SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: Kira32 on 28 September 2017, 08:49:25 pm
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I always ask new clients for age and ethnicity and explain to them that this is just so I know who I'll be seeing as they know a little bit about me.
I had a client text me a threatening message but I saved his number just so I could see if he has a picture and he so happened to also be a certain demographic that I don't see.
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Any decent client will not be bothered x
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Because there isn't really any good reason to ask unless you're going to apply discrimination of some sort or another, and some punters understandably find that frustrating and offensive. Is there maybe another way you can find out 'something about them' by chatting about something else rather than asking loaded questions? Even just asking them about the sort of service they're looking for would give you far more relevant information than their date of birth or the colour of their skin?
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@ Amy. I always have a short conversation but every know and then it just drags on and I prefer to get to the point. It's on my ad that I don't see black men even though I'm black myself and it's only because I'm attracted to them and wouldn't want them as a client.
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It's just Amy, no '@' :).
Well you asked why they're getting angry and that's likely to be the answer? I wouldn't see somebody who got angry during a brief phone conversation regardless of any physical characteristic, but if you mean that punters you would turn away are calling and getting pissed off when they realise you won't see them then I'd be inclined to word it differently and ask them if they've fully read your ad instead :).
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This is my first time using saafe so I assumed if I used an @ you would be able to see my reply
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some can see as discrimination, other do not like to reply to questions .... >:(
i try to ask not really directly.. like a job interview ahahah ;D ;D is not so easy but i try.
anyway i state on my profile they should introduce themself as i see all nationality/age (over 18)..
try to find a nice way to know more about them if they do not introduce themself.
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When I worked in Dubai I had a text that had on it something like
In order to ensure our liaison is exactly what you require
Please get back to me with name age & nationality and anything else you feel that would ensure our time spent together is just perfect 😂
My friends also had something similar
I don't do it in the uk as I couldn't care less what colour or where someone is from but in Dubai and other middle eastern countries I really did want to know who I was seeing
Often though just by the texts sent you could figure it out
British / Irish guys were blunt and to the point - Paris You Free
Americans & Canadian were hey hunni / sweetie are you avalible today for some hot fun
Clients from India would always put the word Dear - so are you available today dear or I would like to see you today Dear 😂
Locals nearly always asked for Dom / strap on service
Appreciate that this type of screening probably wouldn't work in the uk but a guy could easily lie and say he isn't black / white /Asian or whatever he is to see you
You won't know till they turn up
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A lot of people do get angry if they think you wont see them because if there a certain colour or from a certain country or even if you dont want to see younger men or older men because its such a intimiate service and not like building a brick wall for someone or servicing there car i think everyone can choose who they want to do a service with i mean customers do some will only see certain types or wont see EE ladies or black ladies or a blonde or brunette or tattoos. But because were offering a service some men think we dont have a right to choose because we are offering a service i just think it needs to be handled with care and just expect if your open about it some will take that as a excuse to get nasty or aggressive and wont liked being asked its a hard one but everyone has the right to choose who they have sex with.
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A lot of people do get angry if they think you wont see them because if there a certain colour or from a certain country or even if you dont want to see younger men or older men because its such a intimiate service and not like building a brick wall for someone or servicing there car i think everyone can choose who they want to do a service with i mean customers do some will only see certain types or wont see EE ladies or black ladies or a blonde or brunette or tattoos. But because were offering a service some men think we dont have a right to choose because we are offering a service i just think it needs to be handled with care and just expect if your open about it some will take that as a excuse to get nasty or aggressive and wont liked being asked its a hard one but everyone has the right to choose who they have sex with.
many they think that! they think that money drive us...always! many do not like refuse as well! i understand it is frustrating but they can not undertsand our position and our job...they believe to understand!
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I always ask age and race. Thankfully 99% of my clients have no problem with it and answer nicely.
