Clients that want to gossip about other hookers in your area!had 1 semi regular do just that this week, I don't get involved x

When new clients ask if you're clean, I told a guy via email tonight that no I'm absolutely filthy x

after tonight?  not answer the bloody door!   

Really hate it when you are giving it your best and they suddenly announce that they've cum, as in completely silently. The silent ones are just as bad as the ones that make the cringeworthy sex noises where I really want to laugh. 

Ask personal questions like seriously they would call us nosey if we asked everything about their lives.

Asking about my tattoos, mind your own business.

Not knowing how to put on a condom at any age, it's indiscriminate! I can't even comprehend that.

Not having the correct amount of cash and expecting change. I never enter a clients house with any money as have been robbed once before, it's not like they didn't know I was coming I only do outcalls.

Asking for a shared bath/shower. Yes lets get in the shower and ruin my perfectly applied makeup and poker straight hair I spent hours straightening... pffft no thanks.

Grabbing my head and forcing me down during oral. I smack their grubby hands away, get the fuck off my beautiful hair and I know how to give a blow job without adult supervision thank you very much.

Biting my nipples, grabbing my breasts too hard or god help me SCRATCHING my vagina/clitoris. That's right they are all attached to me and that bloody well hurts. Normally the ones who complain if you accidently nick them with your nails or teeth .

Finishing and then going to rummage in MY bag for baby wipes . This actually happened and boy did I let him have it for that one.

Clients who book an hour then on arrival change to half an hour.  Ok that's fine, but what's not fine is when times up and I offer them a shower they lie on bed saying they in no rush and want to start a chat or ask for a drink.  Usually I say to them I brought an appointment forward whilst they were in the shower and if they want a quick shower they must hurry.

Clients who tell me its not a real job.  Wish the HMRC thought the same mate then I could keep my tax. 

Clients who offer me free sex and a cuddle, because no real man would ever date me because I have sold sex.

Clients who think my vagina has corners.  It does not bend round, stop inserting your penis at such a painful angle.

Clients who make comments like "fuck you are hot,wouldn't mind meeting your daughter does she work?".  These ones are usually trying to get you to react and I usually do!

Clients who believe they are magical in bed and ask to start offering a couple service with me and I can keep 2/3rds of money. 

Clients who steal my knickers.

Clients who show me pictures of their wives and children.  This is so not on.  Yes I am a nice and friendly escort, but you booked me, leave your family out of it.

Clients who talk down to me, usually get offered to leave via balcony or door they can decide

When I see a youngish client and he suddenly announces (with a smug look on his face) :
"It must be nice for you to see a young guy like me that's alright looking instead of old/dirty/fat/ugly/crap in bed blokes for a change "
Yes, I much prefer cocky, arrogant twats to my usual lovely polite regulars.
And why the he'll would you assume that you're so much better than my other clientele when you know bugger all about them?!