When they deliberately take an age to get dressed.

Today, the next client arrived and left.  Not a happy bunny.  And these bookings weren't even back to back.

Was very tempted to grab the rest of his clothes and throw them on the doorstep after half an hour.  He left insisting that he'd be back - I don't think so.

You should've!! (grabbed his clothes and threw him out).
You lost a booking through him, that's out of order! 

Had a client today who had a prince albert piercing  he was all like you will love it, no i wont it hurts, i have tried but he insisted it will be ok.  I feel very uncomfortable down there tonight on top of that one of my molars is chipped from the fecking thing clunking against my teeth when giving oral. 

Sending photo's of their dicks on my phone, with comments like; "you could have my 9" cock in your mouth at 11.15"
Oh thanks so much, I'm honoured... 

Sending photo's of their dicks on my phone, with comments like; "you could have my 9" cock in your mouth at 11.15"
Oh thanks so much, I'm honoured... 

My phone doesn't automatically receive images - thank God! I have to log in to some web page to see them. So I just say (if I bother to reply at all) "sorry - my phone can't display images!"

today i had another one who tried to tune radio with my nipples

Making a booking, then saying "I've got a meeting, don't know what time it'll finish so I'll let you know if I'll still make it"
Will I keep it free for you?
"yes".
Oh so it's alright for them to not miss meetings and appointments but I've got to knock potential bookings back coz he
"might or might not make it".
He knows where I am, so I don't want to risk him turning up with a double booking..
He did book after all . Murder! 

If they say things like "I'm thinking I'll be there between 6-7" or some other vague thing I will ask them to nail it down more precisely. And if they persist in acting like they think they can just reserve the time slot on the possibility or whatever, then depending on my mood I may go ahead and double-book. If someone who is a regular/sounds more sincere/whatever books then I will tell them "sorry babe... something came up. Let me know if 8 works for you, instead." I won't go so far as to let them show up if I know someone else is coming, but I will feel free to blow them off for something better, just as they have demonstrated they are willing to do with me.

Another tactic is to tell them, "I've got to pop to the shops/post office/whatever and I don't want to risk running late. Instead of 7, let's say 7:15." Then, if the other guy shows there's still time to text them and cancel.

But anyone who has indicated unreliability - if I am willing to entertain the idea of seeing them at all - will be "flying standby" unbeknownst to them. This includes people who have cancelled at short notice more than once or no-showed, as well as those who seem to think they can reserve time on the off chance they'll be coming by.

I won't blow off anyone who sounds sincere, even for a regular or a longer booking. I may try to rearrange a half hour if it's the only way to do a longer booking, but I won't push the point and will honour the first booking made.

OK, so this is REALLY trivial, but it winds me up when a client grabs a handful of my (not cheap, and strong) Kleenex to wipe their cocks! Firstly, I have wet wipes right next to the tissues, and they're better for the job, and secondly, as they're good quality, you only need to use one tissue at a time. A small bugbear, but one that's growing...

Even worse was the client who chose to wipe himself on the white bath towel, even though I have tissues and wet wipes next to bed.  After many washes and various stain removal products, I gave up and chucked the towel as I couldn't get rid of the stains.   

Learned my lesson though.  Now I make sure I move the bath towels well out of reach.