So, it happened. The loaded regular who pays for my rent single handedly every month asked the dreaded question last night: "Can I give you a massive monthly sum and see you as much as I like?"

Aaaaaaaaaaargh! Nooooooooo! I can't believe I'm saying this, because when I first started I would have cartwheeled off the walls at this suggestion, but then I grew a brain and realised that this would mean:

1) I am at his beck and call
2) Errrrr, he gets priority over my life.
3) oh yeah, HE PRETTY MUCH OWNS MY ASS.

This sort of agreement is really not for me (and would love to see my partner's face when I told him he was now third in the priority line after my good self and after mr.regular! He he)

So, I had to very carefully say thank you but not thank you, whilst being truthful without making it sound like "I can't stand you and I only like you for your money". He is sweet and harmless, drives me a bit potty with incessant emails and reports on the weather when he is on holiday, but he is well into his 60s and just a bit lonely so I don't see this as anything sinister. I felt awful saying no, but for me, this would be like clipping my financial and social wings and putting me in a cage.

The thought of living in my house, driving my car, and just thinking "he and he alone paid for this" rather than "I paid for this", and the whole feeling obliged to meet him when it suited him best because he was paying me to, would DRIVE ME POTTY. Pretty woman I ain't.

And so my question of the day- has anyone had this happen? Has anyone agreed? Does anyone think it could work for them?

Ahhhhhhh.

I'd consider entering into some kind of salaried arrangement with a client, but no way would I agree to be at his beck and call. If there were specific agreements about how much time we spent together, how much notice, what happens if I'm on holiday or he's on holiday or I'm sick... then maybe it could work.

the whole feeling obliged to meet him when it suited him best because he was paying me to, would DRIVE ME POTTY. Pretty woman I ain't.

And so my question of the day- has anyone had this happen? Has anyone agreed? Does anyone think it could work for them?

Now Carla honey I think its your turn for a spanking 

I understand 100% the idea of someone covering your way can sound like they'll want to control your life....Afterall who knows he may be possessive like you described. But, there is a way of setting something up. What about say...twice a week? I've done it before, the only difference is I wasnt paid a monthly salary upfront, I just got the money whenever I showed up. Maybe you can do that and if at any given day you just decide you just ABSOLUTELY cannot dont wanna see him, well he keeps his money that day and you keep your sanity! No one gets angry. I did it like twice a week and I did it for about a month.

So my answer, of course! Go for it. I'd come up with a schedule and hell, if you get tired of it just end the contract.

However, I know that the calls and emails all the time can get annoying. It doesnt annoy me because I like the security of someone calling me (look at me sounding like a woman!) When I didnt feel like talking to this person, I didnt talk to them. But then the voicemails....Oh its not always so easy!

I am getting pretty distrustful of clients really being able to understand the whole business/boundaries idea lately!

Need we say it? 

It was certainly something my heart did a little jump at when he said "for x amount". I think harry enfield started shouting "SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!" somewhere in the deep recesses of my brain......

But ultimately it wouldn't be healthy for either of us. He is old, sweet and very harmless, and I enjoy his company, but I think he thought it would mean we could run off into the sunset together, and I could come and spend the weekends gardening and cooking sunday roasts with him.

I remember when I told him I wouldn't be able to see him (or anyone else) for two weeks because I was revising for my finals, and he said "but surely you need some time to relax and unwind? Why not see me when you are relaxing?!" Knowing him, it was said innocently, I am sure of it, but nevertheless he completely failed to grasp the fact that my relaxing, personal time doesn't mean seeing him because he = client, and thus = WORK.

He has also been trying to get me to go away for a week with him- a weekend, fine. But 7 days. No no no no no no nononononononono. Me human, not dolly. And holding in a fart for 7 days would surely make me ill?

Hope I am not making him sound obsessive- I counteract it all with good humour and I definitely feel in control of the situation, but these factors make me think monthly wage arrangement would be bad news.

I felt like I would be taking advantage of him as much as I would be signing myself over to feeling constantly obliged, guilty and increasingly irritated with him. Right now, I am very lucky to have this guy on board in terms of finances and we get along absolutely fine, so I wouldn't want to rock the boat by introducing a contract!

I am VERY intrigued about others who have tried this arrangement and had it work though. You know, ended up with a house and a car and things. Julia Roberts, are you reading?! (Or Violette, he he he!)

"Can I give you a massive monthly sum and see you as much as I like?"

A friend had someone offer him more or less this deal.

Financially nice while it lasted, but a complete pain in almost every other regard, not least when it turned out after a year or so that the client was stealing the money from the company he worked for.

I haven't been made this offer so far, but just the thought of it makes me recoil in horror. A major point of this job for me is being my own boss in all aspects of my life and not being dependent on a sugar daddy.

For one thing it means giving him power over you or part of your life and contract or no he could easily threaten to withdraw his support if you don't dance to his tune and what if he decideds to finish it or pops his clogs without leaving you provided for?

Also I reserve the choice to say no thanks to male company if the mood takes me, under this arrangement I'd feel obliged and resent him pretty soon.