SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: Fallingstar on 14 November 2009, 05:37:31 pm
-
For me it has to be this little gem in parted to me in an hours incall last month
'You give a great blow job,much better than the escaped mental patient i met in a pub the night before last'
:o :o :o
I'm sure you ladies and gents will be able to top it though!
-
One gentlemen want me to talk dirty to him, not a problem, except my mouth was full at the time!
-
One gentlemen want me to talk dirty to him, not a problem, except my mouth was full at the time!
Its even wierder when you erm 'mouths full' and they are asking you really inane questions like 'so how long have you being doing this' etc etc. Moments like that really make me wonder how i ended up in this line of work ;D
-
One guy looked up from what he was doing inbetween my legs and asked: 'Do you think I should get another guy to f**k my wife?' ::)
-
(From a GP with his fingers in my fanny) "You have very smooth walls. If I was examining you now I'd be impressed."
-
Hello Everyone,
The weirdest thing a client has ever said to me in person was after asking my prices "I haven't got enough money for a full personal, Ive got a police cosh in my car if i go and get it would you accept it instead of money?"
You can all guess my answer to this one...JOG ON!!!!!
Mak.
xxxxxx
-
I had to google to find out what that meant, but now I know and OMG and also WTF.
-
Why did he think you would want a cosh?
-
Why did he think you would want a cosh?
Maybe to beat stupid idiots like him about the head?
-
"You've got stretchmarks, so you've obviously had kids, which means you've obviously had bareback at some time in your life. Why can't you do bareback with me".
-
Hahahaha.
Yep, Brandy's client is the answer to Cassie's question.
-
Hello Everyone,
Ha ha, i had to laugh, if he would have had it in this hand i would have said yes, taken it and beat him out of the door, throwing the cosh behind him, i mean really, what am i gonna do with one of those apart from get myself in trouble lol. More to the point, where on earth did he get it from?
Love N' Hugz.
Mak.
xxxxxx
-
"You've got stretchmarks, so you've obviously had kids, which means you've obviously had bareback at some time in your life. Why can't you do bareback with me".
What did you say to him?
rofl
-
Hahahaha.
Yep, Brandy's client is the answer to Cassie's question.
And if there was a poster boy of not doing bareback with, he was it. He had jowels like a bull-dog (reminded me of Fred Eliot, if you've ever watched Coronation St.) and kissing him was like kissing a cold, wet, slimey dead fish. He had toenails that were like talons, they could rip the skin off my legs. I saw him twice and couldn't take anymore.
His logic on why I should engage in bareback with him was enough.
-
"You've got stretchmarks, so you've obviously had kids, which means you've obviously had bareback at some time in your life. Why can't you do bareback with me".
What did you say to him?
rofl
I had to look at his face to see if he was serious, which he was. Then I told him that would be because I only did bareback with my partner of nearly (at the time) 10yrs.
His reasoning just defied belief.
-
"Suck on my nipple and talk dirty to me"
Well which one is it going to be honey?
-
"Suck on my nipple and talk dirty to me"
Well which one is it going to be honey?
Although the mental image of you attempting both is quite comical...
-
Weirdest/Scariest and most w.t.f all in one
'I like beating women..... Not in the face of course'
Gahhh!
-
That is bloody scary Evie!
Mine is "I come here to see your tits, not you" - I'm a 32B - so go figure!
-
"You've got stretchmarks, so you've obviously had kids, which means you've obviously had bareback at some time in your life. Why can't you do bareback with me".
Now if he was of a race that makes beautiful babies when mixed with Black, I woulda so barebacked him and had his kids :D
-
That is bloody scary Evie!
Mine is "I come here to see your tits, not you" - I'm a 32B - so go figure!
Dear me,why would a man of such grace,charm and sensitivity ever have to pay for a ladies time? ;D
Client a while ago told me that 'He adored my ample bottom and my generous thighs' :o
I'm a size 8!
No wonder so many women have eating disorders if their menfolk are going around saying things like that to them.
-
"You've got stretchmarks, so you've obviously had kids, which means you've obviously had bareback at some time in your life. Why can't you do bareback with me".
I suppose it must be ok then, no risk of STIs so long as he has washed his willy. ;D
-
Client just told me I have 'a bum like an onion'. Is that meant to be a compliment? Lol.
-
Client just told me I have 'a bum like an onion'. Is that meant to be a compliment? Lol.
Onion? Hahaha, sorry - I think I would have said: Why, does it make you want to cry (for joy)?