The ones who get angry are usually the ones I don?t see, for example I don?t see under 30s as my circle is mostly under 30 and I?ve come across people I know before. I had a guy my age contact for a booking I asked his age and race, and he asked why, I told him why and he told me his age and race. I explained I can?t see him due to my restrictions and he started sending me abuse, I simply said ?Thank you for proving exactly why I have strict restrictions in place?
There is no need to get angry since there are hundreds of thousands of sex workers out there happy to take their money, and why would they want to see someone who clearly doesn?t want to see them? Some men simply cannot stand any kind of rejection and their first thing to do when you reject them is to attack. Simply block and move on. X
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Many men don't want to give personal details, they want to remain as anonymous as possible and not be discriminated against. They also want no pressure, no strings.
Simple as that.
Also how do you know they will tell the truth? What are you going to do if they turn up and you think they are a different age, or something else? Waste your own time?
Actually I get a bit of that when I ask/advise about my drug & alcohol / don't want to see anyone who's hungover but that's something they can control, which is why I can apply it.
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many they think that! they think that money drive us...always! many do not like refuse as well! i understand it is frustrating but they can not undertsand our position and our job...they believe to understand!
This industry is like no other job or service so everyone has a right to choose who they get intimate with paid or not also if your not comfortable and force yourself to see someone you dont want to or get talked into it it probably will show in the service.
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Many men don't want to give personal details, they want to remain as anonymous as possible and not be discriminated against. They also want no pressure, no strings.
Simple as that.
Also how do you know they will tell the truth? What are you going to do if they turn up and you think they are a different age, or something else? Waste your own time?
Actually I get a bit of that when I ask/advise about my drug & alcohol / don't want to see anyone who's hungover but that's something they can control, which is why I can apply it.
This has happened twice to me, both times I saw them out the window coming and simply didn?t answer the door.
The first one lied about his race, the second clearly lied about his age. They knocked and knocked and I didn?t answer. Once they were gone I sent them a text explaining that I don?t appreciate liars and I don?t appreciate boundary pushers who don?t respect my restrictions.
It won?t be my time wasted, since I would?ve dodged a bullet. They will have wasted their own time booking a girl who doesn?t see them, travelling and hoping I change my mind at the door, which didn?t happen.
I state my restrictions clearly on my profile so anyone who tries to trick me will get a wasted journey and will go home pissed off with blue balls. :)
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I do the same as I don't give out my full adress, just a meeting point so I can seen them, I had a kid who was still in his school uniform show up hence why I know ask for age as well , still shocked about that as he sounded very mature and a bit older over the phone.
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everyone has a right to choose who they get intimate with paid or not
I'm pretty sure that nobody reading is unaware of this, but it wasn't the OP's question and we're not going down this tired old path again - it's been done to death and all that ever happens is people ranting and raving about how they won't be 'forced' to see punters they don't want to (when nobody was ever saying they should) instead of owning their choices and admitting that yes, they discriminate and that's nobody's business but their own.
The question related to punters getting angry at what they likely see as unnecessarily personal questions, and that's why I suggested asking whether they had read the ad in full. As somebody else has posted, you can't make them tell the truth and if they lie and say yes when they haven't and wind up with a wasted journey, tough shit :).
Edit: Four off topic 'I don't see X because Y' posts removed. Any more for any more, or shall I just lock it now?
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Unfortunately a lot dont read all the ad or if they do could still turn up hoping your see them anyway and sometimes they might get lucky other times they wont.
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I have had guys turn up who don't even know I'm pregnant because they haven't even read my ad just looked at the pictures. Pregnant is in my name lol so it's ridiculous they don't even realise
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I think that some people get angry, not because you ask them those 2 questions, but because, that's just how they are. Some people see their glass as half empty, some as half full. Men who take steroids for body building have a very short fuse can and get angry very quickly. I also think that for safety reasons it's nice to know the approximate age and ethnicity of person visiting me. After all you are letting a complete stranger into your home / flat / apartment /hotel room. In my uneducated view, there is nothing wrong in asking those 2 questions. Lets not forget they want to know how old you are and what your ethnicity is. Love and kindness :)
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I also think that for safety reasons it's nice to know the approximate age and ethnicity of person visiting me. After all you are letting a complete stranger into your home / flat / apartment /hotel room.
