ask at somewhere like Punternet for a male perspective.
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Hi,
What was the essential motivation for you, or someone you know, into becoming an escort?
lol
money, self employed, easy life, quick cash and whatever else
:P
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Essentially an older man offered me money to have sex with him about six months ago and as he seemed like a decent guy, so I thought "why the hell not". When I went through with it I found that I really enjoyed the whole experience and the rest, as they say, is history.
The following are a few reasons why I enjoy this job
- The money and hours - of course
- The job satisfaction. It's infinitely rewarding - you should see the faces of some of my clients after I've finished with them. To know you are good at your job just from someone's body language (and occasional limp) is a great feeling. It's also fantastic for your ego (not that mine needs much help ;))
- The people I meet
- The sex. I am a very sexual person - something which I am not shy about. I love sex and I usually have great sex with my clients.
- The buzz
A prostitute's sexual health is her livelihood - don't you think she will take the utmost care to protect it?
I keep making this point on various forums I am on, but never that concisely! *saves to notepad*