Walk up and down my street trying to find my house. When I clearly tell them exactly where it is in a text. Most do just walk straight up to it

Recently:

*mid blowjob*
Him (deadly serious): "Do you have a boyfriend? Because I am thinking of leaving my wife for you".
Me: "That would cost you a hell of alot in retainer fees"
*Back to blojob*

Another -

*5 mins to go*
Me: "would you like to go for a shower now or stay having another quick cuddle?"
Him: "no, no need for a shower today"
(He continues chatting)
*time up, I get up and put my robe on*
(He continues chatting)
*I make it clear we are finished by beginning to tidy up the room etc*
Him: "I'll just have a shower then shall I?"
Me: "you want a shower now?!!!" 

He finally leaves 15 mins over time and I missed my train home, making me almost very late to collect my kids.

Some of them seriously dont consider our time and other committments we may have. That pissed me off today.

I would of said. Sorry shower no longer available you shower when you get home. I must rush to catch my train. Do hurry up and dress. I dont play around when it comes to my time.

When they haggle the price of a 15 min quickie.  I lower it ten pounds just for them.  Then they bombard me with endless questions.

After about 6 texts all in I told them I cannot justify the time to spend on it and they must look elsewhere.

The guy then started cursing me saying I was running my business terribly and I would not keep clients that way!

Does he not think I know how to work after six years in this job?!

Sometimes it is noticeable how quickly a would be client can switch to a nasty piece of work.

Had such an annoying client I've now saved in my phone as 'only if quiet'.

Requested tights he could rip (I said I wanted to keep all my tights so he offered a tenner extra - fine), top and skirt and red lipstick. Also wanted me to snog him as soon as he got in (not til the cash is my hand, pal).

Arrived 15 minutes late, didn't have the freshest of breath. Very very full on with his kissing (the kind where you're struggling to breathe) and kept wanting me to reapply the lipstick. He had stubble which I pointed out and he said he'd shaved  Used my vibrator on me horrendously, and was so so rough with his hands on fanny (despite me telling him repeatedly to be more gentle). Also kept going for my ass even when I said no three times!

Went on to ask so so many personal questions like what the worst part of the job was (in my head I was thinking clients like you!) Then took absolutely forever getting ready to leave, doing that thing where he would pause getting dressed to talk (you can do both at the same time!) He asked the time and I told him as it was already five minutes over and he said he'd only been here 35 minutes, aye but you were late! Mentioned I have anal play listed on my services and I had to explain that that doesn't mean you can just stick a finger in with no warning.

These kind of guys are so totally oblivious it's maddening.

I had 3 clients today and every single one of them text me at least 20 minutes before the agreed time saying they were parked up and ready. Obviously i’d prefer a client is early rather than late but I hate when they are more than 5 mins early. Messaged one of them back saying I was still getting ready but would let him know when it was ok to come to the door. He replied with “K” and then made a sulky comment when he arrived about how I took ages (it was still before the agreed time). Grrrrrrr

I hate this too. I keep my phone on silent all day unless I have bookings to fill. I text them 5 mins before with room number / buzzer number and say "see you in 5 mins!". You don't show up at a dentist appointment 20 mins early then moan because the dentist is with another patient or, God forbid, on their lunch!!

Just had a bloke texting ‘location?’
Nothing else.
I reply back and say there is an estimated location on the profile etc with local landmarks etc.
He then asks for a link!
So one of those Who is contacting loads of random girls at the same time like a lucky dip.

I reminded him he had contacted me and should be aware of the link but in any case I was busy and unable to see him.

He replies back ‘your attitude will get you nowhere’

I responded ( yes I should have stopped at this point) that if he wanted a courteous response he should perhaps be more courteous in his initial comms.

Instantly he replied ‘ false advertising with a friendly service’

I shouldn’t have engaged with him in the first place!

I have been known to reply "Earth" but yes it is best to ignore these ones I think and if I get a hint that they have no clue who they have contacted they are not worth a response.

Some idiot just called me:
Me: Hello?
Twat: What's ur postcode?
Me: Not even a "hello:?
Twat: Oh...uh...umm...
HUNG UP!!

Seriously, where's the respect??