-
Client just told me I have 'a bum like an onion'. Is that meant to be a compliment? Lol.
Onion? Hahaha, sorry - I think I would have said: Why, does it make you want to cry (for joy)?
Oh dear,he probably meant you have a nice,round smooth bottom but he hasn't picked the best thing to compare it too,a peach may have been a better analogy.
Or maybye he just meant you have many layers (and your bottom does too ;D)
Men say the weirdest things,Ive got a friend who's ex want told her 'Your skin is so smooth i would like to kill you and make Pyjamas out of your skin'
Relationship didn't last strangely.
-
Client just told me I have 'a bum like an onion'. Is that meant to be a compliment? Lol.
Onion? Hahaha, sorry - I think I would have said: Why, does it make you want to cry (for joy)?
Oh dear,he probably meant you have a nice,round smooth bottom but he hasn't picked the best thing to compare it too,a peach may have been a better analogy.
Or maybye he just meant you have many layers (and your bottom does too ;D)
Men say the weirdest things,Ive got a friend who's ex want told her 'Your skin is so smooth i would like to kill you and make Pyjamas out of your skin'
Relationship didn't last strangely.
ROFL!
Colette you make her bottom sound like a cake:
We have before you a multi-layered bottom cake, with liberal smatterings of chocolate and vanilla cream between with its folds......
-
Had a client a while back who wanted to do some sort of praying/blessing ceremony " to commit us to being a couple before we got intimate >:(
-
Had a client a while back who wanted to do some sort of praying/blessing ceremony " to commit us to being a couple before we got intimate >:(
Good grief!
-
Did he sound foreign? In some strictly religious places the prostitutes engage in "temporary marriages" with their clients.
-
Client told me yesterday that 'my tits reminded him of a banana'???
I dont know what sort of banana's he eats... ???
-
A very light skinned, not so well endowed Asian gentleman kept telling me to suck on this big black cock... I kept looking for one but I couldn't see the one he was talking about!! :P
-
Onion bums and banana boobs. What's with the food comparisions, lol?! Men. *rolls eyes*
-
Onion bums and banana boobs. What's with the food comparisions, lol?! Men. *rolls eyes*
Well they do say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach ;D
-
This isnt exactly weird but made me giggle. Had a new guy on Friday, been trying for a little while to see me, just hadnt been able to get the timing right until friday.
After the bedroom fun we were curled up chatting, and he asked me what else I do as I seem so busy. Told him that I do volunteer work and am studying along with the escorting. He said 'Oh you do escorting too do you!'. Not sure what he thought I was doing while with him then lol
Hugs
Penny x x x
-
He said 'Oh you do escorting too do you!'. Not sure what he thought I was doing while with him then lol
Hehe, that is funny
-
So I get a phone call from this gent yesterday who sounded a bit pervy by the way, but I thought I would indulge him and see where this goes our conversation went something like this:
Him: Do you like gifts?
Me: Yes I do (pfff what girl doesn't like gifts)
Him: Can I send you a gift without seeing/meeting you ever :o
Me: Err you bring your gift along when you come and see me (of course at this point my weirdo dar is buzzing thinking this guy just wants my address for his dubious means)
muttered to myself weirdo after hanging up
-
Him: Can I send you a gift without seeing/meeting you ever :o
Me: Err you bring your gift along when you come and see me (of course at this point my weirdo dar is buzzing thinking this guy just wants my address for his dubious means)
Haha, maybe he just wanted to send you a pair of socks! What a Samaritan. ;D
-
Okay... this isn't weird, but to me hilarious all the same,
A client texted Friday night to ask if I fancied a drink, I said no, I don't work evenings or weekends, he then replied and this is the funny bit..."I didn't mean work wise, just a drink and a meal, no strings attached" (by which I guess he meant, free of charge!) They just don't get it sometimes do they?? Needless to say he didn't get a reply.
I'm sure some clients think we do this out of the goodness of our hearts, bless their little cottons!
x
-
I was with a client last week and he said to me in a genuinely shocked voice -"Oh! My wife doesn't do it like that"
I swear I had to bite my tongue. Some of the potential replies included:
Well, I did wonder why married men come to see me ::)
Is that why you're here paying me then?
I'm not your wife, thank heaven for small mercies
Your Wife probably doesn't fuck strangers for a living :P- I've had practise lol
She's not getting paid for it so might not feel the need to try hard
Did you ever ask her to do it differently?
And so on. I feel for the wives of these men. Some of them anyway.
