"I know you're not Eastern European, but I want to pay you Eastern European rates". 

Bloke rang, asked if I was free tonight. I said no, then he asked if I do anal. I sighed, and said no. He replied, 'Go on, try it you fat bitch', so I put the phone down.

Two seconds later, he texted: 'U fat swetty whore'
Me 'At least I can spell though... :-)'

It must be fruitloop Friday as also had a bloke pretending to a woman, asking if I did lesbian bookings and then saying he wanted my pussy. I put the phone down, and he rang back, using his normal voice, saying he wasn't really a woman (!!) he was just bored. I told him he was sad and refused to engage in a discussion about it. Give me strength!

Sometimes they are so bad they are good.

This was one I had a long time ago but as insults go it was lovely.

I bet your fanny's as wide as the Mersey tunnel

Was tempted to reply Not quite, but getting there. 

.

.

Him: You remind me of someone
Me: Oh yeah? Who's that then
Him: I was in jail for 3 years and you remind me of the female guard I had a relationship with
Me: ... OK....

You can probably buy a prison warder's outfit and jangle some keys around your waist, could be a good earner for you. 

Client I seen yesterday kept comparing me to the girl he saw the day previous, along with being incredibly indiscreet despite me asking him to stop. I now know her age, real name, how old her child is, her civvie profession and the fact she apparently barebacked him.

I hope she told him a pack of lies and the bb thing was him trying it on

Clients should not be mentioning previous escorts at all and why they feel it a must to name drop and boast of other bookings etc I will never know. I met a client last month who told me some very worrying and indiscreet things about other wgs in my area. Whether all true or not is neither here nor there.

Just the other day one told me exactly where his daughter works. Stupid man.  I used to see a teacher and he booked using his full and proper names. The school he taught at is near to me as he let slip some info which made it obvious and he had no idea how dangerous that information could be in the wrong hands.

Brains in underpants springs to mind, over and over again.

You can probably buy a prison warder's outfit and jangle some keys around your waist, could be a good earner for you. 

Clients should not be mentioning previous escorts at all and why they feel it a must to name drop and boast of other bookings etc I will never know. I met a client last month who told me some very worrying and indiscreet things about other wgs in my area. Whether all true or not is neither here nor there.

Just the other day one told me exactly where his daughter works. Stupid man.  I used to see a teacher and he booked using his full and proper names. The school he taught at is near to me as he let slip some info which made it obvious and he had no idea how dangerous that information could be in the wrong hands.

Brains in underpants springs to mind, over and over again.

Yep!
Had a guy who went on a well known forum and wrote a scathing review of me. I knew it was him right away.
He was extremely indiscreet during the brief booking we had.
Spoke about another escort with a similar name to mine and how he had read all about her and how awful she was... that he would never book her etc.

I replied saying I didn’t read forums and he smirked and said ‘I’ve heard all about you!’

He then made several disclosures about a working flat a short walk from my location. Told me where he lived. He also said he bumps onto the working girls from the flat when he is out with his ‘missus’ and says hello to them (his wife none the wiser)

He also told me where his daughter went to school and how he picks her up everyday.

This was all in a 15 minute booking which allegedly was so bad in his eyes lol according to his ‘interpretation’ of it.  I couldn’t wait for him to leave.

Client- Hi there, would you consider letting me use a hoover on you as a sexual toy?
Me- In what sense?
Client - In that I would love to see the suction all over your incredible body.
Me- So you want to hoover me?

 

I've had a guy ask me this (not sure if it is the same guy) but he was very serious and looking at his feedback he has done it with other girls.  I just had visions of him dragging a Henry hoover or a Dyson into the hotel with him!

  thats too funny... sounds like the same one, I had a look at his feedback too. I got a bit nervous after he said he wanted to vacuum my boobs and told him it would probably hurt... he just hung up straight away.  On reflection a man with a hoover fetish is probably a once in a life time opportunity to many house wives x