SAAFE forum
General Category => Blather and Babble => Topic started by: Rosenrot on 18 April 2019, 06:21:30 pm
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Hi,
For starters, let me stress that I’m not trying to be provocative or negative. I’ve only embarked on my journey as an escort and for the most part, I am handling the emotional side of things very well, seeing escorting as completely rational. There’s nothing wrong with what we do and I even decided to show my face on AW.
However, some find it degrading, wrong, filthy, you name it. They either hate us by default or pity us and try to save us. Sometimes when looking at scathing punter reviews, their behaviour towards us and that they have lots of control as they pay and call the shots, I’ve got doubts whether the job is as empowering as it seemed.
I’d be happy if you could share what you find empowering about the job and how to counter self-doubt and confidence issues during quiet times or cancellations. Also, how do you handle the holier than thou types that seem to judge and know best what’s best for you? (if they have the balls to confront you in the first place)?
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First of all I wouldn't look at horrible review sites unless you have a LOT of self confidence. I refuse to, what is the point? It will just make me feel bad. Its empowering because a lot of the men worship me, compliment me loads and pay good money to be in my company. It's empowering because I set my rates and nobody else takes a cut, I don't have a boss earning more than me. I can pick and choose when I work. Cancellations piss me off but they don't knock my confidence, why would they? There are loads of idiot clients out there but its no reflection on me. I worked on self love a lot over the past year and I am still not the most confident person but this job has made me more and more confident. The gym helps a lot too!
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First of all I wouldn't look at horrible review sites unless you have a LOT of self confidence. I refuse to, what is the point? It will just make me feel bad. Its empowering because a lot of the men worship me, compliment me loads and pay good money to be in my company. It's empowering because I set my rates and nobody else takes a cut, I don't have a boss earning more than me. I can pick and choose when I work. Cancellations piss me off but they don't knock my confidence, why would they? There are loads of idiot clients out there but its no reflection on me. I worked on self love a lot over the past year and I am still not the most confident person but this job has made me more and more confident. The gym helps a lot too!
+1
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What they said.
Punter sites like to pretend they have the power but who you see is up to you, not them. They might want to see someone (and have to pay £££s just to be in the same room!) but they are not the ones deciding who actually gets seen and what is on offer when they do.
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What they said.
Punter sites like to pretend they have the power but who you see is up to you, not them. They might want to see someone (and have to pay £££s just to be in the same room!) but they are not the ones deciding who actually gets seen and what is on offer when they do.
This is so true, the fact is they only have the power if you give it to them - ie. by reading the sites and taking notice of the dickheads on there.
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That's all sorted out then. Shall we move on? :)
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1. Being self employed. Up until I went full time 3 yrs ago, I had only ever been an employee. I was fairly senior in my job, had many direct reports and was on track for promotion. But it's so soul destroying to give your absolute everything to a job, go the extra mile, unpaid hours, and earn exactly the same as a colleague who was doing the bare minimum. Plus - the atmosphere at the company was becoming more and more corporate. We didn't employ people any more, just "resources". When you start referring to someone who works part time as "Half an FTE" then it's time to go.
2. I enjoy the job, mostly. As I'm in the "mature" bracket I tend to mainly see guys who are over 40. (Oldest guy I've seen was 92!) I work 6am-7pm so rarely have to deal with drunk/high idiots.
3. I now feel I have the power to say "I'm not comfortable with that" rather than being a people pleaser. And that applies to every area of my life, not just sex work.
4. ^they have lots of control as they pay and call the shots^ - Noooo they do not call the shots. Forum twats are probably 1% of your business. YOU set the boundaries.
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That's all sorted out then. Shall we move on? :)
Sorry Amy can I blame XW5 🤔
Apologies I have had wine...
Well said VC.
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Anybody can blame who they like provided the thread stays on topic and I don't have to spend any more of my weekend away than I have to running back here to twat about with it (and I have had Irn Bru :D).