I'm going to bed to my husband now, gonna tell him It's mish or nothing baby.....x
-
Mish?? Sorry if I sound dumb but what is that? Bless this site for teaching you new things ha ha ha ;D
xxx
-
Mish - short for "missionary" - as in missionary position. :)
-
Errrr..... how stupid do I feel now ??? lol
x
-
Don't worry about it - there's still quite a few terms I'm not familiar with (or want to be come to that ;D). Reminds me of the time when someone rang and asked me if I did CP. When I asked him what CP was he said "obviously not" and rang off! It's Corporal Punishment :)
-
Its not the most exciting position in the world is it, but it does work ;)
Don't feel silly hunni, you'll soon pick up the lingo x
-
I know but that one was so obvious with hindsight! The strangest thing is though that seems to be the most popular position with the clients I've had so far???
x
-
It is popular, but I (sometimes) like to try and get my clients to try other positions too.
The most popular for me are probably cowgirl, mish and doggy - in that order. I do get bored of these though, especially with regular clients and they seem to enjoy being shown new positions etc. I do wonder what they tell their significant others when they get home and start pulling out all these new moves...lol
In reply to another post of yours - some clients try pushing their luck asking if we'll meet them 'outside of work'. I never meet them either. Not a bloody chance. If they want to see me, they'll pay. Simples!
Alex x
-
I have a pack of cards from Ann Summers with 52 sex positions and when clients want to play with positions I let them have a look and choose a position to try from them, however when you think about it all positions are just variations of the three basic ones, ie missionary, doggy and cowgirl.
-
A very light skinned, not so well endowed Asian gentleman kept telling me to suck on this big black cock... I kept looking for one but I couldn't see the one he was talking about!! :P
HA
Bet he probably sucks big black cocks at night :D
-
I have a pack of cards from Ann Summers with 52 sex positions and when clients want to play with positions I let them have a look and choose a position to try from them, however when you think about it all positions are just variations of the three basic ones, ie missionary, doggy and cowgirl.
You put me to shame Cassie,i just try and stick to as few positions as possible,cant stand being bent around like a rubber doll (or possibly I'm just lazy ;))
I always try and persuade them into doggy (you can moan away but you don't have to keep the look of ecstasy on your face ;D),reverse cowgirl (Ditto) or cowgirl. Anything where I'm on top or in charge basically. I really don't like doing missionary with clients,in my experience a lot of men make no effort to support their weight and will just lie right on top of me squashing the air from my lungs.I also get a lot of men who will attempt to smother my entire face with their lips in this position and as i can hardly breathe through my nose it feels like I'm suffocating,not nice.
A very experienced escort friend of mine suggested that if the client wants missionary try and keep one leg up hooked over their shoulder (telling them how much you lurve it like that and it really turns you on ;D). It stops them leaning on top of you or doing my other personal bugbear,lifting my legs right up in the air and bruising my cervix to bits with their thrusting.
-
So I get a phone call from this gent yesterday who sounded a bit pervy by the way, but I thought I would indulge him and see where this goes our conversation went something like this:
Him: Do you like gifts?
Me: Yes I do (pfff what girl doesn't like gifts)
Him: Can I send you a gift without seeing/meeting you ever :o
Me: Err you bring your gift along when you come and see me (of course at this point my weirdo dar is buzzing thinking this guy just wants my address for his dubious means)
muttered to myself weirdo after hanging up
Maybe he meant "do you have a wish list?" and he could have sent you a present. AW have a wishlist section whereby gentlemen can send you a present without knowing your address, either something you have requested or something they like.
I thought that this was a bit mercenary until I had a few guys asking if I had one so that they can send me a present. I set one up expecting nothing and I have had quite a few goodies sent through the post.
Tends mainly to be cammers who want to see me wearing what they bought me, or guys sending me a gift in advance of a meeting. I had a nice purple basque last week. Last month I had a PVC basque with a B cup - Im a GG! My present giver said on cam that he had bought a small cup size on purpose so that my breasts would not be contained - lol.
-
I really don't like doing missionary with clients,in my experience a lot of men make no effort to support their weight and will just lie right on top of me squashing the air from my lungs.
Ha, I like that. Obviously I need room to breathe, but I like feeling a body on top of me, it's one of the reasons I don't mind a big belly :).
Mish is good. I try to avoid doing a lot of cowgirl; it's not totally boring for me now that I've got fully acquainted with my g-spot, but it's still not as satisfying as being fucked.
Scissors is one that isn't a variation on the main three. It's hit and miss and I think I've only ever got into it by accident, but it's pretty cool when it works.
