I'm about two weeks out of an abusive relationship. The police did attend but I didn't make a complaint and they said they didn't really want to deal with it, and that they could arrest me for having scratched him in self defence. Now I've come to my senses, thought what the heck, and I feel I should make complaints against him for several assaults, there was also financial and emotional abuse. He has said that he would destroy me if I ever mentioned it to his family or tried to damage him in any way. I have a full time job in public sector which I love. He knows I used to do sex work (I stopped when I was with him) and if they  found out it would finish mw off and I would probably have to leave town. Has anyone else had similar experiences? Should I just leave it? He is telling people it was I abusing him. He came to this country to be with me after we met on holiday and I helped him find work and get established. He basically used me, which would be a lesson learned, but the violence and threats were quite scary and I don't think he should get away with that.....i dont know, what do you think? He is currently illegally Subletting a council flat and has a faked mot (failed mot and he paid a garage to pretend to have mot'd it when the they never saw the car. But I'm not sure how you prove it.

This goes against what I think about women reporting abusive ex partners- but think very carefully about the consequences of winding him up further- what if he does start telling people or contact your work? is there any evidence of your escorting left on the internet or does he have 'proof' in any way?

If so then do think about the consequences.... I had to resign my public sector job when an ex emailed them with helpful link to my AW site- it caused a whole load of shitstorm including my parents finding out. 4 years on the consequences of a wrecked career and ruined relationship with my immediate family are still around.

Things are better now, but it was a horrible horrible experience.

Thanks guys. To be honest, for a week after the police removed him, I blamed myself for the whole relationship going wrong. I really thought it was all my fault. Domestic abuse is a cruel and.horrible trap. Fortunately I came to my senses, realised I hadn't done anything wrong and all the violence was unacceptable.  I'm not within his power which is driving him mad and he is phoning and texting threats. I have photographs of past injuries, plus the marks the police saw when they attended on that occasion, plus witness accounts from friends. I tried to get a claires law disclosure but as he wasn't uk they couldn't do it. I have a domestic abuse case worker via the police who I'm waiting to talk to, but I dont tell them about work, which ill go back to. I didn't know if there was a way to get in there first if they are threatening to out you, but police attitudes are hit and miss. I think you're probably right about not poking the hornets nest and hoping it settles down.
Thanks for your post Lydia, most helpful and I'm sorry you had that. I miss you on twitter! X