In the middle of sex:

'I love your short hair. If I close my eyes you could be a little boy.'

In the middle of sex:

'I love your short hair. If I close my eyes you could be a little boy.'

This has to trump all TERRIBLE punter quotes until the end of time

"I must say, I don't usually visit ladies in such an upmarket hotel as this!"

I'm in the Ibis

Asked him where he usually went, he said Campanile Doncaster...

A client towards the end of a booking

?I?d better go, my wife is tracking me?

Presumably he meant by his phone not by a bug under his car or something 

Oh...my...GOD 

I know... I was kind of too shocked to do or say anything lol

From someone whom I only met once, since then he kept making a booking, only to cancel.  I gently said,  "I wasn't available, hope you find another provider" etc, perfectly polite.  Now, I'm getting a passive aggressive message, asking when I am available next week and could you make sure "he is the first one to see".     How so rude!

Didn't realise he was also a "low life", as well as a sad man, wanking off by "arranging a booking", which never happens.  I decided to use the lovely technique of "IGNORE".     Saafe rocks.    I stopped using extra energy and time to reply back. 

Phone call about five minutes ago.

"Are you working?"

Yes.

*some incoherent mumbling I couldn't understand*

Pardon?

"How old are you?"

32 it does say that in my advert.

"You look older"

I don't have any face photos.

"You look older, your body looks older.  How much is it?"

Hung up and blocked.  Same guy then tried to call about ten seconds later from a different number, hung up and blocked as soon as I heard him say "Are you working?"

Idiot, if I wasn't laughing I might cry lol.   

'you look older' wow bet hes a hit with the ladies! punch in the face I am sure! lol yeah know that laugh but cry feeling, I have it right now!  lol

Today I got (while I was down there giving him a bj) "so you get paid for the illusion then"

What?! I smiled after taking his cock out of my mouth and and asked what he meant.  I knew of course but wanted to know why he said it, I was not quick enough to give a better answer.

He replied "well you get paid to make me feel as though you are gagging for sex with me" - he is an old bloke by the way.

I then said something like "oh well I just enjoy my bookings most of the time" but what I should have said was "yeah I get paid to give the illusion and you pay me to receive it!"

A stupid conversation and I wanted to slap him. It isn't as though I do the pornstar fake stuff because I don't.