-
Believe you me Anika if you were working for my revolving door agency you would find cowgirl was your new best friend,along with any other positions that avoid as much wear and tear as possible ;D
The more i read on this forum the more im realising that there seems to be a world of difference between working through an agency and working indie. Indie work seems to be much more client centred and laid back.Where as when you work through a busy agency you try your best to make sure your clients have a nice time but youve always got one eye on the clock and trying to pace yourself cos you know youve got x amount of clients to see afterwards.
-
You're totally right, Colette. From what you've said, agency/parlour work is not ideal if it constantly wears down your mental defenses until you can't bear the thought of seeing another client. Not to mention wearing down other things, too.
I love my indie incalls, where I'm in charge of everything and therefore feel like being nice to my 'guests'. I don't have to worry about being told off by an agency manager if I ever needed to kick a horrible client out or push a smelly one forcibly into the shower, or rearrange a booking or have a day off. I swan about my place before they arrive, tidying stuff and fannyarsing about with my makeup, and get to relax as soon as they leave. I talk to my clients about my books and what they're reading, what they do and what my plans are blah blah blah between rounds. They always half faint with shock at how happy I seem - when it's not surprising, really, since my working arrangements suit me really well and I'm really fortunate. Fingers crossed it keeps on working out!
Er, not to go on about myself for hours or anything. I'm just not-so-subtly trying to change your mind about going indie... la la... indie windie... you know you want to! ;D
-
I have to say LaWoof* is my favorite, the clients come quite quick, but I did find in Ireland, it may start in another position, but it always ended in mish. Irish men, just didn't know how to handle different positions. Dutch guys on the other hand, like to try different things. :o
*Blame BH for this one. :)
Colette, I think once you went indie, you might relax a bit more and see why the rest of us are such Happy Hos. :-*
-
Believe you me Anika if you were working for my revolving door agency you would find cowgirl was your new best friend,along with any other positions that avoid as much wear and tear as possible ;D
I can see how that would work, but you must have built up some good lower body strength! I have a client who I almost always do cowgirl with because of disability and riding a man until he comes once a week is quite enough for me.
-
Lol, it's actually not that hard work Colette, especially with guys who are happy to play around, for them it's about the fun and not a race to the big O. Of course they want that too and generally we end up in one of the traditional 3 to finish off. :)
Like Anika I love to feel the weight of a man on top of me, leaving enough room to breath, and I like watching his face when he comes, so mish is my favourite.
-
Scissors is one that isn't a variation on the main three. It's hit and miss and I think I've only ever got into it by accident, but it's pretty cool when it works.
Hmm, I tend to think of scissors as a progression from spoons, which is doggy on the side, but I can see where you are coming from.
-
For personal encounters, I like cowgirl. It must be the Domme in me, I just love to order some poor soul, to lay down, don't move and do exactly as I tell you, and don't stop until I say so. ::)
-
At the risk of sounding like someone in a joke * I was told by someone who should have been teaching me O-level chemistry at the time...
What people are calling 'scissors' - is that what I think of as 'starfish' (and which Wikipedia calls 't-square')? Woman on her back with knees up, with man at right angles under the woman's knees? Relaxed, good hand access to genitals and good during pregnancy?
* It's a sex lecture, and the audience is asked how many sexual positions they know. 'A hundred!' shouts someone at the back. 'One' says someone at the front. 'A hundred! A hundred!' shouts the one at the back, louder. The lecturer asks the one at the front to demonstrate the one he knows... and it is basic missionary. The audience start to giggle. Then the person at the back shouts 'A hundred and one!'
-
pmsl!
Nice Work x
-
Believe you me Anika if you were working for my revolving door agency you would find cowgirl was your new best friend,along with any other positions that avoid as much wear and tear as possible ;D
I can see how that would work, but you must have built up some good lower body strength! I have a client who I almost always do cowgirl with because of disability and riding a man until he comes once a week is quite enough for me.
I now have the ability to crack walnuts between my thighs ;)
As a lower body workout a protracted sesh of girl of on top is hard to beat. Just throw your head back so they cant see the look on your face,moan away and pretend your at the gym. (A very x-rated version of it anyway)
God im just an erotic goddess arent i? i make it all sound sooooooooo sexy ;D
I dont think i will ever be a happy ho Violette :( agency or indie i couldnt see myself ever enjoying this job,im afraid for me personally its just a means to an end. I do envy you ladies who feel otherwise.