Let's stick to the thread title, and if I get time to post a reply that isn't just reminding people of the above like a broken record then I can do one too :)
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Just fingering a wad of notes in my hand is as empowering as it gets, also doubles as an aphrodisiac.
Any self-doubts just remember they're throwing money at you, not the other way round.
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It's not the main motive for me, but selling what other women give away for free or for the price of a few cocktails I feel is empowering. But also what VC says - being self-employed, setting my own hours, seeing only who I want to see and doing what I want to do. Also, for a few clients, helping them with sexual or social issues.
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It's not the main motive for me, but selling what other women give away for free or for the price of a few cocktails I feel is empowering. But also what VC says - being self-employed, setting my own hours, seeing only who I want to see and doing what I want to do. Also, for a few clients, helping them with sexual or social issues.
Yup this too
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Just fingering a wad of notes in my hand is as empowering as it gets...
+1
Ya ha ha!
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It's not the main motive for me, but selling what other women give away for free or for the price of a few cocktails I feel is empowering...
Ya ha ha! +1
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Clearing £40,000 of credit card debt with 2 years of whoring I consider both empowering and liberating...
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1. Being self employed. Up until I went full time 3 yrs ago, I had only ever been an employee. I was fairly senior in my job, had many direct reports and was on track for promotion. But it's so soul destroying to give your absolute everything to a job, go the extra mile, unpaid hours, and earn exactly the same as a colleague who was doing the bare minimum. Plus - the atmosphere at the company was becoming more and more corporate. We didn't employ people any more, just "resources". When you start referring to someone who works part time as "Half an FTE" then it's time to go.
2. I enjoy the job, mostly. As I'm in the "mature" bracket I tend to mainly see guys who are over 40. (Oldest guy I've seen was 92!) I work 6am-7pm so rarely have to deal with drunk/high idiots.
3. I now feel I have the power to say "I'm not comfortable with that" rather than being a people pleaser. And that applies to every area of my life, not just sex work.
4. ^they have lots of control as they pay and call the shots^ - Noooo they do not call the shots. Forum twats are probably 1% of your business. YOU set the boundaries.
Hi VC,
I feel exactly the same now about my day job plus the fact that I spend 40 hours making money that I’m able to make within a few short days on the side. I’m absolutely flirting with the idea of escorting full time, and in the meantime get the training I need for self employment in a different field as my play b. However, I am so scared things will get tits up and the business will dry up (making around £1.5-2k weekly part time). I’m four months into this and so far can’t complain. But there’s always that volatility which makes me rather scared of jumping with both feet.
. How did you make a transition from the “normal” “stable” job to FT escort? Did you start off PT first?
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It's not the main motive for me, but selling what other women give away for free or for the price of a few cocktails I feel is empowering. But also what VC says - being self-employed, setting my own hours, seeing only who I want to see and doing what I want to do. Also, for a few clients, helping them with sexual or social issues.
That’s what I’m thinking too, mega gutted starting that wonderful thing at 26, should’ve come to my senses and started earlier. After many relationship failures I grew sick of them so decided to charge for it instead of feeling used. Bizarrely, I don’t feel as depleted whoring for money as I did with my exes.
Maybe it’s the upbringing that generates those occasional pangs of guilt. That’s why I asked, perhaps more for reassurance and motivation more than anything else.
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Clearing £40,000 of credit card debt with 2 years of whoring I consider both empowering and liberating...
Hey, glad you’ve managed to clear your debt. Certainly whoring does give a big boost and I absolutely love the mental comfort, not worried about the bills all the time. Recently managed to help a family member with a sudden and large healthcare expense -amazing how it changed their view of me then lol
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Hi VC,
I feel exactly the same now about my day job plus the fact that I spend 40 hours making money that I’m able to make within a few short days on the side. I’m absolutely flirting with the idea of escorting full time, and in the meantime get the training I need for self employment in a different field as my play b. However, I am so scared things will get tits up and the business will dry up (making around £1.5-2k weekly part time). I’m four months into this and so far can’t complain. But there’s always that volatility which makes me rather scared of jumping with both feet.
