Have had some clients think that pregnancy is the main reason for condoms, reassure me it's ok they've had the snip (when we have almost accidentally had bare contact either before or after applying/removing condom. Explained it's for their protection as much as mine, they'd not considered STIs.

When that's been said to me I've replied yes so have I! The confused facial expression when they don't know what to make of it or say next is priceless 

Text I got the other day, “are you available babe” and then before I could answer he texted “so when will I get the video” 🤔🤔 and I replied “what video is this”, no answer!!

I had an hour booked a while back. He was quite arty looking when he turned up (flowery shirt, Doc Martens) which I liked. He'd been contacting me for a while and was always very wordy. Anyway we chat for about 15 minutes and he turns round and says. Oh I think I'm going to leave as there's no chemistry between us, we're just chatting like friends. Seriously? This isn't a fucking date you cretin! I think I've probably fancied about 1% of my clients. Chemistry isn't a prerequisite or did I miss a memo?!

Just got an email through AW from a 26 year old with zero feedback...”do you mind if I’m taken”🙄 and I am assuming this means he has a girlfriend/wife..I think he is most likely a fantasist and perhaps wants me to reply yes but this shit doesn’t work with me and I won’t feed their ego UNTIL I am paid to do so..I gave him my standard blunt reply about this being a transaction blah blah blah..I have never bought into this shit unless I’m getting paid to be in it, I know some escorts would give him what he wanted but why should I until I am paid, why should any of us!

I did have one client say to me (as I was stripping off) oh I'm so glad you're not one of those skinny girls. Cheers love! It's not like you'll see 15 stone again!

Such cheeky bastards eh? See when I get a put down like that then I ALWAYS put them down back, you won’t catch me just giving a nice smile and saying nowt!! One guy texted me that I must be desperate to be a hooker and this was after he tried to book me but wouldn’t phone and proceeded to tell me that he was moving to the area my work flat was in and all other irrelevant shite, anyway I texted back “and you must be desperate to pay for a shag, I am getting good money for being a desperate hooker, you are only having an orgasm, you must be one ugly fucker to have to pay for something that should be natural”, and then I blocked him...it’s no wonder I get bad reviews, though they didn’t criticise my service, just my face, body and personality!!🤣🤣

I once had a "self-made scrap metal millionaire" tell me during a meal at his home, "I'm probably 100% richer than you are and 80% more intelligent"
I was gobsmacked.
I have no idea as to his IQ or assets, but he ate his entire steak and (shared ) salad meal with his hands and used his sheets to wipe his cum away twice  (before sleeping in them) 

With comments like that then I would’ve gotten up and walked away with his cash! Or given him a shit service, cunt.

I know  With hindsight I agree.
It was not long after I first started and he painted himself as a real gangster connected guy with a finger in every pie (quite literally, re my earlier comments above  )
Lived at the back end of beyond in a converted barn, miles away from anywhere.
It was an overnight and I think I just wanted to get out of there in one piece 

I hear you! Like a gangster would tell you he was a gangster! I’ve met many of them!