I once had a "self-made scrap metal millionaire" tell me during a meal at his home, "I'm probably 100% richer than you are and 80% more intelligent"
I was gobsmacked.
I have no idea as to his IQ or assets, but he ate his entire steak and (shared ) salad meal with his hands and used his sheets to wipe his cum away twice  (before sleeping in them) 

*chokes back vomit*

Ewwwwww.....

Client - 'I usually go for young, thin girls but sometimes- I like big boobs and older ladies!'
Red hot mamma - 'Lucky me'

A younger me would have grumped up, but I laughed out loud because he was unusually transparent and we were both enjoying the gig. And he's welcome next time he gets that MILF hunger.

Yes it's like a secret 'vice' hidden in a secret vice. I couldn't not laugh!

The day before a booking I was asked if I could please have longer pubes than I had on his previous booking. Not sure how I "grow my own" in less than 24 hours

oh FGS lol, I read that then goggled pubic wigs, fuck me I couldn’t believe it, hope it’s not real hair though hahahaha

I did too and then found myself completely intrigued by pubic hair dye and the thought of growing mine and to use it. I’d heard of it but I think I’m in a bit of a “fuck it” phase and it could be cute. 

too much of a faff for me I’m a lazy cow lol I’ll stick to being a baldy

Here's a way of asking for unpaid labour, i.e. going out for a meal with him: "I can treat you for a lunch!" 🤡

Client- I’m earning a fortune, don’t like to brag but I’ve got two houses and a top of the range merc outside. Since my divorce I’ve got so much money I choose when I want to work.
Me- (unimpressed) oh lovely. (Moves on with appointment, pretend to cum bla bla)

Client later in text- since I gave you such a good orgasm earlier, what’s your price if I come back later?
Me- £180. (Same as before)
Client- aw ok will have to leave it then

Hahahaha what an arsehole

Client- I’m earning a fortune, don’t like to brag but I’ve got two houses and a top of the range merc outside. Since my divorce I’ve got so much money I choose when I want to work.
Me- (unimpressed) oh lovely. (Moves on with appointment, pretend to cum bla bla)

Client later in text- since I gave you such a good orgasm earlier, what’s your price if I come back later?
Me- £180. (Same as before)
Client- aw ok will have to leave it then

Hahahaha what an arsehole

  It is always the ones who brag who are the ones who are tight and have less money