. How did you make a transition from the “normal” “stable” job to FT escort? Did you start off PT first?
I started off doing outcalls in the evenings and weekends plus weekends at a hotel. Then hosted incalls at my place - actually might have been have Easter 2016!My civvy job became more and more souless and corporate so I made the jump to full time sex work.
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I've found it enabling however it clashes and becomes restrictive in some other things I've gotten involved in. I guess I've discovered how it can limit your life.
Doesn't mean I haven't done some wonderful things, the biggest thing for me was giving me time, space, flexibility to rebuild myself after substance use, alcohol addiction and a few other issues.
In some ways I feel independent, self-sufficient but I often discover how much it affects my future options.
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I started off doing outcalls in the evenings and weekends plus weekends at a hotel. Then hosted incalls at my place - actually might have been have Easter 2016!My civvy job became more and more souless and corporate so I made the jump to full time sex work.
Good morning! x
I’m doing the same thing at present, no incalls due to living with people (but occasionally booking hotels for that purpose). Planning to rent a nice apartment soon to make myself more incall friendly. So you’re saying you’re hosting them from home - have you taken any special precautions, security measures? Did you have any issues with punters coming to your place? After all, all our stuff is there I’d be quite worried about being stolen from etc.
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I don't find it empowering. I just find it better - in my particular circumstances - than other means of paying for my subsistence, in that I don't have to work all the hours god sends and I have a degree of flexibility and privacy in my life I wouldn't in other occupations available to me.
To be 'empowered' is to be made more confident, strong and able and I don't feel it does that. I AM confident, strong and able and hence I am able to manage the job in a way that is useful for me. I limit who I see,and then take pride in doing a good job with clients I can get along with, I don't put up with bullshit and I don't need this job to feel vindicated in myself, so what some scurrilous projecting misogynists, who are occasionally attracted to this industry think of me is... 'meh'. There have been times where I have been emotionally winded by things outside of this industry, such as bad relationships, and the emotional impact of those has made managing this job harder and I've then made bad choices in it and so on. I'm more cautious these days about who and what I let into my life.
There are other things in my life that have empowered me - the support and loyalty of good friends, learning new things, emotionally maturing with age and so on - prostitution has just paid the bills along the way.
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However, some find it degrading, wrong, filthy, you name it. They either hate us by default or pity us and try to save us. Sometimes when looking at scathing punter reviews, their behaviour towards us and that they have lots of control as they pay and call the shots, I’ve got doubts whether the job is as empowering as it seemed.
I can well relate to Ms Millie.
Candid post by Mirror.
Empowerment. I like this site because it has a strong campaigning aspect and it understands these problems we face, connects us to other support and help if needed.
I'm several decades older than you, besides the huge size difference. However. . . It is easy to see these problems, clearly.
You/WGs decline services as a result of the degrading/derogatory tone of his voice or the inconsiderate/indiscreet messages from men i.e. demanding hotel names without a booking; generally, no respect towards WGs and disregarding WG's "right" to privacy. XW5 is right but they are like parasites that "infest" in this industry.
It's essentially "self-care" that drives WGs to decline to meet these indiscreet men and stop contact. These sad men might go onto launch some hate campaign as a result. "you have regretted you hadn't seen me, you 'FAT ugly whore'!". "errrrmmm, NO."
The trouble is these can give rise to depression, anxiety, PTSD etc, at least a massive dose of stress, that ruines your health. When I was outed, this led to all kinds of major health problems, ended up with a triple bypass (took 9 months to recover from) and my Dad died of profound grief and shame when I was outed. Mother refused to speak since.
It may be useful if more adult sites start providing an "Etiquette" page for both new and seasoned decent service users. It might make things easier to navigate and show exactly basic etiquette/manners would be. We all need to have some basic rules to function, don't we? If they have no idea, that's not a good start. :)
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I also work full time as an office administrator. I escort part time, evenings and weekends.. And you know what? Escorting certainly feels more empowering that working under someone, them telling you what to do, staring at a PC screen all day for pittance!! I just haven't got the guts at the moment to quit and do escorting full time.
