Can't think of anywhere else I can talk about this but I finished a booking yesterday. Before this, my friend had asked me if I could go to this store I know to get her fob copied because I was heading over that way anyway. I said sure; booking finished, showered, changed etc. Lifted her keys, headed out.

Paying in the store for it, and I had put my phone down on the counter as you do - was just looking at random things, waiting. I could see the guy looking back and forth at my phone, so I looked down. There was a single (unopened) condom stuck to the back of my phone; I have no idea why I put it in my pocket, because I've got a work bag with about a million condoms in it. Usually I'm the least embarrassed about sex, but I turned a very healthy shade of red, took the fob and practically took the door off the hinges trying to get out quickly.

I think in all my years of working, that has got to be the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me in a public place. Plenty in private with clients, but - argh, I'm still cringing when I think about it lol. Doing that little monkey with its face covered emoji; maybe he just thought I wanted my keys to be safe? Arghhh.

When my daughter was 4/5 she was in the hall being very quiet so I went to check on her only to see she had found my large box full of individual condoms, all jewel like with their bright coloured wrappings and there she was posting them one by one out of my letter box. I opened my front door to see 30/40 of them lying there in a small pile in full view of anyone who happened to be passing.

Oh god that's brilliant. My son would totally have done that sort of thing when he was that age!

Mine: I went to the Post Office to send an item back to LoveHoney. Just walked in there not really thinking about it, got to the counter, he weighed the item and then said "What's in the package?"

My mind went completely blank, I didn't say anything for about 3 seconds, and then I just blurted out really loudly "A vibrator!" 

An old lady behind me nearly had a heart attack 

LMAO!

I was in Ann Summers looking at vibrators, and picked up one of the luxury ones. The thing I love about this job is being able to afford the really good toys anyway, I was playing with one of the We-Vibes I think. The store assistant comes up to me and asks me if I'd like to see Mona. I replied, without thinking about it, "oh I've got that one already, its one of my favourites."

She burst out laughing and my mate walked away from me before I realised what I'd said.

I popped into Ann Summers last week when i was on tour. I usually buy everything online but I realised I'd forgotten to pack my small anal dildo for pegging, so I just rocked up at the store.

The sales assistant looked SO THRILLED to be able to talk about sex toys in a factual way. I imagine they get a lot of people who squeak "Just looking thanks!" or "I'm looking for a thingy, for my you-know-what  "

We had a great chat about the merits of silicone versus jelly, and she demonstrated several vibes for strength (on my hand. Not on my fanjo.)

I've stayed away from AS because they're usually overpriced compared to buying online but I might drop into the store just to have a chat in future 

As I was leaving she said "Have a great Valentines!" I just sort of leered at her and said "Oh he will!"   

Everything she said is true, plus they have the revolting phone calls similar to what we have to put up with, the idiots who wander around sniggering at everything and putting real customers off, the insane company policies on just about everything they do including where they stand and what they say, and I daresay zero hours contracts nowadays.

They're on minimum wage and are constantly harangued to meet every conceivable target under the sun (selling X packs of batteries a day irrespective of whether they do 10x the daily sales target figure, sales being at X % of footfall even though you can't control people who come into the store just to piss about) just to scrape an extra few quid commission on top of their wages plus being constantly reminded that mystery shoppers are being sent in and having the shadow of being their regions 'bottom' store and named as such to other stores by way of 'motivation'. It's the most cuntish, unreasonable, bullying company I've ever worked for and I applaud everybody who can cope with doing day in day out in one of their stores.

Needless to say I quit, but not before I'd had my say on most of the above .

Everything she said is true, plus they have the revolting phone calls similar to what we have to put up with, the idiots who wander around sniggering at everything and putting real customers off, the insane company policies on just about everything they do including where they stand and what they say, and I daresay zero hours contracts nowadays.

They're on minimum wage and are constantly harangued to meet every conceivable target under the sun (selling X packs of batteries a day irrespective of whether they do 10x the daily sales target figure, sales being at X % of footfall even though you can't control people who come into the store just to piss about) just to scrape an extra few quid commission on top of their wages plus being constantly reminded that mystery shoppers are being sent in and having the shadow of being their regions 'bottom' store and named as such to other stores by way of 'motivation'. It's the most cuntish, unreasonable, bullying company I've ever worked for and I applaud everybody who can cope with doing day in day out in one of their stores.

Needless to say I quit, but not before I'd had my say on most of the above .

That's awful! I love AS, but mostly because of their underwear - being an E cup, its a pain just trying to get bras on the high street that I actually like (although more companies are realising that women really do come in all shapes and sizes), so most of my undies do come from there. I nip into there to see the toys - weight, feel, etc - but I've often just bought them online if they're cheaper. And it is nice, like VS said, to be able to have an adult conversation with someone about sex toys - plenty of us use them, so what's wrong with having a discussion about it?

It does give you food for thought though, it would put me off just going in for a wander now given that it negatively impacts the staff. Usually I'd say I won't shop there either as I have a complete aversion to zero hours contracts, but I also would hate to think of people who are just trying to support themselves being negatively impacted either - and ultimately it's always the store staff who suffer in these organisations.

Strange noises coming from shall I call it "miss Pinky" down there always embarass me. So loud sometimes!

That happened the other day as I turned round just after doggy.. I went "Oops sorry about that" my (posh) client said "Ooh was that front or back?" I replied sharply "Front of course I'm not that bad to do such a thing!!" 


(that time it genuinely was 'miss pinky' but I have proper farted once or twice in bookings   )

Well, this happened because of work.  I was in the post office return in some lingerie to Amazon UK (ya'll have way better stuff, across the board, btw).   Anyway there was a customs form that needed to be filled out,  and I guess the clerk had never done one before,  so there's a long line piling up behind me and she says "What does this say right here? What's in the box?"  Me- Lingerie. Her, loudly- "Whaaaaa?"  Me, louder and getting pinkish, "Lingerie."  Her, "What? How do you spell that?"

Me, loudly in the packed post office, as though I were in a spelling bee, "L I N G E R I E."

Omg it was so awful.

With me it's the same old embarrassing problem I've had for years, every time I do doggy I do fanny farts, I wonder if other people have this problem? I thought it was because I was small and used too much lube so tried it without and it still happened 

It's nothing to do with your size, the guy's size or anything else - it just happens with doggy. It's due to air being pushed in and then because you're on all fours, it gets trapped in the vagina until you move, at which point it exits. Loudly 

If a guy keeps coming all the way out then going back in, it makes it much worse (because more air gets pushed in.) But it happens even when they are just humping normally.

I have got totally used to it and just giggle and say "Oops! That's the only trouble with doggy, it does make my fanny fart!"