Im a tolerant ho though with good acting skills so i guess i will just have to settle for that ;D
-
What people are calling 'scissors' - is that what I think of as 'starfish' (and which Wikipedia calls 't-square')? Woman on her back with knees up, with man at right angles under the woman's knees? Relaxed, good hand access to genitals and good during pregnancy?
Not quite, what you are describing is what I would call the cross. Scissors is if you imagine spoons, but with the partners having one leg between the others and then the person in the front moving their upper body forward and legs back so the partners form an X with the genitals at the apex. Does that make sense?
x
-
Here we go, scissors:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/sp_scissors.shtml (http://www.sexinfo101.com/sp_scissors.shtml)
And while you're on the site have a look at bumper cars now that is different from the basic 3 and not something I want to try - weird!
-
Did he sound foreign? In some strictly religious places the prostitutes engage in "temporary marriages" with their clients.
yep! I forget what country he was from though I am religious to some point and had me thinking I might be making a pact with the devil himself lol!
-
Here we go, scissors:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/sp_scissors.shtml (http://www.sexinfo101.com/sp_scissors.shtml)
And while you're on the site have a look at bumper cars now that is different from the basic 3 and not something I want to try - weird!
Wow. That's the best website *ever*
*gets out notepad*
-
Cool site!
I scrolled down and was shaving a look at what the members say. Get this, by User biggusdickus. He definately sounds like a dick, that's for sure.
"my girlfriend loves this, my dick gets right up inside against her cervix when i blow my load. I tried the same thing on my wife and she didn't care for it. Big deal.
The wife's got bigger tits tho' so it's a tradeoff."
-
Yes, definately a huge COCK! >:(
It's men like that that make me pleased I'm a ho' and not a wife!
(okay, I know there are some nice men out there but where oh where)
x
-
If it helps, I think the chances are high that the writer doesn't really have a wife or a girlfriend to annoy.
-
Or a big dick! ;D
-
Here we go, scissors:
http://www.sexinfo101.com/sp_scissors.shtml (http://www.sexinfo101.com/sp_scissors.shtml)
And while you're on the site have a look at bumper cars now that is different from the basic 3 and not something I want to try - weird!
Wow. That's the best website *ever*
*gets out notepad*
Yeah, I spent a while on there later and have bookmarked it, I didn't read very far down on the comments as some of the messages were in the most appalling text speak and spelling, I couldn't bear it!
-
If it helps, I think the chances are high that the writer doesn't really have a wife or a girlfriend to annoy.
Or a big dick! ;D
You mean he made it up! :o ;D
-
This site is soo cool. It would be nice if they did a same sex version, one on toy use could be helpful as well. On good grief I could even see a Domme version.
-
This site is soo cool. It would be nice if they did a same sex version, one on toy use could be helpful as well. On good grief I could even see a Domme version.
Why not ask our lovely mods to start a couple of new categories here?
You could kick it off with some posts and see where it goes - I wouldn't have too much to say about Domme stuff, but can hold my own ( ;D) when it comes to same sex discussions and it could be pretty useful for those offering girl on girl.
-
Oh dear, Um I meant that the sexinfo101 site was cool, and maybe they should start offering some other sexual alterntives, to accompany the heterosexual positions. :-[
-
it could be pretty useful for those offering girl on girl.
Does anyone actually get girl on girl bookings? Just curious, hadn't considered offering that ;D
xx
-
I've only had one female client on her own. Couples are more common though and the female half is usually keen to be entertained.
-
Oh dear, Um I meant that the sexinfo101 site was cool, and maybe they should start offering some other sexual alterntives, to accompany the heterosexual positions. :-[
Oh, oops, my mistake really, ;D :-[
I see what you mean and you are right, that would be great, they do mention with some positions that they are particularly good for same sex couples.
-
Does anyone actually get girl on girl bookings? Just curious, hadn't considered offering that ;D
I've had one female client, but other girl on girl has been with other WGs as 3-some with a male client. I would be quite keen on offering services to ladies, but I don't think there is much of a market for it out there.
-
"I bet your mother would like if I fucked her like this. Do you think you father would like it?," said DURING.
I was quite sure I was going to fling him across the bed and gouge out his eyes. Rest assured, I ignored his calls from then on. He was also the sort of c*** who had once tried to rub his condom-less cock against my vulva, whining and begging for it.
I should have cut it off earlier, but he tipped well and "gifted" roses and expensive Italian reds. Over time, as his behaviour grew increasingly appalling, I realised that generosity was a manipulation tactic he thought would buy him a carte blanche to act heinously (i.e.,he was hoping I would mistake manipulation for kindness and consideration).