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I enjoy the work ,My choice my hours days.
I can choose whom I will see.
Unlike the civvy job I'm in which pays my huge mortgage and endless direct debits.
Having to work with pricks is a nightmare and I'm crap at being fake there. :FF
It's a sense of relief to get guys visit and pay me. What's not to like .
I don't do relationships so this is much easier less hassle.
I feel great when I'm busy sense of achievement.
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I can well relate to Ms Millie.
Candid post by Mirror.
Empowerment. I like this site because it has a strong campaigning aspect and it understands these problems we face, connects us to other support and help if needed.
I'm several decades older than you, besides the huge size difference. However. . . It is easy to see these problems, clearly.
You/WGs decline services as a result of the degrading/derogatory tone of his voice or the inconsiderate/indiscreet messages from men i.e. demanding hotel names without a booking; generally, no respect towards WGs and disregarding WG's "right" to privacy. XW5 is right but they are like parasites that "infest" in this industry.
It's essentially "self-care" that drives WGs to decline to meet these indiscreet men and stop contact. These sad men might go onto launch some hate campaign as a result. "you have regretted you hadn't seen me, you 'FAT ugly whore'!". "errrrmmm, NO."
The trouble is these can give rise to depression, anxiety, PTSD etc, at least a massive dose of stress, that ruines your health. When I was outed, this led to all kinds of major health problems, ended up with a triple bypass (took 9 months to recover from) and my Dad died of profound grief and shame when I was outed. Mother refused to speak since.
It may be useful if more adult sites start providing an "Etiquette" page for both new and seasoned decent service users. It might make things easier to navigate and show exactly basic etiquette/manners would be. We all need to have some basic rules to function, don't we? If they have no idea, that's not a good start. :)
I don't actually think it's the 'bad' punters who disempower, I think it is the actual nature of the job, morality, secrecy and judgements often by the general public. When I say that I am not judging the reaction of other people, sometimes it is well founded and it's not their fault as such. This also does not mean I hate the job, that's the problem I love it and that's what is causing the issues for me. ::) ;D
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I also work full time as an office administrator. I escort part time, evenings and weekends.. And you know what? Escorting certainly feels more empowering that working under someone, them telling you what to do, staring at a PC screen all day for pittance!! I just haven't got the guts at the moment to quit and do escorting full time.
Hey, on the same boat here. Mega tempted to just say “fuck you all” to my boring job and nasty supervisor, slam the door and go FT. The only thing is, my grad scheme offers a masters on the side so might as well grit my teeth for the time being. I also always reckon with the risk that things might go tits up for whatever reason (injury, illness, bad reviews, bad luck). Also how do girls explain the gaps on cv should they choose to go back to the “normal” job...?
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...mega gutted starting that wonderful thing at 26, should’ve come to my senses and started earlier...
Snap!
I started at 39 (nearly 4 years ago) and immediately wished that I had started 20 years before then! I believe that I would be far wealthier and have enjoyed my life a LOT more if I had. (FYI, I was a teacher for 13 years, a drop-out for 2 years - which led to my credit card debt - and then, out of financial desperation, became a prostitute. What I regret about whoring, though, is not having engaged with it AGES before I did, as I say ;D).
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...Recently managed to help a family member with a sudden and large healthcare expense...
Yay! Three cheers for you and three cheers for prostitution!
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Snap!
I started at 39 (nearly 4 years ago) and immediately wished that I had started 20 years before then! I believe that I would be far wealthier and have enjoyed my life a LOT more if I had. (FYI, I was a teacher for 13 years, a drop-out for 2 years - which led to my credit card debt - and then, out of financial desperation, became a prostitute. What I regret about whoring, though, is not having engaged with it AGES before I did, as I say ;D).
