A very light skinned, not so well endowed Asian gentleman kept telling me to suck on this big black cock... I kept looking for one but I couldn't see the one he was talking about!! 

Onion bums and banana boobs. What's with the food comparisions, lol?! Men. *rolls eyes*

Well they do say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach

He said 'Oh you do escorting too do you!'.  Not sure what he thought I was doing while with him then lol

Hehe, that is funny

Him: Can I send you a gift without seeing/meeting you ever 
Me: Err you bring your gift along when you come and see me  (of course at this point my weirdo dar is buzzing thinking this guy just wants my address for his dubious means)

Haha, maybe he just wanted to send you a pair of socks! What a Samaritan.

I was with a client last week and he said to me in a genuinely shocked voice -"Oh! My wife doesn't do it like that"

I swear I had to bite my tongue. Some of the potential replies included:
Well, I did wonder why married men come to see me 
Is that why you're here paying me then?
I'm not your wife, thank heaven for small mercies
Your Wife probably doesn't fuck strangers for a living   - I've had practise lol
She's not getting paid for it so might not feel the need to try hard
Did you ever ask her to do it differently?

And so on. I feel for the wives of these men. Some of them anyway.
I'm going to bed to my husband now, gonna tell him It's mish or nothing baby.....x

Mish - short for "missionary" - as in missionary position. 

Don't worry about it - there's still quite a few terms I'm not familiar with  (or want to be come to that  ).  Reminds me of the time when someone rang and asked me if I did CP.  When I asked him what CP was he said "obviously not" and rang off!  It's Corporal Punishment 

I know but that one was so obvious with hindsight! The strangest thing is though that seems to be the most popular position with the clients I've had so far???

x