But unless you're saying that the answers to these questions affect how safe a punter is (which they patently don't; nobody who was a perfectly safe and sensible adult at 24 is suddenly going to become an axe wielding maniac at the stroke of midnight on their 25th birthday) then how are punters supposed to interpret such questions? What are these 'safety reasons'?
If you mean opening the door to the wrong person in a hotel then yes, I've done that at least half a dozen times but asking for a vague physical description would have made no difference on any of those occasions since the men concerned were all pretty much of a muchness. It didn't make me less safe, just look like a pillock :).
As I said previously, anybody getting angry with me at any time would be a good enough reason not to see them but then I don't ask questions on the phone that are likely to get people's backs up, unless they have a problem with 'what time and for how long?' And to be fair, some do.
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I think race is a very touchy subject. I would avoid it at all cost. It can come across as being rude.
Some men would hate to be asked such a question, you might get "how dare you to ask me" type response. There are nice men, who are very relaxed and they do volunteer that info, these are very educated men, who are very liberal and upfront (ok, just my experience, may not be yours). I commented once re. one client's "cultural background" as a positive, he hated that comment, judging by his sudden change in his facial expression and he went quiet. I realised I shouldn't have said it. His response probably was (even though he didn't say) "Fuck you. I'm British, I'm no different to you". I avoid any topics relating to this.
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I see men of all ethnicities but I still have a fair few say "I'm Asian" or "I'm black - is that okay with you?"
Recently I had a chat with one guy who had specifically asked if I was okay with black men. He said he realises that if a sex worker has said "Sorry I do not see black/asian/young/old men" then it is probably because she has had a bad experience, and he would not want to book her, knowing she would be nervous throughout the booking. He said he appreciates that being on a profile so he does not have to ring and ask and be refused service.
So if I did have any restrictions around that I would definitely note it on my profile. You may get some nasty calls and texts but I think the majority of men will appreciate not wasting their time and credit calling you.
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I see men of all ethnicities but I still have a fair few say "I'm Asian" or "I'm black - is that okay with you?"
Recently I had a chat with one guy who had specifically asked if I was okay with black men. He said he realises that if a sex worker has said "Sorry I do not see black/asian/young/old men" then it is probably because she has had a bad experience, and he would not want to book her, knowing she would be nervous throughout the booking. He said he appreciates that being on a profile so he does not have to ring and ask and be refused service.
So if I did have any restrictions around that I would definitely note it on my profile. You may get some nasty calls and texts but I think the majority of men will appreciate not wasting their time and credit calling you.
This is exactly what happens to me.
I have a FAQ which states that I am happy to see Black and Asian clients but a lot of them still check with me first.
I have never had a nasty response to anything because if I hear a tone of voice I don't like, I am miraculously fully booked.
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I see men of all ethnicities but I still have a fair few say "I'm Asian" or "I'm black - is that okay with you?"
Recently I had a chat with one guy who had specifically asked if I was okay with black men. He said he realises that if a sex worker has said "Sorry I do not see black/asian/young/old men" then it is probably because she has had a bad experience, and he would not want to book her, knowing she would be nervous throughout the booking. He said he appreciates that being on a profile so he does not have to ring and ask and be refused service.
So if I did have any restrictions around that I would definitely note it on my profile. You may get some nasty calls and texts but I think the majority of men will appreciate not wasting their time and credit calling you.
This is all valid. However I still have an issue with the fact that no profiles I have ever seen state this:
"I've had a bad experience with a white man, therefore please respect I won't see white men"
Until I hear about women banning all white men because of a a bad experience with one white man then I'm not having it that the bad behaviour of one black or Asian man reflects on all black and Asian men.