Exactly, the only thing I regret is not having started earlier. Perception most people have and the myths they cultivate about the job are rather incorrect. But hey, better late than never :)
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Did you have any issues with punters coming to your place? After all, all our stuff is there I’d be quite worried about being stolen from etc.
I no longer work from home as my son has moved in, so I just tour now, although I'm looking for a work flat. There are a few threads about working from home if you do a search. But what I did was this:
Send the postcode for my road and give parking instructions (my postcode covered a good 200 houses)
Ask them to go to a specific landmark visible from my window and call me for the door number, this allowed me to check they were alone and not wearing a balaclava
I would then run out and let them in (landmark was literally just across the street)
I bought male toiletries and left them in the bathroom so it looked like I lived with a man. I would also whilst chatting insert a mention of my (imaginary) husband
Anything personal would be out of sight - letters, photos etc
I NEVER left a client alone in the bedroom. If they wanted a shower then I would take them to the bathroom and put the water on as my shower was a bastard to operate
I always had a hairspray or deodorant on the bedside table - they look innocuous but make good self defense items (never had to use them)
But my number 1 security go to was GUT FEELING. How did they sound on the phone - were they asking for "your last appointment" (possible robbery) or about how busy I've been today (ditto)? Were they persistent about asking for the postcode 8 hours in advance? (Bin them off.) Did they ask stupid or indiscreet questions? Did they open the conversation with "Yeah you available?" (Bin them off.)
My ideal customer would call and open the conversation with "Hello, I'm Steve, I'd like to book an appointment with you at 2pm today for a half hour."
Hope this helps :)
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I don't actually think it's the 'bad' punters who disempower, I think it is the actual nature of the job, morality, secrecy and judgements often by the general public. When I say that I am not judging the reaction of other people, sometimes it is well founded and it's not their fault as such. This also does not mean I hate the job, that's the problem I love it and that's what is causing the issues for me. ::) ;D
I appreciate your thoughtful clarification. . . you make me feel so humbled, Mirror. :)
My focus is now around positive aspects; positive, genuine users and providers.
People do underestimate how much WGs contributed to the Society on several fronts.
We are sensual warriors.
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Being self-employed is cool. To work around other commitments and still be able to earn a living without burning out too much. Also to be able to take a day off at the drop of a hat if I feel I am extra tired or on the way to feeling overloaded it is really handy.
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It has enabled me to live a rather good lifestyle and all my clients are amazing. It has made me have so much body confidence especially after having children.
I only escort part time but make up to 500 a day for less than 8 hours work is amazing. I also like I set who I see, so if i want a week off I often will. I've also met amazing men who treat me like a queen.
It can get a little bit tiring and sometimes I think I cannot be arsed so take a few weeks off. I don't know any other job where I can make a months wage for such little time x
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For me, it's empowering in many ways. First, it is extremely empowering to be paid as much as I'm actual worth. That includes my skills, my intelligence, and my physique which I spend much of my free time working out and keeping in shape. I love setting my own hours and choosing my own clients. I've been fortunate to carefully acquire and retain wonderful clients that are fantastic to be with and know my true value. Being paid for SW is an aphrodisiac for me, which pushes me to work hard, while enjoying my work and ensuring my client will want more. Knowing your money is tied to your body makes you very motivated to eat, exercise, and sleep very healthy. SW also makes you very organized and teaches time management and how to influence who others behave around you to your advantage. I love the confidence that all of this gives me every day.
It's also empowering to be sexually free. My daily sex life is both extremely fulfilling and profitable which is a great combination. I've learned many skills that I might not have otherwise and am always willing to try something new as long as it is reasonable. SW has taught me at a fairly young age that I could never be happy with a traditional one partner lifestyle, so my personal and professional life revolves around my freedom. From this I found my partner who accepts and encourages me to be the career girl I am at heart. I'm a lucky girl.
