I seriously can't stop laughing with this thread...
After all these stories, mine is just a bit more of the same. Here's my top 3:
1- Guy who shows up as if he is Clive Owen (over messages he says "I hope you do like a tall handsome man with blue eyes and also clean"... Just the cue that, without a shadow of doubt, he is everything but handsome and not that clean, as per my own experience.
I offer him the classic pre-coitus shower, he says he already had one a little before coming over but still agrees to have another "for my own peace of mind". Hops in bed all fresh, removes the towel that I placed before, carefully there especially for 1st timers, asks for 69 and, when I go for it, I simply cannot keep my head around... The whiff of turd from his ass is unbearable.
Needless to say he leaves a skid mark once he leaves my bed (thankfully it was at a hotel) and I could not bear the thought of meeting him again (he still tries to book since then and I just dodge all his attempts);
2- Client cums and when I see the condom (I am paranoid over leaks and always checks once they pull out) his semen is all bright reddish pink. I was like "WTF?" and try to politely ask if he got hurt or something during the pumps. Guy apparently had no clue about it saying it never happened before (or he just kept hiding some procedure or condition... I still think that was the case). Thankfully he never called again;
3- This one is a tough one because he is one of my best regulars, always books long hours, always brings me nice gifts, great conversation, quite a charmer, super duper clean, but... Drools like an old Bulldog! He drools when he kisses me, massively drools when he is doing oral (to the point I feel his saliva running down my ass and it is an awful feeling), drools all over my arms, legs (he likes to cover me in kisses
)... It is such a shame but I had to cancel his next day booking because this time I simply could not bear it. I honestly try to just think of the money, the gifts, that he is a super sweet and educated guy but certain things can go above that all, I am afraid (not to mention that excess of saliva is one of my biggest bed pet peeves).