I actually think LadyH has made quite an articulate and quite a valid point as whilst it isn't our place to judge people it doesn't mean we can't be conflicted about our feelings about some of the clients we see if their actions are in opposition to our own principles. Yes we try not to judge our clients decisions (as it really isn't our concern) but that doesn't mean we ought to censor our thoughts / feelings especially to our peers in order to achieve it.

(...and nat2013 can we keep it civil please.)

I know that this forum goes on and on about how it isn't our place to judge our clients, it's unprofessional. However as much as I would never tell a client who is married or has a gf/bf that i feel lying to their partner is wrong I obviously do sometimes think it. I can accept however that I'm not their parent that they have a right to make their own decisions and that I can't deem whether something is a mistake or not for them. That seeing me at least reduces the harm by not involving a civvy third person and makes the sex safer (I'm sure some mistresses use condoms etc. but in civvy life people don't always put that thought at the forefront).

However as much as I can ignore my disapproval of their actions, I struggle when it comes to myself, because I'm my own judge. The relationship I'm in is open we both are honest about who we see and we use condoms etc. so I have no adversity to married people having sex with other people, my issue is that they're lying and that I enable that. That's where I struggle with my role as an enabler, I firmly believe and it's one of my few absolute morals than lying is utterly wrong always (I know not everyone agrees) as it steals peoples freedom of choice and wastes their life which imo is one of the worst things you can do to someone. Now I don't ever actually have to lie to anyone, and although many many many of you would disagree with me on this as it being unprofessional if a wife did ring me up and asked me straight out is he cheating i would be honest because I am not being paid to lie, lying and discretion are different things, if it's come to her calling me then the fault lies with his lack of secrecy.

I'd never be the other woman again in real life (I did it once and I came clean with her) and I try my best to not lie because I think it's cowardly to not face the consequences of your actions, so in my own life i'm not doing this to anyone, could it be argued that since I don't interact with any of these women personally that the fault of lying and deceiving them doesn't lie with me? I mean even if I went on a crusade to go and tell all these wives (which i wouldn't that'd be very stupid and unfair on my clients but I'm being hypothetical) I wouldn't even know how to find them to say and most of my clients probs don't have wives.

We're always encouraged to be client positive on here but there seems to be a slight tone of the wives have encouraged it or we're 'helping' them and I don't think we are, just because a husband or wife doesn't want sex (which i actually don't think is the reason most of the time i think it's just a made up excuse) doesn't mean their partner should lie to them and keep them in a relationship they wouldnt want, that is a prison sentence and in fact these men are also trapping themselves and stopping themselves from finding a more complete relationship or sorting out the marriage they have properly. We'd be helping wives if they knew about us and ok'd it eg. if my partner wanted to see someone else because i didn't want sex for a bit and i was ok with it that girl would be helping me. We're not helping at best we are neutral but we are not saviors because no one has asked for us.