No one should be associating bad behaviour or worse with the colour of the person's skin. If a person is a cunt, they are a cunt, irrespective of skin colour.
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I completely agree with you objectively, SS.
However, when you're talking about providing an intimate service to someone, I think it's up to the provider to make a personal call on what they can handle. If they have PTSD due to a previous traumatic experience with a member of a particular race/age group/whatever, then they may feel unable to offer a good service to others in that group.
I personally have had bad life experiences with a number of white men, one of whom had a strong Swansea accent. For this reason I wouldn't ever tour Swansea, but I don't bother putting on my profile about it, because the chances of someone from there contacting me are slim.
I think most SWs who've had traumatic experiences with white men probably realise that since white men are 50-90-% of the market, they are going to have to either manage their feelings, or leave the business.
It's equally possible that some escorts do refuse white men if they're working somewhere they get enough trade from other ethnicities (it would certainly be possible in London.) But can you imagine if you put "I don't see white men" on your profile - discriminating against a group which objectively has the highest privilege in history would cause an insanely entitled response. Certainly for every time I've turned down a booking because I didn't like the attitude on the phone, the most aggressive and abusive responses have been from white guys (or guys who "sound white" I guess, since I haven't met them.)
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It's equally possible that some escorts do refuse white men if they're working somewhere they get enough trade from other ethnicities (it would certainly be possible in London.) But can you imagine if you put "I don't see white men" on your profile - discriminating against a group which objectively has the highest privilege in history would cause an insanely entitled response. Certainly for every time I've turned down a booking because I didn't like the attitude on the phone, the most aggressive and abusive responses have been from white guys (or guys who "sound white" I guess, since I haven't met them.)
I hear the rest of what you are saying. As to the above paragraph my feeling is this absolutely sums up the problem, and kinda the point I was trying to make.
I rest my case. I will stop now before we end up going round in circles.
Having a VERY bad day! So I'm just putting out my opinions in more forcefully than normal I guess.
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This is all valid. However I still have an issue with the fact that no profiles I have ever seen state this:
"I've had a bad experience with a white man, therefore please respect I won't see white men"
Until I hear about women banning all white men because of a a bad experience with one white man then I'm not having it that the bad behaviour of one black or Asian man reflects on all black and Asian men.
No one should be associating bad behaviour or worse with the colour of the person's skin. If a person is a cunt, they are a cunt, irrespective of skin colour.
The problem is the majority of customers are white men so banning all white men you might as well close down your profiles and give up on sex work thats why you never see this just not possible to make a living without white men.
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The problem is the majority of customers are white men so banning all white men you might as well close down your profiles and give up on sex work thats why you never see this just not possible to make a living without white men.
Exactly. The only reason people exclude some groups of punters is because they can. White punters can pretty much do what they like and yet are never lumped together as a homogenous group who will supposedly all behave the same way just because a few have. It's lazy, pig ignorant and utterly fucking obnoxious.
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I rest my case. I will stop now before we end up going round in circles.
Yes lets, especially since it's just going to trundle off down the same old path and also because you summarised it perfectly with
This is all valid. However I still have an issue with the fact that no profiles I have ever seen state this:
"I've had a bad experience with a white man, therefore please respect I won't see white men"
Until I hear about women banning all white men because of a a bad experience with one white man then I'm not having it that the bad behaviour of one black or Asian man reflects on all black and Asian men.
No one should be associating bad behaviour or worse with the colour of the person's skin. If a person is a cunt, they are a cunt, irrespective of skin colour.
Since we've similarly never had a thread stating the above in ten years (and nor have we ever heard from anybody who is so concerned about being conspicuous to their neighbourhood that they make sure ALL callers to their premises are white, which is a shame because I'd dearly love to have heard how that phone conversation went if they were needing home healthcare or their broadband fixed), I think we can safely say it isn't going to happen.
Until it does, that's another one locked. And thank fuck for that.