Not wipe their feet when they come in!!!!! 
I just spent half an hour scrubbing my carpet coz a guy came in with his workie-boots, with fuckin shit on them 
Raging... !!

I would be, too! I'm lucky to work from a tower block of flats so they get plenty of opportunity for their feet to dry/de-muck before entering my flat.

Ugh!!    And I'm moaning about having it on my carpet 
You poor thing!

Yeah I meant actual shit lol. I didn't realise until after he'd left, I thought it was just mud, and said to him; "Don't worry,
I'll let it dry in and hoover it up later"..
But then when he'd gone I got a babywipe and tried to wipe it off, and the smell just hit me, definitely shit!! 
Not happy!
But I'd still rather have it on my carpet than lick it off some guys balls 

I have a two hour booking tomorrow. He has emailed me loads already, changing time from 12 to 11 then wanting 10am after i said no I dont mind deleting the booking he can make it work. Then asking do I want him clean shaven or little growth as hd he doesn't want to give me stubble rash! Will I be wearing this and that for him. I'm thinking he may turn out to be a timewaster if not then hard work. I hope I'm wrong, he has a couple of good feedback, I know we take these with a pinch of salt, but loathed to cancel him now. I'm hoping he doesn't call to confirm at the right time...

Bloody idiot shot me with his load ineye!!! It was accident but I'm still mad as hell, with bloody eye and next client in one hour! Not the most sexy look I must say 

This has happened to me before. Bloody awful! Try not to rub at it, and make sure you wash it out with lukewarm water.

Try getting rid of the smell when he shoots up your nose by accident or it dribbles into your ear :/

it's so true, that guy who shot me in the eye, he managed to get his cum even inside of my nose! smell is awful!

BJC, thanks for advice, washing with water really helped 

Apart from poor hygiene and the usual time waster, what upset me is the "Quizz Champion" type (I have a lot !) during a meeting. I'm usually happy to chat but these questions sound boring to me so I give silly answers

- Are you French ?
(No, it's only a marketing term. As you can hear it I'm chinese)

- Do you miss snails/frog legs/whatever the clich? about french food ?
(I'm vegetarian. That's not silly it's true lol)

- Do you come from Paris ?
(No, from a little village with such a name that even locals don't know where it is)

- Why did you move to England ?
(Because I'm hiding after a prison break, Interpol is after me)

- Are you married ? Do you have children ?
(No I'm lesbian)

- Where is your family ?
(in the garden, fertilizing the tomatoes plants)

- How long have you been doing "THIS" ?
(chatting to you ? 2 mn, I think it's time for the paperwork)

- What is your real name ?
(It's unpronounceable in english, do you speak parseltongue ?)

- What did/will you have for lunch/dinner ?
(nothing, I thought you were going to feed me)

Some of them stare at me shocked, sometimes it's good to be naughty !