Finally, SW/escorting/whoring has so many other benefits too. I've had surgery and contracting work done without labor cost by exchanging our work. I've traveled on amazing holidays at my client's expense. I get to be paid for having fun. I enjoy certain types of regular clients the most, such as polite married men and also low experienced/virgin younger clients that I would never be able enjoy work with or even teaching if I wasn't a professional. I've also received many gifts (some better than others of course). I do enjoy the dual life (public vs professional SW), although it is annoying at the same time. I've met and made friends with wonderful women in our field.
On the other hand, it can be difficult to take a holiday when you realize the work you will miss, although I've found destinations where I can work a bit to keep my needs reasonably satisfied. It can be annoying to keep the source of most of my income and therefore my true naughty identity a secret in my proper traditional outside life. I've developed many luxury tastes and expectations in my life that haven't left me as grounded as I once was. I also have to work harder at keeping good clients who are willing to pay my rates. But I feel empowered because I wouldn't change any of this for the world.
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I feel there is a lot of pressure to see prostitution as empowering, often coming from external forces who have weird guilt projection imperatives. I don't feel I need to constitute it with abstract concepts like empowerment, its a job, a facet of my life.It has pros and cons and depending on the context sometimes it veers more towards the pros, and sometimes more the cons. I try, from experience, to operate in such a way as to maintenance the former over the latter. That's all. Some of the 'politics' around it is interesting but I don't live my life by it any more than any other worker.
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...I don't feel I need to constitute it with abstract concepts like empowerment, its a job, a facet of my life...
Yes, but to my mind, prostitution (of the the autonomously-engaged, indoors-based, independent kind, I must stress) offers "power" in the form of a) relatively easy money (which is usually way above average pay-levels) and b) freedom - answering to no-one but oneself. Not many other jobs offer these two benefits, IMO.
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The fact we know that most clients try to scrub up well when meeting up. So if in real life a guy doesn't do this we know we cannot take that sort of crap and don't bother with them. In a way it stops us needing the bother of somebody. Also we get constant reminders as to why we simply do NOT need somebody at the same time.
It keeps our sense of man reality nicely under control.
Not meant to offend anyone in a happy relationship however.
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Yes, but to my mind, prostitution (of the the autonomously-engaged, indoors-based, independent kind, I must stress) offers "power" in the form of a) relatively easy money (which is usually way above average pay-levels) and b) freedom - answering to no-one but oneself. Not many other jobs offer these two benefits, IMO.
Yes those are benefits, but they are balanced out by detriments, high physical risk, health contingencies (lack of sick pay etc), secrecy for many, vagaries of competition, uncertain income etc etc I feel that we are under a lot of pressure to 'manage' our reputations with these high falutin concepts that don't really mean anything specific (empowerment used to mean power over others but was co-opted by feminists). This job is emotionally labourious enough without the added PR. I don't know anyone else in any other occupation who feels the need to do it. I do get why, though, because the taboo our job carries from people, sometimes our clients included (or perhaps more so), who think we have some kind of easy, corrupt, disorderly, destructive life by default.
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I also find it makes us feel constantly admired appreciated and wanted. We also tend to scrub ourselves up better than others since we know that is the way to achieving the income. It would be no good if we didn't make effort with ourselves. Others tend not to do this as they are in other sectors. I am only generalising however. We do tend to need to keep on top of our appearance quite a lot though which others may not feel is so important in their line of work.
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The fact we know that most clients try to scrub up well when meeting up. So if in real life a guy doesn't do this we know we cannot take that sort of crap and don't bother with them. In a way it stops us needing the bother of somebody. Also we get constant reminders as to why we simply do NOT need somebody at the same time.
It keeps our sense of man reality nicely under control.
Not meant to offend anyone in a happy relationship however.
Agree. Any romantic mystifications its long since drained from me. I'm all the better for it...
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Having your own business, managing your own hours, not having to deal with office politics and giving work explanations to no one is quiet empowering, on the other hand having to hide your occupation from everyone around (including loved ones) and lie lie lie is quite disempowering.
Then again: "stigma" is what pays your bills, but it comes with a price tag.