Client: "what does your boyfriend do?"
Escort:  "he's an arms dealer/drug dealer/ body guard/cage fighter/policeman/russian mobster"

I absolutely love this and think I will go with 'oh, you mean Crusher? He's a no holds barred cage fighter with serious anger management issues', see what they think to that!!!!!

Or,

'He's in Strangeways at the moment but he's getting out soon'.

Tee hee hee!

Oh I thought of one more.

He: "hello is that ___? I saw your ad on aw and i have some questions. Will you make me your financial slave?"
me: "hi. Look sorry but I'm with my friends/in the supermarket/at my mothers etc right now and I cannot talk. Can I call you back"
He: "oh sure, but just one more quick quick question. Will you dress me in ladies underwear and fuck me with a strap on?"
me: I have to call you back
He: "okay. because I don't mind being fucked with a strapon, or taken for a walk, and if you want your friends to come over and humiliate me then I'd like that too....

etc etc etc I'm really too nice but I just hate to hang up on a guy! Happens A LOT!

I don't normally do text but had to reply to this chancer.

Client not to be: Hi I'm feeling horny right now what can I have for ?15?
Me: I could give you a full on kiss in the hallway thats it.
Client will never be: 
Me:?
Client times up:What about a wank?
Me:No I'm not working the streets today.
Client so blocked!:I don't understand.
Me: Me neither.

I HATE it when they ask me things that can quite clearly be answered ON MY PROFILE.

So things like,

: What are you're rates? Please refer back to my profile.
: Where are you based? Please refer back to my profile.
: Why do I have to book online? Please refer back to my profile.
: Do you do x,y and z, my answer is usually
Yes of course have you not read my profile? Or no I don't, have you not read my profile?Clearly not.

THE MOST ANNOYING ONES!

Are you really 19? YES I AM (Happy to show ID to prove)
Are you boobs really real? YES OF COURSE THEY ARE!
Why are you single? Because believe it or not I'm extremely inderpendent and actually like being on my own and don't NEED to be with someone to feel complete.

I hate being asked how many men I have seem that day assuming I must have seen a few. I don't mind them asking things like. Do you're family know? Because they do know and I'm quite happy to have a chat about things like that. As long as they are asking in a nice way of course.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^ or much

or

'will we be alone' is a definitive way to get me to put my phone down immediately.

That?s got to be one of the creepiest questions you could ask an escort and yes it would be enough for me to terminate the call and say ?no sorry my huge pimp and his posse will be sat on the edge of the bed throughout the meeting?

Oh i can't stand it when people don't even say "Hello"

I had one yesterday, rang and the first thing he said was "A'riiiigggghhhht"

I said "WHAT"

Him "Are you a'right ?"

Me "Go away" and hung up.

The other ones i hate are the ones that do say hello and then silence. 

Fools !

This thread made me giggle. Cheers everyone! A few of my friends know I do this so I can answer the phone if I am around them.  They snigger as I am so friendly on the phone, unlike my usual grumpy self. As I answer the phone I switch into charm offensive, smile and somehow I rarely get any irritating callers. Even though I am not the most tolerant and laidback person in private life, once I hit ?work mode? I am really friendly and patient.

My thoughts on some of the points raised here is that a lot of guys are really nice normally but they are nervous as hell when they call us. Don?t any of you get like that when you are in a situation where you are a bit apprehensive and nervous?  Well, I blabber, waffle and come out with some really daft things.  Stating the obvious n? all. I had some majorly successful guys call me, stammering and talking total bollocks including some of the stuff mentioned here for the first seconds of the call. I just smile at the phone and usually within a minute they regain the power of normal speech and can string some proper sentences together.  Few things get my hackles up.  If anything does, I don?t show it on the phone and politely tell them I am busy.  I just avoid any confrontational exchange and minimise stress that way or I just don't answer the phone               

I find it sooo rude when you answer 'hello how can I help' and you get 'Ye you workin?' grrrr.
When they ask you if you do services that you don't offer and beg you to do it. 'aw babe what can I say to change your mind?'
EFF YOU! Leave your money at my door and be on your way